“You’re only going to be a phone call away. I’d rather talk to you.”
“He’s your brother. His love is unconditional, and so is yours. Stop being so stubborn. I know how much pain you were in, but it’s different now. You’ve moved on. At least I hope you have.”
“Don’t even question that, Amber. I don’t take those words lightly that I said to you.”
“Good. Then you have no reason at all not to get over the grudge you have against your brother. I know you miss him.”
He looked straight as we walked down the path, and it was obvious he was torn on what to say. “Of course I do. We were best friends.”
“You still are. You know it’s true. The only thing keeping you from having your brother back in your life is you, Jax. You’re torturing yourself.”
He didn’t answer me, but I could tell I’d gotten under his skin. By the time we made it to the watering hole, Jax had become silent.
I never would have expected to see Jake lying on the platform in the middle, with Reese right beside him. They’d probably come to get away from us, and now we were invading their privacy.
“Looks like you’re keeping on those clothes after all,” he whispered to me.
Jake sat up and waved. “Are you coming in?”
Jax put his arm around me as he spoke. “Maybe later. We need to grab our suits. I don’t want Amber’s nipples getting bit by the snakes.”
I elbowed him lightly in the gut. “Jax, seriously.”
He laughed it off and pushed me to keep walking, while he waved goodbye to his brother. “Sorry. I couldn’t help it. Picturing you naked helps me handle awkward situations.”
“Now where are we going?” I asked.
He took my hand again and walked at a swift pace. “I have another surprise for you, Amber, and I think it will make this trip all worth it. Just wait until you meet her.”
Right away I knew whom he was talking about. “Are you taking me to see Sarah?”
“Yep, and she’s going to love you, just as much as I do.”
Maybe for some people being around a small child would bother them after losing a baby, but for me it was like therapy. Children made me happy, and they overwhelmed me with hope that one day I’d be able to try again. “How did you know I’d be okay about this? I’ve never mentioned her before.”
“Well, I figure out of every female on this ranch you’ve got the best chance at making friends with her, since she doesn’t have an opinion. Once you’re in with the kid, everyone else will be easy to win over. It’s genius if you think about it.”
“It sounds like manipulation.”
“You say tomato, I say…” He laughed. “You get what I mean.”
As we climbed the stairs to the old farm house I saw his sister, Bella, come outside. She smiled and walked toward us when she realized it was me. “Oh, I was just telling Rusty that I had a feeling it was going to be you walking through the door. Jake mentioned my brother had a thing for you. Jax is relentless when he wants something.”
“It’s good to see you, Bella.”
“You too, Amber. Have you been over to the parent’s house yet?”
Jax answered for me. “Yep. We’ve had it out with Reese and Jake, shocked the shit out of mom and dad, and been accused of being together as some kind of joke. I’m pretty sure my girlfriend is ready to head back to Kentucky.”
Bella snickered. “Just give them ten minutes. They’ll be fine. My parents love everyone, and if you’re worried about Reese don’t. She’s been kissing up their asses for months now trying to get them to forgive her. Jax may have convinced them to let her start coming around again, but they won’t ever forget she was the reason he went away. Now that I’m looking at the two of you, it’s seems like you might be the reason he’s come back.”
This is what I needed to give me hope. I required someone else to see the two of us as a real couple that had a chance. Jax squeezed my hand. “She’s the reason for sure. I just need to convince her to stick around. I was hoping she could meet Sarah, plus I miss the little stink-butt.”
“She’s inside with her daddy. Oh, and I should warn you, Shalan’s in labor. Noah called me freaking out because her water broke. I think he assumed that the child would just fall out of her vagina. He’s ridiculous. Anyway, when you go home you’ll have to make room for me. I want to get there as soon as possible. It’s not every day that another Mitchell is born into the world.”
Without anymore small talk, Jax led me inside of the old home. Sitting on the floor with her father was a little blonde girl with ringlet curls in her hair. Her bright blue eyes stared up as we entered the room. Her smiled melted my heart, and I knew she was exactly what I needed to brighten my worrisome day.
Chapter 38
Jax
Amber interacting with my niece explained it all for me. She was happier than I’d ever seen her, and it made me wonder if a child would be the only thing to finally heal her whole heart. It was also a huge eye-opener. If that was the last piece of her puzzle, I wasn’t sure I would ever be the right fit. There was no way I could be in two places at once, and even if I tried, I knew after a while the distance would become too much. I wasn’t co-dependent, but I certainly didn’t like being alone, especially when I knew she was somewhere thinking of me.
No matter how much I wanted Amber for myself I knew I couldn’t string her along. It wouldn’t be fair in the long run. It would be selfish.
With a heavy heart I was fully aware of what was going to happen once I said goodbye and moved back home. I was going to prepare to have my heart ripped apart again, and this time I feared it would be much worse than the first time.
After our visit with my sister, Amber and I headed over to prepare for family dinner. It was obvious she was nervous to be at a table with everyone, but I had an idea about how to make her feel comfortable. I was going to show everyone in the room how much she meant to me, even if I knew our time together was coming to an end.
