He puts his hand over one of mine. “I promise I won’t leave this room, no matter how awful you think it is. I’m a man of my word. It may have started with a beer and a conversation, but it’s more now. I’m going to be here, sweetness. You can count on that.”
“This isn’t something I like talking about. I’ve done my best to pretend it never happened, or that my past isn’t full of lies and deceit. Sometimes I feel like my life should be one of those Lifetime movies. Most people wouldn’t believe it, but I’m here to tell you it’s true.”
“I’m still with you.” His hand is in mine, his eyes focused with a sense of concern. I’ve never had someone care about me like this. That’s why telling him this could destroy it. “It started when I was around eight. I kept having nightmares about a scary man. My mom would try to calm me, but they got worse, until my teacher approached them about my lack of participation in class. Then I had an episode at recess with one of the boys. We were hiding behind a play set with our pants down. You see, I thought that kind of activity was normal. When my mother scolded me I didn’t understand. She took me to a shrink and the dreams started getting better. I learned how to act appropriately and all was well with the world. I was ten years old when I first saw him. He was standing outside the playground at the elementary school. I recognized him immediately from being the man in my dreams. One minute I’m telling my mom the boogeyman exists and the next thing I know police are at the house asking me questions I didn’t understand.”
Buck notices how badly I’m shaking. He squeezes my hand to remind me he’s still there.
“This man. Did your parents know him?”
I close my eyes, barely able to get the words out. “They knew him. I knew him too, I was just brainwashed to forget.”
“Who was he?”
God, I hate saying the words. It makes me ill. I cover my mouth in case I gag, because it bothers me this much. “My father, Buck. That man who haunted my dreams was my biological father, and that’s not it either. They weren’t dreams. They were memories of him doing things to me, things that no man should ever do to a child.”
Buck has to look away. He finally gets it. I’m already crying, just waiting for the second he realizes I’m wretched. That’s what Peter used to call me.
“Damn. I get it now. I know why you didn’t want to tell me.” He’s still holding my hand. Buck stands and lets go, but only to brush the tears away from my cheeks. “Tell me he’s in jail or dead.”
I shrug. “You haven’t heard the worst part yet.”
“What could be worse than a child being molested by their father?”
Through my sullen sniffles I explain. “Nestor raised me as his daughter. He felt sorry for my mother, took us in and I guess they eventually fell in love. They both knew what happened to me. My mother had let it go on for years. She claims she was in denial. Nestor came home from college to visit and saw it for himself, his own brother touching on his child. Even as disgusted as he claims he was, he wouldn’t let my mom call the police. There was apparently an altercation. He gave my father an ultimatum. He could leave and never come back for any reason, or he’d go to jail for the rest of his life. I didn’t learn that much until I was a teenager and started asking.”
“Wait a minute. That man is still out there somewhere? He could be doing it to someone else.”
I shake my head. “I looked up his name when I was in high school. I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t run into him. I never found any record of him living on the East Coast.”
“Now I know why you don’t trust your parents.”
“They tried. They thought if I didn’t remember it couldn’t hurt me. I’ll never forgive my mother for letting it happen while she was in the next room. It makes me sick. I didn’t let her see my son for years. She didn’t deserve to know him. It’s why I’m so protective of Nick. I swore I’d never let anyone hurt him the way my family let someone hurt me.”
“Nestor gave you the tavern. I’m guessing he’s still trying to buy your love.”
Finally someone gets it. “Nestor, the only father I admit to having, also tried to make me think I was crazy. He helped my mother cover it all up, and then sent my father away instead of letting him rot in jail where he belongs. Maybe he’s dead now. I don’t care. I pray he’s not out there hurting other children, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive them. I only moved back to Chincoteague because I had nowhere else to go. He thought he could keep me here with my own bar. He even added that stupid contingency that I couldn’t get out of it unless it was given back to a family member. He thinks he’d get back his investment, but I had other plans.”
“Ah. The marriage proposal.”
