Unspoken

by Lauren Hawkeye

  Horror. Pure horror slammed into him. He hadn’t even thought about that.

  “Other people cleaned me up. There’s so much blood when you give birth. And I had to be... it rips you, you see. The baby. So I had to be... sewn back up.”

  Gabe winced, which at least got a wry half smile from Ellie.

  “I didn’t see him until the next morning. I was so exhausted, all I wanted to do was sleep. But... in the morning, they brought him to me. All wrapped up in a blanket, everything but his little face. They didn’t want me to unwrap him to see his fingers or toes, but I did anyway. He was... he was just perfect. In a way that I never understood until I held him in my arms.”

  She looked at Gabe then, and he knew then, that he would never be as connected to another living person as he was to this woman. They now shared something that would bind them forever, even if... more likely when... they went their separate ways.

  “I named him James Gabriel Kendrick. I hadn’t planned to name him after you at all, I was so hurt, so goddamn mad, but it just... it seemed like the right thing to do. I would have called him Jamie.”

  “Jamie.” Gabe swallowed, realized that the fingers that clutched Ellie’s were clammy.

  He had had a son. That sweet baby may not have ever had a chance to live, but for a brief moment in time, he had had a son. And his name was Jamie.

  “I went back to the women’s home. I... I didn’t have anywhere else to go. They’d never gone through anything quite like this, and they didn’t know what to do for me besides let me have a place to be while I grieved.”

  “I stayed for another year, until I was seventeen. Then I lied about my age, got a job at a restaurant, lived at a hostel for a bit. I was fired really quickly. I’m not meant for customer service.” Her lips quirked, and though Gabe was still mired in the story he’d just heard, he allowed himself to rise from the heaviness with her. Wherever she wanted to go.

  “You can be a bit... abrasive.” He smiled softly, so she’d know he didn’t mean it as an insult.

  She chuckled. “Yes. Well. I worked a lot of other jobs. Got fired from a lot of them. Moved to California. Got a job at a crappy discount florist at a mall. After Estelle, I hadn’t wanted anything to do with flowers. But... it was a job I was good at, and at that point, I’d take any scrap of pride that I could find. And I built a portfolio, got a job at a slightly classier florist. And then a bit nicer one still. And then I met someone who owned a fancy shop in a hotel in Colorado who asked me to come work for her. And that was three years ago.”

  “And you never thought about coming back?” Gabe couldn’t help it; he add to ask. Ellie’s eyes flashed with—temper? Sorrow?

  But she gave voice to neither, instead slowly shaking her head. “No. No, there was nothing left for me here.”

  Gabe broke.

  “Damn it, Ellie.” He had a split second to register the look of shock on her face as he grasped her by the back of her head. Then he pulled her to him, right into his lap, and wrapped his arms around her tighter than he’d ever held her before.

  A squeak of surprise escaped her, but he muffled it against his shoulder. He buried his face in her hair, inhaled the wildflower scent, and rocked her back and forth.

  She squirmed in his arms, and he thought she was going to push him away. But she was just trying to get her arms free, and then she wrapped them around him just as tight.

  A moment later he felt her back heave beneath his fingertips, hear a muffled wail, and knew that she was sobbing—Ellie Kendrick, the girl he’d never once seen cry.

  He held on, trying to offer as much comfort as his big arms were able to give. And it wasn’t until he moved his head, found his cheek resting on a wet patch of her hair, that he realized he was crying too, silently, but with a steady stream of scalding tears that held the pain not just of losing their child, but of everything that had been ripped away from them when they’d been too young to know how to fix it.

  They stayed like that, locked together, trembling, crying, sniffling, and crying again, until the set that had been slanting in through Gabe’s kitchen window melted away, giving rise to a twilight the color of blackberries. Only then did Ellie unfold herself from his lap, brushing at her swollen eyes, padding off to the bathroom to wash her face.

