“No. I took them home. It’s not a very long ride out to my place from town.” He shifted from foot to foot, unsure of what else to say. The safest topic would be the house. “You’ve been busy in here, I see.”
“Yes, well, I’ve tried to do a few things to make it a little brighter in here. It’s a pretty house. It just needed a woman’s touch.”
“Yeah, well, it looks nice. It was rather gloomy in here before.”
“Thank you." Lily’s eyes shifted to the books lining the wall. "I especially like the bookshelves. They’ve come in very handy with all the books that I brought with me from Boston.”
“I’m glad you like them. They weren’t that hard to make.”
Their eyes met, and one eyebrow shot up when she asked, “Oh?”
“I made them for the house.” He shifted slightly, embarrassed at her look. He had never felt nervous around a woman, but this one made him almost uncomfortable.
“In that case, thank you again. They are perfect.” A whistling noise came from the kitchen. “Let me check the coffee.”
He stood in the middle of her house and raked nervous fingers through his hair. When he had first seen her on the train, he could feel her eyes rest on him on several occasions when she thought he was sleeping. He wouldn't tell her, but he rarely slept anymore excerpt for fitful rest now and then. Always on high alert, he kept his ears open for any information that might help him track the men who killed Victoria. When he'd seen Lily on the train, her beauty and kindness drew his attention like a moth to flame.
At the town meeting, the mayor talked about making Lily leave because of a misunderstanding about her age, and for some reason he had stood up for her. He had even gone to a few of the townspeople and talked to them about letting her stay. He didn’t know why, but he wanted her to be here, needed her to be here.
Her voice interrupted his thoughts when she asked, “How do you take your coffee, Mr. Sanford?”
“Just black, ma’am.”
Lily returned a short minute later, carrying two cups of steaming coffee. “Please, have a seat.” She handed him the cup, and their fingers brushed, sending shivers down his back at the contact. The cup wobbled in her hand, almost splashing the hot liquid over the rim. “I’m sorry. Please, sit down.”
She moved across the room and took a seat on the small settee near the window.
“Thanks. Please, call me Seth. Mr. Sanford is too formal around here.” He moved toward a larger chair and took a seat.
“All right then, Seth.” She sipped her coffee for a moment, and, returning her cup to the saucer, she said, “Have you thought about what I said earlier?”
“You mean about the children?”
“Yes.”
“Yes, I have, and I do want to apologize for my behavior this afternoon. I was out of line, and I’m sorry, but my wife’s death is a very touchy subject with me and the children.” Seth sipped his coffee and watched her over the rim.
“I realize it hasn’t been that long ago, and I’m sure it’s still a very fresh wound but…” Lily started, but he cut her off, raising his hand to silence her.
“You have no idea, Mrs. Backman, what it’s been like.” Changing the subject back to her, he asked, “How did you lose your husband?”
“I well, uh… he was killed in an accident at my father’s shipyard.” Her gaze shifted around the room a moment before it returned to her cup.
“I’m going to tell you something that no one else knows, Mrs. Backman, so you can understand where this all stems from.”
“Lily, please. Call me Lily.”
“All right, Lily. I’m going to tell you how my wife died, so you can understand why it is extremely difficult for me to talk about and for my children to understand. You see, I told them that their mother had fallen from her horse and broken her neck, but that’s not the whole truth. She did fall from her horse, but only after she had been shot in the chest.”
“Oh my!” Lily exclaimed and raised her hand to her throat.
“I couldn’t let the children know she had been shot because I don’t want them harboring the same hatred burning in my soul for the men responsible. I can never tell them what really happened.”
Seth placed his now empty cup on the table near him before he rose and walked to the nearby window.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. Seth, I still really think you need to tell the children what happened.”
“I can’t!” He spat before his fist connected with the wall next to the window. “Don’t you understand? If they were to know their mother was murdered, they would never be able to forgive the men responsible, just as I can’t. I don’t want it to consume their lives like it has mine for the last six months.”
He swung around and met her gaze only to find sympathy and understanding shining brightly in her eyes.
“Seth.” She stood and moved toward him “You have to let it go. This rage will kill you if you don’t.”
“There is no way I can let it go. I have to find them and make them pay for what they’ve done to my family. My children will now grow up without a mother because these men have robbed them of her.” Not wanting to see the pity in her eyes, he swung back around to stare out the window again.
He could feel her behind him as her warmth tried to penetrate the chill surrounding his heart. When her hand came to rest on his shoulder in comfort, he couldn't help but stiffen. He didn’t want her to try to console him, didn’t need it, and if she continued down that path, he was afraid she would be hurt in the process. Her kindness and gentle personality sparkled brightly in her eyes, and it was clear she had this need to make people feel better. He was beyond her help. The darkness encompassing him these days wouldn’t leave him alone, and he didn’t want her to get swallowed into the black hole his life had become.
When he turned to face her, he could see the trust in her eyes, and he couldn’t, no, he wouldn’t allow that trust to penetrate the hate in his soul.
“Let it be, Lily.” he whispered before he turned and headed back into the afternoon rain.