“I just want to be free, Buck. No matter where I run my past keeps haunting me. It’s why I wanted to drive into the bay and never come to the surface.”
He leans forward and kisses me on the lips. I still haven’t brushed my teeth, but it’s getting easier to not worry about it. “I would have never forgiven you for taking your life.”
“What about Peter?”
Buck sits down and folds his hand across his lap. He clears his throat and speaks with a confident demeanor about him. I expect him to want to leave, but he doesn’t. “We’re going to get you home before we worry about any of that.”
“Buck.”
“Sweetness.”
I shyly laugh. “What’s with the nickname?”
He shrugs like he doesn’t realize he’s doing it. “It’s just a name. You’re sweet like candy. I crave you.”
“Don’t say things like that while I’m stuck in this bed.”
“Why?” He chuckles. “It’s the truth. I’m going to make this right, Perry.”
“How?” I worry. “Why?” I’m tearing up again. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Everything is going to be okay.”
“I’m not lucky. I don’t get a happy ending, Buck. I’m in the hospital because I tried to kill myself because I can’t take the pain anymore. I’m burdened by a past I can’t run away from. A man I promised to spend my life with has abused me. I ran because it’s all I’ve ever known how to do. I’ve been surviving. It’s not right to expect you to come in and save the day.”
“It’s not your choice. When I’m in, I’m all in. Why do you think I waited so long for this? I had to be sure. Even then, I doubted my judgment. I questioned if we’d rushed things. Right now I know I don’t need you going anywhere. Maybe I’m crazy, but I know when I want something. I’m a country grown man. I don’t scare easily. It takes more than a threat to get me to back off. I don’t judge people for their mistakes, and I certainly wouldn’t walk away from someone because they’ve been a victim. That’s what you are, Perry. You’re a victim, and it’s time you changed that. For once stop running. Look at what’s right here in front of you. Who knows what will happen if we just stop fighting it?”
“You don’t think I’m damaged?” I ask.
“We’re all damaged, sweetness.”
“I thought I’d lose you.”
“I’ve got thick skin. I’ve watched my wife die before my eyes. I’ve watched my children live years in sadness. I’ve taken on the burdens of everyone I care about. This part is easy. It’s my choice.”
I can’t speak. He’s said everything I’ve wanted to hear from a man for my whole life. When Buck Wallace says he wants to protect me. I know he will.
It changes everything.
Chapter 21
I’ve taken a big leap, one that will probably be difficult for everyone to get used to. Two days after running it by my children, we’re hurrying to get the last of Perry’s things unpacked from the trucks and into the house. The kids are going to neatly put her things in the room so she’ll be able to decide where she wants everything. As far as her extra furniture like the couch and kitchen set, well they’ll go in the garage until we can figure something else out. For now, Perry has a roof over her head where she’ll be safe and cared for.
> My decision to give her Dane’s room felt like the right choice. It wasn’t fair for me to force her into a situation she may not be comfortable with. Perry has a lot of issues she needs to figure out. Neither of us know whether our relationship will grow into something more permanent. For the time being, I’m glad I’ll get to see her everyday and support whatever decisions she needs to make about her business and her son.
I pick Perry up the moment she calls to tell me she’s been discharged. I still haven’t told her that we’ve managed to move her out of her place, because frankly I’m worried she’ll kick my ass. It’s not like me to make decisions for a woman. I’ve always been the one to listen and do what I’m told. For some reason I feel as if Perry needs someone to care for her. She needs to feel wanted, and what a better way then to move her right into my big dysfunctional family?
She starts questioning me when we pass by the road that leads to her old house. “Where are you taking me? I need a shower, Buck.”
“Hold your horses, sweetness. I have a surprise for you.”
“A surprise? Buck, I’m dirty and tired. Please don’t take me in public.”
“The surprise is at my house. Trust me, you’ll be fine. There’s no one home.”
“How did you manage that?”
