Only Mine

by Susan Mallery

  He laughed. “No, it doesn’t.”

  “Good. I need to work on my courage a little bit.”

  “So you’re not ready for the show to be over yet?”

  She shook her head. Even just another week with Stephen would be wonderful. He was so easy to be with, someone she could really talk to. He was…safe. Not a description he would like, but to her it meant the world.

  “Then we’re going to have to work on giving the camera something,” he said, moving toward her. “I suggest we start with this.”

  Before she knew what he was talking about, he’d taken her in his arms and pressed his mouth to hers.

  She didn’t know which shocked her more—the kiss or the fact that they were outside, in the middle of the afternoon, where anyone could see. She wasn’t a middle-of-the-day kind of girl. Not that she had a whole lot of kissing experience. There had been a few boys in college, but still. Those had all been night kisses.

  Yet she couldn’t seem to summon the indignation to protest. Not when he had one hand on her shoulder and the other on her thigh. Not when she could feel the heat from his body and feel how her heart bumped around in her chest. Not when his lips on hers felt so good.

  Tentatively, she raised her arm so it rested on his shoulder. She slowly, very slowly, tilted her head and let her lips soften. She found herself straining toward him, wanting more than just a simple kiss.

  Then it happened. Somewhere deep inside of her a small, cold, empty space came to life. Instead of feeling inadequate, she felt powerful. Instead of wondering what everyone else was thinking, she found herself thinking about what she wanted. Instead of holding back and being scared, she leaned in and touched his bottom lip with her tongue.

  Stephen responded by wrapping both arms around her, lowering her to the grass, then kissing her with a passionate intensity that stole her breath away.

  She met him stroke for stroke, enjoying the warmth that poured through her, feeling long-numb parts come to life. At that moment it didn’t matter that he was nine years younger or that she was a wallflower who hadn’t been on a date in six years. In his arms, with the bright sun blessing them, she was a woman and he was a man and everything about this moment was right.

  DAKOTA WALKED THROUGH the production offices, looking for Finn. She hadn’t seen him in a couple of days and felt badly about their last conversation. In truth, he should be the one coming to look for her, but she wasn’t going to wait for that to happen. She liked Finn and wanted to make sure they stayed friends.

  She found him in one of the empty offices, working a column of numbers with a calculator.

  “Hi,” she said as she leaned against the door frame. “How’s it going?”

  He looked up. “Things are good.” He grinned. “I talked to your boss about the flying school.”

  “How did that go?”

  “Great. He had a lot of information on starting a nonprofit business. It’s going to take a hell of a lot of money, but he gave me some ideas on where to start.”

  “You sound excited.”

  “I am. I’ve been playing with the idea for a while, but never thought anything could come of it.”

  “See what happens when you come down to the lower forty-eight?”

  “Yes, I do. I have a lot to figure out. My charter business, the twins, this damn show. But I’m thinking I want to seriously consider the flight school. I’m not sure what the focus would be right now, or where I’d start it, but I know it’s important.”

  He was enthused and not worrying as much about his brothers. At least not the way he had before. The flight school idea had some interesting consequences. As he’d mentioned before, there weren’t a lot of inner-city kids in South Salmon. Which meant Finn had to be considering moving. Maybe Fool’s Gold would make the list.

  “I wondered if you wanted to come over for dinner,” she said. “I have another chicken recipe that’s pretty good.”

  He rose, shoved his hands into his jeans pockets, then rocked back on his heels. “Thanks for asking, but I’m going to pass.”

  “Oh. Okay. Sure.”

  The refusal surprised her. She told herself not to take his words personally, that she couldn’t know everything going on in his life. Saying no wasn’t a personal rejection. But psychological training didn’t make it any easier to avoid feeling hurt.

  “I guess I’ll see you around,” she said and turned to leave.

  “Dakota, wait.”

  She faced him again.

