Shattered Hearts

by Coral McCallum

  Lori nodded, “Jake added her to the list after the workshop he ran at the high school. She was backstage that night. She kept the towel Jake used when the guys came off stage before their encore. She also took his worn vest tee after the show. I think it was on a table in the dressing room. Jake took it off before taking a shower.”

  “Could he have gifted it to her?”

  “No,” said Lori firmly. “We saw her in a local restaurant wearing it and Jake was really pissed about it. He never spoke to her. He just insisted we leave.”

  “Thanks, Mrs Power. That has been very helpful.”

  “Not a problem.”

  “We’ll leave you to get on with your day,” said the male officer, rising to leave. “Thank you for your assistance with this.”

  “Thanks for the update it. Appreciate it.”

  Once the two officers had left, Lori returned to her study and sat staring at her design. Her concentration was shattered and, again, she started to go back over the recent events in her mind. She began to question just how compliant Jake had been. Had she been too hard on him? He’d admitted having sex with another woman- that was enough. Reaching for her pencil, Lori felt a soft fluttering feeling inside. She ran her hand over her stomach and smiled as she felt another flurry of activity.

  “Yes, little bean,” she whispered. “I feel you but you’ll need to stay my secret for a little while longer. Let’s not tell your daddy or your brother and sister just yet.”

  Reaching for his water bottle, Jake let out a long sigh. He’d been in the studio for eight hours and had only recorded two out of the four songs they had planned for the day. Glancing over at the whiteboard, it dawned on him that this was the last of the “easy” days. The only songs left were the more emotional ones and the two ballads. With only four days of studio time left, he knew the clock was ticking.

  “Jake,” called through Dr Marrs. “Again, from the top on Tip Of Your Tongue.”

  “Jim, I need a break,” he replied. “Give me a half-hour.”

  “Time’s running out. Get Tip Of Your Tongue done and we’ll call it a night,” countered the producer. “Another hour and we can be sitting watching TV with a beer.”

  Laughing at the vision this created, Jake said, “You make us sound like an old married couple.”

  “From the top, Jake,” suggested Jim. “Or no beer for you tonight.”

  “Fine,” relented Jake as he screwed the lid back on the bottle.

  As he stepped back into the vocal booth, Jake felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. The message could wait. Taking a deep breath, Jake placed his hands round the mic stand and gave Jim the nod. Closing his eyes, he focussed on the lyrics struggling to keep his emotions at bay. Tip Of Your Tongue reflected all the moments that the band had reached out to offer words of support to Rich only to have their good intentions flung back at them. He could visualise almost every moment that was reflected in the song. Behind his closed eyes, he could still see Rich’s angry look; sense his frustration; feel his pain. If only they’d understood his friend’s demons and been able to reach him……

  “Awesome!” declared Dr Marrs as the last note faded out. “Time for that beer.”

  “Thanks, Jim. Boy, do I need it after that,” sighed Jake, taking the headphones off. “That was tough.”

  “You ok?”

  “Yeah,” assured Jake, walking across the room. “Lot of memories in that one.”

  As the two men sat in the kitchen with their beers, Jake remained lost in thought. When they’d crossed back over to the house, Jim had ordered pizza before fetching them both a beer.

  “To Rich,” toasted Jake, raising his beer bottle. “What I wouldn’t give to have one more chance to talk to him. One more beer.”

  “Would he have listened though?”

  “Probably not,” conceded Jake sadly. “I could see all those attempts to reach out as I sang that one back there. Can still feel him shutting us all out. Pushing us away. His bunk became a cocoon. A coffin.”

  “He’s still with you, isn’t he?”

  Jake nodded, “Every day. I can still hear him giving me shit for things. If he’d still been here, this whole Nicole thing would never have happened. He wouldn’t have been as stupidly naïve as I’ve been.”

  “Don’t be too hard on yourself. She played us all.”

  “I guess,” he agreed. “But Rich had a way of making me see sense. He cracked the whip.”

