by Selena Kitt
Lina opened her eyes. “Well, there’s Brett. On paper he’s the clear choice. He has a job, a degree, a place to live. We have a plan for our future. And the one plus: he’s never hurt me.” Lina stared at her hands. “Antonio’s a wild card. He’s in some transition period in his life.” She raised her hands, running them through her tangled hair. “He has no job, no place, is just starting school, and God only knows the damage from his deployments.” Her voice came out small as she stared out the window. “He left me broken, and it took a long time for me to put the pieces back together.”
“I sense there’s a ‘but’ coming,” Krystal said.
“Yes. A big one.”
“Lay it on me.”
Lina’s glanced out the kitchen window, out to the back yard where she’d invited him for a drink and ended up kissing him. “Seeing Antonio again was like waking up after a long sleep. Parts of me that have been dormant for years, going through the motions of life, doing what I was supposed to do in college, they lit up. This will sound corny, but being around him makes me feel more alive than I have in a long time.” She faced Krystal. “I know Brett seems like the obvious choice and that I’d be throwing my future away for Antonio. But it doesn’t feel like it.” She covered her heart. “In here.”
Krystal stared at her before saying, “Fuck.”
“I know, right? There’s so much more to Antonio than he lets anyone see.”
“Like what?”
Lina sat up straighter. “He grew up in the city and has that guarded, tough boy attitude I’ve seen with many kids when I did my student teaching. But he’s very considerate. He loves his family and would do anything for them. He’s volunteered with kids at the Boys and Girls Club.”
“Oh, yeah, that’s pretty cool. Doing what?”
“He used to play games with them—basketball, dodge ball—whatever would engage them and keep them off the streets. He said that place made a big difference in his life growing up and wanted to give back.” Lina paused while her thoughts ran. “I wonder if it’s something he’d want to do now.” She shook her head. “No, so much time has gone by I wonder if I still know him anymore.”
“Sounds like you know him pretty damn well.”
“He said something to me when he was here. That people don’t change much. They’re still the same they have always been for the most part.” Lina nodded at Krystal. “What do you think?”
Krystal peered at her for a long moment then spread her hands out. “I don’t know about that. I’m still reeling from all you told me trying to find some good piece of advice to give you.”
“Doubt there is any,” Lina said. “I’m screwed.”
Lina barely slept that night. Anxiety bloomed the closer she got to the wedding date. Maybe what Krystal heard was right; it was a normal sign of cold feet. But each time she’d seen Antonio, doubts about marrying Brett increased. Was she making a mistake? No, Brett was a good man. They’d be happy together.
Wouldn’t they?
They might be content, but happy? She’d never experienced the whirlwind of passions with Brett as she had with Antonio, both high enough to shoot her to the stars and low enough to bury her. Which was better to have in a relationship—security or passion? She paced her kitchen floor, chewing on her bottom lip while she debated what to do. Stopping to watch the coffee brew, she made a decision, hoping it was the right one.
Later that morning, Lina went to Brett’s. “We need to talk.”
Brett groaned. “Nothing good comes when someone says that.”
“I know.” She fidgeted in his living room before sitting next to him on his couch. “The thing is I’ve been having doubts lately.”
He furrowed his brows. “About the wedding?”
“Yes.”
“You think we’re rushing it?”
“Yes, but there’s more to it than that.”
“What?”
“It’s us, too.”
Brett took a deep breath and exhaled. “What do you mean?”
“I’m wondering if we’re making a mistake.”
He took her hand in his. “I know what this is. The wedding is getting close, and you’re starting to freak out. Anxiety kicking up with how much you hate the idea of all that attention. It’s normal. I’ve had some worries myself. But, it will be over in a flash, and everything will be all right.”
“That’s the thing, Brett. I don’t know if it will.”
“Are you feeling okay?”
“Yes. No. It’s just that I think we haven’t thought this through enough.”
“Thought what through? I love you. You love me, don’t you?”
She considered it. She did love him. It wasn’t the intense, all-consuming love she had for Antonio, but Brett was a good solid person, reliable. Sure, he had his mood swings when he’d freak out, especially after one of his teams lost, but everyone had quirks. She just walked away when he was in one of those moods, avoiding confrontation.
“Yes.”
“Then what else do we need to think about?”
She took a deep breath. “The fact that this isn’t only for now, but forever. Not for a few months or a few years, but for good. That we’re promising to spend the rest of our lives together.”
“Of course I’ve thought about that. That’s what marriage is.”
“I’m not sure if I can promise you that.”
“Lina.”
