Three Musketeers (Barnes & Noble Classics Series)

by Alexandre Dumas

  “I am much attached to that horse, Athos.”

  “And there again you are wrong. A horse slips and injures a joint; a horse stumbles and breaks his knees to the bone; a horse eats out of a manger in which a glandered horse has eaten. There is a horse, or rather a hundred pistoles, lost. A master must feed his horse, while on the contrary, the hundred pistoles feed their master.”

  “But how shall we get back?”

  “Upon our lackeys’ horses, pardieu. Anybody may see by our bearing that we are people of condition.”

  “Pretty figures we shall cut on ponies while Aramis and Porthos caracole on their steeds.”

  “Aramis! Porthos!” cried Athos, and laughed aloud.

  “What is it?” asked D’Artagnan, who did not at all comprehend the hilarity of his friend.

  “Nothing, nothing! Go on!”

  “Your advice, then?”

  “To take the hundred pistoles, D’Artagnan. With the hundred pistoles we can live well to the end of the month. We have undergone a great deal of fatigue, remember, and a little rest will do no harm.”

  “I rest? Oh, no, Athos. Once in Paris, I shall prosecute my search for that unfortunate woman!”

  “Well, you may be assured that your horse will not be half so serviceable to you for that purpose as good golden louis. Take the hundred pistoles, my friend; take the hundred pistoles!”

  D’Artagnan only required one reason to be satisfied. This last reason appeared convincing. Besides, he feared that by resisting longer he should appear selfish in the eyes of Athos. He acquiesced, therefore, and chose the hundred pistoles, which the Englishman paid down on the spot.

  They then determined to depart. Peace with the landlord, in addition to Athos’s old horse, cost six pistoles. D’Artagnan and Athos took the nags of Planchet and Grimaud, and the two lackeys started on foot, carrying the saddles on their heads.

  However ill our two friends were mounted, they were soon far in advance of their servants, and arrived at Crèvecœur. From a distance they perceived Aramis, seated in a melancholy manner at his window. looking out, like Sister Anne, at the dust in the horizon.ac

  “Holà, Aramis! what the devil are you doing there?” cried the two friends.

  “Ah, is that you, D’Artagnan, and you, Athos?” said the young man. “I was reflecting upon the rapidity with which the blessings of this world leave us. My English horse, which has just disappeared amid a cloud of dust, has furnished me with a living image of the fragility of the things of the earth. Life itself may be resolved into three words: Erat, est, fuit.”ad

  “Which means—” said D’Artagnan, who began to suspect the truth.

  “Which means that I have just been duped—sixty louis for a horse which by the manner of his gait can do at least five leagues an hour.”

  D’Artagnan and Athos laughed aloud.

  “My dear D’Artagnan,” said Aramis, “don’t be too angry with me, I beg. Necessity has no law; besides, I am the person punished, as that rascally horsedealer has robbed me of fifty louis, at least. Ah, you fellows are good managers! You ride on your lackeys’ horses, and have your own gallant steeds led along carefully by hand, at short stages.”

  At the same instant a market cart, which some minutes before had appeared upon the Amiens road, pulled up at the inn, and Planchet and Grimaud came out of it with the saddles on their heads. The cart was returning empty to Paris, and the two lackeys had agreed, for their transport, to slake the wagoner’s thirst along the route.

  “What is this?” said Aramis, on seeing them arrive. “Nothing but saddles?”

  “Now do you understand?” said Athos.

  “My friends, that’s exactly like me! I retained my harness by instinct. Holà, Bazin! bring my new saddle and carry it along with those of these gentlemen.”

  “And what have you done with your ecclesiastics?” asked D’Artagnan.

  “My dear fellow, I invited them to a dinner the next day,” replied Aramis. “They have some capital wine here—please to observe that in passing. I did my best to make them drunk. Then the curate forbade me to quit my uniform, and the Jesuit entreated me to get him made a Musketeer.”

  “Without a thesis?” cried D’Artagnan, “without a thesis? I demand the suppression of the thesis.”

  “Since then,” continued Aramis, “I have lived very agreeably. I have begun a poem in verses of one syllable. That is rather difficult, but the merit in all things consists in the difficulty. The matter is gallant. I will read you the first canto. It has four hundred lines, and lasts a minute.”

