Rebel Heart

by Jane Slate

  He had always imagined himself dying at night.

  Hours later he awoke in a daze and found himself attached to wires and beeping machines. Hushed voices spoke from behind a cracked door. Harsh fluorescent lighting leaked into a dimly lit hospital room.

  And Stella.

  Suddenly, the door opened and she was in front of him, all five foot three inches of her. Kade sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes, waiting for reality to take over as it always did, but when he opened them, she was still there.

  What the hell?

  She had barely aged since the last time Kade had saw her. She approached where he was lying on the bed.

  “Good,” she said, all business.

  She uncapped a pen, pressing it against the clipboard in her hands as her eyes scanned the machines Kade was attached to for his vitals.

  “You’re up.”

  Kade tried to open his mouth to speak, to ask what the hell was going on, where he was, and more than anything...what the hell she was doing there, but all that surfaced from his mouth was a dry croak.

  “Don’t try to speak,” Stella instructed.

  “We had to pump your stomach.”

  We?

  The reality of the situation dawned on Kade all at once. He was in the hospital and Stella was his...

  Kade squinted, reading the nametag attached to her white lab coat.

  Doctor.

  Of course.

  Stella shined a light in each one of Kade’s pupils, jotting a few more things down on her clipboard. Kade examined her face. She was as beautiful as ever. If anything, time had only done her favors. There was a sort of mature quality in her appearance that hadn’t been there five years ago.

  She had evolved, in more ways than one, and here Kade was.

  As pathetic as ever.

  He wanted to explain himself. To tell her that he hadn’t tried to kill himself, that it wasn’t what it looked like. But his words would only be met by deaf ears. Stella had heard it all before, from Kade and other patients. An overdose was an overdose. Simple as.

  “Well,” Stella spoke up, capping her pen. She slid the clipboard underneath one of her arms.

  “The good news is you’re alive.”

  The bad news?

  Stella took a step forward, taking a seat on the end of Kade’s bed. She ran a hand through her hair, which was styled shorter than it had been five years ago, and exhaled a deep breath. Kade opened his mouth to try and speak again but Stella held up a hand to stop him.

  “Before you start, I already talked to Mel.”

  She cocked her head and tensed her jaw, looking at Kade sideways.

  “She was the one who found you by the way.”

  Shit.

  “Anyway...”

  “Yes, I’m back in Falls Creek. Yes, I’m a doctor. And yes, I know about you and Mel.”

  Kade sucked in a deep breath. There were so many things he wanted to say, but his voice was hoarse and his throat burned. Silence was his only option. And maybe that was for the best.

  Stella laughed stoically.

  “We met for coffee the other day and she invited me to your wedding. How funny is that?”

  Kade averted his gaze. How could he explain all the things that had happened in her absence? How could he get her to understand it?

  “There is something you should know though. You’re going to find out eventually so you might as well hear it from me first.”

  There was an anxious look etched across Stella’s face.

  What?

  “I have a daughter. She’s five.”

  A million thoughts rushed through Kade’s mind all at once, creating a cluster effect. A daughter? A five-year-old daughter? That meant...no.

  It couldn’t be...

  “I know what you’re thinking,” Stella continued, trying her best to hide the nervousness in her tone.

  “Yes.”

  Yes?

  “She is yours. Her name is Elizabeth. She doesn’t know about you, and after this, I would like to keep it that way.”

  “Don’t worry,” Stella added sarcastically.

  “Mel doesn’t know you are the father. I saved you there. I told her that Beth’s father was a guy I met in med school back in New York.”

  New York.

  So that’s where she had run off.

  Stella stood up then, allowing her words to sink in. When she opened her mouth to speak again, she was all business.

  “We’re giving you some fluids. I’ll send a nurse up soon with your discharge papers.”

  She paused near the doorway with her back turned.

  “It’s good to know some people never change.”

  With that, Stella stepped into the hallway, leaving Kade alone with his thoughts.