It took a while for everyone to show up, and I got a little carried away catching up with my cousins that I hadn’t seen in a while. Cassie seemed annoyed at everyone, but it was only because she wasn’t allowed to bring her douche-bag boyfriend anymore. Callie and Cammie were fixed on their phones, giggling like they were texting each other. My stoned cousin Josh actually seemed coherent for once. He was still in high school, but seemed pretty hot and heavy with his girlfriend, that was surprisingly attractive. In the past few months that I’d been away he’d gotten stockier, and from what my Uncle Conner told me, he was starting on the football team.
Jake and Reese were the last two people to come into the barn. They were holding hands and smiling, and I hated recognizing the look, but I knew they’d had sex. It was funny how it didn’t bother me at all. I met Amber’s eyes across the room, noticing she was holding little Sarah again. My mom seemed to be impressed with how the little girl was already attached to my girlfriend. She came over and handed me something to sit on the table. “She’s good with her.”
“She’s a nice person, mom.”
“I’m sorry for being harsh earlier. You surprised me, and I wasn’t prepared how to handle it. For the past six months I’ve watched you and Jake struggling. I saw Amber and assumed this was just another attempt to get to him. Never in a million years would I have seen you falling in love while you were away.”
“I never said I was.” I was staring at Amber as I said it.
“Jax, I’m your mother. You two are obviously crazy about each other.”
“Yeah, well it doesn’t matter. You and I both know it won’t work. Our lives are headed in different directions.”
“For once you need to stop being stubborn.” She placed her hand on my arm. “If you care about this girl, make it work. Love doesn’t go away. It only grows stronger.”
I took my mother’s words with a grain of salt, because I had to stick to my plan. I couldn’t let some long-distance relationship screw up my thinking on the fi
eld. It was bad enough that I’d be without Jake; the one person I’d played every single game of my life with.
“Mom,” I said as she started to walk away. “Can you talk to everyone and make sure they’re nice to her. I invited her to come back for Thanksgiving. Even if I’m off at some game and we do it on the weekend following, I want her to come.”
“Sure, hun. That was nice of you to invite her. Doesn’t she have to spend it with her parents?”
“We went to see them two weeks ago.” I pulled her off to the side so no one else could hear me talking. “Mom there are things about Amber that you don’t know.”
“I know about her job.”
“She quit, and she was only doing it to make end’s meet, because they cut her off. She’s had to fend for herself for along time, and that’s not even the worst of it. She’s friends with Christian because she was one of the other girls that was attacked by that asshole.”
“Oh my god, that’s terrible.”
“He got her pregnant, and she lost the baby. She had to endure it all alone, and that’s not even the worst part. When Amber was still in high school she was involved in an automobile accident that took the life of her younger sister. She was the one driving.” I looked down because I felt so bad for her it was hard to talk about it. “Her parents never forgave her. Mom, they treat her like shit. As soon as we arrived I knew I had to get her out of that house. They were adamant about one thing though, they told Amber they would pay for her medical school if she returned home to Ohio. After this semester she’s moving even further away. She doesn’t have a choice, and now she’s out of options. I’m not supposed to be telling you any of this, but I can’t sit around this table with everyone thinking she’s some slutty stripper. Amber did what she had to do to stay afloat. She’s been brave when others would have given up. I admire her courage, even though she doesn’t see it as being that.”
My mother put her hands up to her face, like she was in utter shock. “That poor girl.”
“Now you know. Just please talk to dad. It would be cool if we left here on good terms. She means a lot to me, and without her help I wouldn’t be able to be around Jake without feeling angry. Being with her has made me realize that Reese and I were never meant to be. I’m still pissed at what they did, but I want to move forward.”
My mom hugged me, moving to the side so she didn’t knock the dish out of my hands. “I’m so proud of you, Jax.”
Her words made me feel happy in the midst of my upcoming demise.
After the table was full with food and family, we bowed our heads for a prayer. My dad led and when he thanked God for bringing me home, and having Amber with me, it broke me down. This felt so right; like she was meant to be by my side. I reached for her hand and squeezed it tight. While everyone else had their eyes closed, ours met, and I mouthed the words ‘I love you’ to her. Amber beamed back at me, reminding me that I was with the most beautiful person I’d ever met.
The family was quiet while they all dug in to feast. I missed this, and knew we’d share a couple more meals before we left on Sunday. I looked around the long table and saw everyone sitting so cozy together. After being in a small trailer with a kitchen table that only sat four, I appreciated this huge gathering. This was what home represented for me. Having everyone I loved in the same room brought me joy, when I’d never really noticed it much before. Having Amber by my side only made the moment complete. She was the missing piece to my puzzle, and it was hard to fathom breaking it up and throwing it back in a box on a shelf. I needed to find some of that glue so that we could stick together and never be torn apart. Since I knew in real life it didn’t work that way, I was left to simmer in my pot of frustration. I missed her already and we weren’t even apart.
Jake stood up and tapped on his glass. “I have an announcement to make, and I know most of you already know it, but I wanted to share it with Jax while you’re all around.” I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach as I looked from my brother to Reese, preparing for them to announce an engagement or a pregnancy. A hand found my leg, reminding me that I wasn’t alone. I placed mine on top if it, holding a part of her close to me while I prepared to take the news of their happiness.
