Seductive Chaos

by A. Meredith Walters

  She had been entirely too discreet. But she was in luck, because I wasn’t in the mind frame to care much where she had parked her v-jay for the night.

  After Gracie had returned to the room, we packed up our stuff and checked out of the hotel like we were on the run. I sent a quick text to Maysie, making a lame excuse about our neighbor needing us to watch her cat and then we hightailed it back to Virginia.

  Gracie listened to me bitch and moan the entire way. She offered little in the way of advice, because honestly I wouldn’t have wanted to hear it anyway. But she agreed I had made the right choice.

  So I was feeling better by the time we pulled up out front of our apartment. I was feeling down right euphoric about my supreme act of girl power. Cole would not bring me down. He could keep his hunky rock god body far away from me.

  And then my phone chirped in my purse. I made the mistake of looking at it.

  You forgot to say goodbye. ☹ I thought we had some making up to do.

  And my heart had fallen straight into my adorable kitten heels.

  Had Cole really just used a frowny emoticon? And why was he texting me from Maysie’s phone? Did she know he had hijacked it?

  My finger hovered over the screen as I thought of some snarky response. Before this weekend I would have called him a wank nugget. He would have retaliated with some sort of sexual-laced innuendo. Then the door would have opened to phone sex and plans to screw at a later date.

  Not this time. I was a new woman full of awesome!

  So I erased his text rather than give into the urge to write him back. And I thought that would have been the end of it. I had little doubt that Cole would move on to the next warm body with a pulse in no time.

  I hated the twinge of disappointment when I was proven right.

  I hadn’t heard from him since.

  I arrived at work on Monday morning in a not so cheerful mood. It was virtually impossible for me to pretend I was hunky-dory when I wasn’t. I wore my emotions all over me like baby vomit.

  When I arrived at The Claremont Center to find Theo waiting for me with coffee in hand, I wanted to turn back to my car and leave. Not that I didn’t want to see him, I just wasn’t sure I could affect a professional demeanor in the state I was in.

  Not with my humiliation and minor heartache fresh and raw.

  “White with sugar. I figured you had a sweet tooth,” Theo said, handing me the Styrofoam cup. I took a sip and couldn’t help but be pleased that he had read my coffee choice so perfectly.

  I had been ready to swear off men. But when they come baring coffee and smiles that pretty, a girl could be tempted to re-think her stance on the subject.

  “Thanks, Theo. Please don’t tell me I forgot another meeting,” I said, walking through the glass doors and heading to my office.

  “No, nothing like that. I just, well, I felt like I should come by and apologize in person for how inappropriate I was the last time we spoke.”

  My mind jogged backwards in time, trying to identify exactly what he was talking about. My head was still a soggy mess from my weekend spectacle. There wasn’t room in my grey matter for much else.

  I must have looked perplexed because Theo’s lips quirked into a shy smile.

  “When I asked you out.”

  Oh that.

  I set my free coffee (the absolute best kind of coffee) on my desk and held up my hand. “You really don’t need to. It’s fine,” I assured him. I wasn’t entirely sure whether I wanted him to repeat the offer, though I wasn’t repulsed by the idea.

  It was nice to know that walking away from Cole hadn’t turned me into a nun.

  One thing I was sure of, however. Scoring dates on the clock had to be frowned upon.

  Theo looked relieved and I stood there appreciating how adorable he was. He was the complete opposite of Cole in every possible way.

  He was fair and buff. I could make out the defined lines of his muscles under the expensive cut of his suit.

  He young enough that his obvious success and responsibility were impressive. He seemed to want to spend time with me. And not in the naked and sweaty kind of way. And he brought me coffee.

  The only thing Cole ever bought me was a box of condoms and a hard time.

  It would be so easy to fall into something with Theo. I liked being with someone. I know that wasn’t very feminist friendly. Riley would have smacked me across the face right before she took my girl card away and shredded it.

