Seductive Chaos

by A. Meredith Walters

  “Why do you have to say stuff like that, Viv? You know when you’re around, there’s no one else. I don’t want anyone but you,” he admonished, his teeth scraping along the side of my neck, making me shiver, despite the warmth of the shower.

  Enough with the syrupy compliments however messed up they really were. I pulled away, putting some physical distance between us. Cole’s hand dropped from my body.

  “Say that to the girl last night,” I muttered, scrubbing the rest of the soap from my face. I was quickly turned around, my back shoved against the cold tile wall.

  Cole’s mouth was set into a firm line, his dark brown eyes narrowed. My heart started beating faster. I got such a sick, sadistic joy out of pissing him off. I enjoyed the look of fury that shadowed his face and the way he poured that frustration into making me feel oh so good.

  God, what was wrong with me?

  I wasn’t some sad, little girl with daddy issues. I didn’t have an abusive family that made me look for affection wherever I could get it. I wasn’t a stereotypical broken woman with no self-respect.

  I was raised in a loving home, with two doting parents. I had a good relationship with my older sister and brother. I had been happy and popular in school and had gotten good grades.

  There was absolutely nothing in my life that would make it easy to understand how I so willingly entered into this messed up situation. Why I engaged in this dysfunctional tug of war with a man who wasn’t remotely interested in committing to me.

  There was nothing in my past that would make you understand why I loved every minute of it so damn much.

  All I could say is that my inner drama queen was drawn self-destructively to the only person who could give me the excitement I craved. A man who was just as dramatic and headstrong as I was.

  “Stop saying shit like that, Vivian! I’m sick of hearing about it! Karly doesn’t matter…”

  “Her name was Karly? Seriously? Well I suppose I should be impressed you took the time to learn her name at all,” I snarked. I couldn’t help it. Cole brought out the ugly jealousy, whether I had a right to feel that way or not.

  “Dial the bitch knob down a bit. Or I won’t do this,” he warned, his hand disappearing between my thighs.

  My legs buckled instantly and Cole brought his arm around my waist to support me.

  I threw my head back, the orgasm brought on by his skilled fingers hitting me with the force of a freight train.

  He made me so angry.

  And he made me feel so damn good.

  I really hated him.

  “You’re late,” Maysie remarked as I pulled the chair out from the table and sat down. Her lips were pursed and she was wearing, her best I totally disapprove of everything you are doing expression.

  I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I know.”

  Riley Walker, who had flown down to visit her boyfriend, Garrett, the lead guitarist for Generation Rejects, raised her eyebrows.

  “What’s with the cattiness, Mays?” she asked, breaking off a bread roll and dunking it in her soup.

  I opened the menu and made a show of reading over the items, purposefully ignoring Maysie’s huffiness and Gracie and Riley’s confusion.

  “She’s pissed I spent the night with Cole,” I explained blandly.

  “He was kissing another girl last night!” Maysie exclaimed. I closed the menu and put it down on the table, folding my hands over it.

  Everyone was staying at the Holiday Inn, which was less than a mile from the Granada Theater, where Generation Rejects and Primal Terror had played last night.

  The restaurant in the hotel was pretty busy, even for a Sunday afternoon in the middle of February. Though, I noticed none of the guys had made it down from their rooms yet.

  They had another show tonight, this one at the House of Blues. I had planned to leave with Gracie before the show to catch our flight back to Dulles Airport in Washington, D.C.

  Though Cole had worked really hard at changing my mind during the course of the last couple of hours. I still wasn’t sure if staying was a good idea. I never liked to push things with Cole. Being together in small doses seemed the best idea if we wanted to maintain our sanity and Cole wanted to keep his appendages.

  And I wasn’t sure I could handle more of Maysie’s increasingly verbal displeasure. I loved my best friend. Really, I did. I understood she was looking out for me. That she was worried I’d get hurt.

  How could I possibly explain the warped, convoluted insanity of my questionable relationship so I wouldn’t look like a total moron?

  I didn’t think it was possible. So it was best to keep my mouth shut.

  The light glinted off Maysie’s diamond ring. She rubbed it mindlessly, not realizing she was drawing attention to the gleaming rock on her left hand. That obvious piece of jewelry is why she would never understand what I had with Cole.

  She and Jordan were the perfect, enviable couple, even though they began under less than ideal circumstances. Maysie had spent a period of time as the other woman. She had been vilified and ridiculed for breaking Jordan and his ex, Olivia up. I would have thought out of anyone, Maysie would understand twisted and complicated relationships.

  But despite their less than savory start, Jordan’s love for Maysie was epic. He would never even think of looking at another girl. She was his entire world. His reason for getting up in the morning. And when Jordan proposed at Christmas, no one was in the least bit shocked. It had been inevitable.

  I knew she wanted all of her friends to have what she had. Riley had found it with Garrett. That just left Gracie and me. And I wasn’t going to get anything resembling a fairytale ending as long as I was spreading my legs for Cole; I sleep with tons of women-Brandt.

  Riley, however, didn’t seem as concerned as Maysie. She swallowed her mouthful of bread and shook her head.

