Only Mine

by Susan Mallery

  “Thank God.” Nevada leaned back in her chair. “Speaking of the show, when do they announce the contestants?”

  “Tomorrow. They’ve already made their casting decisions, but they’re not telling anyone in advance. I think they’re broadcasting live or something. I’m trying to stay out of it as much as I can.”

  “Will Finn be there?” Montana asked.

  “Nearly every day.”

  Montana raised her eyebrows. “That will keep things interesting.”

  “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” Dakota said lightly. “He’s a nice man, nothing more.”

  Nevada grinned. “You expect us to believe that?”

  “Yes, and if you don’t, I expect you to pretend.”

  AURELIA DID HER BEST to tune out the rant as she carefully put dishes into the dishwasher. The tirade was a familiar one. That Aurelia was a terrible daughter, selfish and cruel, who cared about no one but herself. That her mother had cared for her for years so it wasn’t wrong to expect a little support and comfort in her old age.

  “I’ll be gone soon,” her mother declared. “I’m sure you’re counting the days until I’m dead.”

  Aurelia turned slowly to face the woman who had raised her on a secretary’s salary. “Mama, you know that’s not true.”

  “So I’m a liar?” her mother demanded. “Is that what you tell people?” Her mother’s face crumpled. “I’ve only ever loved you. You’re the most important person in my life. My only child. And this is the thanks I get?”

  As always, Aurelia couldn’t quite follow the train of the argument. She was clear on the fact that she’d messed up—she always messed up. No matter what she did, she was a constant disappointment. Much like her father, who had abandoned both his wife and daughter.

  Aurelia didn’t know if her mother had been a professional victim before he’d left, but she’d certainly taken on star status in the “poor me” department after.

  “Look at you,” her mother continued, pointing to Aurelia’s long, straight hair. “You’re a mess. You think this is how to find a man? They don’t even see you. This is Fool’s Gold. There aren’t that many men. You have to try harder to get one here.”

  Harsh words that were true, Aurelia thought. She moved through the world in a bubble. Doing her job, going out to lunch with her work friends, invisible to every man, including the president of the company. She’d worked for his firm for nearly two years, and he still had trouble remembering her name.

  “I want grandchildren,” her mother declared. “I ask for so little, but do you give them to me?”

  “I’m trying, Mama.”

  “Not hard enough. You’re with businessmen all day long. Smile at them. Flirt a little. Do you even know how? Dress better. You could lose a little weight, too. I didn’t put you through college so you could be alone your whole life.”

  Aurelia closed the dishwasher and then wiped down the counter. Technically her mother hadn’t paid for college at all. Aurelia had received a couple of small scholarships, a few grants and had worked to pay the rest. However, she had lived at home for free, so that was support. Her mother was right—she should be more grateful.

  “You’ll be thirty soon,” her mother went on. “Thirty. So old. When I was that age, you were five and your father had been gone four years. Did I have time to be young? No. I had responsibilities. I had to work two jobs. Did I complain? Never. You lacked for nothing.”

  “You were good to me, Mama,” she said dutifully. “You still are.”

  “Of course I am. I’m your mother. You need to take care of me.”

  Which was what had happened a few years ago. Aurelia had graduated, gotten her first job and moved out. A year or so later, her mother had mentioned money was a little short and asked her to help her out. A few dollars here and there had become the reality of nearly supporting her mother.

  While her accounting job paid well, paying rent on two places, not to mention utilities and groceries, didn’t leave very much left over.

  Other parents seemed proud of their children’s successes. Not her mother. She complained that Aurelia took horrible care of her. In this household, being a child meant a never-ending debt that only grew with time.

  Aurelia stared out the kitchen window at the backyard beyond. Instead of a neat garden, she saw a giant balance sheet covered in red. Near-physical proof that she was trapped forever.

  It wasn’t supposed to have been like this, she thought sadly. She’d always had dreams of finding someone special, of falling in love. She just wanted to belong without having to feel there was always a payment to be made.

  An impossible fantasy, she reminded herself. She wasn’t especially pretty or interesting. She was an accountant who actually loved her work. She didn’t go to clubs or bars, and should a man ever speak to her, she wouldn’t have a clue what to say back.

  “If you get picked for that show,” her mother warned, “don’t embarrass me by saying or doing something stupid. Be on your best behavior.”

  “I’ll try.”

  “Try!” Her mother, a small woman with penetrating dark eyes, threw her arms in the air. “It’s always try with you. Never do. You try and then fail.”

  Not exactly a pep talk designed to make her feel better, Aurelia thought, walking through the kitchen to the small living room. She hadn’t wanted to audition for the reality show being filmed in town, but her mother had bullied her until she’d agreed. Now she could only hope she wasn’t chosen.

  She’d even tried to get out of it by saying that she had to work, but when she’d mentioned the application to her boss, it had been one of the few times he’d seemed interested in her. He’d told her she could take off time during the day whenever she needed as long as she got her work done later.

  “I need to get home,” she said. “I’ll see you in a couple of days.”

  “Your own apartment,” her mother said with a scowl. “So selfish. You should move back here. Think of the money you’d save. But no. It all has to go for your pleasure, while I have nothing.”

