Warriors,Winners & Wicked Lies: 13 Book Excite Spice Military, Sports & Secret Baby Mega Bundle (Excite Spice Boxed Sets)

by Selena Kitt

  When the doctor left, several of Trevor’s options went with him. Anything to do with the Army was over. In a way, having the decision made that way seemed a relief. If nothing else, now he knew what he couldn’t do, and he wouldn’t have to fight to keep from having to play his marionette role. He could do anything he wanted. All he needed to do was figure out exactly what that was.

  Tina would be pissed. The thought made him smile.

  Chapter 11

  “So, now I’m your problem,” Trevor said as he sat on Paul’s couch.

  Paul shrugged. “Looks that way. Current events being what they are.”

  “I need to talk with you about the charges against Diane, Doctor Anders.”

  Paul looked at him, lowering his eyebrows. “This session is supposed to be about you.”

  “Apparently so is the bullshit she’s charged with.”

  “Did you want to make a statement of some kind?”

  “Of course I do. I want them to know that this is all bogus. We haven’t even had a cup of coffee together, much less an affair.”

  Paul looked skeptical. “When a formal complaint is lodged it has to be investigated.”

  “She doesn’t have to be crucified in the meantime. You’ve suspended her.”

  “I can’t let her see patients until something is officially determined.”

  “She shouldn’t have to go through this. The whole thing is a lie. Misplaced revenge.”

  “Misplaced revenge—that’s a new one.”

  “My personal flack filed the charge.”

  “I know. Are you saying she’s lying?”

  “That’s where it gets totally weird. No, she isn’t lying, but she got it all wrong. I didn’t have an affair with Diane.”

  Paul pulled a folder out of his desk and opened it. “I don’t have the formal statement, but the summary says she walked in on the two of you having sex. Are you saying that she’s lying about what she saw?”

  “No. I didn’t see her but I assume that she came in on me with another woman, but I’m saying that the woman she saw me with wasn’t Diane. It was my neighbor, Frieda. We’ve been getting it on since I moved here. Tina rented the apartment for me and I didn’t realize she’d kept a key. One night my neighbor came over in an affectionate mood. Apparently, Tina decided to come over and let herself in. We never saw her, but I believe her when she said she saw us.”

  “Why would she decide that the woman was Diane?”

  “That’s my fault. Tina was getting clingy, and I told her that I found Diane attractive, which was true. I talked about her a lot in front of Tina and she got jealous. Tina’s never met either her or my neighbor and she didn’t know about Frieda. When she found me having a good time with another woman, she jumped to the conclusion that it was Diane. When I confronted her, asked her to describe the woman, she said the woman she saw had red hair. That’s Frieda, not Diane.”

  “But the fact that she’s mistaken about what she saw doesn’t mean you aren’t having an affair with Diane.”

  “That’s how she thinks, doc? Are you nuts too. Does the fact that she makes an allegation about something that didn’t happen provide grounds for calling me and Diane both liars? What kind of crap is that? Honestly, I would have leapt at the chance to have an affair with Diane, but she wouldn’t let me get close.”

  “But you were having one with Tina Clarke?”

  Trevor felt oddly embarrassed. “Yeah. That’s why she went over the top. She told me she called Diane and tried to get her to sign my papers, threatening her if she didn’t. I guess Diane didn’t think much of that idea.”

  Paul closed the folder and tossed it on the desk. “I’m glad to hear there isn’t any substance to the charges, but I’m not the one investigating the allegations.”

  “But you can feed them information, new facts. And you’re the one who can put Di back to work.”

  “I can’t reinstate her while the investigation is going on. Maybe if this woman withdrew her charges.”

  Trevor watched Paul’s face and began to understand. “She is never going to do that. She is so screwed up that she’d decided she’s right about the affair, even though she knows it was another woman she saw me with. I don’t know how someone juggles contradictory ideas like that, but she does. It wasn’t Diane, but it was. The truth is, Paul, that nothing has ever happened between us, Diane and me. Nothing at all.”

  Paul shrugged. “Maybe not, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have feelings for you that make it a bad idea for her to evaluate you or to provide therapy.”

  “You shrinks make up the most self-righteous bullshit I’ve ever heard. How the fuck do you expect to help a person without caring about them? Might as well just have a computer program do the therapy. You dumb fucks let men come back from combat without even checking to see if it’s messed them up.”

  “What do you mean? That’s why you were sent here.”

  “I’m not talking about me, and I’m only here because, in its infinite wisdom, the Army decided I’m special. Well, I’m fucking sick of special people, and especially me. Look, guys come back and because their eyes don’t rattle around in their heads and they don’t drool when they talk, you wave them on. ‘Get on with your life, soldier. Man up.’ Well some guys hold it in for a while. They teach us not to show fear, not to show pain. We get ridiculed for being weak, but we are all weak. A friend of mine lost her husband because he had no one to talk to, no one around who could understand. I wish I’d been there.”