  Chapter Ten

  Kade’s overdose was years in the making. As stubborn as he might have been, there was no denying that. After being pumped full of fluids and warned of the dangers of benzo abuse, he was discharged by a nurse and sent home with strict instructions to stay in bed and drink lots of fluids.

  He didn’t see Stella again, but her reappearance and the news she had shared with him had given him enough food for thought to chew over for days, if not weeks.

  And Mel.

  What the hell would he do about Mel?

  Ignoring the nurse’s instructions, Kade stumbled out of the taxi that had picked him up at the hospital and paid the driver. A prospect was quick to open the door for him as he entered the dimly lit SOW clubhouse in search of his brothers, but they were nowhere in sight.

  “Where is everyone?” Kade questioned another prospect.

  The man shrugged in response, taking a long drink of his beer.

  “Don’t know bro. Everyone piled out a while ago. Told me and King to hold down the fort.

  King.

  That must have been the prospect Kade had seen outside. Sooner or later he should have to put some effort into learning their names, but that didn’t seem too important right now.

  Kade cracked a beer for himself and slid into his usual seat at the bar. He pulled out his phone and dialed Mel’s number. It rang once before she answered.

  “Kade?” she breathed.

  “Where the hell are you? I’m at the hospital. Stella said you were already discharged.

  Stella.

  Shit.

  Kade rubbed his neck and sighed.

  “Yeah. Uh, sorry...I’m at the clubhouse. I grabbed a cab. I wasn’t sure if you were going to come get me...”

  “Why wouldn’t I?” Mel interrupted, sounding immediately on guard.

  “Is everything alright?”

  Alright?

  Hardly. But how could Kade tell her what was really on his mind without complicating things? Besides...Stella had already made it clear. She didn’t want anything to do with him.

  She didn’t want her daughter...their daughter...to have anything to do with him. And even though it hurt like hell, it was probably for the best.

  Kade could hardly take care of himself, let alone another person. What the hell had he been thinking, proposing to Mel?

  And Stevie.

  She deserved so much better too.

  “Mel, look,” Kade spoke up, keeping his tone even.

  “Can you come get me? I think we need to talk.”

  There was a long silence on the other end of the line.

  “This is about Stella isn’t it?”

  Mel’s voice was shaky and unsteady. She sounded as though she was crying. Kade sucked in a deep breath.

  “No,” he lied.

  “I just...I think we need to talk. In person.”

  “Fine,” Mel answered.

  “I’ll see you soon.”

  The line fell silent. Kade slid his phone shut and finished off his beer before going outside to wait for her. He didn’t take pride in what he was about to do, but in the long run, Mel would see that it was for the best.

  Fifteen minutes later, Mel pulled up in Dice’
s old pick-up and parked, climbing out. She was wearing a ankle-length skirt, converse sneakers, and a plain sheer blouse despite the cold weather. Her face was void of any make-up and it was clear to Kade that she had been crying.

  She looked stunning. But it only made what he was about to do that much more difficult.

  “Just cut to the chase Kade,” she whispered, keeping her distance.

  Kade noticed right away that she was no longer wearing the ring.

  “Stella’s back and you want to be with her. Right? Am I getting warm?”

  She tried her best to keep her tone void of any emotion but Kade could hear the hurt and anger in every word that left her mouth.

  “No,” he answered firmly, avoiding eye contact with her.

  “It’s not Stella. It’s me, Mel.”

  “It’s always been me. I’m not good for you. Or Stevie. Or Stella. Or anyone. I never have been.”

  Mel rolled her eyes and furrowed her brows.

  “You know Kade, I’m starting to understand why Stella left you.”

  She waved a hand over his appearance.

  “Look at you. You’re smoking hot. But inside...you’re just a complicated mess.”

  A pang of hurt surfaced in Kade’s chest but he didn’t show it. Instead, he simply nodded, tensing his jaw.