“Bristol is at school. The boys are at work.” She can’t figure it out. Perry knows I’m up to something, but has no idea what I’ve done. Just like a normal day, I park my truck and walk up the front steps, waiting for her to follow behind. She smiles when I hold the porch door open and let in her inside. After scoping out the place she holds up both hands to motion she’s confused. “What’s the surprise?”
I cross my arms over my chest and laugh. “You’re impatient.”
“I’m worried.”
“I bought you a puppy. There. Are you happy now? You’ve spoiled it.”
“A puppy? I can’t have pets. I don’t even have a place to live.”
“He can live here with me. He’s in my son’s room down there. First door on the right. Go see him.”
Perry has no idea what she’s about to walk into. I watch as she opens the door and peers down hoping to see a little bundle of fur. It takes her a few seconds to realize what she’s seeing, and why I’ve directed her to a room without a small pooch. “What the hell? This is my stuff. Buck, it’s all my stuff. How did you…when?”
“The boys helped.”
“You moved me in here? I’m living with you?”
“You’re renting a room from me. You can pay me in trade, which includes cleaning or sexual favors. I prefer the latter, but who can complain about a clean floor?”
She lightly slaps me on the chest. Then begins to giggle and shake her head, while scanning the room, seeing the boxes and her belongings situated neatly for her to go through and unpack. “No one has ever done what you do for me, Buck.”
I take her in my arms, thankful I’m still having the chance to do so. We haven’t been able to embrace like this since before she went into the hospital, and even though I’ve seen her every day, it’s been hard knowing she was that close and I couldn’t hold her. “You’re going to be okay.”
I think she finally believes me when she replies. “You make me feel like it’s possible.”
“It is.” I bring my lips to hers, finally taking what I’ve been waiting for. Our fingers lace together, and for a short amount of time there is no threat, no problems, but most importantly no pain.
“I’m going to pay you rent, Buck. I don’t like taking advantage of people.”
“Sweetness,” I say while grabbing her to prevent her from getting away from me. “You can take advantage of me any time you want. Just make sure the kids aren’t around.”
I wait to let her get her giggle over before quickly kissing her and pulling away. “I’ll let you get cleaned up and familiar with your new room. Make yourself at home. Oh, and the rest of your things are neatly packed in the garage.”
“Buck,” she calls to me as I’m walking down the hallway. “Thank you.”
I nod and keep moving. It’s hard to know she’s only feet away but I have to give her space. This is a big change for her, and as much as I want to spend time together, it’s necessary to pretend I’m busy.
I take a ride to the store and do some shopping, picking up enough for the next few nights dinner. Then I stop by the local farmer’s market to get produce. On my way home, I fill up my gas tank. I’m trying to stay away, but it’s quite difficult when I know she’s at the house alone, probably wondering what the hell could be taking me so long.
When I arrive I hear music resonating from the side of the house where all the kids room are located. Thinking it’s Bristol being rude, I head in that direction prepared to yell at her. I discover the sound is coming from Perry’s new room, and crack open the door to find Bristol sitting next to her on the bed. They’re looking through Bristol’s baby album together. Both glace up when they spot me.
“Hey, Dad. I was showing Ms. Ally some old photos.”
“She’s showing me how terrible your hairstyle was when she was born. What were you thinking? Is this a mullet? Business in the front, party in the rear?”
I lean against the doorframe and watch as the two girls I worried about getting along are bonding. Granted, it’s at my expense, but at least it’s a start. “Go on and make fun of me. Layla happened to like my style.”
“I doubt it,” Bristol gets out another laugh.
“Do the two of you want me to start dinner?”
“I have to work tonight,” Bristol exclaims.
Perry stands. “I can help.”
“Yeah, okay. I’ll be in the kitchen when you’re done being bullies.”
Determined to make Perry’s transition as comfortable as possible, I pretend that nothing has changed around the house. I’m halfway into cutting an onion when I feel arms wrapping around my waist. I place the knife on the cutting board and run my hands over hers. “How’s my new roommate?”