I wasn’t jealous of them, but still bitter about the past. Amber was so much better for me than Reese. I’d taken the time to get know her before she’d allowed me to have all of her. I think that was the difference in why I was so in awe of my girlfriend.
“Jax, it’s been hard since you’ve been gone. After my surgery I was determined to make things right with you. Everyone at this table knows what we’ve been through, and although they’ve all given me great advice, none of them know you like I do. That’s why I asked all of them to keep a secret from you.”
This pissed me off. “What? Haven’t we learned from the last secret?”
“Jax, hear your brother out,” My dad ordered.
“I’m not about to sit here and listen to him. I don’t care if they’re getting married, or having a kid. Good for them. Whatever!”
Jake shook his head. “Hold up. It’s not that. This has to do with me and you, bro. Reese isn’t a part of it, but she was the one who pushed me to make it happen.”
“What are you talking about?” I wasn’t in the mood to sit on the edge of my seat.
“We made a promise a long time ago. We said we’d do this football thing together.”
“You got hurt. It happens.”
“Jax, after my surgery I started a regiment of intense physical therapy. I’ll have to be monitored, but I’ve been cleared to play again. When you get back on that field in the next couple of weeks, I’m going to be there beside you if you want me there. I’m leaving the choice up to you, bro. I miss my best friend.”
I was known for hiding my emotions, but this left me speechless. Amber clenched my thigh, expecting some kind of reaction out of me. This changed everything. He was right. It wasn’t about Reese. This was our dream, and Jake must have busted his ass to make it happen. I’d seen the medical reports myself. They said his chances of playing were slim to none. He’d defeated the odds with hopes of playing by my side again.
A smile filled my face. “I don’t know what to say, Jake. That’s great news.”
My dad lifted his glass, already knowing how this was going to play out. “To my boys. May your senior year be filled with new memories, and much success.”
I raised my glass while staring at my brother, my twin, and essentially the person I shared a soul with. My love for him was a reminder of how much I needed him in my life. Amber leaned over and whispered in my ear. “Christian told me Jake was doing this for you.”
I sneered. “Thanks for making me come home. I needed this.”
She smiled. “I know. I want you to be happy, Jax. You’re so lucky.”
Since I knew everyone was probably wondering what we were saying so low that they couldn’t hear, we both went back to eating. In that moment everything seemed too surreal. It was perfect, but like everything in my life, it was temporary.
By Sunday everyone except for Reese had welcomed Amber into the family. The more I saw her interacting with all of them, the harder it was to imagine coming back without her at my side. I had a little less than two weeks left to spend with her, and I didn’t want to miss a single second, because I knew I’d be miserable when I walked out that door to move back home.
Chapter 39
Amber
Even though we were together, I could tell Jax was withdrawing. After helping me move all of my things to the trailer, he didn’t seem himself. Our impeding separation was getting the best of me too. It was like I had a countdown going on in my brain, reminding me that every minute was less time we had left together.
Jax had spoke to his uncle about spending the rest of his time in Kentucky with me, but in some ways I wished he’d leave the house. Instead we were stuck twenty-fours hours out of the day wishing there was some way we could work out.
Every night we�
��d getting into heated discussions, the only good thing was the ending result of winding up in bed. They say the best sex is the makeup kind. I didn’t agree. Though I liked knowing we were both on the same page, I didn’t have the emotional connection when we’d been arguing. Even through the worst of moments, I found myself loving Jax more. At any time he could have picked up and left, but he stuck around, putting up with my tears, and my random freak-outs about our situation.
Noah and Shalan ended up having a beautiful little boy. They named him Jordan Noah, after his daddy. Weighing in at eight pounds and ten ounces, the chubby infant was the talk of the ranch. I spent at least a couple hours over at their house, doting with Christian. She was such a proud aunt, and I got a feeling that it was giving her baby fever. If Ethan had it his way they’d end up with ten green-eyed children.
I longed for their relationship. Not only were they the best of friends, but they’d make sacrifices to be together. For Jax and I, there was no way around it. He had a football career, and I was out of options. I couldn’t afford medical school on my own, and my father would only pay for it if I moved back to Ohio. It made no sense since they obviously couldn’t stand having me around, but I wasn’t going to question it. The next few months were going to suck for me, so I’d have to find something to look forward to.
Apparently Seth’s release had been postponed for some kind of clerical error, or at least that’s what the lawyer was telling me. Ever since Jax threatened his friend, I changed my number, and moved to the ranch, I wasn’t in fear of them being able to harass me. I hadn’t even gotten anything in my forwarded mail. I think it was easier on Jax to not have to worry about my safety, especially since I’d picked up my last check from the club and said my permanent goodbyes. It was the best decision I ever made, and if anything came out my beautiful relationship with him, it was that I’d come out a stronger person. I’d experienced real love; the kind that stories were written about, and even though our time together was about to end, I was going to take all of the good memories and carry them with me, knowing I didn’t have to hide behind a rock to protect my feelings. Sometimes it was important to live through the pain in order to discover other possibilities.
Jax Mitchell Page 26
