More Than This

by Jay McLean

  Kayla reaches up to get the plates from the cabinet, causing her shirt to ride up further. She’s struggling to reach them so I lean over behind her to help out. Bad idea.

  ***

  Julie heads the conversation during dinner. She talks about some new dance shit they’re learning. Kayla takes it all in and asks her questions. It’s the most I’ve heard her talk to anyone but me. She seems to know what she’s talking about, I wonder if she’s taken dance before, she definitely has the body for it.

  Kayla smiles throughout the entire dinner, making small talk. It’s a sudden change in behavior, and I’m not the only one that notices.

  “What’s going on, Kayla?” Lisa looks at her suspiciously, “I mean, it’s great to see you smiling again, but after the day-"

  “Aunt Lisa,” Kayla puts down her knife and fork and sits back in her chair. “I’ve just had a lot of time to think, I can’t go to college, not now, it’s not an option. And I can’t stay here anymore, I’m just… I’m just done.”

  Chapter 15

  *Mikayla*

  They’re all looking, waiting for more. I don’t have much more to tell them.

  “After the funeral tomorrow, I’m done. I’m leaving.”

  I look at Aunt Lisa and she’s frowning.

  “There’s nothing left for me here,” I say quietly. I look at Jake sitting next to me, and put my hand on his leg under the table, his hand finds mine. “Well, there’s one thing, but I don’t know that it’s enough.” My voice ends in a whisper and I look down to my plate.

  Silence fills the room and when I look up, they’re all frowning at me, Julie too. Aunt Lisa is wiping away tears, Jake's hands get tighter around mine.

  Nathan clears his throat, all eyes snap to him.

  “Listen, Mikayla…” He looks at me, really looks at me and I can see the pity in his eyes. “You are going to stay here…” I open my mouth to interrupt him but he raises his hand to stop me and I let him continue. “You are going to stay here until you leave for college.” It’s a statement. I can see from the corner of my eye that Mandy is smiling at her husband with a new found appreciation, she didn’t know this was coming.

  “I can’t stay here…” I whisper, looking down at my plate. “I can’t stay here for nothing, at least let me get a job so I can pay board, or something…”.

  “Mikayla…” Nathan says while shaking his head. He sighs, almost looking defeated. “I have thought about this, and from the few days I’ve known you, I can tell you’re not just going to accept this offer. So, you will help me out at the office two days a week, I need an admin assistant, someone that can file, organize and type, basically all the things I hate doing. Do you think you can do that?”

  I nod.

  “Good, then it’s settled. I’ll pay you for your time like any other employee, but it’s not to go towards board, you save that money.” I try to interrupt him again, but he stops me. “You save that money for college, Mikayla. We would however, appreciate it if you can help Mandy around the house. She has a lot of things to organize before Jake leaves for college. You will also need to be Julie’s personal taxi - God knows she needs one for the summer. You will take Mandy's minivan, she will take my car and I will finally get to use the company car I bought that’s sitting in the office’s garage collecting dust.” I just keep staring at him stunned. “In a few weeks we will all sit down and discuss how this arrangement is working out, understood?” he cocks his head to the side, waiting for my answer.

  I look around the table. Lisa and Mandy are staring at Nathan in awe, Julie has her hands clasped underneath her chin, like she’s begging me to say yes, like I could say anything else. Then I look at Jake and he has the biggest, goofiest, shit eating grin on his face.

  “Yes, sir, understood.”

  The whole table erupts in claps and cheers and I find myself missing my family.

  But it hurts less today then it did yesterday.

  Because being here, being with them, it’s familiar in a good way.

  And I think for just a second, that maybe my heart can learn to love again.

  Chapter 16

  *Jake*

  We skip the formalities of the funeral ceremony. I think Mom and Lisa understood that Kayla just wanted a quiet affair. We drive in my truck to the cemetery, everyone else is in the minivan behind us.

  She’s sitting in the middle of the seat, her body tucked into mine, like she can’t get close enough. I don’t mind, not even a little.