Chapter Seven
The next afternoon found Lily lost in thought. The pain surrounding Seth hurt her heart, and she wished he would let her help him. If he would just talk about the pain, she was sure he would feel better, even just a little.
When the children arrived at school the next morning, she asked Johnny what had happened when his father returned home.
“Nothin’,” he replied. “Why?”
“I was wondering, that’s all. He came by to apologize for his behavior yesterday, and we talked some. I just didn’t know if he mentioned it when he got home.”
“Nope.” Frustration seeped from the boy with every clipped word. “He just went off to his study to drink whiskey again.”
Concern zipped through her mind. “Does he do that often?”
“Couple times a week, I guess. Seems like something sets him off during the day, and then he goes in there. I’m not sure. Carmen says he needs to grieve, whatever that means.”
Lily thought Johnny defended his father with a little too much wisdom for a child his age.
“Carmen seems like a very wise person,” Lily muttered absently. Her mind focused on the fact that drinking was the way Seth dealt with his pain.
“She is very good to us and has been with us for a long time now. Ever since before I was born. Momma hired her to help around the house when she was gonna have me. She’s been like a momma to us since ours is gone now.”
Lily watched the other two Sanford children sit alone near a tree. “Thank you, Johnny.”
“You're welcome, ma’am.” Johnny shuffled off to join his siblings before school started.
It was late afternoon and almost time for the children to leave for the day. Lily anticipated seeing Seth again when he came to pick up the children and her stomach did a little flip in her belly. Her hand slipped over her abdomen to try to calm her nerves. This is silly. He’s not a stranger, after all. He'd been
to her home just last night and told her something he hadn’t told anyone. That should at least make them friends.
“All right, children. It’s time to go. You may pack your things, and I’ll see you all Monday. Have a nice weekend.” When the children scrambled to grab their things and head for the door, she scolded, “Walk, children, walk.”
Johnny, Jarod and Anne were the last to gather their schoolbooks and head for the door. Lily made it there before all the children were dismissed in an attempt to make their departure less chaotic. When the doorway cleared from the scurry of anxious children, she could easily see that Seth hadn’t arrived yet.
At least today the sun has returned.
Just as the schoolyard cleared, Seth’s wagon came around the corner of the church. When the wagon finally rolled to a stop in front of the school, Seth set the brake and wrapped the reins around it and jumped down.
He tipped his hat and said, “Ma’am.”
The children raced down the stairs, and he turned to help them into the wagon. This gave Lily an enticing view as the muscles of his arms bunched and rolled under his shirt.
“Mr. Sanford,” Lily replied in greeting, but when his eyes swung back to her, she corrected herself by saying, "Seth. Can I speak with you for a moment?”
“Uh… sure. I guess so.” Seth moved toward the stairs to follow her into the school. “Wait out here, children.”
* * * *
Seth had seen Lily standing with his children when the wagon rounded the corner of the church and desire zinged down his back as he let his gaze roam over her frame. Her dress fit snugly across her chest and tapered out from her small waist, emphasizing to him that he could probably span it with his hands. Her big green eyes watched as stopped the horses with a soft "whoa".
Uneasiness squeezed his insides when she requested to speak to him, but as he followed Lily up the stairs, he gave her backside an appreciative look. Her hips swayed beneath her frock, and he quickly pulled his gaze away, giving himself a mental reprimand. He really didn’t need a woman in his life, especially not a woman like her.
Once they entered the school, he shut the door behind them and turned to face her. “What can I do for you?”
“We need to come up with some kind of plan for your children.”
She tipped her head to the side, and her openly curious gaze met his across the small space separating them. A blush crept up her cheeks, and he wondered if she knew where his thoughts centered when they were in the same room.
“I told you, just let it be. They’ll be fine soon enough. This will pass.”
“Seth, I’m afraid it won’t if they aren’t allowed to grieve.”
Running his hands through his hair, he began to pace the floor. Why can’t she just let it go? “Constantly bringing up the fact their mother is dead isn’t helping them either, Lily. They don’t need to be reminded of their mother’s death over and over. It was bad enough the first time.”
Her mouth opened to answer as the back door of the room swung open, and Daniel stepped inside. Seth watched as the other man approached Lily from behind. He’d never liked Daniel, even when they were growing up. Daniel had always been a bit of a bully and constantly teased and taunted the other children. He’d even tried picking on Seth a few times until Seth socked him square in the nose one afternoon. Daniel left him alone after that, and he’d never picked on the other children again, at least when Seth was around.
“Daniel,” Seth growled low in his throat.
“Seth.” Daniel propped himself on one of the desks nearby.
“I’ll be right with you, Daniel,” Lily said before she returned her attention to him. “We’ll have to discuss this another time, but you need to think of the best thing for the children.”
“I am,” Seth grumbled as Lily walked him to the door.
“I’m not sure you are. You are thinking with the hatred you feel in your heart, and it’s clouding your judgment concerning them.” Her hand came up to rest on his arm, stopping him from leaving her standing alone in the doorway. He looked down before his gaze returned to her face. The warmth from her skin penetrated his shirt and spread up his arm to settle in the pit of his stomach.