  “My faith, my dear Aramis,” said D’Artagnan, who detested verses almost as much as he did Latin, “add to the merit of the difficulty that of the brevity, and you are sure that your poem will at least have two merits.”

  “You will see,” continued Aramis, “that it breathes irreproachable passion. And so, my friends, we return to Paris? Bravo! I am ready. We are going to rejoin that good fellow, Porthos. So much the better. You can’t think how I have missed him, the great simpleton. To see him so self-satisfied reconciles me with myself. He would not sell his horse; not for a kingdom! I think I can see him now, mounted upon his superb animal and seated in his handsome saddle. I am sure he will look like the Great Mogul!”

  They made a halt for an hour to refresh their horses. Aramis discharged his bill, placed Bazin in the cart with his comrades, and they set forward to join Porthos.

  They found him up, less pale than when D’Artagnan left him after his first visit, and seated at a table on which, though he was alone, was spread enough for four persons. This dinner consisted of meats nicely dressed, choice wines, and superb fruit.

  “Ah, pardieu!” said he, rising, “you come in the nick of time, gentlemen. I was just beginning the soup, and you will dine with me.”

  “Oh, oh!” said D’Artagnan, “Mousqueton has not caught these bottles with his lasso. Besides, here is a piquant fricandeau ae and a fillet of beef.”

  “I am recruiting myself,” said Porthos, “I am recruiting myself. Nothing weakens a man more than these devilish strains. Did you ever suffer from a strain, Athos?”

  “Never! though I remember, in our affair of the Rue Férou, I received a sword wound which at the end of fifteen or eighteen days produced exactly the same effect.”

  “But this dinner was not intended for you alone, Porthos?” said Aramis.

  “No,” said Porthos, “I expected some gentlemen of the neighborhood, who have just sent me word they could not come. You will take their places and I shall not lose by the exchange. Holà, Mousqueton, seats, and order double the bottles!”

  “Do you know what we are eating here?” said Athos, at the end of ten minutes.

  “Pardieu!” replied D’Artagnan, “for my part, I am eating veal garnished with shrimps and vegetables.”

  “And I some lamb chops,” said Porthos.

  “And I a plain chicken,” said Aramis.

  “You are all mistaken, gentlemen,” answered Athos, gravely; you are eating horse.”

  “Eating what?” said D’Artagnan.

  “Horse!” said Aramis, with a grimace of disgust.

  Porthos alone made no reply.

  “Yes, horse. Are we not eating a horse, Porthos? and perhaps his saddle, therewith.”

  “No, gentlemen, I have kept the harness,” said Porthos.

  “My faith,” said Aramis, “we are all alike. One would think we had tipped the wink.”

  “What could I do?” said Porthos. “This horse made my visitors ashamed of theirs, and I don’t like to humiliate people.”

  “Then your duchess is still at the waters?” asked D’Artagnan.

  “Still,” replied Porthos. “And, my faith, the governor of the province—one of the gentlemen I expected today—seemed to have such a wish for him, that I gave him to him.”

  “Gave him?” cried D’Artagnan.

  “My God, yes, gave, that is the word,” said Porthos; “for the animal was worth at least a hu
ndred and fifty louis, and the stingy fellow would only give me eighty.”

  “Without the saddle?” said Aramis.

  “Yes, without the saddle.”

  “You will observe, gentlemen,” said Athos, “that Porthos has made the best bargain of any of us.”

  And then commenced a roar of laughter in which they all joined, to the astonishment of poor Porthos; but when he was informed of the cause of their hilarity, he shared it vociferously, according to his custom.

  “There is one comfort, we are all in cash,” said D’Artagnan.

  “Well, for my part,” said Athos, “I found Aramis’s Spanish wine so good that I sent on a hamper of sixty bottles of it in the wagon with the lackeys. That has weakened my purse.”

  “And I,” said Aramis, “imagined that I had given almost my last sou to the church of Montdidier and the Jesuits of Amiens, with whom I had made engagements which I ought to have kept. I have ordered Masses for myself, and for you, gentlemen, which will be said, gentlemen, for which I have not the least doubt you will be marvelously benefited.”

