by Selena Kitt
“Yeah. They’re repeating the same arguments anyway.”
She pressed the power button with satisfaction. She wouldn’t have to shout over grown men arguing about a game they hadn’t played in and had no effect on the outcome. She didn’t get the lure. Why would anyone listen to that crap? “The guys come over?”
“Yeah. We had a few beers. Ordered some wings.”
“That’s good,” she replied automatically.
“So what did you want to do today? Wedding stuff?”
She tightened defensively as the reminder shot anxiety through her. “Yeah, it’s getting closer.”
“Need me to help?”
“No, thanks. It’s stuff I can do on my own.” The last thing she wanted to work on was wedding tasks with him while her secret weighed heavy on her conscience.
“Good,” he exhaled with relief. “You know I’m no good with that stuff.”
He leaned back on the couch, put his feet up, and picked up the sports section, something he did every morning because he ran a blog on Boston sports and had something to say about every game, whether they won or lost. Although she’d accepted it as a quirk, this time she bristled with annoyance. What was wrong with her? Antonio’s face flashed before her, and she forced it away. No, she couldn’t let seeing him affect her this way.
“You can go through the closet and get rid of things, make room for my stuff,” she said in a clipped tone.
“I can do that, babe.” He didn’t even catch the annoyance in her voice, so focused on whatever article he was reading. He rose and gave her a kiss on the cheek and swatted her butt. “How about dinner later? Sox have a day game today. We can order some takeout, watch a movie.”
“Sounds good,” she said. A part of her fluttered inside, fearing this was her future. Takeout in front of the TV. Life events revolving around the Boston sports schedule. Instead of nights out on the town, taking in its vibrancy. What was the point of living in a city flourishing with events from art to music, history and science, and yes, even sports, if they didn’t go out to experience it?
Brett managed a sporting goods store and could sell anything, which was why he’d ranked in the top three for sales in his region. He knew how to read people and worked that magic to his advantage when making a sale. She’d fallen for that charm herself. He’d made her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, the most fascinating woman he’d ever met. Having the attention of this gorgeous guy with a winning smile helped pull her out of her guarded isolation from men after Antonio.
In her darker moments, Lina had wondered if his proposal had been some sort of sales pitch—and once she’d said yes and he’d made the sale, he stopped trying to win her.
Krystal went overboard in planning Lina’s bachelorette party. She made Lina wear a ridiculous veil and a tank top that read One Hot Mess. One Final Fling. She and five of her friends hopped from bars to clubs, having a drink at one, dancing at another one, and getting more buzzed as the night progressed.
When they passed a club that booked an array of well-known acts and unknown local bands, Krystal stopped to read the flyer. “I know this band. They’re pretty good. Want to check them out?”
“Sure,” Lina said. “I’ve seen them play in Cambridge. Think I have a CD somewhere.”
After getting a round of drinks, Lina and Krystal moved deeper into the crowd to get closer to the stage while the rest of their crew hung back at a raised table near the bar. They found a groove, swaying to the music, but the veil kept getting in the way.
“I have to take this stupid thing off,” Lina declared.
“You can’t,” Krystal said. “Not until the night is over.”
Pushing the gauzy fabric off her face, she felt someone watching her. Of course. She had a ridiculous outfit on, designed to grab attention. But the sensation didn’t subside, and she glanced around the club until she found a set of dark eyes staring at her. Surprise and pain in his expression until he caught her staring back. He surveyed her with a shocked expression that turned cold, anger pulsing in his eyes. Then he wiped emotion from his face, turned away, and disappeared into the crowd.
“Oh, no,” Lina said. “No.”
“What is it?”
“Antonio’s here.”
“Oh,” was all Krystal managed.
“What do I do?”
“You have to talk to him,” Krystal pushed.
“I can’t.” She swatted the veil. “Look at me. I’m clearly engaged to get married. And I kissed him. Twice. Not mentioning it either time.”
“Maybe for a reason.” Krystal tilted her head and spoke as if offering the age-old wisdom of a sage.
“What?” Lina faced her in bewilderment.
“The jig is up.” Krystal nudged her arm. “Go find him. And tell him the truth.”
Lina ripped the veil off, handing it to Krystal, and followed into the darkness where Antonio had disappeared. She said, “Excuse me,” at least a half dozen times as she pushed her way through the crowd, wondering if she’d even catch him or if he’d left. Why didn’t she say anything before now? Guilt weighed on her as heavy as a pile of her textbooks crushing her spine.
After not seeing him in the club, she ran outside to find him. A dark figure strode away, blending into the surroundings. Tattoos extending from his sleeves and the confident stride signaled she’d found him. She ran after him calling his name while thinking about how she’d explain.