  “He sure did. This record would’ve been done a week ago if he’d been here.”

  “Probably.” Jake paused. “What have we left to record?”

  “Door To Another Life, Got My Eye On You. Nature’s Heartbeat, Gone and Shattered Hearts.”

  “And not an easy one among them,” sighed Jake, running his hand through his hair. “Six songs. Four days.”

  “Could do with another take on Back In The Day too.”

  “Seven,” nodded Jake. “OK, I’ve got this. Three tomorrow then we’ll see where we’re at.”

  “Minimum three.”

  Jake nodded as he drained the last of his beer.

  While Dr Marrs fetched two more, Jake remembered that he had an unread message on his phone. He pulled the phone from his pocket and checked the screen. There were a few notifications plus one text message from an unknown number. For a moment his blood ran cold- who was sending him messages from an unknown number? A little nervously, he opened it.

  “Think we should talk. Lx”

  His bruised heart swelled. Finally….

  “Sure. Anytime. You tell me where and when. J x,” he replied with trembling fingers.

  Realising it was late, he knew there would be no reply for a while.

  Deliberately, Shattered Hearts had been left to last to record. They had attempted it earlier in the week but Jake had called a halt, saying that it had to be done last. Now, as the sand of time was running out, he knew that he had to deliver. The last two days had been an emotional rollercoaster. There had been no reply to his message to Lori and the silence was crushing him. Delivering for Dr Marrs on the vocal tracks had been tough, pushing him to his emotional limits. His personal pain and anguish had filtered through and the producer had declared the songs to be among his best ever work.

  They’d left Got My Eye On You and Shattered Hearts for the final session. During the day, both Grey and Paul had been out at the studio tweaking some of their tracking but now it was just Jake and Dr Marrs in the room. Recording Got My Eye On You had taken them almost five hours before the two perfectionists were happy with it.

  “Come on, Mr Power,” coaxed Jim. “Last one. Let’s see if we can be out of here by midnight.”

  “Give me a minute,” replied Jake. “I want to do this one out of the booth. Can we move the mic out into the room? This one needs to breathe.”

  “Sure,” agreed the producer from the live room. “Let me come through there. I want to try something. Back in a minute. Need to fetch something from the store.”

  Quietly, Lori opened the front door to JJL, noting that the lights were all dimmed. She could hear voices, two voices – Jake’s and Jim’s. – as she reached the lounge. Nerves began to tighten their grip on her and she almost turned round to leave when the control room door opened. In the dim light, Dr Marrs never noticed her behind him as he rushed down the hallway towards the storeroom. Silently, she slipped into the control room, keeping herself hidden in the shadows.

  Through the glass, she could see Jake pacing restlessly around the studio. He was running his hands through his tousled long hair. Even through the glass, she could tell he was struggling. Seeing him looking so strained, almost haggard, tore at her heart. Steeling herself, Lori knew she had to remain strong. As she’d driven up the highway, she’d rehearsed what she going to say to him. Now that her rock star was in front of her, those words were momentarily forgotten.

  It had been her intention to drive out to the studio much earlier but Annie, Grey’s mother, had arrived late to watch the kids
for her. Both of them had protested about being left and she’d had to stay and put them both to bed before she’d been able to leave. Unusually, it had been Melody who was slow to settle. The little girl had been crying for her daddy, sobbing herself to sleep. Her reaction had made Lori realise that the current situation was taking its toll on the kids too.

  Silently, she watched as Jim entered the live room and began to change the microphone set up.

  “Can you face me away from the window?” she heard Jake ask. “I need to do this one alone.”

  “Want me to leave you to run through it a few times on your own?” offered the producer.

  She watched Jake shake his head.

  “Ok. Try that setup,” suggested Jim. “See how it sounds.”

  Jake nodded.

  When the control room door opened, Lori signalled to Dr Marrs not to say a word. Looking more than a little surprised, the producer smiled and nodded then carefully repositioned his seat so that Lori was hidden from view behind him.