  “This isn’t a good idea.” He pulled one hand free of his jeans and motioned between them. “Us seeing each other. I’m not staying, which means this isn’t going anywhere.”

  He was dumping her? They hadn’t technically been dating. How could he be dumping her?

  “I didn’t expect it to go anywhere,” she told him, doing her best to keep her voice even. So much for the hopes he would settle here. “I know that you’re heading back to Alaska or wherever, and I’m staying here. This was always just going to be for fun.”

  “I thought you might be getting more involved.”

  “What gave you that idea?”

  He shrugged.

  She moved from hurt to pissed. This was so like a man. “I wasn’t,” she said coolly. “I was very clear on the parameters. Please don’t worry about my feelings.”

  “I won’t.”

  “Good.”

  Her anger grew. She wanted to scream or throw something, then told herself to keep breathing and take the high road. She might not like it now, but she would feel a whole lot better about herself later.

  “Have a good night,” she said between clenched teeth and left.

  Once outside, she started home, then changed direction a block later and walked toward Jo’s Bar. Tonight was definitely a margarita night. She would drink tequila, have a salad and watch HGTV. Later, when she was at her place, she would take a bath, go to bed, all the while reminding herself that Finn Andersson was an annoying jerk and that she was well rid of the likes of him.

  In a couple of days, she would even believe it.

  NEVADA’S INVITATION to dinner came at exactly the right time. Dakota appreciated the chance to get out of her house and spend time with her sisters. Three grilled steaks and one bottle of red wine later, they were all feeling pretty good. Dakota hated to upset the mood, but she knew it was time to come clean.

  Her sisters were sprawled on the red sectional sofa. There was a fire in the fireplace and the soundtrack from Mamma Mia playing in the background. Montana had already mocked her sister for her choice in music, so Dakota didn’t bother. But she did wait until the song about money was over, before introducing the topic of her infertility.

  “I need to tell you something,” she said in the brief silence between songs.

  “We already know you’re sleeping with Finn,” Montana told her. “I can’t decide if I want details or not. On the one hand, at least one of us is getting some. On the other hand, I don’t know that I want to be made aware of how pathetic I am. It’s a tough decision.”

  “I don’t want to know,” Nevada said. “I don’t want the reminder of what I’m missing.”

  Eventually she was going to have to tell them that Finn had dumped her. But it wasn’t what she wanted to talk about tonight. Instead, she had to figure out a way to explain that she would probably never have children. At least not the old-fashioned way.

  Montana sat up and looked at her. “What’s wrong?”

  “What is it?” Nevada asked, at almost exactly the same moment.

  It was as if they were reading her mind. One of the unique realities of being a triplet.

  “I saw Dr. Galloway last fall.” There was no reason to explain who the doctor was. All three of them saw her. Dakota would guess most of the women in town had Dr. Galloway as their gynecologist.

  “The pain during my periods was getting worse. She did a few tests and it turns out I have some problems.” She went on to explain the ramifications of having both
polycystic ovarian syndrome and pelvic endometriosis.

  “I actually have a better chance of being struck by lightning than getting pregnant the old-fashioned way,” she said, keeping her tone light. “Even intervention is unlikely to help. I’m thinking of trying for the lottery instead. The lightning thing doesn’t sound very fun.”

  Nevada and Montana moved as if one. They crossed the small living room and crouched in front of her chair.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Why didn’t you tell us?”

  “Can we do anything? Donate anything?”

  “Will it get better over time?”

  “Is this why you want to adopt?”

  The questions overlapped. Dakota didn’t worry about the turn the conversation was taking. What she felt, what healed the lingering ache in her soul, was the love that comforted her like an embrace.

  “I’m fine,” she told them. “Seriously. I’m perfectly fine.”

  “I don’t believe that,” Nevada said flatly. “How can this be? You’ve always wanted kids. A lot of them.”

  “Which is why I’m adopting. I’m on the list. I could get a call any day now.”