Fighting the urge to pull her to his chest and kiss the daylights out of her, he changed the subject as he focused on the man sitting nearby. “What’s he doing here?”
She turned and looked at Daniel and then swung back to Seth. “That’s really none of your business.”
“Is he courtin’ you?”
The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. He mentally kicked himself. It doesn’t matter to me what she does, or does it? “I’m sorry. That’s none of my business either.”
He quickly turned on his heel and headed down the stairs to his waiting children.
* * * *
As they drove away, Lily shielded her eyes from the sun’s glare and wondered to herself what the heck his statement meant. What difference did it matter to him if Daniel was or wasn’t courting her? Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she turned to go back inside so that she could begin her tutoring.
“What was Seth doing here?” Daniel asked, when she came back in the room.
Lily rolled her eyes. What is going on with these two? Men! What difference does it make who was here and what they were doing here? “He was here picking up his children, and we were discussing a problem that they are having, that’s all.”
She approached her desk to get the materials she had set out to help Daniel with his studies and then turned back to where he sat at one of the desks. “Now, shall we begin?”
For the next hour, Lily worked with him on some of the fundamentals of reading and writing. He was indeed a quick learner as Madge had suggested. He still knew most of the basics, so she felt she could jump right in and give him some of the harder lessons.
Questions still plagued her about where she'd seen him before. “Are you sure you’ve never been out of Texas? I’m sure I know you from somewhere." She tapped her finger on her lip. "Were you on the train last week? Maybe I saw you in one of the cars.”
His face turned white as a sheet, and she frowned. “N-no,” he stammered. “I was right here in Parkville.”
She shrugged. “Oh well, I’m sure I’ll think of it." She packed the books away and asked, "When would you like to get together again?”
“Maybe next week sometime. I’ll come by one day after school, but I’m not sure what day.” He stood quickly and backed toward the door.
“That’s fine. I think things went very well today, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I mean you are a real good teacher, Mrs. Backman. I’ll see you later.” He turned and bolted for the door.
That was really odd. She packed her things and headed toward the door as weariness settled on her shoulders. The odd behavior of Daniel and the heated conversation with Seth had just sapped all her strength, and she still needed to walk home. A nice warm bath would do me a world of good.
At home, after she'd fixed herself something to eat and heated the water for her bath, she settled back in the tub to unwind. Her muscles relaxed under the heat of the water and the bubbles as she sighed and closed her eyes. Seconds later, visions of Seth’s heated look swam before her, and her eyes popped open. Water lapped over the side of the tub when she sat bolt upright.
Looking around, she chastised herself for even thinking about the impossible man. She grabbed the soap and began to lather her long hair with so much force her head started to hurt.
"This is ridiculous!"
She doused her hair until it was completely free of soap, then lathered every other part of her body and rinsed clean. So much for a nice relaxing bath. Climbing from the tub, she dried herself off and slipped on her nightgown. She decided to grab a book and read herself to sleep.
Once she reached the living room, memories of Seth standing there telling her about his wife’s death clouded her mind. She could still see him standing near the window and remember
ed how when she had touched his shoulder, he’d stiffened against her touch. He wasn’t going to allow her to get close enough to help him. If he would only tell the children what happened, maybe they could all move on and live their lives. Right now, they are all being eaten alive with grief.
“I know. I’ll take a ride out to his ranch tomorrow so we can talk more. Maybe if I met him on his own land, he would open up a little. Surely he wouldn’t kick me off his property even if I were intruding,” she murmured aloud. Kathleen had always told her she had such a big heart and that someday she would be hurt if she weren’t careful, but she felt this overwhelming need to help this family to heal.
Midnight blue turned to purple then pink as the morning sun struggled to crest the hillside. The sky had barely lightened before Lily stood at the livery borrowing a horse and buggy. She had plans to visit Seth’s place to talk to him, but she didn’t know what to expect once she got there. Would he send her away? Would he be drunk this morning? Would he even talk to her? Those questions she couldn’t answer, and they left butterflies in her stomach. Her plan had to do with convincing him to tell the children how their mother really died.
“Thank you, Carl, for helping me with the buggy.” He helped her climb aboard the black, single horse buggy and handed her the reins.
“You're welcome, ma'am. I need to apologize again for the other day when you almost got runned down.”
“No harm done, really, but thank you for the apology.”
Carl patted the horse on the nose and said, “I’m just glad Seth was there to keep you from being hurt.”
Her cheeks flushed when she thought about how it had felt being held against Seth's strong chest for just those few seconds. Even with the fear of nearly being trampled by the horse and rider, her whole body had warmed to his touch when he had pulled her into his arms.
“Yes, well, I am too. Thank you again for your help with the buggy. I’ll have it back before nightfall.” Heat crept up her neck, and Lily flicked the reins over the rump of the horse, sending the buggy lurching forward out of the livery yard. Once she had relaxed, she was able to get the feel of the buggy, and the horse settled down under her experienced hand.
Love's Sweet Surrender Page 6
