'It's not a child yet; it's an embryo, a cluster of cells," I replied. "It's your body, your decision. If that's how you feel…that's how you feel, but you can't look at it like a child when it's still a cluster of cells." I tried to be diplomatic and scientific about it, to give her a little hope.
She smiled weakly. "I know, but that cluster of cells will be a person, if it's given the chance. What if it grows up to find the cure to cancer?"
I shrugged, unsure of the correct response. That was a heavier track of thought than I had expected her to have.
"Or what if it grows up to be like…it's father?" Jenna whispered, fresh tears pouring out of her eyes. She covered her face, sobbing heavily into her knees. The bell rang, signaling the beginning of another class before I could think of anything to say to this poor, broken girl.
"Just go," Jenna sighed, leaning her head against the wall. "I'll be here a while."
I hesitated for a half a second, then pulled myself up onto the bathroom counter.
"What are you doing?" Jenna asked, looking over at me.
"When you're done tossing your cookies, we're gonna blow this joint." I shrugged, looking at my nails. I felt a pang in my chest, I hadn't really been a friend to anyone in…well, a long time. I was rusty and it felt awkward.
"I can't. My parents will know…" Jenna tried, but trailed off at the look on my face. I had one eyebrow raised.
"Jenna. You're gonna have to face them sooner rather than later, especially if you don't go with plan B."
Jenna's face paled.
"Sorry, I'm very blunt…" I apologized quickly, inwardly kicking myself.
"No, it's okay," she sighed, pulling herself up. "You're right." She leaned against the bathroom stall, picking an imaginary thread on her cardigan.
"You done?" I asked. She nodded, brushing back a strand of her blond hair. "Let's go."
We ended up going to the mall to grab coffee and shop. Lauren had always believed that retail therapy was a wonderful distraction, and luckily Jenna was in agreement. I wasn't a big shopper, but I wanted to distract Jenna.
"So, what about your friends? Dumb and Dumber?" I asked, examining a cute low-neck top while glancing at Jenna curiously. Jenna snorted.
"Dumb and Dumber…that's accurate," she sighed, exhaling sharply. "I just…I don't trust them, not anymore. They've never been really good friends, if you know what I mean. And Callie, she used to date Andrew. She's still obsessed with him…" Jenna trailed off, looking out the window. "She definitely wouldn't understand and Tara goes with whatever Callie says."
"Ahhh," I said, nodding as if I suddenly understood, when I had all along. "So my early prediction of them being super bitches wasn't that far off."
Jenna laughed, then her head snapped up as she looked at me. "Wait, you thought they were super bitches? What'd you think about me?"
"Same," I shrugged without apology. "There's nothing wrong with being a super bitch; I'm a super bitch."
Jenna shook her head, chewing on her lip as she pondered whether or not to be offended by my honesty. "Well, I wasn't always a bitch…their personalities kind of wear off on you."
"Why don't you ditch them?"
"Cause, we've kind of been hanging out for years. But who knows…I doubt they'll have my back for this," Jenna answered softly. I kept my mouth shut. I already knew they wouldn't.
* * * *
Jenna and I hung out at the mall until school was over, then we both went our separate ways. I had a very rare evening off, so I decided to walk to Iain's house.
It was about a half hour trek from the mall, but I didn't mind. I pulled my sweater hood up, put on my headphones and started playing Lorde's new album. The walk was peaceful, despite battling clusters of high school students headed to the mall. I made sure nobody was watching me when I turned down Iain's street. Nobody was paying me a lick of attention, but I still shuffled nervously on my feet while I waited for Iain to answer the door. Usually, my visits happened after dark.
"You skipped class," he remarked when he opened the door to find me standing impatiently at the door.
"How do you know? I didn't even have you this afternoon."
"I'm aware of all that happens at the school," Iain joked.
"Well, I had good reason to."
"There's never good reason to skip out on class." Iain lectured, crossing his arms over his chest. He looked ridiculously handsome, somehow still demanding authority despite the fact that he was standing barefoot in the doorway. I smiled.
"I came here for sex, not the third degree," I teased, leaning up to kiss him as I slid out of my coat. He distractedly ran his hand up my waist, pulling me against him. I moaned into his mouth, pressing harder to him.
"I really want to know why you skipped though. I went an entire class without staring at you discreetly," Iain said, after breaking the kiss and taking my hand. He led me into the kitchen where he put on the kettle for tea, somewhat of a ritual whenever I came to visit.
"Wait, what?" I asked, confused. Normally, I only had Iain Monday mornings.
"I covered for Mr. Parsons," Iain explained, referring to my Science teacher. "He ended up leaving halfway through the day with the flu. So I took over his class."
"Well, that's too bad," I said, exhaling. I chewed on my bottom lip in consideration. "Do you remember that girl at the party?" Iain nodded. "I ran into her…and…well." I absently grabbed a strand of my hair, twisting it around my fingers. "She's…pregnant. From that…encounter."