  “Cole’s always kissing another girl and Vivian is always screaming at him about it. If she is okay with the situation, no matter how messed up you and I think it is, it’s really none of our business. But that doesn’t mean we can’t dish out a gigantic helping of I told you so, when she wakes up and realizes she’s so much better off without him,” Riley reasoned in her perfectly succinct, no-nonsense way.

  “Can we talk about something else, please?” I pleaded, not wanting to lose my cool with my friends, particularly when they were only looking out for me. But I was already edgy today. Cole and his honey sweet words and pleas for me to stay had really done a number on my head.

  A peculiar warmth had started in my chest and it worried me. A lot.

  “How’s school, Ri?” I asked, looking at the dark haired girl who stared back levelly.

  “Just peachy, Viv. Thanks for asking,” she replied sardonically. Having effectively shut down my efforts to change the subject, Riley turned back to her food.

  I smiled at Gracie who smiled back. She wasn’t eating much, which wasn’t unusual for her. She barely ate enough to keep a bird alive. She had lost a considerable amount of weight she couldn’t afford to lose since being released from rehab last year. No one realized she had a drinking problem until she collapsed and her heart stopped beating. After being released from hospitalization she had started regular addictions and mental health treatment.

  She admitted to me a while ago that on top of her addictions issues she had also suffered from Anorexia since she was a little girl. I had always thought her minimal eating habits odd, but yet again I had not realized how serious things were for her. Gracie Cook was very adept at showing the world what she wanted them to see. And even her close friends had no clue as to what was really going on inside her.

  She and I had lived together for the last two years. Before that we had lived down the hall from each other at the sorority house. Out of our group of friends, I had liked to think I knew her best. It was a smack in the face to realize you didn’t know your friend as well as you thought you did. But I hadn’t been completely ignorant. I had known something was up when Gracie had sta
rted drinking like a fish and acting like a psychopath. She had gotten it in her head that she was in love with Garrett and had flipped her lid when it came out that Riley had slept with him. I had been extremely worried about her. And rightfully so.

  I had spoken to her family, expressing my concerns about her erratic behavior. They had seemed supportive but I wasn’t entirely sure whether they had helped or hurt the situation. Gracie had a lot of secrets. Ones that I knew she held close to the chest.

  “Did you tell them about your new job?” Gracie prompted and I wanted to hug her. Whereas Riley had left me floundering in the awkward tension, Gracie had galloped in to the rescue.

  Maysie perked up and looked at me. “You got a job?” she asked and I scowled at her.

  “Yes, I got a job,” I said, not bothering to hide my annoyance at her incredulous response.

  Okay, so I had been less than successful since graduating from Rinard College over two years ago. I had decided to stay in Bakersville as opposed to returning to Pennsylvania, where my family lived.

  Gracie and I had gotten an apartment and I had then gone on to work a string of low paying, mind numbing occupations while I still struggled to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.

  I had graduated with a major in Business. But I hated business. I hated numbers. I hated anything and everything to do with sitting behind a desk and click clacking at a computer all day, every day.

  I had worked as a teller at a bank for a few months. But again the whole numbers thing had been against me. I had walked out after a lady yelled at me for messing up her deposit. Screw that!

  Then I had worked as a dog groomer for a while. But I couldn’t handle scrubbing the smell of wet canine off my skin at night.

  I had gone on to be employed as a secretary for an overly touchy attorney and a hostess at the local country club. Neither had worked out and I had been job free for almost three months.

  My parents graciously covered my expenses and they did so with minimal scolding. Though I knew I was disappointing them. It was a feeling I wasn’t overly familiar with. In their eyes I had always been able to do no wrong. I was smart and popular and had an uncanny ability to always get what I wanted.

  My siblings had always joked that I was the favorite. And maybe they were right. I had always been treated a little differently just for being awesome.

  But as the years passed I found that I could no longer rest on the laurels of my youth. My sister and brother had amazing jobs and now my parents were starting to look at me, wondering what had gone wrong with their perfect little girl.

  Because here I was, twenty-four years old, screwing a wannabe rock star with serious commitment issues, and a resume that could only include questionable skills such as beer pong champion and an impressive ability to experience multiple orgasms.

  There was more to me than that.

  I hadn’t expected much when I applied on a whim for an Events Coordinator position at The Claremont Center for the Performing Arts. It seemed like the perfect blend of respectable employment and throwing outrageous parties. It was almost too perfect. I hadn’t believed I had a chance in hell at landing it.

  So when I was called in for an interview and then a second interview, I had been shocked. And I had almost keeled over when the Assistant Director of Marketing had phoned to offer me the job.

  I was due to start on Tuesday. Which is why I had planned to fly back tonight. I wanted Monday to prepare myself for what lay ahead. This was my official launch into adulthood. Sure, I had been hanging out in the deep end for a few years but I had kept one foot firmly in the kiddie pool.

  This was my chance to show my parents that I didn’t suck. I wanted to feel like I was at least trying to accomplish something with my life.

  Yet here I was, planning to stay in Dallas another night, all because my fuck buddy wanted me to.

  Way to have your priorities straight, Vivian.