  “And I,” said Porthos, “do you think my strain cost me nothing? —without reckoning Mousqueton’s wound, for which I had to have the surgeon twice a day, and who charged me double on account of that foolish Mousqueton having allowed himself a ball in a part which people generally only show to an apothecary; so I advised him to try never to get wounded there any more.”

  “Ay, ay!” said Athos, exchanging a smile with D’Artagnan and Aramis, “it is very clear you acted nobly with regard to the poor lad; that is like a good master.”

  “In short,” said Porthos, “when all my expenses are paid, I shall have, at most, thirty crowns left.”

  “And I about ten pistoles,” said Aramis.

  “Well, then it appears that we are the Crœsuses of the society. How much have you left of your hundred pistoles, D’Artagnan?”

  “Of my hundred pistoles? Why, in the first place I gave you fifty.”

  “You think so?”

  “Pardieu!”

  “Ah, that is true. I recollect.”

  “Then I paid the host six.”

  “What a brute of a host! Why did you give him six pistoles?”

  “You told me to give them to him.”

  “It is true; I am too good-natured. In brief, how much remains?”

  “Twenty-five pistoles,” said D’Artagnan.

  “And I,” said Athos, taking some small change from his pocket, “I—”

  “You? Nothing!”

  “My faith! so little that it is not worth reckoning with the general stock.”

  “Now, then, let us calculate how much we possess in all.”

  “Porthos?”

  “Thirty crowns.”

  “Aramis?”

  “Ten pistoles.”

  “And you, D’Artagnan?”

  “Twenty-five.”

  “That makes in all?” said Athos.

  “Four hundred and seventy-five livres,”af said D’Artagnan, who reckoned like Archimedes.

  “On our arrival in Paris, we shall still have four hundred, besides the harnesses,” said Porthos.

  “But our troop horses?” said Aramis.

  “Well, of the four horses of our lackeys we will make two for the masters, for which we will draw lots. With the four hundred livres we will make the half of one for one of the unmounted, and then we will give the turnings out of our pockets to D’Artagnan, who has a steady hand, and will go and play in the first gaming house we come to. There!”

  “Let us dine, then,” said Porthos; “it is getting cold.”

  The friends, at ease with regard to the future, did honor to the repast, the remains of which were abandoned to Mousqueton, Bazin, Planchet, and Grimaud.

  On arriving in Paris, D’Artagnan found a letter from M. de Tréville, which informed him that, at his request, the king had promised that he should enter the company of the Musketeers.

  As this was the height of D’Artagnan’s worldly ambition—apart, be it well understood, from his desire of finding Mme. Bonacieux—he ran, full of joy, to seek his comrades, whom he had left only half an hour before, but whom he found very sad and deeply preoccupied. They were assembled in council at the residence of Athos, which always indicated an event of some gravity. M. de Tréville had intimated to them his Majesty’s fixed intention to open the campaign on the first of May, and they must immediately prepare their outfits.

  The four philosophers looked at one another in a state of bewilderment. M. de Tréville never jested in matters relating to discipline.

  “And what do you reckon your outfit will cost?” said D’Artagnan.

  “Oh, we can scarcely say. We have made our calculations with Spartan economy, and we each require fifteen hundred livres.”

  “Four times fifteen makes sixty—six thousand livres,” said Athos.

  “It seems to me,” said D’Artagnan, “with a thousand livres each—I do not speak as a Spartan, but as a procurator—”

  This word procurator roused Porthos. “Stop,” said he, “I have an idea.”

  “Well, that’s something, for I have not the shadow of one,” said Athos, coolly; “but as to D’Artagnan, gentlemen, the idea of belonging to ours has driven him out of his senses. A thousand livres! for my part, I declare I want two thousand.”

  “Four times two makes eight,” then said Aramis; “it is eight thousand that we want to complete our outfits, toward which, it is true, we have already the saddles.”

  “Besides,” said Athos, waiting till D‘Artagnan, who went to thank Monsieur de Tréville, had shut the door, “besides, there is that beautiful ring which beams from the finger of our friend. What the devil! D’Artagnan is too good a comrade to leave his brothers in embarrassment while he wears the ransom of a king on his finger.”