  Aurelia thought about pointing to the check she’d left on the table by the door. The one that would cover the rent and utilities for the month. Her mother was still working, earning what she’d always earned. So where was her money going? Perhaps for things like the new car in the garage and the stylish clothes she favored.

  Aurelia shook her head. There was no point in going there. After all, once she gave her mother the money, it wasn’t her business how it was spent. A gift was to be given freely.

  Although the checks never felt like a gift. They were much more a guilt payment.

  She grabbed her purse, told her mother goodbye and stepped out onto the small porch. Her own apartment was only a few blocks away and she’d walked.

  “I’ll see you soon,” she called over her shoulder.

  “You should move back,” her mother yelled.

  Aurelia kept walking. She might not be able to stand up to her mother, but she was determined that she would never live with her again. She didn’t care if she had to work five jobs or sell her own blood. Moving back would be the end of anything close to a life.

  As she walked along the tree-lined streets, she wondered where she’d gone wrong. When had she decided it was okay for her mother to treat her so badly, and how was she supposed to figure out how to stand up for herself without allowing a lifetime of guilt to get in her way?

  FINN HAD NEVER BEEN on a movie set, so he couldn’t speak to what happened there, but from what he could tell, television was all about the lighting.

  So far the crew had spent nearly an hour adjusting lights and big reflectors in a newly built soundstage on the edge of town. Rows of chairs had been set up for the audience that was due to arrive, and there had been at least three sound checks on microphones and the canned music, but it was the lights that seemed to have everyone frantic.

  He kept out of the way, watching from a far corner. Nothing about the situation intereste
d him. He would rather be back in South Salmon, getting ready to ferry shipments north of the Arctic Circle. Unfortunately, his regular life wasn’t much of an option. Not until he could drag his brothers with him.

  A few people walked toward the stage. He thought he recognized the tall man wearing a suit and what looked like an inch of makeup. The host, Finn thought, wondering what was the least bit appealing about being on TV. Sure, the pay was good, but at the end of the day, what had anyone really accomplished?

  The host guy and Geoff had a long conversation with plenty of arm waving. A few minutes later, all the would-be contestants were led on stage. The curtain had a logo of the cable company on it—the stylized letters meaningless to Finn. He rarely watched network television, much less cable.

  He saw a few people well over forty, a lot of good-looking kids in their twenties, a few ordinary types who were seriously out of place and the twins.

  It was all he could do not to stomp onto the stage, grab one under each arm and head for the airport. Only a couple of things stopped him. First, the fact that it was unlikely he could actually wrestle either of his brothers into submission. They were as tall as him, and while he had more muscle and experience in a fight, he cared about them too much to really hurt them. Second, he had a feeling someone with the production company would call the police and the situation would go downhill from there.

  “You’re looking fierce about something,” Dakota said, coming up and standing next to him. “Plotting to kidnap them?”

  Finn was impressed by her mind-reading skills. “Want to be an accomplice?”

  “I make it a rule to avoid situations that end with me going to jail. I know that makes me less fun at a party, but I can live with that.”

  He glanced at her and saw her brown eyes were bright with laughter.

  “You’re not taking my pain seriously enough,” he told her.

  “Your pain is in your head. You know your brothers are capable of making their own decisions.”

  “If we exclude their present situation.”

  “I don’t agree with that.” She turned to the stage. “Everyone deserves to follow his or her dream.”

  “They’d do better to finish college and settle down,” he grumbled.

  “Did you?”

  He studied his brothers. “Sure. I’m the poster boy for responsible.”

  “Because you had to be. What were you like before your parents died and you were left with two thirteen-year-olds? Something tells me you were a lot wilder than they’ve ever been.”

  She was right, damn it. He shifted. “I can’t remember.”

  “Do you expect me to believe that?”

  “I might have been slightly less responsible.”

  “Slightly?”

  He’d been crazy, he thought, refusing to admit it to her. He’d loved parties and women and defying every law of physics in his airplane. He’d gone beyond testing boundaries—he’d been reckless.

  “That was different,” he said. “We didn’t know what could happen.”

  “Meaning they do and should act accordingly? They’re twenty-one. Give them a break.”

  “If they go back to college, I’ll give them a break.”

  “Silly, silly man.” Her gaze was both amused and slightly pitying.

  Under normal circumstances, that probably would have annoyed him, but he found he liked spending time with Dakota. Even when she disagreed with him, he liked hearing what she had to say.

  He was aware of her standing close to him in the dark shadows of the back of the soundstage. They would see everything, and no one knew they were there. For a second, he wondered what he would have thought of her under other circumstances. If he weren’t here because of his brothers. If he didn’t have to worry about their welfare. If he was just a guy intrigued by an attractive woman with a killer smile.

  But these circumstances didn’t allow for distraction. He’d promised himself that once he got his brothers through college, it would be his turn to follow his dream. After eight years of taking care of them, he’d earned it. He didn’t want to spend the rest of his life flying cargo. But that thought was for later—after he’d gotten his brothers out of this mess and knew that they were safe.