He spun and faced her, anger flashing in his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
The accusatory tone put her on the defensive. “I didn’t know I owed you any explanations.”
“Don’t you think you could have told me you were engaged,” he spat, “instead of leading me on?”
“I didn’t lead you on,” she protested before realizing that’s exactly what she’d been doing. She grabbed his forearm and dragged him into a nearby alley before they caused a scene.
He let her lead, but once she released his arm, he crossed them and widened his stance in a defensive manner. “Then what do you call our little tongue dance in the club? The kiss outside your apartment?”
“Forget that ever happened.” She scanned the narrow alley with its brick walls and fire escapes. A memory of another life with Antonio flashed through her mind. They’d tumbled into an alley like this one during the middle of a show. Their bodies were so close while the band played, and Antonio had whispered all the things he wanted to do to her, getting her so hot she begged him to take her outside. Once scanning the area to make sure they were alone, he pinned her arms against the brick wall, hiked her skirt up…
Antonio grabbed her hand, slamming her back to the ugly reality at present. “You didn’t have this rock on.” His eyes blazed when he looked up from the diamond on her finger. “Why?” He read her shirt, and his voice dropped to an icy notch. “I see. I was a final fling.”
The fear that had welled up in her moments dissipated. “First of all, the ring was at the jeweler’s. Being set to go with my band.” She pulled her hand away. “And second,” she snapped. “It was just a kiss. Get over it!”
“Which time?” he seethed. “When you were grinding your ass against me like a cat in heat? Or pawing me in your back yard? Neither one of those felt like just a kiss to me.”
Her mouth dropped open. Like a cat in heat? Nobody could get her as heated as Antonio did. She glared at him while her blood boiled. What he was saying had some truth to it and that pissed her off even more. She hadn’t planned on seducing him or leading him on. She took a deep breath to keep from being so defensive and find some composure, but once she began to speak, her volume escalated. “You think you can saunter back into my life after leaving me three damn years ago and think everything’s going to be the same as it was? Like I’m going to drop everything to pick up where we left off because you’re feeling nostalgic? It doesn’t work that way!”
She sounded like a brat. Why not just cross her arms, stomp her feet, and declare, “Not
fair!” She had to control her raging emotions and calm the hell down.
“Nothing is the same,” his said, his voice low and heated. “I know that more than anyone.”
His dark eyes appeared haunted, and she yearned to reach out to him, brush away whatever demons consumed him. But no, she couldn’t expose herself to him, giving him an open invitation to hurt her again. “If you’d come home two weeks later. Or if one of us didn’t go to the show that night, we wouldn’t have seen each other, I’d marry Brett, and we’d go on with our lives the way we were.”
His expression appeared pained. “That didn’t happen.”
“I know. And that’s what screwed everything up!”
“Why?” His voice softened to a delicious tone that melted her. “Tell me why?”
“Because—because—” she stammered. What was she trying to say?
“Do you still have feelings for me, Lina?” His eyes probed hers, searching for answers.
Lina inhaled and exhaled before closing her eyes. When she reopened them, she said, “Of course not, I’m getting married.” She heard the false tone in her voice and hoped he didn’t know her well enough to catch on. The trouble was, he did. And he called her out on it.
“Is it because you’ve realized something isn’t right with the guy you’re planning on marrying?”
“I—uh—I don’t know anymore.” She threw her hands out to the side. “Everything was going along fine. We graduated. We were happy and we had a plan—get married, move in together. He already has a decent job. I’m looking for a part-time job while I’m in grad school. And now—now.” She searched around the city streets, looking for answers and caught her friends down the block watching the entire scene play out and striving to overhear. When they knew they were caught, they stumbled over each other as they attempted to appear in conversation. Lina turned back to Antonio. “Now I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”
“Tell me something. Are you marrying this guy for the right reasons?”
She flinched when he hit a nerve. “Don’t ask me questions like that.”
“Why not? Don’t you love him?”
“Of course I love him. Why else would we decide to get married?”
He ignored that question. “Like you loved me?”
Her eyes darted around to avoid his, searching for sanctuary, but the alley provided none. “We were young and wild and foolish. It was doomed to fail. What I feel for Brett is”—what was the word she was looking for?—“different.” She shrugged, unable to find a better term.
“Is it passionate?” He moved closer.
His penetrating gaze burned through her. “Don’t,” she warned, peering at him.
“Why not?”
“You ended it.” She raised her hands to his chest, keeping him at arm’s length. “You broke my heart. It took me forever to get past it, but I did.”
He advanced, eyes gleaming with a predatory glint. Her feeble attempt at holding him back failed as his chest met her hands and the connection seared her.
“You don’t have any feelings for me now?” His voice was liquid fire, heating her veins. “Standing here in front of you—you feel nothing?”
