Only Mine

by Susan Mallery

  She’d had plenty of time to think about her actions. Stephen had respected her wishes. She hadn’t heard from him once. Why did her mother find it so easy to ignore her while Stephen found it so easy to do exactly what she asked? A dilemma for another time, she told herself.

  “I hope you have fun tonight with your friends,” she said quietly. “It was nice to see you, Mom.” She turned to leave.

  Her mother caught up with her in the hallway. “You’re leaving? Just like that?”

  “You said you didn’t want to have anything to do with me unless I went back to the way I was. I can’t do that. I’m sorry if you think that makes me selfish. I don’t think it does.”

  “I’m your mother. I should come first in your life.”

  Aurelia shook her head. “No, Mom. I need to come first in my own life. I need to take care of myself.”

  Her mother put her hands on her hips. “I see. Selfish to the end. I know what you’re saying to yourself. When in doubt, blame the mother. I suppose this is all my fault.”

  “I didn’t say that and I’m not thinking that. But if you’re first in your life and you’re first in my life, where does that leave me?”

  She didn’t expect an answer, but she waited for a few seconds anyway. It seemed polite. Her mother opened her mouth and closed it.

  “I’ll talk to you soon,” Aurelia said, then left.

  On the walk home, she replayed the conversation in her head. For once, she was happy with what she’d said. She might not be where she needed to be, but she was making progress.

  She found herself wanting to call Stephen and tell him what had happened. Only she couldn’t. They were seeing each other on the show and nowhere else. She knew she’d made the right decision, but that didn’t make the loneliness any easier to bear.

  DAKOTA WRAPPED the towel around Hannah. Her daughter was warm and rosy after her bath. Denise stood at the end of the changing table and gently tickled her granddaughter’s toes.

  “Who’s a beautiful baby girl?” Denise asked in a singsong voice. “Who’s special?”

  Hannah waved her fingers in the air and laughed.

  “She’s feeling much better,” Dakota said. Knowing her daughter was healing was such a relief. Getting used to dealing with a baby was hard enough, but when that baby was sick, it was a nightmare.

  She and Hannah had been together nearly a week now. They’d established something of a routine. The follow-up visit to the pediatrician had been much better than that first encounter. The doctor had said Hannah was doing well. Her weight was up, and her ears were clear. Hannah had to finish the course of antibiotics and there was still teething to get through, but all that was doable.

  “She’s eating well,” Denise said. “I can tell she’s feeling better. Do you have her on the new formula?”

  “Yes. We were lucky. Her tummy handled the change well. The doctor said to start her on solid food in another week, which is a whole week sooner than we expected. That will help her gain more weight and catch up with her age group.”

  She finished drying the little girl, then put a new diaper on her and slipped her into her pajamas. By then, her daughter was half asleep. Her eyes sunk closed and her body relaxed.

  “Go ahead,” she told her mother. “You put her to bed.”

  Denise smiled at her. “Thanks,” she whispered, and picked up the baby.

  Hannah snuggled close. Denise crossed the room and settled the little girl on her back in the crib. After starting the mobile, they dimmed the lights and stepped out of the room.

  “I’m so lucky with her,” Dakota said, as she adjusted the volume on the baby monitor. “Hannah enjoys being with people. I’ve heard that some of the children from orphanages are cautious around anyone new. In this town, that would be a problem.”

  They settled on the sofa. Her mother looked at her.

  “You’re doing well,” her mother told her. “I know you’re terrified half the time, but it doesn’t show. Soon you’ll be terrified only a quarter of the time, which is something to look forward to.”

  “Thanks,” Dakota said. “You’re right. I am scared. It’s getting a little better. Knowing that she’s healing helps a lot. As does all the company. Ethan and Liz stopped by a couple of days ago and I’m getting lots of visits at work.” She smiled at her mother. “You’re helping a lot, too.”