  On stage, Geoff shooed everyone out of view. The potential contestants were gathered together.

  Dakota glanced at her watch. “Show time,” she murmured.

  From what he’d been able to figure out, there would be a combination of live scenes and taped segments of the various potential contestants. Whatever it took to drag out the show, he thought grimly. He stared at his brothers, willing them to suddenly come to their senses. Neither of them noticed him.

  The big lights went on, someone called “We’re live in five, four, three…” Cameras were moved silently, then the host began.

  He welcomed the viewers, explained the premise of the show and started introducing the potential cast. Dakota reached for Finn’s hand and drew him through the darkness to the other side, where they had a better view of a wide-screen television.

  She released his fingers and leaned toward him. “That’s the feed going out,” she murmured, her voice soft, her breath tickling his ear.

  He inhaled a feminine scent—something floral and clean. Heat from her body seemed to slip across his arm, making him aware of her curves. For a second he considered pulling her deeper into the darkness and paying attention to her mouth instead of the screen.

  Don’t go there, he told himself. Big mistake. He had to remember what was important, and right now that was the twins.

  On stage, the host began calling names. Finn found himself stiffening. The first couple was older. Late ’50s early ’60s. He ignored them. A blond guy got paired up with a dark-haired, busty Amazon. At least that was something, he thought. The girl looked like she could take Sasha and Stephen together.

  “I promised you some fun contestants,” the host said with a smile. “Here’s where it gets interesting.” He motioned for Sasha and Stephen to join him on stage.

  “Twins,” he said with a grin. “Can you believe it? Sasha and Stephen.”

  Finn watched his brothers carefully. They looked at ease on the stage. They smiled at the camera, chatted with the host. They looked like they belonged.

  “Now which one of you is which?” the host asked.

  Sasha, wearing jeans and a blue pullover, the same damn color as his eyes, grinned. “I’m the better-looking one. So I must be Sasha.”

  Stephen gave his brother a shove. “I’m better-looking. We could take a vote.”

  The host laughed. “You boys are going to do just fine. Now let’s find out if you made it on the show.”

  Finn felt his fingers curl into fists. Tension swept through his body. If only, he thought. But he knew what was going to happen. It had been inevitable from the day his brothers had left South Salmon.

  The host looked at the card in his hand. He turned it over and showed it to the camera. Sasha’s name was clearly visible. The audience, mostly bused in for the show, although a few locals had shown up, applauded. The host drew another card from his suit pocket. The girls waiting just behind him leaned toward the camera. A couple seemed ready to grab Sasha and run for the hills. A sentiment Finn could understand, although his reasons were different.

  “Are you ready?” he asked Sasha.

  Sasha grinned for the camera. “I can’t wait to meet her.”

  “Then let’s get the two of you together.” The host turned the second card toward the camera. “Lani, come meet Sasha.”

  A petite, dark-haired, beautiful young woman stepped toward Sasha. Her eyes were large, her smile welcoming. She moved with an easy grace that had every man in the room watching her. Even Finn noticed her beauty.

  Sasha’s expression was comical as his eyes bugged out, and he leaned so far forward, he nearly lost his footing. He and Lani moved toward each other.

  “Hi,” she said softly. “Nice to meet you.”

  “Ah, n
ice to meet you, too.”

  They stared at each other. If Finn didn’t know better, he would swear he was witnessing love at first sight. But he did know better. Or rather he knew his brother. Sasha would never let a girl stand between him and what he wanted.

  “They look good together,” Dakota said. “Or should I not point that out? Are you dealing okay?”

  “I’ll survive, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “Not that you’ll like it?”

  He glanced at her. “What’s to like?”

  “You’re not really a go-with-the-flow kind of guy, are you?”

  “What gave me away?”

  “Something tells me we’re going to be seeing a lot more of those two,” the host said cheerily.

  Finn had yet to meet the man. He didn’t know his name, but he knew he didn’t like him. He couldn’t imagine having to listen to him for ten or twelve weeks, or however the hell long the show lasted. Although disliking the host was the least of his problems right now.

  Sasha and Lani linked hands and stepped to the side of the stage. The host put his arm around Stephen. “Guess you’re next. Nervous?”

  “More excited than nervous,” Stephen said.

  The host nodded to the girls waiting behind them. “Got a favorite?”

  Stephen smiled. Unlike his brother, he didn’t feel the need to charm the world. He’d always been serious. More studious. He had a sincerity the girls had always liked. If Sasha was the flash, then Stephen was the substance.

  “Do I have to pick just one?” his brother asked.

  The host chuckled. “You need to leave some for the rest of the contestants. How about if I pick one for you?”

  Steven turned back to the camera. “Whichever one you pick is fine with me.”

  The host called for quiet. Finn wanted to point out that no one was talking but knew his comments wouldn’t be appreciated. Once again the host removed a card from his suit pocket and held it up for the camera.

  “Aurelia.”

  The camera panned across the girls, then paused as one of them stepped forward. Finn frowned. It wasn’t that the girl was unattractive, or even badly dressed. She was just…different from the other girls. Less polished, less sophisticated. Plain.