  Paul looked interested. “What would you say to him?”

  “The same things I talk about with the guys at the hospital. I’d let him know that he hadn’t failed—and probably that no one else is any stronger than he is. I’d let him talk and help him see that all that shit that seemed to be outside of his control was just that, exactly that.”

  Paul sat back. “Like you did with Sanders.”

  “You heard about that?”

  “Sure. I see that it’s really making a difference to him and some of the other ones as well. Di didn’t tell me that you had expanded your clientele. I had to hear it from them.”

  “I didn’t make a point of it. It had nothing to do with her.”

  “Yes it does, at least it has a lot to do with your evaluation.”

  “What?”

  “The way you are dealing with these men says a lot about you—your character, your qualities.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It shows you are adaptable and that you can use your own experience to help other people. Not everyone can do that. You’d make a good therapist and everything Diane said about you, and the little I’ve seen, suggests that you could fly through the training. You could specialize in helping these guys.”

  “So you are going to kick me out.”

  “That isn’t what I said.”

  “Diane was suggesting I consider going back to school as an alternative to staying in.”

  “So am I.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I think you should stop sweating about what we think about your fitness to be in the Army. You could do something more important, and more interesting. Go back to school. Become a therapist.”

  Trevor sat back. “How does that help Di?”

  Paul grinned. “Well, she’ll feel good if you do something positive with your life.”

  “I mean the current problem.”

  Paul sighed. “I’m not supposed to get involved, because she works for me, but if you give me the information on Tina and a written statement, I’ll see what I can do.”

  Trevor looked at his hands for a moment, then opened his briefcase and took two sheets of paper. “I thought this would be needed. By the way, Tina needs help herself.”

  “To get over you?”

  “Sort of. I messed her up. She knows Diane wasn’t the woman she saw, but has decided it might as well have been, that I wanted it to be her and therefore it was. Something like that.”

  “I’ll s
ee if I can recommend someone, some treatment for her. Assuming she wants help.”

  “She really wanted to use me to make her mark. That pissed me off and I thought I’d rattle her cage and have some fun with her. At first it was fun, but it got out of hand. She’s over the top now and it makes me feel like shit.”

  Paul grinned. “Not to be too technical, but I’ve found that when we feel like shit that way, it usually means we did something shitty to someone. I’ve been known to feel that way myself.”

  “I can see where this cool training you get lets you identify things clearly.”

  “See, I said it was interesting. You say something is shitty, and that’s just talk. When I say it, it has the force of countless years of psych theory behind it.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “Sure, but official bullshit. There’s a world of different. The truth is, I get what you are saying. Acting like a jerk has unpleasant consequences and it’s always hard to face up to having acted that way. You can’t undo that, but starting to learn how to really help people, especially a group you think is getting shortchanged, could make up for quite a lot. You’re welcome to beat yourself up about it for the rest of your life, if you want, but I think that is stupid when you can focus on helping the people you can help.” He paused. “I think Di would agree. I think you ought to talk to her about it.”

  “Can I?”

  Paul spread his hands. “Who is going to stop you? There is no law that says you can’t visit anyone you want. Just because her professional organization would string her up by the thumbs if she contacted you doesn’t mean much. They have no hold over you. Who could bitch if you happened to drop by her place to see if she is doing okay?” He pushed a piece of paper across the desk. “If you were to accidentally find her address on my desk and go over there in a couple of days, when I hope things will be clearer… well, who can fault a man for wanting to talk to a pretty woman.”

  Trevor took the paper, his hand shaking. “Is your suggestion about me studying to be a therapist for real? Or are you trying to get me involved in something that might get me to leave the Army?”

  “Why would I have an interest in whether you stayed in or left? It doesn’t change my life at all. If I decided you didn’t belong, I’d just file the papers that said so. It’s truly that after talking to your buddies, I think you are doing them more good than we have. I can’t get the Army to assign you to talk to them, and sooner or later they will be stuck with what little we offer, but if you were to train, you’d be able to help men like them. It could mean the difference between them returning to productive lives or winding up homeless.”

  Trevor tried to imagine himself sitting with people, talking about their problems. Then he looked into Paul’s eyes. “Okay, I’ll consider it if you answer one question of mine as honestly as you know how. Even if it hurts.”

  Paul hesitated. “I’m not supposed to negotiate, but okay.”

  “Why are you suggesting I talk to Diane when you are in love with her yourself?”

  Paul blanched. “Who says I’m in love with her?”

  “You do. I see it in your face.”

  “Nonsense, I have a magnificent poker face that is virtually unreadable.”