  “I love having her here. Finally a grandchild who lives close to me. You’ll have to tell me if I become one of those annoying, interfering grandparents. I’m not saying I’ll change my behavior, but I will at least feel guilty about it.”

  Dakota laughed. “As long as you feel guilty, then I guess it’s okay.”

  “So you’re handling the stress? You’re sleeping?” her mother asked.

  “Better than I was.” Finn had stayed with her the first couple of nights. Just having him around had made everything better. But she’d realized that at some point she had to face motherhood on her own. She hadn’t slept at all the first night he’d been gone, but since then she’d been sleeping more and more.

  “Sometimes I freak out for no reason,” she admitted. “Does that get better?”

  “Yes and no,” her mother said. “You freak out less and then they become teenagers. That’s when the real nightmare begins.” Denise smiled brightly. “But that’s some time away. Enjoy Hannah while she’s still young and rational.”

  “We weren’t that bad,” Dakota told her.

  “You didn’t have to be that bad. There were six of you.”

  “I guess you have a point there.”

  Her mother studied her. “At the risk of interfering, how are things going with Finn? I haven’t seen him around. Or is he here when I’m not?”

  “Finn has been a great help with Hannah,” Dakota admitted. “Which has been wonderful. But romantically…”

  It was difficult to explain the relationship, mostly because she didn’t understand it herself.

  “He’s a great guy, but we want different things. We were having fun together, only it started to get complicated. He’s here about his brothers and…” She shrugged. “I don’t actually have an answer to that question.”

  “I got that,” her mother said. “I’d wondered if it was getting serious with him.”

  “It wasn’t,” Dakota assured her, then wondered if she was lying.

  She thought about Finn a lot and missed him. She knew he was working at the airport and told herself that was why he hadn’t been around. There were plenty of tourists to keep him busy. And Raoul had mentioned he’d had another meeting with Finn about starting a nonprofit program.

  “I see.” Her mother studied her. “None of my girls are married. Sometimes I think it’s my fault.”

  “As much as I would love to put all this on you,” Dakota told her, “I don’t think I can. I’ve never been in love. I’ve always wanted to be, I always thought I would be. There were guys in college who were great but I couldn’t see myself spending the rest of my life with them. Maybe it’s me.”

  “It’s not you. You have a warm and giving heart. You’re completely adorable. I think the men in this town are stupid.”

  Dakota laughed, then leaned close and hugged her mother. “Thank you for your unwavering support. As for the men in this town, I don’t have an answer for that, either.”

  “And you’re sure about Finn?”

  “He’s looking for less responsibility, not more. Once he gets his brothers settled, however that works out, he’s going back to his regular life. Even if I’d been tempted before, having Hannah changes everything.”

  Dakota was very aware of the fact that having a baby, being a single mother, was only going to make the man thing more difficult. But they were two different animals—she didn’t want to give up one kind of love for another.

  “I want what you had,” she told her mother. “I want a great love. A love that will sustain me for the rest of my life.”

  “Is that what you think?” her mother asked. �
��That we only get one great love?”

  “Do you think differently?”

  “Your father was a wonderful man and I loved him very much. But I don’t believe there is only one man for each of us. Love is all around us. Maybe I’m foolish and too old to be thinking that, but I would like to be in love again.”

  Dakota did her best to keep from showing her shock. Dating was one thing, but falling in love? She’d always assumed there wouldn’t be anyone for her mother but her father.

  Now, looking at Denise, she saw her for what she was. An attractive, vital woman. There were probably a lot of men who would be interested in her.

  “Do you have anyone in mind?” she asked.

  “No, but I’m open to the possibility. Does that bother you?”

  “It makes me envy you,” Dakota admitted. “You’re willing to take a chance again.”

  “You’ve taken a chance on that little girl. The right man will come along. You’ll see.”

  “I hope so.”

  She wanted to fall in love, too. The problem was, thinking about being in love made her think about Finn. Was she truly interested in him? Or was it just easier to distract herself by wanting the one man she couldn’t have?