  When we pull up, I’m surprised at how many people are already there, but then I remember, that this is her entire family.

  I step out of the car and she follows me, coming out the drivers side door. I hold out my hand to help her out, she doesn’t let go once she’s out.

  She’s wearing sunglasses and a simple black dress that Heidi bought over that morning, girl thinks of everything.

  We wait for my parents to park behind us and Julie runs out of the car and straight to a bunch of other girls her age. They must be from dance class, they must be here for Emily.

  I see that asshole, James, and some other kids our age grouped together. They look up when they notice Kayla’s here. James starts to walk towards us but one of the guys pulls him back and talks close to his ear. Good move. I can see his fists balling at his sides as he glares at us.

  Lisa moves to the other side of Kayla and holds her hand as we walk up to the plots. I’d say there are over 150 people here, grown ups Mom and Dad’s age, some older, kids Emily and Julie's age. It’s like an entire class and their parents have shown up, more kids our age are scattered through the people. Kayla doesn’t look up from the ground. She hasn’t said anything all day. She hasn’t acknowledged anyone. She hasn’t let go of my hand.

  When we make it to our seats, in front of the three caskets, she begins to shake with sobs and I pull her into me. That’s when I see a bunch of kids, no older than ten, lined up at the front row, all in full little league gear, some of them holding balls and gloves.

  I look at the large photos of her family set up in front of the caskets, it’s the first time I’ve seen her family. I didn’t even wonder about what they looked like before. Her mom is stunning, she could pass as her sister, but more Asian. I knew there was an exoticness to her but I didn’t ask. Julie was right, Emily definitely is a younger version of her, she would have broken many hearts. Her dad is taller, compared to her mom, in the family portrait anyway. I wonder how tall he was. I keep looking at the collage of photos. There’s even one of the whole family and that asshole James, eating on a picnic table laughing. I think it’s the 4th of July or something. There’s a photo of her dad, front and centre with a bunch of kids around him, all decked out in baseball gear. He’s holding one of the boys in his arms, the boy is holding a trophy, huge smiles on all the kids faces. The kind of smiles that only kids can have, because nothing is ever going to be hard, and they haven’t yet experienced pain or heartbreak.

  Her dad coached little league. Huh.

  And then I see it, a picture of her with her mom and dad, her mom heavily pregnant. Her dad with one arm wrapped around her mom and the other wrapped around Kayla. Kayla dressed in full baseball gear, cap to cleats, huge smile on her face, holding a bat in one hand, and a little trophy in the other. ‘MVP’ it says. No shit.

  The ceremony starts, Lisa does a small speech, Kayla doesn’t leave my side. The little league team throw in balls and gloves into her dad’s plot. There are lots of tears and cries, but Kayla stays strong throughout. A few people come over and talk to Kayla, she mainly nods and tries to smile. I even see some police officers paying their respects. Even Fatty and Mendoza are here.

  When most of the people have left, including my parents and Lisa, I assume to head home and prepare for the gathering, I notice a couple walking towards us. Kayla notices too, and lets go of my hand to give them each a hug, then reaches for my hand again.

  The couple smile sadly at Kayla, then look to me, and our joined hands.


  Kayla clears her throat. “Sam, Henry… This is-"

  The lady, Sam I gather now, James’ mom, interrupts her. “You must be Jake?” she says, reaching out her hand, I shake it tentatively. “Kayla has told me so much about you.” She smiles warmly at me.

  This isn’t awkward at all.

  Henry, James’ dad I assume, goes to shake my hand. “Thank you for taking care of our girl, son.” He says while patting my shoulder.

  “Uhh, it's no problem, sir. … she’s special, you know?”

  “Oh we know…” Henry agrees. “It’s a shame our asshole of a son couldn’t see it and keep his dick in his pants.”

  I stifle a laugh and hear Kayla doing the same.

  “C’mon, Henry.” Sam drags him away. “We’ll keep in touch, dear,” she says, waving at Kayla.