  That was a slight exaggeration. So far, her adoption experience had been less than perfect, but it could change. She refused to give up hope.

  Montana hugged her. “There are other ways to get pregnant, right?”

  “I’ll definitely need help if I want to carry my own child.”

  Because of the scarring, there might not be any good eggs. And getting them out would be more difficult than for most women. But there was no point in getting into that.

  “Have you given up?” Montana asked.

  “On having a kid? No. I’ll get there.” She didn’t know how, but it would happen. She had to hang on to that.

  “This doesn’t change anything,” Nevada told her. “You’re great. Smart and beautiful, with a great personality. Any guy would be lucky to have you.”

  She appreciated the vote of confidence, especially because she happened to know Nevada didn’t think of herself as very attractive. An interesting mental schism. If Nevada thought Dakota was pretty and she and Dakota were identical triplets, how could she not admit the same about herself? Perhaps that should have been the topic of her thesis.

  “Guys seem to be amazingly blind,” Montana said. “It’s very annoying.”

  “Who have you liked who hasn’t liked you back?” Dakota asked.

  Her sister’s mouth twisted. “I can’t think of anyone right now, but I’m sure it’s happened.” She sat on the carpet and rested her chin in her hands. “What’s wrong with us? Why can’t we find ‘the guy’ and fall in love? Everyone else seems to be in a relationship. Even Mom is thinking of dating. But here we sit—alone.”

  Montana looked at Dakota. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to rant off topic. We can talk about the baby thing more.”

  Dakota laughed. “I’m okay with being done with it. As to the man question, I don’t have an answer.”

  “You don’t need one,” Nevada grumbled. “You have Finn.”

  Not as much as they thought. “He’s only here temporarily. As soon as he gets his brothers to go back home or figures out it’s time to let go, he’ll return to South Salmon.”

  “What about a long-distance relationship?” Montana asked.

  Dakota shook her head. “Finn and I want different things. He’s tired of being responsible and I want to get serious. In fact, he told me he’s concerned I’m getting too attached, so I don’t think we’re going to see each other anymore.”

  Both her sisters stared at her.

  “He didn’t,” Nevada breathed.

  “He did.”

  “Butthead,” Montana grumbled. “I liked him. Why do all the guys I like have to be jerks?”

  “Max isn’t a jerk,” Nevada said.

  “Would you lay off Max? He’s old enough to be my father and while he’s nice and everything, um, ick. He’s my boss.”

  “The boss-secretary romance is very popular,” Dakota said, her voice teasing. “What about that ‘Ms. Jones, you’re so beautiful’ moment? That could be fun.”

  “I don’t want to have sex with Max. Ever!”

  Nevada looked at Dakota. “I hope she makes up her mind soon. All this indecision exhausts me.”

  Dakota sighed as she leaned back in her chair. “Me, too.”

  “I’m ignoring you both,” Montana grumbled.

  Nevada laughed.

  “We’ll all find someone,” Dakota told her sisters. “Statistically, it’s bound to happen.”

  “I love math as much as the next girl,” Nevada said, “but I don’t find it very comforting when it’s applied to my love life.”

  “You could go to South Salmon with Finn,” Montana suggested.

  Dakota shook her head. “First, he hasn’t asked.” If anything, he’d made it clear he wasn’t interested in keeping things going for the next two days, let alone twenty years. “Second, I don’t want to. I’m sure it’s a wonderful place to live, but my life is here. I love Fool’s Gold. My family is here. My history, my friends. I belong here. When Geoff’s show wraps up, I’m going back to work for Raoul and develop the curriculum for the program we want to start.”

  She was also thinking of opening a private practice. Just part-time, seeing a few patients a week.

  “His loss,” Nevada said firmly. “I’d thought the guy had a brain, but I was wrong.”

  “I wish I had a dog that liked to bite people.” Montana wrinkled her nose. “A really big, scary, biting dog. That would show him. Maybe I could train one of the dogs to bite on command.”