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  DAKOTA SAT ON THE FLOOR with her daughter. They were on a blanket, in the middle of her living room. There were several age-appropriate toys scattered around. Dakota had a large picture book in her hand and was slowly reading the story to Hannah.

  “Lonely bunny was happy to have found a friend.” She pointed to the drawing on the page. “See the bunny? He’s not lonely anymore. He has a friend now.” She pointed to the fluffy white kitten, nose to nose with the formerly lonely bunny.

  “See the kitten?” She pointed to the kitten. “He’s white.”

  From all that she had read, Hannah needed plenty of verbal and visual stimulation. Hannah seemed interested in the story. She would look where Dakota pointed, and the bright colors of the picture book kept her attention. Dakota was about to turn the page when someone knocked on her front door.

  She stood and collected Hannah. She felt her breath catch in her chest as she saw Finn standing on her small front porch.

  He looked as sexy as ever, especially when he gave her a slow grin that made her thighs heat. “Hey. I should have called first, shouldn’t I? Sorry. I’ve been doing a lot of flying and this was my first break. How are you?”

  “Good. Come on in.”

  He stepped into the house, then reached for Hannah. “How’s my best girl?” he asked.

  The baby reached toward him. He pulled her against his chest, and she settled in as if she, too, had been missing him.

  “You’re growing,” he murmured, kissing the top of Hannah’s head. “I can see the difference already.” He turned his attention to Dakota. “You look good, too, by the way.”

  She grinned. “Gee, thanks. I appreciate the compliment, even if it is an afterthought.”

  She led the way into the living room. Finn settled on the blanket, with Hannah on his lap. Dakota sat across from him.

  He’d always had the kind of looks that made her think of tangled sheets and late mornings spent in bed. But there was something about seeing a strong, confident man holding a baby. She’d never experienced it before but now she totally got the appeal.

  “How are things on the show?” he asked. “I talked to Sasha a couple of days ago and he was complaining that they needed to go on a hot date.”

  “Bad choice of words. After the fire incident, I’m thinking even Geoff is hesitant to let those two loose.”

  “I think that’s why they’re staying close to home. Nothing’s been scheduled with Stephen and Aurelia. I don’t think they’re interesting enough for Geoff.”

  “Probably not. He’s getting frantic about keeping the ratings up. He mentioned he would love an explosion at the Tulip Festival. I told him there was no way that was going to happen. So how’s the flying? Miss those Alaska mountains?”

  “Not as much as I would have thought. There are plenty of people who would rather fly to Fool’s Gold than drive. I don’t get it—the drive is beautiful, and I say that as a pilot. Still, it’s keeping me busy. I’ve flown a few cargo flights and had an interesting afternoon taking a whooping crane from San Francisco to San Diego. The bird I flew is supposed to be a hot breeder.” He chuckled. “He didn’t look any different to me, but I’m not a girl whooping crane.”

  As he talked, Hannah reached toward one of the small stuffed animals on the floor.

  “Do you want that?” Finn asked. He picked up the small pink stuffed elephant and handed it to her.

  “Ga ga ga.”

  Dakota stared at the little girl. “Did you just say ga?” She turned to Finn. “You heard that, right? She spoke.”

  Finn rolled onto his back and held the little girl up in his arms. “Look at how smart you are. You can say ga.”

  Hannah squealed with delight as Finn continued to hold her in the air. When he rolled back to a seated position, she reached for her elephant. He handed it to her.

  Dakota couldn’t stop grinning. “I know I had nothing to do with it, but I feel so proud.”

  “It’s a parent thing.”

  That’s right. She was a parent now. “I need to remember what this feels like so that when she’s fourteen and driving me crazy, I have something to fall back on.”

  He chuckled. “You are a woman with a plan.”

  They watched the little girl. She seemed mesmerized by her pink elephant.