  Something between them had changed. Gabe had no idea what it meant going forward, but now...

  This was no longer just Ellie’s story. It was theirs.

  He heard the sound of the toilet flushing, the rush of the tap, the splashing of water. When she came back into the kitchen, her cheeks were flushed, her eyes bright, her hair loose, curling damply around her face.

  She looked at him, and he felt it right down to his soul.

  He knew what she wanted, what she was asking for—a reaffirmation of life. And some kind of closure.

  But he’d caused her enough pain. He knew what he wanted, too.

  But it had to come from her.

  Chapter Nine

  Ellie didn’t believe in inevitability. For her, it ranked right up there with fate, and she and the powers that be were still on uncertain terms, even after so many years. But there was an undeniable rightness in the way that Gabe was looking at her right now, like nothing existed in this world besides her.

  She remembered that look well, but it had intensified, boy to man. And she knew that, though he stayed still in his chair, he wanted the same thing she did.

  She crossed the kitchen, stood in front of him. Held her hands out for him to join her.

  He did, his fingers finding her hips, soft but sure, then pulling her toward him. The light touch sent a shudder through her a million times more potent than anything she’d felt with any other man, ever, and she had a moment’s foreboding, a wondering of if she would be able to walk out of her with her heart intact.

  But when he leaned in close, when she smelled his skin, sensed his warmth, she knew that she wanted this. She wasn’t giving in, she wasn’t trying to right old wrongs. She, the woman she was now, wanted the man that he had become.

  Their lips touched, the brush of a butterfly’s wings. Ellie shuddered out a sigh when she felt the warmth of his breath fanning out over her lips.

  Just that small connection, and the spark between them flared as bright as it had so long ago.

  He cupped her face in his hands, the rough pads of his fingers bringing the nerves in her skin to life as he delicately explored the planes of her face. She could feel the thud of his heartbeat under the heel of her palm, matching her own, and the realization nearly brought her to her knees.

  Pulling back, Gabe gently stroked his fingers through the loose waves of hair that were falling wild around her face. They looked into each other’s eyes for a long moment, telling each other what they couldn’t manage to put into words.

  She wasn’t stupid. This didn’t change anything. Too much had passed between them for this to ever word. But she wanted him anyway.

  Their lips came together again, and this time she could taste the heat. His tongue stroked over the seam of her lips, but no sooner had she parted them then he was moving, trailing kisses over her jaw, down her neck.

  Her heart raced when he kissed his way back up. She opened for him, and his tongue stroked hers, and the movement was somehow darker, dirtier than anything she remembered happening between them before.

  One of those strong hands danced over her scalp, then gently fisted a handful of the long strands, making her gasp when he tugged her head back to give him better access to her mouth. The other hand travelled to her waist, settled there, pulled her flush against his body.

  Ellie gasped into his mouth when she felt the hard ridge of his erection, pressing into the softness of her belly.

  A fever broke out over her skin when he smiled wickedly at her gasp and pressed his hips forward, rocking into her.

  Gabe hadn’t been the first that Ellie had been with. And he hadn’t been the last. But no one else had ever made her feel this much from so very l
ittle, as if he could give her the world with just one kiss.

  After so many years spent frozen inside, Ellie found herself surrendering completely, something she hadn’t been capable of at fifteen. He wouldn’t have quite known what to do with it either, but here, now...

  She may not trust anyone fully with heart, not anymore, but Gabe? She could trust him to take care of her body.

  Standing on her tiptoes, she threaded her fingers through that thick mass of dark hair and, feeling very enthusiastic about the notion, took over the kiss. He huffed out a surprised breath, taken off guard as she sealed her lips to his and pressed herself against him, but the next moment he’d caught up, cupping her ass in his hands, lifting her to the counter so that she could wrap her legs around him, could get closer and yet not close enough.