  “In your own time, Jake,” he said calmly then ensuring the microphone to the live room was muted, said, “Hi. Didn’t expect company.”

  “Hi, Jim,” whispered Lori, forcing a smile. “Decided tonight was as good a time as any to talk.”

  “Well, wait till he’s through in there,” cautioned the producer softly but firmly. “Last track. Tough last track.”

  Understanding, Lori nodded and sat back to watch her husband at work.

  Standing alone in the live room, Jake’s heart was pounding. He’d rehearsed Shattered Hearts earlier in the day, knowing that he had to keep his voice under control as he recorded this one. As the title track, it truly was the lynchpin of the album. Closing his eyes, he visualised the band playing it for the fans at the show in Baltimore, recalling their reaction to it.

  Wrapping his hands around the microphone, he signalled to Jim that he was ready.

  The delicate melody filled his head as he began to sing Rich’s openly emotional lyrics. Keeping his eyes closed, Jake poured his heart and soul into the raw lyrics of being heartbroken, filling the chorus with the pain behind his own shattered heart.

  Almost as if Rich was standing over him, Jake delivered a once in a lifetime performance. He drew on his own heartbreak at the mess of his marriage as well as his grief over losing his friend. When he reached the final chorus, his voice began to falter with the emotional tsunami that was threatening to engulf him. By some miracle, he managed to hold the last long lingering note.

  “Perfect! Single take. We’re done!” declared Dr Marrs enthusiastically. “Great job, Jake!”

  “Thanks, Jim,” he replied, wiping a tear from his cheek. “Don’t think I could’ve done another take.”

  “No idea where you pulled that one from. That was special.”

  “That was tough,” sighed Jake, finally turning round to face the control room window.

  Getting to his feet, Jim said simply, “There’s someone here to see you. Lock up when you’re done.”

  As the producer moved aside, Jake spotted Lori sitting in the shadows.

  “Lori!” he gasped. “When? How?”

  “Hi,” was all she could say.

  “I’ll meet you out in the lounge,” said Jake, stalling for a few seconds to compose himself.

  When he finally exited the live room and entered the lounge, Jake found Lori sitting on one of the couches. Unsure whether to hug her or sit beside her, he hovered like an anxious teenager in front of her.

  “Sit down,” she said quietly, indicating he should sit across from her.

  Without hesitation, he sat on the adjacent couch, not daring to take his eyes off her in case she disappeared.

  “You ok?” he asked, noting to himself that his wife looked tired and pale.

  Silently, she nodded, “You?”

  “Been better,” confessed Jake, pulling at a loose thread on his jeans nervously. “Are the kids ok?”

  “They’re fine. Annie’s watching them for me,” replied Lori with a small nervous smile. “They miss you.”

  “I miss them. I miss you,” he whispered, his voice thickening with the emotion of seeing his wife.

  Both of them sat engulfed in an awkward silence for a few moments before Jake found his voice.

  “Lori, I don’t know how to put this mess right. I fucked up. I know that. She’s fucked us both over from what I’ve heard.” He paused, “Sorry doesn’t cut it. I’ve no excuses. Nothing to hide. That’s why I told you.”

  “But you didn’t tell me straight away,” countered Lori calmly. “Would you ever have told me you’d had sex with another woman if Maddy hadn’t walked in that day?”

  His face a mask of shame, Jake said, “I’m not proud of what happened. I should’ve told you the day it happened. Should’ve gone to the police then too. I thought I was handling it the right way. I was wrong. She’s a complete psycho.”

  “Jake, I know she’s accused of assaulting you. I believe she did but you still cheated on me with her by your own admission.”

  Hanging his head in shame, Jake whispered, “I know and I’ve no idea why. I’ve no idea how to put this right.”

  “Neither have I,” she replied, wrestling with her emotions to keep them under control. “You know how strongly I feel about monogamy. You know my feelings about affairs. You know how I feel about cheating yet you still did it.”