She dropped her hands, and he inched closer. His warm breath fanned her cheek.
“Don’t do this.” Her voice came out a mere rasp.
“Nothing at all?” he prodded.
“You’re making this harder for me.”
“Agreeing to spend the rest of your life with someone is a hard decision. Maybe nobody has asked you the tough questions, but I sure as hell will before you screw up your life.”
His dominating tone infuriated her. Amid her confused emotions, she found her voice. “Don’t patronize me, Antonio. You don’t know him. And you don’t know what’s best for me either. You didn’t back then, and you sure as hell don’t right now after disappearing from my life for three damn years.”
A buzzing from her phone caught her attention.
“Who’s that?” he snapped. “Your fee-ahnn-say?”
She bristled, but didn’t bother to reply to his antagonizing tone.
“Don’t worry. I’ll leave you alone. Go find your happy ever after. I’m sorry I screwed things up for you by coming here, because even now, all I want is for you to be happy.”
He turned and walked down the alley, letting his final words hang in the air around her. She watched him, heavy feelings of regret settling over her, as he disappeared into the city night. Then she answered Brett’s call.
Chapter 6
Lina stared at the sunlight casting odd shapes on her ceiling. Last night in the club was an absolute disaster. The shocked and betrayed look on Antonio’s face as he saw her in the goofy bridal veil drove a dagger into her heart. Her bachelorette party, what was supposed to be a fun girls’ night out bidding farewell to her life as a single woman, had turned into a nightmare.
She hadn’t been able to bear seeing how she’d hurt Antonio. After a shortened explanation to Krystal, she’d apologized to her friends telling them she had to go home. “Thanks so much for the awesome send off,” she’d said. “But I’m not feeling good. I think I’ve had too much to drink.”
That was an easy excuse to understand. Many bachelorettes had overdone it and ended up sick. The truth was she hadn’t had too much to drink, but seeing Antonio had sobered her mood. Unfortunately, they’d seen her arguing with Antonio so could probably piece together what really soured her mood.
She stumbled into the kitchen and brewed some coffee, not seeing Krystal on the couch until she spoke.
“You look like shit,” Krystal declared, glancing up from her phone.
“I feel like it, too,” Lina replied.
Krystal stuffed the phone into her jeans pocket. “What’s wrong with you?”
Lina ran a hand through her hair, tangled from a night of tossing. “I haven’t slept.”
“Does it have something to do with a hot Italian Marine who dropped back into your life?”
“Everything was fine until I saw him.”
Krystal walked over to the kitchen counter and plopped onto one of the stools. “So you still have feelings?”
Lina stared at the dripping coffee. “A mind fuck load.”
“You sure it’s because of him, or is he an excuse you can grab onto because of cold feet.” Krystal tapped her finger on the counter as she spoke, something Lina had often seen her do as she worked through her thoughts. “I’ve heard about this happening. A woman—or man—freaks out right before the wedding, wondering if they’re doing the right thing. Looking around at the other possibilities.” She waved an arm wide. “Fantasizing about running off with someone else. Marriage is big. Lifelong commitment and all that shit.” Krystal shrugged. “So it’s a total escape clause.”
“Where did you hear about this?” Lina asked. “Some whacked talk show?”
Krystal scrunched her face. “Perhaps.”
Lina considered the rationale. “It does kind of make sense. I can’t stop thinking about him.”
“About jumping his bones?” Krystal’s tone rose to an overexcited octave.
“Yes. All the time,” Lina admitted. “I haven’t thought about sex this much since—well, since I first met Antonio. Our sexual attraction was like nothing I’d ever experienced.” She remembered the early days when they couldn’t get enough of each other. Snapping back to the present, she added, “But then there’s the escape clause you mentioned.”
“Meaning?”
“I do fantasize about running off with him.”
“Hmm.” Krystal resumed her finger tapping. “This is tricky.”
“I know.”
“I wish I had a talk show to back me up right now because I don’t know where to go with it. I mean, who’s to say what you feel for Antonio is real? Or fantasy?”
Lina widened her eyes to agree. The whole idea was exasperating.
“Oh, wait, I know. What happens when you think of Brett?”
“I
feel guilty.”
“Love?”
“Of course.”
“Okay then.” Krystal hmmed while she thought and then slammed the counter. “I think you’re shit out of luck, because I have no idea what to tell you.”
“Gee, thanks,” Lina said. She could have figured that part out on her own.
“Except…” Krystal added. “It’s a choice you need to make.”
Lina closed her eyes. “That’s the problem.”
“Talk to me, Lina. Tell me what’s going on in that troubled brain of yours. I can see the turmoil all over your face.”