“Surprisingly okay.”
I lean forward and notice a sweet scent. “Is that your soap?”
“It is. I put it in the shower right next to your manly body wash. I hope you don’t mind. The kids thought it would be easier if I shared your bathroom.”
My brow raises. “Well, that’s fine unless I’m in the shower and you happen upon me by accident. I wouldn’t want you feeling frightened by the sight of my magnificent physique.”
She snickers. “What if you walk in on me, naked, in the soaker tub, my legs raised as I’m shaving my legs?”
“That could be a deal breaker,” I tease.
We finally kiss, not once, but several times. She pulls away and rubs her thumb over my lips. “This isn’t good, Buck.”
“I know. It’s great, right?”
Perry shakes her head and backs away. “You leave me no choice.”
I’m watching her as she seems to put space between us. “You’re a contract killer aren’t you? Damn.” I snap my fingers. “I should have seen the signs.”
“I’m going to have to fall in love with you.”
An air-filled laugh is all I can get out. It’s suddenly turned pretty serious and I’m left pondering what I can say in response. “Peas or Carrots?”
She smiles and shakes her head. “Spinach.”
“Playing hard to get. Baby or whole leaf?”
“Surprise me.”
“Oh, sweetness, I’m full of those.”
We’re entertained by each other for a few minutes until the house starts filling with masculine voices. The boys are back from working on the water, and my private moment with Perry will have to wait until a later time.
Perry fits in with the crew. She nurses one beer while we enjoy our supper on the outside deck. When the sun begins to go down, the boys go off to do their own things, while we’re left to clean up and finally relax. Perry retreats to put some more items away in her new space, while I take a quick hot shower.
I’v
e made a lot of compulsive decisions in the last couple of weeks, some of which I regret, while others make me feel satisfied. I wish I knew what to do about Perry’s son, but it’s not my business. One thing I do know is that her ex no longer has something to hold over my head. I’m fully aware of Perry’s past and I don’t look at her any differently. He’s a coward, an evil as bad as it comes. He preys on the weak, tearing them down until there’s nothing left but despair. He used to control Perry. He made her believe she was tainted. His stupidity is my gain. She is exactly what I needed to open my heart again, and I’ll be damned if I allow someone like him to swoop in and ruin the first good thing I’ve had in forever.
I find Perry curled up on her bed looking through an old album. I’m surprised when I walk in and discover it’s still the baby book from earlier. “Can’t get enough of the mullet?”
“I almost forgot how beautiful she was, Buck. I idolized her when we were growing up. Those bright eyes and how her hair was always so perfect. It turns out she was just as lovely on the inside. Look at everything the two of you created. You’ve got great kids, a whole house full. They’re healthy and loyal. They’re protective, and I don’t know if you know this, but they kind of appreciate the hell out of you.”
“Yeah right. I’ve been an absent father.”
Perry shakes her head. “You’re wrong. You’ve been working so they wouldn’t hurt for anything. Look around. You have a beautiful home, and a lifetime of memories. It’s perfect. It’s more than I could ever dream of having.”
I sit beside her and look down at the photographs of my late wife. “Layla was a knock out. I remember asking her out in high school. She rolled her eyes and told me she didn’t date bad guys. From that moment on I knew I had to have her. She wanted to tame me, and damn if I didn’t let her.”
Perry traces the frame of a picture. “She’d be proud of you, Buck. You never gave up.”
“I promised her I wouldn’t. Those last few months with her were the hardest.” I’m starting to get choked up as I speak, but with Perry I’m not ashamed or embarrassed. I want her to know everything, because somehow she’s what I need to get by. “Every night before bed, especially toward the end, she’d go over this ridiculous to-do list with me. Take the kids to Disney World at least once. Buy Bristol an Assateague pony from the auction. Build the twins a skate ramp in the backyard. Replace the toothbrushes every few months. Always feed the dogs in the evening. Don’t overcook pork.”
Salt Water Wounds (Oyster Cove #1) Page 18