  “Well, that was unexpected,” I mumble under my breath.

  “Not really, they’d love you, Jake.”

  ***

  We head back home to the gathering that’s taking place. A lot less people here than at the ceremony. My friends are on the back patio so we join them. I think Kayla is a bit more relaxed now, she’s keeping up conversation with the few people that approach her.

  A girl I haven’t seen before approaches Kayla.

  “Hi, Mikayla,” she says in a mousy voice. “I’m really sorry about your loss.” She laughs once. “What a shit thing to say, like, you lost something but you’ll find it again.” She shakes her head.

  Kayla laughs out loud. “Amanda, how are you?”

  “I’m okay, not gonna ask how you are though.”

  Kayla laughs again, and it’s genuine.

  “I just came to say… I dunno. Shit. Hey, you’ll be at UNC right?”

  Kayla looks at me and smiles. “That’s the plan, just gotta work out some minor details.”

  “Cool,” Amanda says, nodding her head, “I’ll Facebook you my number, we should hang out sometime, maybe go on the prowl for some non sucky, cheating, dickfaces.”

  Kayla laughs again, we all do.

  “Sounds amazing. I’ll call you. Thanks for coming.” Kayla smiles as the girl walks back into the house.

  “I like her,” Heidi says.

  I do too. But I can’t help thinking about what she said, about going on the prowl. College is going to be completely different to here. She’ll have more friends and more attention from other guys. I can’t help the feel of jealousy that consumes me at the thought of it. What can I do? Lock her in my room all damn day? Shit.

  And then it hits me. Where the fuck is Megan?

  ***

  Everyone has left now, but my friends are still here, and we’re shit talking on the back patio. The sun’s gone down and there’s a slight chill so I make a little fire pit in the middle. I don’t think my friends will be leaving any time soon and I think Kayla’s happy about it, takes her mind of things.

  The back patio doors open and Mom comes out with a tray of leftovers. We all start to dig in. Dad comes out with a cooler and places it in the middle. “Someone needs to be designated driver and don’t tell your parents. In fact, I didn’t even give it to you, I merely placed it in a position that you were able to get to, and you did, and my story will hold up in the eyes of the law.”

  Logan opens the cooler and it’s filled with beer. “Thanks, Mr. Andrews. You’re so my fave person over 35.”

  My dad chuckles to himself. “And you, Logan, are still an asshole,” he says as he closes the door behind him.

  “Buuurrrnnnnnn” Cam says, laughing.

  “So…” I nudge Kayla sitting next to me. She gets up to the tray of food and picks up a napkin full of little things. She saunters back and sits on my lap, leaving her chair empty. I smile to myself. Logan eyes me curiously. I don’t care.

  “So?” she replies.

  “Your dad was a little league coach?” Everyone is listening to our conversation.

  “Yep. One of the best,” she says proudly.

  “So that’s why you could hit the shit out of some balls at the cage?”

  “Yep. I gave it up when I got boobs,” she shrugs.

  I laugh. My eyes dart to her boobs before I force myself to look away.

  “Actually he was a huge baseball fan, a fan of yours too!” She’s chewing her food.

  “What? How?!” I ask, because it doesn’t make sense.

  “Mmhmmm,” she says, picking up a piece of food and putting it in my mouth. It’s hot as fuck that she’s feeding me while sitting on me.

  It takes everything in me not to devour her mouth.

  “I actually knew you, I mean, before I knew you. Well, I knew of you.” She pauses as she chews her food. “Dad had mentioned you in conversation before, I knew your name, but not what you looked like. When I heard your full name it sounded familiar, but I didn’t connect the dots until your mom told me that you were kind of a ‘big deal’. Dad actually went to watch your high school games a few times. He said he wanted to watch ‘history in the making’. He begged me to go a couple of times but I was always busy with… you know…” she trails off. James.

  “You shouldn’t tell him stuff like that, Micky. His head is big enough as it is,” Logan says, while throwing something at me.