  “And I’ll regret it till the day I die,” declared Jake instantly. “She messed with my head. I was stupid. So fucking stupid. I lost control.”

  “That doesn’t change the facts though,” said Lori bluntly. “Look, I didn’t come here for a fight. I don’t know how we work this out but I need some more time here.”

  “How much time?”

  “I have no idea. I just need my own space for a while to get my head round all of this.”

  “Are you saying you want us to go our separate ways?”

  The question hung suspended in the air between them.

  “I don’t know,” she said softly. “Jake, you hurt me. You threw away our wedding vows. You cheated on me,”

  “Lori, I know I did and I can’t find the words to say how sorry I am,” replied Jake, his eyes filling with tears. “I don’t want to lose you or the kids over this.”

  “Did you or do you have any feelings for her?”

  “None,” he replied instantly. “At first I felt sorry for her. Thought she was lonely. It didn’t take long to figure out she was trouble. I wish I’d taken her off the guestlist for the show but I didn’t want a scene. I forgot that I’d added her until it was too late to remove her.”

  “And the sex?”

  “It was once. Lasted less than a minute. It was an animal response to her unwanted attention that I am not proud of.”

  “And you never once initiated anything intimate between you?”

  “Never,” stated Jake honestly. “Lori, I love you. You and the kids. I’m not interested in anyone else. You guys are my world.”

  “I know,” sighed Lori sadly. “I thought we were too. Now, I’m not so sure.”

  “Please, Lori,” he pleaded. “Give me a chance here? One chance?”

  For a moment, her resolve wavered but Lori took a deep breath and said, “Maybe in time.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, I need time to get over this. I need some time alone. Time to think this through. Time to reflect. A bit more space.”

  “I’ve made arrangements to stay with Garrett for a few weeks,” began Jake, “I’m heading to New York on Saturday. Said I’d stay with him until his album launch on November 7th. Is that enough time and space for you?”

  Lori shrugged her shoulders, “Maybe.”

  “Can I at least see the kids before I head up there?”

  For a few seconds, he thought she was going to say no then she nodded, “Tomorrow after school. You can pick them up then drop them off with Grey after dinner. I’ll fetch them from Grey’s.”

  “I can brin
g them home.”

  “No,” she said firmly. “I don’t want you near the house. Take them to Grey’s.”

  “Fine,” he agreed before she changed her mind. “What do they know?”

  “Only that you’ve been staying out here to work on the album.”

  “Ok,” he said with a sigh. “Guess I’m telling them I’m going to help Garrett in his store.”

  Lori nodded, “Works for me.”

  Slowly, she got to her feet, taking care to ensure that her jacket disguised her rounded stomach. Reaching for her cane, she prepared to leave. Jake too got to his feet and, for a moment, she feared he was about to reach out and hug her. He never moved.

  As she reached the door, Lori paused and turned round, “Rich would’ve been proud of that last song tonight.”

  “Thanks.”

  With less than a minute to spare, Jake pulled up outside the school to collect Melody. He’d collected Jesse first, arriving an hour early so that he could spend some time alone with his son before heading to the school. They’d gone to the timber playground but the inquisitive three-year-old was more interested in playing with the piles of dried leaves than in playing on the wooden kiddie assault course.

  Leaving Jesse strapped into his car seat, Jake ran over to the designated zone in the schoolyard, reaching it just as the bell went.

  “Daddy!”

  He heard Melody before he saw her. A whirlwind of long blonde hair, the little girl threw herself at him, dropping her bags in the process.

  “I’ve missed you,” she sobbed as he swept her up into his arms. “Really, really missed you.”

  “I’ve missed you too, Miss M,” he admitted, hugging her tight. “Missed all of you.”

  “Is the record finished? Are you coming home?” asked the little girl hopefully.

  “It’s finished but I’m not coming home just yet,” began Jake, feeling unsure of how to explain the current situation to her. “I’m driving up to New York to help Garrett out. His record is out in three weeks. I’m going to help him out in the music store until then.”