“I’m sorry. But I think this is a mistake. Because as much as I care about you and love you, I don’t think it’s enough. I think another woman may be able to give you more than I can.”
“You don’t love me?” Darkness passed over his face. She found the glint in his eyes disturbing.
“I do. But not enough.”
“What the hell happened?” he shouted and squeezed her hand so tight, she cried out. “Why the sudden change of heart days before our wedding?”
“Let go of me, Brett!” she said, struggling to get out of his grasp. She’d never seen him like this. Eyes filled with anger. And—hatred.
She wriggled out of his hold and jumped up, but he followed her, grabbing her shoulder and forcing her to face him.
“Tell me what the hell is going on. Is there another guy?”
“Stop grabbing me. What’s gotten into you?”
“It might have something to do with my fiancée telling me she doesn’t love me.”
“I didn’t say that!” Lina protested.
He grabbed her other arm as well, fingers digging into her shoulder. He continued as if he didn’t hear her. “Tell me this right before we’re supposed to get married? So I guess the wedding’s off. How am I supposed to tell my family, huh?”
She tried prying his fingers off her shoulders, but they didn’t move. His eyes, so full of rage, terrified her. He’d never touched her like this before. Since they’d never had a real fight before, there was no reason to. But seeing him infuriated like this—like a monster—made her realize she didn’t even know the man she had been promising to spend the rest of her life with.
“You’re hurting me. Let go!”
“Hurting you?” he spat. “You don’t think you’re hurting me right now?”
“Stop it,” she cried.
“Is there another guy?” he repeated, shaking her. “Are you screwing around on me?”
“Let go!” she repeated and kneed him in the testicles. His face contorted as he slumped over, releasing her arms.
She raced to the door, but as she was turning the handle, he recovered enough to grab her. The fury in his eyes filled her with terror. She’d never seen him this way.
“Get back here, you bitch!”
Chapter 7
“What happened!” Krystal jumped off the couch, dropping her magazine when she saw Lina’s swollen face.
“I’m okay,” Lina said.
“No, you’re not.” She pointed to the couch. “Sit. Tell me.”
Lina sat and took a deep breath before she gave her a quick recap of
the fight.
“I’ll kill him!” Krystal had sat next to her, but jumped up again.
“No. It’s fine. Calm down.” She raised her hand to stop Krystal from running to his house with a baseball bat. She wouldn’t put it past her. “It got out of hand, but I got him good.”
“It’s anything but fine.” Krystal grabbed her phone. “I’m calling the cops.”
Lina grabbed her arm. “No. I beg you, don’t.”
“I’m not going to let him get away with hurting you like this. Absolutely fucking not!”
“I hurt him, too, Krystal. I broke off the engagement. It went two ways.”
“Then I hope you kicked him in the fuckin’ balls! Because if you didn’t, I will.”
“I did, Krystal. Now please sit down.”
“I can’t.” She paced the room. “I can’t just sit by and know he hit you and not do anything about it. It doesn’t feel right. Like I’m enabling domestic violence or something.”
“You’re not enabling anything,” Lina said. “I won’t see him again. We broke up.”
“Oh, thank God.” Krystal put her hand over her heart.
Krystal’s reaction surprised her. “Excuse me?”
“No offense, Lina, but I’m relieved.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t think he was the right one for you. And now, after what’s happened, I know it.”
Lina raised her eyebrows, waiting for an explanation.
“I mean, you seemed comfortable and all, but that’s just it. I worried you were getting married because you thought you should, not because you wanted to.”
“But why didn’t you say this before?”
“You seemed—content. Who am I to ruin that? I’ve seen you date your share of guys since we were roommates, but it wasn’t until we went to the club and you ran into Antonio that I saw something different. I’ve never seen you look at a guy the way you looked at Antonio. Or the way he looked at you.”
“Yeah, well, I’m sure he hates me now after what I’ve done. Not telling him I was engaged. Kissing him while engaged to another man. Real classy.”
Krystal shrugged, unfazed. “Shit happens. And anyone who judges you for that can fuck off in my book.”
She giggled. Leave it to Krystal to phrase it so. “Thanks.”
“Actually, I have a confession to make.” Krystal shifted her eyes to the floor. “You’re probably going to hate me when I tell you.”
Lina narrowed her eyes. “What did you do?”
“Why are you assuming I did anything?” Krystal said, adopting a more innocent look.
Lina replied in a flat tone. “Experience.”
“Okay.” She took a deep breath and exhaled. “I knew that Antonio would be there the night of your bachelorette party. No,” she clarified. “I had a feeling he’d show.”