  “Yeah,” Heidi agrees. “Baseball and Casey, that’s enough to make his head explode.”

  Chapter 17

  *Mikayla*

  I watch Jake stiffen and his face fall at the mention of her name. I try to stifle my laugh but it comes out anyway.

  “Okay, someone has to tell me what the deal is with her… please?” I plead.

  Jake starts to talk, but I cover his mouth with my hand, he continues to mumble into it.

  “She’s a crazy stalker bitch,” Lucy adds, taking a sip of water. I guess she’s DD tonight.

  “Like, how crazy are we talking here? Like, writing Mrs. Casey Andrews all over her books, crazy? Or like, Mrs. Heidi Bieber, crazy?” I ask. They laugh and I see Dylan's jaw tense. Funny.

  Cam takes a huge swig of beer. “Like, hiding in the back of his truck after a game… naked, crazy!”

  My eyes widen and snap to Jake. He looks down and shakes his head with laughter in his eyes. He removes my hand that was covering his mouth, entwines our fingers, and gives my wrist a chaste kiss before Logan adds to the story. “That’s not all that happened, tell her the rest, Jake.”

  I look at him. Oh my god. He slept with her. “Oh my god, you slept with her?” I gasp out.

  “NO!” he yells, and everyone cracks up. “NO! What? God… No!” he says again, shivering and making a disgusted face.

  “Then what?” I ask.

  He presses his lips together as if refusing to speak. I make an exasperated sound and turn to the rest of them, eyes wide, pleading someone to finish the story.

  Heidi starts to giggle and everyone joins in.

  “What?” I say… “WHAT HAPPENED?” I need to know.

  Heidi calms herself down, “Homegirl had an engagement ring on the dash board, a male engagement ring. She proposed to him!” She’s struggling to keep talking through her laughter, “she proposed to him, naked, in the back seat of his truck, with people all around!!”

  “NO!” I gasp looking at Jake, bewilderment clear in my voice. He just nods his head slowly, his thumb stroking my stomach.

  “What did you do?” I ask him, but he just shakes his head. “What did he do?” I ask the others.

  “This is the best part…” Cam continues. “He gets so freaked out, he jumps out of the car and starts to run home. It was an away game! It took him 5 hours to walk home. He left everything in his truck. His phone, wallet, gear bag, everything. He couldn’t call anyone. He was so freaked to go back to the truck in case she was still there waiting for him, or if the ring was still there… We didn’t drive out to pick it up until a week later. He went a week without a car because he was so freaked out.”

  “That’s just one of the stories,” Dylan adds. “There’s like, a hundred more ju
st as crazy.”

  I’m laughing so hard now my sides hurt.

  I’d almost forgotten what we’re all doing here.

  And then I remember, and stop myself from laughing.

  Because today is not a laughing day.

  Jake brings his hand up to my face and kisses my temple. “You can laugh and be happy, Kayla. They would want you to be.” I smile and kiss him on the cheek.

  Logan takes a huge gulp of his beer and then belches, fingers pointing between me and Jake. Heidi and Lucy groan in disgust.

  “Im going to ignore this epic ovary explosive sexual tension thing you guys have going on and ask a question…” I stifle a laugh into Jake's neck, while he rolls his eyes at Logan.

  “Ask your question, asshole,” he says as he rubs his nose against my jaw. God, that accent, and that voice.

  My eyes close for a second. I think my ovaries will explode.

  “Why does he call get to call you Kayla, and everyone else calls you Micky?”

  I shrug, “Because my family called me Kayla”.

  Chapter 18

  *Jake*

  It’s been a week since the funeral and Kayla has improved heaps. I don’t think she is over what’s happened, but I think she is dealing with it. She’s worked a couple of days with Dad and kept busy around the house to distract herself. She hasn’t been back to her school, she does’t need to. Obviously, they’ll still let her graduate.

  My graduation is today, and hers is tomorrow.

  I go to school only when absolutely necessary, just enough to keep Mom off my back, I don’t like being away from her, especially now.