  “One of the guys I flew in told me there’s talk of building a casino just north of town,” Finn said.

  “I heard about that. Apparently it’s going to be a very upscale facility. More tourists are always a good thing.”

  “I also heard plenty of talk about the man shortage. You know the world thinks Fool’s Gold is filled with desperate women.”

  Dakota winced. “It’s been an ongoing problem. I told you about the grad student who wrote about the man shortage in her thesis. The media picked it up and went crazy. That’s why we have Geoff here, doing his show. Demographically, men might be outnumbered, but we are hardly desperate women.” She looked at him. “Although it does explain my attraction to you.”

  “You’d want me no matter how many men were in town.”

  “There’s certainly nothing wrong with your ego.”

  “Or any other part of me.”

  He was right about that, Dakota thought, remembering the feel of his body against hers. But she wasn’t going to admit it.

  “There seem to be plenty of guys in town,” he said. “Is there still a shortage?”

  “I’m not sure. They were coming in by the busload last fall, but I don’t know how many of the men stayed. Still, the town is fine. That’s what made all the media attention so frustrating.”

  “It’s a good town,” he told her. “You’ll get through this.”

  “Mayor Marsha is counting the minutes until Geoff and his production company leaves. She’s afraid of what they’ll want to do next. I’m pretty sure Geoff finds Fool’s Gold quiet and boring. We don’t want him writing our tourist brochure, that’s for sure.”

  As they were speaking, Hannah started to lean more heavily against Finn. Her eyes began to close in that familiar way.

  “Someone’s getting sleepy,” Dakota said, scrambling to her feet. She glanced at the clock. “It’s a little past time for her nap. I don’t want to put her down too late. She’s nearly sleeping through the night.”

  Finn handed her the baby, then stood. “Not something you want to mess with.”

  “Exactly. Sleep is still precious. More so for me than for her.”

  Dakota headed for her daughter’s room. Finn trailed along behind her. She checked the baby’s diaper, then put her in her crib and turned on the mobile.

  Finn moved next to her and touched Hannah’s cheek. “Sleep well, little girl.”

  The baby sighed and then drifted off to sleep
. Dakota picked up the monitor and stepped out of the room. Finn closed the door behind them.

  “How long does she sleep?” he asked.

  “About two hours. Then we have dinner and I read to her some more. The evenings are—”

  She had more she was going to say but never got the chance. They were barely in the living room when Finn put his hand on her waist and drew her to him. She went without thinking and was glad she did when his mouth settled on hers.

  Her first thought was that it had been too long between kisses. He’d been busy with flying, and she’d been adjusting to being a mother. But when she felt his tongue on her bottom lip, her thoughts faded as she lost herself in the fiery passion that lurked whenever he was near her.

  He tasted of coffee and mint. His body was strong and hard against hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to get closer, to feel all of him. His heat surrounded her.

  More, she thought hungrily. She wanted more.

  Still holding on to the monitor, she led the way into her bedroom. She put the monitor on her dresser and checked the sound, then turned to him.

  Neither of them had said anything. She suspected neither of them had planned this moment. But if the desire in his eyes was anything to go by, he wasn’t going to object, and she knew she wanted everything he had to offer.

  He stepped toward her. She moved into his arms.

  Perhaps this wasn’t the smartest decision she’d made that day, but she was okay with that. There might be consequences for giving herself to Finn when she knew that eventually he would leave. She would worry about that later, she promised herself, getting lost in his kiss and the feel of his hands on her body. For now, there was only the man and the way he made her feel.

  FINN WAS AWARE of Dakota’s even breathing. It might only be four in the afternoon, but she was exhausted. He would like to take credit, but an hour of passionate lovemaking was nothing when compared to caring for a six-month-old baby.

  He doubted she slept for more than four hours at a stretch. So when he heard the sound of Hannah stirring, he got up from the bed and turned down the monitor.