Iain leaned back against the counter, frowning deeply. "That's terrible. What does she plan on doing?"
"She has no idea. She doesn't believe in abortion, but she definitely doesn't want…" I trailed off awkwardly. I felt like I was betraying Jenna, but she hadn't asked me to not tell our English teacher. That's kind of an assumed thing though, I thought.
Iain was still frowning. "This wouldn't happen to be someone in our English class? Someone who has missed a lot of time lately?"
"You weren't supposed to make guesses, Iain," I replied, frowning deeply.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to tell her that I know…" Iain said quickly. "I'm just trying to piece together everything."
"Why?"
"I have a need to know every detail of things." Iain shrugged shamelessly. I nodded in understanding. That made sense. I was the same way.
"Well, okay. It was Jenna. Is. And she still doesn't want to go to the police, or anything," I added before Iain could suggest the legal route. "That won't work."
"Why not? Now she's got physical proof," Iain pressed. The kettle started to whistle, and he absently took it off the burner and poured it into two already prepared mugs.
I was definitely a little uncomfortable with this conversation.
"Do you trust me, Harlow?" Iain asked, tipping his head as he looked at me inquisitively.
I paused, thinking about it for a moment. "I do, actually," I said, surprising myself.
His smile was radiate. "I won't tell anyone anything you say to me, or anything we do. I would never jeopardize you. I guess I just want to know so I can help you help her…"
"Okay." I sighed, sitting down at the tiny table in Iain's little kitchen. He finished making the tea and handed me mine before sitting down across from me. "Jenna can't report this because the rapist is the Police Chief's son. Apparently, he would just have it swept it under the rug."
"Jesus." Iain's brows furrowed again. "That's a tougher situation than I expected…"
"Tell me about it," I said in agreement. "I literally have no idea what to tell this poor girl. I suggested abortion, but she was against it."
"Are you? Against abortion?" Iain asked, interested in my answer.
I froze. I wasn't. Had I gotten pregnant from one of my rapists, I would have…but I didn't want to tell Iain that, because I'd have to talk about my reasons.
"I'm pro-choice. A woman's body is her body. If she doesn't want a pregnancy, especially one that resulted from a rape, I think s
he should have the right to make that choice," I said instead, looking into my tea.
"I agree, actually," Iain said. "I know I teach at a Catholic school, and was raised Catholic, but I'm very modern with my beliefs."
"Well, she's against abortion…as I said. So I really don't know how to help her…aside from suggesting she skip school for some retail therapy, I mean."
"What about adoption?" Iain suggested.
"I could suggest that," I offered. "But I think she's terrified of her parents' reaction."
"I'm sure their reaction wouldn't be nearly as terrifying if they knew the circumstances…"
"I don't think she wants to share with them the circumstances," I pointed out. "In any case, that's what's going on."
"Well, thanks for telling me," Iain said soberly. "If adoption is something she'd consider…I have some contacts I could get to you to give to her."
"Contacts?" I asked, curiously. Iain scratched the top of his head and smiled gently at me.
"Yeah, adoption agencies and what not."
"Why do you have that?" I pressed, my mind instantly envisioning him visiting adoption agencies with the blank faced woman he'd been engaged too.
"My sister is infertile. She and her husband have been dealing with many adoption agencies over the years."
"I'm sorry," I apologized, feeling a little embarrassed at having pried into his family's personal life.
"Don't be," Iain's hand reached across the table and took mine. I felt the sparks of lust firing up in my belly, as they always did when I was around him.
Chapter Five
The next morning, Jake hunted me down in the hallway. "Have you been avoiding me?"
"No, sorry," I yawned, exhausted from my late night with Iain. "I've just been…busy."
"With who?"
I gave him a level look, wondering what his deal was. I knew Jake had had a thing for me, and that he would probably continue on having a thing for me unless I did something to put me off limits.
"With my…boyfriend," I answered.
"You have a boyfriend? Since when?" The disappointment was evident in Jake's face.
"A few weeks…why?" I tried to play dumb. Jake shook his head, forcing a look of indifference on his face.
"No reason," he shrugged. "Wanna meet in the parking lot for a mid-day sesh, or would your new boyfriend object to you hanging out with me?" He said the last bit with a little more bitterness than he intended, and tried to ease his question with a smile.
"He'll be fine with it," I rolled my eyes. "I'm always up for a mid-day sesh. See you then," I said, heading into the stairwell before he could follow me.
I was getting my notebooks out of my locker for my morning class—anthropology—when Riley sauntered up to me with an invitation to his Halloween party that Saturday. I had to physically refrain from rolling my eyes at him.
"I don't know Riley; I'm probably working," I told him, barely looking at the invitation. I knew that wasn't true. I still kept my Saturday evenings and Sunday mornings free, so I could hang out with Iain at his place.
"Come on," Riley drawled. "It's gonna be amazing. Best costume wins a 40."