  “I didn’t mean it like that,” Maysie said sheepishly and I tried to rein in my bristling temper.

  “So what will you be doing?” Riley asked.

  Before I could answer, I noticed a group of so hot it should be illegal men walking into the restaurant. The boys of Generation Rejects had arrived.

  Jordan was talking to Riley’s boyfriend, Garrett who was his usual grungtastic self. He would be gorgeous if not for that stringy blond hair and no sense of style. But seeing the way Riley’s face lit up when she saw him, I knew that his ability to coordinate outfits wasn’t even a factor.

  Jordan and Garrett bee-lined for our table. I tried not to feel a twinge of jealousy as Garrett leaned down and kissed the top of Riley’s head. She smiled; a genuine, full-lipped smile that was so dazzling it took me aback.

  They were such an unlikely couple. But now, watching them, and despite how different they were, you could see how much they loved each other. It was times like this, when I was face to face with the fabulousness of my friends’ love lives that I felt like I was missing something. Most of the time I was okay with things.

  But I was a woman damn it! And I wanted to feel loved and adored as much as the next girl.

  I can’t get enough. I’m addicted to you.

  Cole’s words from that morning rang in my ears. When he was sweet and caring it made me think that maybe one day. . .

  It was official. I was an idiot.

  My eyes flitted over to Cole, who was standing with Mitch at the entryway to the restaurant. Cole was chatting up the cute and overly flirtatious hostess. I recognized the sexy smirk all too well.

  The hostess, a pretty little thing with dark red hair and pert little breasts, brushed her fingers over Cole’s arm and his grin grew wider. The two walked a few steps away from Mitch and I could see they were engaged in a very private conversation.

  I felt my face go hot and my temper start to flare.

  Maybe one day my ass!

  I hated how easily he made me look like a fool.

  I hated that Cole humiliated me without a second thought.

  I hated that he made me feel as though I didn’t matter, despite all of his protests to the contrary just hours before.

  ‘I’m addicted to you’ apparently didn’t equate to I won’t make you look like the world’s biggest moron.

  Mitch seemed to get bored with waiting for Cole, so he came over to join our table. He sat down beside Gracie, who blushed strangely. They gave each other a shy smile, their heads bowed in close together.

  Normally I would have paid a bit more attention to that. But right now I was trying to control my need for blood.

  I caught Maysie looking at me with that mixture of sympathy and frustration that was becoming all too familiar.

  I purposefully turned away from my friend and thought about how best to react.

  I watched as the hostess wrote something down on a piece of paper and Cole tucked it into his pocket.

  I wanted to scream.

  I wanted to flip over the table.

  I wanted to rip the trampy hostess’ hair out.

  Then I caught Cole’s less than subtle glance my way. Our eyes clashed and I knew instantly that he was more than aware of what he was doing.

  He was silently daring me to act.

  He wanted me to.

  I could almost smell his excitement from here.

  The red head hostess touched his arm again, but his attention stayed on me. I knew what he wanted from me. What he expected.

  I thought back to the hundreds of times before when I would do exactly what he was waiting for me to do right now.

  I looked back to my friends, each of them were staring at me, wondering what I was planning. The guys were less obvious but I knew they too were poised and ready to intervene should it come to that.

  When had I become such a joke?

  I swallowed thickly and picked up my purse from the floor.

  I gave Gracie a thin, fake smile. “Can I have your room key? I think I’ll wait up there until it’s time for us to
catch our flight,” I said tightly.

  I couldn’t help but notice the way everyone around the table sagged in obvious relief. No sideshow today folks.

  Gracie handed me the key card and I got to my feet, noticing that Cole was heading my way. I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. I was just really, really tired all of a sudden.

  I turned on my heel and left the restaurant.

  “Viv!”

  I kept walking, knowing what would happen if I stopped.

  “Vivian! Hold up!” Cole called out.

  And for the first time, I didn’t wait for him to catch up. I didn’t give him the chance to dance his way out of trouble and into my pants.

  This time I kept on walking.

  “How’s this skirt?” I asked Gracie as I modeled the fifth outfit I had tried on that morning. I was getting ready for my first day at my new job and I was having a near coronary as I tried to figure out what I was going to wear.

  Clothing was essential. It could either make or break a first impression. And I was looking for competent yet sassy. But I was having a difficult time finding the right outfit to showcase my personality.

  Everything seemed to say trying too hard or gettin’ my club on.

  “It’s a little working the corner don’t you think?” Gracie asked, screwing her face up. I pivoted around, looking at my reflection.

  “Really? I love this skirt,” I complained. I had really hoped this one would work. But Gracie was right. Flashing my hoo-hah when I bent over would not project the professional image I was going for.

  I unzipped and slithered out of the confining fabric. I stood in my garters and thong, not embarrassed in the least. Gracie had seen me in less. Modesty was not my thing anyway.

  “I wish we were the same size, G. Your blue skirt and white, lace blouse would be perfect,” I muttered, rooting through my considerable wardrobe to look for a suitable ensemble.

  My phone chirped from where it lay on the dresser. Before I could reach for it, Gracie snatched it up and tapped the screen.