  29

  HUNTING FOR THE EQUIPMENTS24

  The most preoccupied of the four friends was certainly D‘Artagnan, although he, in his quality of Guardsman, would be much more easily equipped than Messieurs the Musketeers, who were all of high rank; but our Gascon cadet was, as may have been observed, of a provident and almost avaricious character, and with that (explain the contradiction) so vain as almost to rival Porthos. To this preoccupation of his vanity, D’Artagnan at this moment joined an uneasiness much less selfish. Notwithstanding all his inquiries respecting Mme. Bonacieux, he could obtain no intelligence of her. M. de Tréville had spoken of her to the queen. The queen was ignorant where the mercer’s young wife was, but had promised to have her sought for; but this promise was very vague and did not at all reassure D’Artagnan.

  Athos did not leave his chamber; he made up his mind not to take a single step to equip himself.

  “We have still fifteen days before us,” said he to his friends. “Well, if at the end of a fortnight I have found nothing, or rather if nothing has come to find me, as I am too good a Catholic to kill myself with a pistol bullet, I will seek a good quarrel with four of his Eminence’s Guards or with eight Englishmen, and I will fight until one of them has killed me, which, considering the number, cannot fail to happen. It will then be said of me that I died for the king; so that I shall have performed my duty without the expense of an outfit.”

  Porthos continued to walk about with his hands behind him, tossing his head and repeating, “I shall follow up my idea.”

  Aramis, anxious and negligently dressed, said nothing.

  It may be seen by these disastrous details that desolation reigned in the community.

  The lackeys on their part, like the coursers of Hippolytus,ag shared the sadness of their masters. Mousqueton collected a store of crusts; Bazin, who had always been inclined to devotion, never quit the churches; Planchet watched the flight of flies; and Grimaud, whom the general distress could not induce to break the silence imposed by his master, heaved sighs enough to soften the stones.

  The three friends—for, as we have said, Athos had sworn not to stir a foot to equip himself—wen
t out early in the morning, and returned late at night. They wandered about the streets, looking at the pavement as if to see whether the passengers had not left a purse behind them. They might have been supposed to be following tracks, so observant were they wherever they went. When they met they looked desolately at one another, as much as to say, “Have you found anything?”

  However, as Porthos had first found an idea, and had thought of it earnestly afterward, he was the first to act. He was a man of execution, this worthy Porthos. D‘Artagnan perceived him one day walking toward the church of St. Leu, and followed him instinctively. He entered, after having twisted his mustache and elongated his imperial, which always announced on his part the most triumphant resolutions. As D’Artagnan took some precautions to conceal himself, Porthos believed he had not been seen. D’Artagnan entered behind him. Porthos went and leaned against the side of a pil-lar.D’Artagnan, still unperceived, supported himself against the other side.

  There happened to be a sermon, which made the church very full of people. Porthos took advantage of this circumstance to ogle the women. Thanks to the cares of Mousqueton, the exterior was far from announcing the distress of the interior. His hat was a little napless, his feather was a little faded, his gold lace was a little tarnished, his laces were a trifle frayed; but in the obscurity of the church these things were not seen, and Porthos was still the handsome Porthos.

  D’Artagnan observed, on the bench nearest to the pillar against which Porthos leaned, a sort of ripe beauty, rather yellow and rather dry, but erect and haughty under her black hood. The eyes of Porthos were furtively cast upon this lady, and then roved about at large over the nave.

  On her side the lady, who from time to time blushed, darted with the rapidity of lightning a glance toward the inconstant Porthos; and then immediately the eyes of Porthos wandered anxiously. It was plain that this mode of proceeding piqued the lady in the black hood, for she bit her lips till they bled, scratched the end of her nose, and could not sit still in her seat.

  Porthos, seeing this, retwisted his mustache, elongated his imperial a second time, and began to make signals to a beautiful lady who was near the choir, and who not only was a beautiful lady, but still further, no doubt, a great lady—for she had behind her a Negro boy who had brought the cushion on which she knelt, and a female servant who held the emblazoned bag in which was placed the book from which she read the Mass.