“What?” Lina said, her tone rising several levels. “How?”
“I stole the idea about the contest from when we won tickets. I bought him a ticket and went online to find his address. It really wasn’t that hard since he’d given me his cell to give to you. In fact, I spoke to his mother.”
Lina’s mouth dropped. “You what?”
Krystal went on, “Well, you know, I had to snoop around with him, make sure he is kosher for you and not a bad egg and all. Funny thing was, his mother was so excited I ended up telling her the whole plan. She jumped in and said she’d make sure he got the ticket and would insist he went that night.”
“I can’t believe you enlisted his mother’s help.”
Krystal nodded. “Oh, yes, she really likes you and would love to see you two get back together. She helped me come up with a note.”
“A note.” Lina closed her eyes before asking, trying to control her patience, “What note?”
Krystal appeared sheepish. “It sounds kind of cheesy now that I think about it. It read, Was it chance or meant to be? Only you can decide your fate.”
Lina buried her face in her hands. “You didn’t.”
“It got him there, didn’t it?” Krystal spread her hands wide.
Lina dropped her hands, her eyes accusatory. “Why would you do this? Why would you mess with my life like this? My marriage?”
“Because I’m your friend and maid of honor. And when a friend sees another friend about to make the biggest mistake of her life, she steps in. Even if it means pissing her off.”
“Krystal,” Lina said in an exasperated tone.
“You may hate me for interfering. But all I technically did was bring you two together so you could figure out what you wanted.”
“I don’t know what to do with you. I should be utterly pissed. But I guess under the circumstances, I’m grateful.” Lina dropped her head on the table. “My brain hurts.”
Chapter 8
Antonio swore to forget about Lina after seeing her in that veil, the image still taunting him. He thought walking away from her and leaving her alone was what was best. But the last time he’d tried to do what he thought was better for her, he’d screwed everything up.
She’s with another man. You had a chance, and you blew it. You brought this on yourself.
He went through the motions over the next few days, working on getting his shit together for the fall. He had to get all the paperwork taken care of and the G.I. Bill squared away. His parents were acting more unusual than before, observing him like he was an undiscovered species. After his mother prodded him with questions about what he had been up to, he took refuge in his room. He loved his parents, but he had to get out of their house.
Antonio met Marco at a basketball court in Marco’s neighborhood. Marco had bought a small Cape Cod-style house in a suburb of Boston saying he wanted a single family with a yard, even if it was a small house and an even smaller yard. After they played a game, they cooled off drinking from their water bottles, both panting and dripping with sweat.
After their breathing slowed, Marco asked, “What are you doing today?”
“I need to start looking for a new place.” Antonio poured some water over his face to cool off. “I love being back at home with Mom and Dad, but all the fawning is too much. They forget I’m not a kid anymore.”
“They’re just happy you’re home.” Marco ruffled his hair. “Mom counted down the months, then the weeks, and then the days. Maybe she’ll calm down soon.”
Antonio nodded. “I’m still going to look. And I’ve been living in tight quarters with a bunch of guys for long enough to know I don’t want to live in the dorms.”
“I have an extra room. You can move in with me if you want.”
Antonio turned to him. “You mean that, man?”
“Of course. It’s not in the city, but you can take the train in to Northeastern or drive in if you get a car.”
“I appreciate it.”
“If you drive me nuts,” Marco teased, “I’ll kick you out.”
“Who will drive who nuts?” Antonio raised a brow. He tossed Marco the basketball. “Come on, let’s play another game.”
After their second game, they walked back to Marco’s house, passing the businesses on the main street to turn right into a tree-lined residential neighborhood. Several single-families, mostly Capes, and some two-families all had small yards, which they didn’t see as much in the city. He could picture himself living here, at least for now.
“Whatever happened with Lina?” Marco asked, a question that hit Antonio square in the gut.
“Nothing.” Antonio’s muscles tensed, not the result of the game.
“What do you mean nothing?” Marco pried. “I thought you two couldn’t keep your hands—and lips—off each other?”
Antonio turned to Marco, giving him a flat stare. “That’s before I found out she was engaged.”
“Shit!”
“I know. It was great to discover this during her bachelorette party.” He pictured Lina with the veil covering her blonde hair, and he tightened his stomach knowing the gut-wrenching twist would soon follo
w.
“Oh, man, I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry about. We’re no longer together. She has every right to live her own life.” His words rang empty in his ears, drowned out by the pounding in his heart.
He envisioned Lina living in a house like this with her new husband and bent over, clutching his stomach. He was soon panting, which had nothing to do with the game.