  Dakota leaned forward and hugged them. “I love you both,” she whispered.

  “We love you, too.”

  She was lucky, she reminded herself. No matter what, she would never have to deal with the dips in her life alone. There were people who cared about her. People who would always be there for her. And eventually, because she refused to give up hope, she would have a child. And that would be enough.

  CHAPTER TEN

  FINN FOUND SASHA AND LANI playing volleyball in the park. His brother had recovered from his minor burns and seemed to be doing just fine. Sasha spotted him and waved but didn’t break away from his game.

  After watching for a few minutes, Finn wandered away. It was Saturday afternoon on a warm spring day. Much of the town seemed to be outside taking walks, running errands. He saw parents with small children, old ladies walking little dogs. The fire department had pulled one of their trucks up to the park. Children scrambled over the shiny rig. Restaurants and coffee shops had set up tables outside, taking advantage of the mild weather.

  Two of the other couples on the show were away on dates. Finn thought they might have gone to Lake Tahoe. Regardless of their destination, there was no filming in town today.

  He walked through the park, remembering that Stephen had told him he and Aurelia were going to have a picnic by the lake. Twenty minutes later he found them on a blanket in the shade of a tall tree. Aurelia sat cross-legged while Stephen lay on his stomach, looking at her. Their expressions were intense, as if they were talking about something important.

  Finn hesitated, torn between the normal polite response of not wanting to interrupt and the need to come between a sophisticated older woman and his brother. Then Aurelia spotted him and waved him over.

  “How’s it going?” he asked, hovering at the edge of the blanket, not comfortable sitting down.

  Stephen sat up. “Good. We were just talking.”

  “I have an overbearing mother,” Aurelia admitted. “We’re strategizing. I’m going to stand up to her and tell her to get off my back.” She wrinkled her nose. “That sounds so brave. I’m fearless, right up until I see her. Then I crumble.” She looked at Finn. “Any suggestions for gathering courage while facing a private demon? Not that my mother is a demon. She has her reasons for running my life. I’m the one with the problem.”

  Finn was havin
g a little trouble following her conversation. “I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

  Stephen laughed. “Typical guy response to an emotional situation. When in doubt, distance yourself, then run.”

  “You’re not running,” Finn said. “Why is that?”

  “I like Aurelia. We have a lot in common.” Stephen sat up. “We’re both the quiet ones in our family, we like the same movies, we enjoy reading.”

  “I finished college and you didn’t,” Aurelia said with a quick smile. “Oh, wait. That’s a difference.”

  Her teasing but effective dig surprised Finn.

  “You’re taking my side on the college thing?” he asked, incredulous.

  “It does seem a little shortsighted to go all the way to your last semester and then quit.” Instead of looking at Stephen, Aurelia looked at him. “Stephen’s been majoring in engineering.”

  “I know,” Finn told her. He didn’t understand. She seemed to think the words were significant. He was Stephen’s older brother. Of course he knew what he was studying.

  Stephen shot her a look that silenced her. When she ducked her head, he reached out his hand and touched her arm.

  Finn stood there, feeling like the odd man out. There was an undercurrent he didn’t understand and made him uncomfortable. Which made him miss Dakota. She would get it and smooth the situation over. She did that kind of thing.

  “I, ah, have to get going,” Finn said quickly. “You two kids have fun today.”

  He hurried away, not sure where he was going but wanting to get far away.

  What was up with those two? As for Aurelia supporting the idea of Stephen finishing college, he couldn’t tell if that meant she was an okay person, as Dakota had claimed, or if this was all part of her cougar game.

  He kept walking. The park was filled with residents and tourists. Young children offered bread to the ducks by the pond. He caught sight of someone with blond hair and a familiar build. Dakota!

  He turned toward her, frowning when the family between them moved. No. Not Dakota. One of her sisters walking several dogs wearing service vests. He stood in place until she was out of sight. His cell phone rang.