  His hands were on her hips, drawing her into him, and hers were on his shoulder, his neck, making sure that the slow, filthy kisses never stopped. When she clasped her ankles behind his muscled back he thrust forward slowly, pressing his solid length against the crease of her thigh, and Ellie felt liquid heat pool between her legs, dampening the denim.

  She moved restlessly against him, open to him as he thrust softly, taunting them both, grunting quietly every time her legs tightened around his hips. And always kissing, kissing, kissing, sometimes a slow glide of lips over lips, sometimes that demanding press of his tongue into her mouth, and always promising all the dark things that were to come.

  Gabe had never been this confident before, always content to let her take the lead—to be corrupted by the bad girl. Now the tables had turned, and it made Ellie want to tease him past the point of that rigid control. Wanted to imprint herself anew on his skin, on his brain, by making him want her more than he would ever want another woman in his life.

  Was that fair? Probably not. But something primal was driving over, this need to possess him, to be possessed.

  Her fingernails dug into his shoulders, biting through the thin cotton, urging him to take more. The kiss breaking, he pulled her so close that she thought they just might melt together, their bodies straining, pushing, almost fighting.

  Pulling back, he smiled down at her, the curve of his lips playful, yet still full of dark intent. It made Ellie’s pulse skitter, and when she kissed him again, he kissed her back, his tongue doing things that made her eyes roll back in her head.

  She barely noticed when he lifted her, his hands filled with the curves of her butt. She twined herself around him, a monkey on a tree, burying her face in the curve of her neck to settle herself.

  It’s just sex, she reminded herself. Just proving that, no matter what else, the attraction is still there.

  And yet she felt a little wobble around her heart as Gabe cradled her in his arms, one hand sliding up her back to stroke through her hair, carrying her like a child.

  Setting her gently down on the bed. Smoothing her hair back from her face, rubbing his thumb over her lower lip.

  Taking care of her. No one had ever done that. Not since… well, since him.

  “Lie back.” His tone was bossy, but Ellie found that she didn’t much care. She did as he said, sliding backward until she half reclined, her elbows on the pillow.

  He was there before she could even catch her breath, his hips cradled by her thighs.

  His lips again found hers, and she settled into the kiss with a sigh of contentment, savouring the feeling of his body against hers after so very long.

  But then he thrust against her, just enough to make his arousal known, and the easy contentment burned away in an instant, fuelling something big and bright.

  He continued to move like this, his erection stroking her through the dual layers of their jeans. The seam of hers rubbed against her most sensitive spot with her slow, filthy slide of their bodies together, and her hands clawed at his chest, his butt. Part of her wanted this to be fast, a quick explosion of the tension between them, so that they could both move on. But then his lips would move from the sensitive column of her throat to her lips for another of those slow, drugging kisses, and she would arch against him, into him, and knew that she would do whatever he said.

  Once, she had been the aggressor—the one to lead him through the physical stages of a relationship. Now, she found herself slowly coming undone beneath the stroking and running and kissing.

  He’d learned her body as a boy. But now he was touching her as a man.

  It was too much. Her hands slid beneath his shirt, splayed over the solid muscles of his back, tried to pull the cotton layer off.

  He didn’t move, at least not in the way she intended, and when another of those delicious strokes of his hips hit her in just the right place, and her eyes rolled back in her head, she pulled her lips away and begged.

  “Please, Gabe. I need to feel you. Skin to skin.”

  He stilled above her, and Ellie froze, wondering if she’d said something wrong. But then he eased back, tugged his shirt over his head. Her eyes widened when she saw just what that T-short had been hiding—a solid chest, abs that had only been hinted at the last time she’d seen him like this.

  His hands slowly dropped to the buckle of his belt. The metallic clang echoed in the thick, still air of the room. He unbuckled it, then pulled the leather through the loops of his jeans, and it was the most sensuous sound Ellie thought she’d ever heard.

  But only until he lowered the zipper, the sound rasping against her ears. She propped herself up, desperate to see, as he hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his jeans, the blue briefs that she could see beneath.