  But it was the truth. I couldn’t remember a time in my life when I hadn’t been involved in some way with a guy. Sure, my relationship with Cole was questionable at best, but he was still someone I had devoted spending time with. He provided regular sex and even conversation when it suited him.

  I enjoyed feeling wanted and desired. I liked knowing I had someone I could call when I was feeling lonely. I liked knowing that there was someone out there who wanted to spend time with me. For whatever the reason.

  I was social and I enjoyed attention. And I knew, subconsciously, that perhaps that said quite a bit about the state of my self-esteem. Though I knew I was pretty. I liked my body and I thought that I was intelligent. I had friends and family that loved me. But there was still something inside me that craved what a relationship could give me.

  I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be cared for. I wanted my fairy tale happily ever after. I blamed Titanic and every 80’s power ballad ever released. Though how I had allowed myself to think Cole could offer me anything I was looking for was beyond me. Call it two-year insanity.

  I was by no means some depressing ingénue who cried over the state of her love life and wrote bad poetry. I wasn’t deep. I didn’t think about world hunger or how to end the conflict in the Gaza strip. I liked to watch bad reality television and I was unashamed to admit that I enjoyed pop music beyond acceptable levels.

  I was a drama queen. I was a bitch if you crossed me. If I didn’t like you, I wasn’t one to hide it. You’d know it. And I was addicted to infatuation. The anticipation I felt when I knew I was going to see the guy I wanted.

  So there.

  However, call it a growing maturity or maybe a lingering lack of closure where Cole was concerned, but I didn’t jump at the chance to let this beautiful, strapping male buy me dinner.

  I could flirt with him, let him adore me with his eyes, but I wasn’t ready to make it more than that.

  Not right now.

  But this girl wasn’t dead yet. And I knew the day would come when I was ready to climb back on that horse and give it a ride again.

  And perhaps Theo could be the horse.

  Except he wasn’t a horse and the thought of riding him like one made me flush to the roots of my hair.

  I cleared my throat and banished all thoughts of Theo riding out of my mind. I was determined to not let my need for attention, or my fear of being alone to dictate things. I would do things right.

  For once.

  So I didn’t comment with the tried and true Vivian Baily response meant to elicit another invitation.

  Instead I gave Theo my best professional smile. Genuine if a little cool and shook my head.

  “Honestly, we don’t have to talk about that.” I opened my drawer and pulled out the plans for the gala and handed them to him. “Since you’re here, why don’t we discuss the final ideas for the fundraiser so I can start getting orders put through.”

  And just like that I became grown-up Vivian.

  And I think I liked her.

  My phone had remained quiet for the rest of the day. After Theo and I hammered out the final details for the gala, I had taken an early lunch. Gracie and I had made plans to meet at Barton’s.

  Pulling into the parking lot, it felt strange to be here for anything other than drinking like a fish or watching the guys play a show. I wasn’t sure I had ever even bothered to eat the food.

  I walked inside and was hit with a wave of grease and stale beer. It was pretty busy with the normal mix of businessmen on lunc
h break and college kids getting an early start on drunk-thirty.

  Gracie was sat at the bar talking to Dina, who had been the main bartender for as long as I had been coming to Barton’s.

  I slid into the stool beside my friend and crossed my legs. It was still strange not seeing Jordan behind the bar or Maysie waiting tables. This was where they had met all those years ago. They had found love amongst the fatty burgers and cheap beer. Lucky bastards.

  “Hey, Vivian. What can I get ya? Your normal?” I cringed and shook my head. I couldn’t stomach a round of buttery nipples at noon on a workday.

  “I’ll have an iced tea and a Caesar salad, please,” I said, glancing at the menu.

  “When did you become a teetotaler?” Dina smirked and I flicked my hair back.

  “When I became a proud member of the gainfully employed,” I quipped. Dina handed me my drink and nodded.

  “Good for you, girl. Gracie was just telling me about the show this past weekend. It sounds like our boys are doing pretty good for themselves.”

  “Yeah, they are,” I agreed with a strained smile.