  “Here,” Mel said, taking a step forward.

  She pressed the ring Kade had given her into his palm and lingered for a moment with her hand in his, waiting for him to pull her back. When he didn’t, she shook her head and laughed a sad laugh.

  “You know, I met Stella’s daughter,” she whispered.

  Kade glanced down at her then, keeping his expression as stoic as possible.

  “You know? The one she had with some guy in nursing school?”

  Kade shrugged.

  “It’s funny, though.”

  “What?” Kade questioned.

  “She looks just like you.”

  Shit...

  Mel looked crushed. She was a lot of things but dense wasn’t one of them. Stella should have known she wouldn’t buy that lie. Not even for a second. She shook her head and laughed. Anger flashed in her eyes.

  “You’re a piece of shit.”

  With that, she stormed off and climbed back in Dice’s truck, starting it up.

  “Wait!” Kade called after her.

  “Mel...I’m sorry! I just found out!”

  But it was no use.

  She pressed down on the gas and peeled out of the parking lot. And just like that she was gone.

  Kade sighed and stuffed the ring into the pocket of his cut. He turned around to enter the clubhouse but was interrupted by the sound of bikes approaching in the distance.

  Landon and Nash pulled into the club parking lot and parked. They were both sweaty and stained from head to toe with mud, blood, and sweat. Obviously a job had been done.

  “What’s going on?” Kade questioned.

  Nash laughed and lit a smoke. Landon glanced back at him and raised his eyebrows before entering the clubhouse.

  “We have to talk bro,” Nash said, ignoring Kade’s question.

  “Mel told us about your overdose. You’re fucking around with narcotics?”

  “You know how the club feels about that shit Kade.”

  Kade shrugged, feeling immediately defensive. What business was it of the clubs what he chose to do to numb his pain?

  “I don’t really see what the club has to do with it. I ain’t Richie man. None of what I do in my free time keeps me from fulfilling my duties to the club.”

  Nash shook his head.

  “See that’s where you’re wrong brother.”

  “We had a job to do today. A big one. And where were you? Kicked up in the hospital getting your stomach pumped.”

  Damn.

  As much as it pained Kade to admit, Nash had a point.

  “And what about club dinners?” Nash continued.

  “You have missed three in the past month. Bro, you’re VP. You have got to do better. Otherwise, the club is going to be having a discussion...one about your future.”

  Kade nodded.

  “Alright.”

  “You’re right. I’ll do better. You have my word.”

  Nash smiled and slapped Kade on the shoulder, pulling him into a hug.

  “Good. We’re glad you’re alright brother.”

  He took a final hit of his smoke and flicked the butt.

  “Hey,” Nash spoke up, changing the subject.

  He nodded at the road.

  “We just saw Mel pummeling down the road. Where was she taking off to in such a hurry?”

  Kade shifted on his feet and followed Nash inside the bar.

  “We uh...we’re kind of over.”

  Nash popped the seal off a beer and took a seat beside Landon and the prospects at the bar.

  “No shit!”

  “For good this time?”

  Kade nodded.

  “Yeah...it’s pretty final.”

  Landon laughed and handed Kade a beer. He gave Nash a nudge.

  “You owe me twenty bucks man.”

  Nash chuckled. Kade furrowed his brows and glared at the men.

  “Fuckers.”

  Landon and Nash laughed.

  “Aw come on man,” Landon said.

  “We all knew there was no way you were getting hitched. Nash was just being nice giving you the benefit of the doubt.”

  Kade rolled his eyes and watched as Nash peeled a twenty from his wallet and slapped it into Landon’s palm. He sipped his beer in silence, but was shaken from his mental funk by a large hand landing on his shoulder. He turned to his right and noticed Nash staring right at him.

  “You know we’re just fuckin’ around with you brother.”

  “There isn’t a soul here that wouldn’t support you getting hitched, if and when you ever want to. But truth be told, you and Mel...”