  Slowly, slowly, he eased them down. Ellie saw the planes of delicious hipbones, of taut belly. Then dark hair and, finally, his cock, fully erect, glistening with his need.

  She’d done that to him, and she was humbled.

  “I want you. Now.” Her voice was hoarse, and when he shook his head she growled.

  He grinned. “My turn. I want to see you.”

  Hurriedly she crossed her arms at her waist, fisted the hem of her shirt in eager fingers. But once she had the shirt over her head and off, his fingers found the straps of her simple bra, toying with the straps, flirting with the cups before sliding around back to unfasten the garment.

  It came away in his hands, and Ellie had a moment of panic. The last time Gabe had seen her topless, her breasts had been plump and perky, not even fully developed. They were fuller now, which she reasoned he might see as a plus, but going through a pregnancy had left them decidedly softer than they’d once been.

  She looked up from under her lashes, nerves fluttering in her belly.

  The look on his face was one of awe.

  “Beautiful. Perfect.” His hands cupped her, measured, stroked over the tips, which tightened to the point of pain.

  Then he lowered his head, closed his mouth around one of those points, and drew her deep against his tongue.

  “Christ. Gabe!” She arched into the touch, into the wet heat of his mouth. Moaning, her fingers burrowed into his hair, fastened him into place.

  He made some sound against her skin, and it sent shock waves through her system. She cried out in protest when he pulled his lips away, writhing under him when he moved to the other side.

  This was torture of the sweetest kind, and she couldn’t hold her defenses any longer. Tugging at his hair sharply enough to get his attention, she waited until he pulled back, his mouth glistening with dampness.

  “Now. Please. I just... I can’t wait.” She found the fastening of her own jeans, undid it, lifted her hips to shimmy them down before kicking them off.

  She waited, the nerves returning. Her belly was softer than it had once been, too, and her hips were rounder.

  Dancing his fingers over her collarbone, Gabe slowly ran his palm over her body, the valley between her breasts, the slope of her belly. Straddling her, he met her heated stare with one of his own as he slid his fingers slowly through her damp curls.

  “Okay?” He asked. Ellie nodded, her breath catching.
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  He skimmed his knuckles over her, barely grazing her outer lips, and her hips rose off of the bed.

  “Gabe.” He didn’t listen, continue just brushing those soft, teasing touches over her skin. “Gabe!”

  He wasn’t listening. To make her point, Ellie proper herself up, took him in her fist. He stilled, a pained groan escaping him as she began to stroke him up and down.

  “Inside me. Now.” She savoured the power to be had at forcing a moan like that from the lip of such a strong man.

  His hips pumped into her fist once, twice, and triumph seized her.

  And then she was flat on her back, one arm banded around her waist, holding her still.

  “Not until you come.” Teasing touches past, he slid his fingers through her slickness, his thumb finding her center.

  “Gabe! I... oh!” He’d challenged her with those words, and her innate stubbornness wanted to hold out, to make him do it her way.

  But as his thumb circled her insistently, repeatedly, and her body tensed with the sweetest kind of torture, she knew that even if he got his way, she couldn’t possibly lose.

  She sighed, then shuddered, her body tensing. Looking up, she met his determined stare, and understood one thing.

  Once, she might have been the dominant force in their relationship. But now...

  If he said he wouldn’t slide inside her until she came... challenging him would only find her like this, receiving the pleasure that he was pulling from her body with a sure touch.

  “Gabe. Gabe!” One final rough swipe with the pad of his thumb, and the tension that was wracking her body melted into pure, unadulterated bliss. She cried out, clawed at his arms, and he held firm, stroking her until the last shivers had quieted.

  Out of breath, her hands found his shoulders, measured the tension there.

  “Now, Gabe.” This time she wasn’t begging, but inviting. “Come inside of me.”

  “I need a condom.” But he didn’t move, and she heard the question he didn’t ask.