  “I heard Garrett’s song on the radio the other day. The Perfect Regret one. I almost wrecked my car I got so excited,” Dina enthused.

  “Wow, really?” Gracie piped up.

  “Yeah, it was on that college station, KT102. I had almost forgotten how sexy Cole’s voice was. It made me want to strip off my panties there and then,” Dina laughed and I didn’t feel the jealousy or bristling irritation if that comment had come out of anyone else’s mouth.

  Dina had never been competition for Cole’s attention given that she played for the other team and all. I was more her type than Cole was.

  Not that that mattered anymore because who Cole chose to focus his attention on was no longer my concern.

  Nope, I didn’t care in the slightest. I was done. Finished. Dunzo. Over it.

  I sipped my drink and looked around the restaurant. I recognized a few people from Rinard College. Jaz, a waitress who had been at Barton’s forever was wiping down tables in her section.

  My eyes skimmed over people eating their lunch until a movement caught my attention. Someone was waving at me.

  I grinned. I couldn’t help it.

  Because Theo was walking purposefully towards me. He had chucked his grey jacket and was wearing only a cotton shirt, rolled up at the sleeves. We had only parted ways an hour ago but I couldn’t deny that it was good to see him again.

  “Are you following me?” I asked coyly, putting my iced tea down on the bar and swinging my legs out so that I was facing him.

  Theo held his hands up. “No, I swear. No stalking. I was supposed to meet Tina from our finance department for lunch but she just called to say she couldn’t make it. I was getting ready to leave when I saw you. I think it’s fate, wouldn’t you say? Someone out there in the universe must want us to share a meal together,” Theo chuckled and sat down on my other side.

  Gracie, who had been talking with Dina, was now looking at me questioningly. She widened her eyes as she took in the sight of Theo. He did make one hell of a first impression. Luckily he was looking over the menu and didn’t notice her blatant staring.

  “Who is that?” she whispered less than subtly.

  I rolled my eyes and put my hand on Theo’s arm. I felt his muscles clench beneath my fingers and my stomach fluttered.

  “Theo, this is my roommate, Gracie Cook. Gracie, this is Theo Anderson. His company is the one sponsoring the gala I’m coordinating,” I explained, introducing the two.

  Theo held out his hand for Gracie to shake, which she did politely.

  “So this is Theo. I’ve heard so much about you,” Gracie simpered. I could have smacked her. And I may just have to when we left.

  Theo laughed and glanced at me, his blue eyes amused. “Oh really? And what have you heard? I’m dying to know what Vivian says about me when I’m not around.”

  I surreptitiously pinched Gracie’s arm in warning. If she mentioned how cute I thought he was I’d never forgive her.

  She glared at me before turning back to Theo who had missed the silent exchange.

  “She’s just told me about your plans for the gala. Sounds amazing,” she said and when Theo turned to Dina to give her his order she stuck out her tongue at me.

  With his order given, Theo looked back at Gracie, though I could feel his awareness of my space beside him. The attention whore in me soaked it up. The emerging mature Vivian scolded the tramp and told her to settle down.

  “Vivian has done such a fantastic job. She really is wonderful,” he enthused and Gracie coughed.

  “Yeah, she is something all right.” I pinched her again, just because she deserved it.

  Theo’s eyes rested on my face and his look of appreciation made me feel warm and fuzzy. “And she’s someone I really want to get to know better.”

  Gracie made a choking noise behind me but I didn’t acknowledge her in the slightest.

  “Why?” I asked, before I could censor myself.

  “Why what?” Theo asked, furrowing his brows.

  “Why do you want to get to know me so badly? What’s your angle?” I asked suspiciously, not able to help myself. I knew what men meant when they said they wanted to get to know me better.

  That was the oldest euphemism for sex there was. I found myself bristling at the thought of yet another man only wanting to know me for what lay between my legs. My hopes at being taken seriously, of a man desiring me for me suddenly seemed ridiculous and foolhardy.