  “But I’m a war hero with super powers.”

  “Touché. The only answer I can come up with, seeing as I asked myself this same damn question when I decided to make my suggestion, is that it is precisely because I do love her. I love her and she likes me, but I’ll never be more than a friend. She loves you and I want her to be happy. When this came up I acted like a judgmental jerk and I’m hoping I can make amends. And that is the end of self-serving melodramatic monologue.”

  “You are her friend and her lover.”

  “I was her lover. Briefly. When Tina pressed her charges, I was sure they were true. Even before that, something came between us. I think it was you, but I don’t know. All I know is I had my shot and it didn’t work out. She gave me a chance and found me wanting as more than a friend. A bitter pill. But there it was and I finally have swallowed it… I hope. She is holding her breath, wanting to hear from you—even if she doesn’t know it yet.”

  “I’ll think about it. Despite being an officially government-certified hero, I’m not sure I have what it takes. The nerve to face her, I mean.”

  Paul pushed his chair back. “Trevor, coming to me with this, asking the questions you’ve asked, says you have what it takes.”

  “Okay. By the way, I want you to know that I won’t be troubling you for long. The question of me returning to active duty has been settled.”

  Paul arched an eyebrow. “How is that?”

  Trevor raised his left arm. “This chicken wing isn’t strong enough. I can’t fly, so they are tossing me out.”

  “Good thing we’ve got your career plans worked out then.”

  “Yes, I guess so.”

  “Now I’ve worked far too hard for one day. I’m supposed to be an administrator these days, and between you and Di I’ve been stuck doing therapy again. So enough. Let’s go have a beer.”

  Astonished, Trevor smiled. “A beer?”

  “Yeah. Why not? We drink beer while you talk yourself through all the excuses not to see Diane while I pretend to listen. Then you can see her tomorrow.”

  Unable to think of any good reason not to, Trevor smiled. “Well, Colonel, you know how I follow doctor’s orders religiously. And given that you outrank me…”

  Diane’s suspension had her climbing the walls. In two years she hadn’t taken one day’s vacation and suddenly she had nothing but time on her hands. She found reading hard as her thoughts would come back to replaying events, trying to see what she might have done differently. She should have tried harder to get in touch with Paul after Tina’s call, but all that would have done was prepare him. It wouldn’t change the situation.

  She felt isolated. That was the problem with not having friends outside of your work. Paul was upset with her and shouldn’t be talking to her during the investigation anyway. Cutting ties with Jacob had been bad timing, and under the circumstances, calling him would just be using him. He might not even mind that, but she didn’t want the additional baggage that came with that approach.

  In the middle of her frustration, Trevor’s arrival on her doorstep was a heart-stopping event. She let him in feeling her body tremble.

  “I had to see you,” he told her.

  “I’m glad you came.” She hated how breathless her words sounded as if she was desperate. She probably was, but acting like it sucked.

  “Things are happening fast. I needed to come over, needed to make some things clear.”

  “Some things?”

  “Like the fact that I’m in love with you. Mindlessly, illogically, in love.”

  “You never…”

  “You were off limits before.”

  “I still am.”

  “No. Things have changed. You’re still being persecuted because of me, but now I’m a relatively free person.” The intensity in his voice put her on alert, but alert for what? “I caused your problems. My actions drove Tina to strike out at you. It made her crazy.”

  “It’s all right.”

  He held her by the shoulders, shaking his head. “No, it’s not all right. I’ve given Paul a statement, the truth about what happened. Tina did see me with another woman and she decided it was you. What I did to her can’t be undone, and I’ll need to live with it, but I’m moving heaven and earth to undo what she did.”

  “It will get straightened out.”

  “There’s more.”

  “The love part?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m still entangled with you, Trevor. We can’t think about that.”

  He took a deep breath. “I’m out of the Army, Diane. Soon, anyway. The paperwork is being done.”

  “Paul?”

  He shook his head. “No. Ironically, it’s my arm. The doctors can’t guarantee that the shrapnel wouldn’t cause me pro
blems under stress, or that it won’t get worse. I’m in danger of nerve damage. So I’m out on a medical as soon as they process it. That means I’m not anyone’s patient and I’m free to tell you how much I love you. A lot that’s going on is outside my control, but that I can do something about.”

  She looked into his eyes and saw a ravenous hunger; knowing that she was the object of that hunger made her feel weak. Weak with desire. The heat of his body, and the powerful emotions he radiated clouded her judgment. He had come close and put a hand on her ass and his arm around her waist. She intended to tell him to remove it, but it felt so damn good there. His fingers were squeezing her buttock and his breath was hot on her cheek. His face moved close to hers, his lips, moist, covered her own. His tongue touched her teeth and she opened her mouth, letting this invader in, welcoming it.