"I'll think about it," I told him. But there wasn't anything to think about…I wasn't going to go.
For one, I didn't want to risk the chance of running into the Police Chief's son. I didn't let fear overtake my every thought, but I was smart enough to know that going somewhere where he was likely to be was definitely not a bright move. Second, it was the one-year anniversary of Lauren's death. It was a Halloween party we'd been driving home from when we got into the accident. Lauren and I had gone as a sexy cop and a sexy prisoner. Third, Iain and I had already made plans. We were going to have a scary movie marathon. The idea of cuddling up on Iain's couch, wrapped up in his arms while I tried hard to not relive the accident and Lauren's death was much more appealing than going to a party at Riley's, where I'd undoubtedly be reliving it. By myself, because Iain wouldn't be able to go…obviously.
"Suit yourself." Riley shrugged and started down the hall toward his cluster of friends.
The school day dragged on and on, and finally, I ran into Jenna after last bell. She was walking away from Callie and Tara with an irritated look on her face. I quickly approached her.
"Do you have a moment?" I asked her, wanting to relay Iain's suggestion to her. She looked surprised to see me walking beside her.
"Oh, ya," she said, slowing down a little. We both glanced behind us at Callie and Tara, who were scowling in our direction. "Did you want a ride home? I've got my car here…it'd probably be better to talk there…" she added the last part in a hushed voice, barely above a whisper.
"Well, I work…but a ride to work would be cool," I nodded, grateful. I did enjoy walking, but I wasn't about to turn down a free ride when it was offered.
"Okay, where do you work?"
"The diner," I answered as we walked out the doors that led to the parking lot. Jenna led me to a gunmetal gray Hyundai. It looked a couple years old, and the interior was perfect. "Whoa, nice car."
"Thanks, my dad bought it for me," Jenna answered, looking a little embarrassed. She hit the unlock button on her key remote. I opened the door, sliding quickly into the passenger seat.
"So…what was up with Tara and Callie?" I asked, unsure whether I should just dive in or talk a bit first. My friendship skills were still a little rusty.
"Oh," Jenna frowned. "They're pissed at me because I don't want to go to Riley's stupid Halloween party. It's all anyone's talking about, and I just…don't want to go."
"Understandably so," I said. "I won't be going either."
"Really?" Jenna looked at me, surprised.
"Ya…really. Last time wasn't exactly fun." Instantly, I regretted saying it. Obviously it hadn't been fun, more so for Jenna. "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to remind you…"
"No, it's okay." Jenna sighed. She put her car in reverse and carefully backed out. "It's not like I don't have a daily reminder already."
"Have you told your parents yet?" I asked gently. She shook her head.
"No! I can't tell them. They'll definitely disown me. I guess one of Dad's co-workers daughter's is pregnant. She's in high school too, and you should have seen how they were carrying on about it." Jenna took a shaky breath.
"You're going to have to tell them…" I told her. "They're going to start to notice."
"I know," Jenna took another breath. "I just feel like I need a plan…"
"Have you thought about—" I started to say, but she cut me off.
"I can't have an abortion!" she almost yelled.
"No, I wasn't going to say that…I was going to ask if you'd thought about adoption yet…" I tried not to clench my teeth at her outburst. I was only trying to help, and I didn't enjoy being yelled at…but I knew she was going through a very traumatic experience. It couldn't be easy. I softened my expression when I looked at her.
"Oh, sorry," Jenna blushed, looking thoughtful. "No…I haven't really thought about that…stupid, huh?"
"No, you've got a lot on your mind," I told her. She frowned, looking dejected. "What is it?"
"Who would want to adopt a…rape baby?" she whispered, looking horrified. "I mean, if I don't want it…who else would?" She looked extremely crestfallen and guilty to even be suggesting such a thing. I was rendered speechless.
"I'm sure that doesn't matter," I tried, inwardly cursing myself when I realized how that sounded. "I mean…I'm sure there are some couples out there who have all the love in the world to offer a baby…and it's not the baby's fault…Ugh, I'm making this worse, aren't I?" Jenna had tears streaming down her cheek that she wiped away furiously. We were waiting for our chance to leave the school parking lot—it was always congested at 3:05 p.m.
"No, it's not you…it's my stupid emotions," Jenna laughed bitterly. "Anyway…I'll give it some thought."
"I could get you some pamphlets," I offered.
"That'd be good," she nodded. "Um…there
was something I wanted to ask you…"
"What is it?" I asked.
"Would you come with me to my first ultrasound appointment? I don't want to go alone. I have to drive to Sudbury…I don't want to run into anyone that knows me…" Jenna asked, exiting the school and driving toward the diner. It was only a three minute drive, once we exited the school parking lot.
"Yeah, of course!" I answered immediately. "When is it?"
"November 15…" Jenna trailed off, pulling into the diner parking lot. "Sorry to ask…I was going to just suck it up, but…"
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