  Theo’s hot palm enveloped my hand, his fingers squeezing mine.

  “There’s no angle, Vivian. I want to get to know you because you intrigue me. You’re smart. You have amazing ideas. You’re funny. You’re insightful. I know that probably isn’t appropriate given that currently I’m your client. But one day soon I won’t be your client. I’m patient.”

  “Well, thanks,” I said, not sure what else I should say.

  Theo’s smile grew wider. “And you’re someone who is worth taking the time to get to know. So what do you say? Will you let me learn all of your dirty secrets?” he teased shyly.

  “I. . .uh. . .” I stuttered, trying to think of a response.

  “Oh my god, Vivian, Gracie, check it out!” Dina called out from the other side of the bar. Theo slid his hand away from where it rested on top of mine and turned his attention to the direction of the television mounted on the wall.

  I swallowed thickly, feeling dazed from Theo’s comments and still not sure how I was supposed to answer him. I was coming out of a two-year physical relationship with someone who had never much cared for the person I was beneath my pretty skin. And here was a guy who wanted to “know me.” The emotional implications of that weren’t lost on me.

  Theo was appealing to me in a way Cole never had. No matter how much I wanted him to, no matter how I craved for him to miraculously become the entire package, he wasn’t.

  Cole was a raging, hot fire. Theo was a calming river. Which was fine with me because I had been burned once and I wasn’t looking to repeat my past mistakes anytime soon.

  I was determined to be on my own for a while. I owed it to myself to not jump into anything with anyone. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t sample the waters.

  What would a date here and there hurt? After he wasn’t my client anymore of course.

  “Look! It’s Cole!” Dina pointed at the television screen and my stomach plummeted into my feet.

  My eyes, against their own volition zeroed in on the man who I had only said goodbye to several days before. And even though he wasn’t here in the flesh, seeing him, even on television was too raw. Too real.

  Too soon.

  “Turn it up!” Gracie said, clapping her hands in excitement.

  “Who is that guy?” Theo asked.

  I didn’t answer right away. I couldn’t. My entire focus on was on Cole Brandt.

  What else was new?

  A reporter from some e
ntertainment show was standing beneath an umbrella with Cole. A huge stage stood behind them and I could see that wherever they were, it was pouring down rain.

  Cole’s dark hair was matted down over his forehead and I could see that his torn T-shirt was plastered to his chest from the moisture. The ring in his lip gleamed and the guy liner he was wearing had smeared down his face.

  He looked like a fallen angel.

  Dina had cranked the volume and the sound of Cole’s husky voice filled Barton’s as though he were in the same room.

  “We’re lucky to be on this tour with Primal Terror. It was the break of a lifetime,” Cole said, running his hands through his hair, standing it on edge.

  “You’re getting a lot of good press out of this tour. A lot of magazines and blogs are calling you guys the band to watch this year. You have an album set to drop in the spring and with only a month left of the tour, you seem poised to take on the world. What’s next for Generation Rejects? Or more specifically, Cole Brandt?”

  Cole chuckled in that lazy, self-assured way of his. You would think he had been giving interviews his whole life.

  “We’re just looking at all the possibilities right now. As for me, I’m enjoying the ride,” Cole said, flashing a smile at the camera. His grin pierced my heart. Jerk.

  “Thanks for talking to me, man. And we can’t wait to see the show. If it ever stops raining. Coming live from Primal Terror’s Wicked and Ugly tour, here with Cole Brandt, lead singer of Generation Rejects, I’m Callum Ward.”

  And then the program switched to some commentary on the newest celebrity sex tape scandal.

  “Can you believe that? Cole was on TV!” Dina said, turning the volume back down.

  Gracie pulled out her phone and started texting, most likely either Maysie or Mitch. The smile on my face was fake and thin and I realized I had never answered Theo’s question.

  He was looking at me now, with an unreadable expression.

  “You know that guy, I take it,” he deduced.

  I swirled the melting ice in my drink with my straw to try to distract him from my discomfort.