  Kade nodded and cut him off.

  “Stella is back in Falls Creek. Did y’all know that?”

  Nash frowned and looked over at Landon, who shook his head.

  “What the hell?”

  “When did you see her?”

  Kade sipped his beer.

  “She’s a doctor. I talked to her at the hospital. That’s not all though. She told me something pretty fucking crazy. I’m still having a hard time processing it.”

  “What?” Landon laughed, cracking his knuckles.

  “Does she have a kid or something?”

  Kade was quiet for a long time.

  “Holy shit,” Nash breathed.

  “That’s it, isn’t it?”

  Kade nodded, taking another long drink of his beer.

  “Yep,” he replied drily.

  “Five years old. Her names Elizabeth. Mel says she looks just like me.”

  “Wow,” Nash and Landon both said at once.

  “So Mel knows?” Nash questioned.

  Kade started to shake his head before nodding.

  “Yeah, I mean, I guess so. She’s a bright girl.”

  “I just don’t know what I’m going to do, you know. Stella said she doesn’t want her seeing me. She was pretty pissed.”

  “And I don’t blame her, I mean. Here she is...”

  Kade waved a hand in the air.

  “This successful doctor and I’m just...the same fucker I was when she left. Worse, even.”

  “Hey now,” Nash interrupted.

  “Give yourself more credit man. You watched a brother die. And not just any brother. Maddox. You two were practically extensions of each other. You held him when he took his last breath. That ain’t something a man can just snap back from.”

  Kade nodded and remained quiet. He understood the truth in Nash’s words but even so, it had been six years. It was time for him to move on and let bygones be bygones. Too bad that seemed easier said than done.

  “Yeah I know...” Kade trailed off, finishing his beer.

  “I just wish I could get over her.”


  Chapter Eleven

  At the end of her shift, Stella scrubbed out and made her way over to her station to complete her charts for the night. She eyed Kade’s and sighed.

  His sudden admittance into the hospital had taken her off guard. Upon returning to Falls Creek three weeks prior, she had fully expected to bump into him eventually. She was prepared for it. She just...didn’t expect it to happen like this.

  Stella had returned to town on a whim. She was tired of the hustle and bustle of the city life and wanted to get back in touch with her roots. She also wanted her daughter to have a sense of family, something that had never been hard to come by in such a small town.

  After throwing herself into job-hunting, Stella landed the perfect position as a nighttime ER supervisor. It paid more than she was making in New York and the hours were reasonable, giving her plenty of time to spend with Beth.

  Stella told herself that Kade’s presence in Falls Creek was an afterthought. Not her sole reason for coming back. But the truth was, after meeting up with Mel a few days prior and learning that she and Kade we’re engaged, Stella had been hurt.

  No. That was an understatement. She was pissed beyond all belief.

  Not that she had any right to be. She had left. She had made her decision. What happened in her wake was none of her business.

  Stella scrubbed her hands clean with a bar of surgical soap and reflected on her thoughts, trying not to focus too much on her heated discussion with Kade.

  It had hurt seeing him again. Not that she hadn’t expected it...but still. There was something about the notion of how little he had changed in the past five years that grated on Stella.

  For one brief moment in time, she had thought he might have grown out of it. But he hadn’t. He was still reckless. He was still lost.

  The only difference was that he was Mel’s problem now.

  Stella sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. She eyed Kade’s chart along with the charts of a few other of her other patients, squinting as she tried to make sense of her own hastily written handwriting.

  “Stel, you’re still here?” Anna, a dayshift nurse Stella had become quite friendly with, said in passing.

  Stella turned around on her heels and forced a smile onto her face.

  “Not for long. I’m just finishing up a few things.”

  Anna nodded and started to say something but stopped when an attractive man who Stella vaguely recognized as one of the Surgeons from the Cancer Ward, approached. He flashed the girls a smile and winked at Stella.