I can’t see his face, his shoulders block the light from the hallway. But I can hear the edge in his voice still. I’d hoped waking him quietly, gently…a foolish hope that he’d respond gently too.
I feel his hand inside my robe, pushing it open. I can feel him hard against my leg already. I can’t help myself. My body is a traitor. I respond and arch to meet his hand between my legs. He roughly shoves two fingers in, his knuckles punching against me. I cry out, but he only repeats the slamming in and out several times. I know better than to try closing my legs. I’ve made that mistake before. I don’t resist. I just cry out with each thrust. He finally pulls his fingers out and I shudder with pain…and that traitorous wet excitement I always feel with his touch, good or bad.
“On your belly.” I try to obey, but my robe is trapped under us. He lifts off a little and I get my arms out. I slowly roll over. He grabs my hair and yanks my head back. “Spread your legs, whore.” He hasn’t called me that…not since that night. I know he thinks I betrayed him again tonight. I open my legs. He laughs. “You can do better than that.” I open further and he lets go of my hair.
“I’ll give you a choice, little girl.” I shiver hearing his words. I thought he’d move to be between my legs, not leave me exposed like this. “I promised not to beat you…tonight anyway. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t hurt you.” I muffle a little cry into the bed. “But I’ll give you a choice now. I plan to beat you with the buckle of the belt…up and down.” His fingers trace goose bumps from my legs to my shoulders. I shake and cry into the bed more. “But I’ll relent…only beat you with the leather…if you tell me now that you deserve to be fucked hard in your ass. Like a good little whore needs.”
Oh God. He did this on our honeymoon. I remember the pain. But…but he’s never hit me with the buckle before…I can’t take that…I can’t. “Please…”
“Please, what, little girl?”
I can’t say it. He’s made me beg for punishment before. He’s made me tell him exactly what I did wrong to deserve his anger. But this… “Please…”
“I’m losing patience, Lucy…you’ve just earned the buckle on your ass no matter what you say…wanna save your pretty back and legs that pain? Then tell me what you deserve, whore.”
“Please…do…do my bottom…” I know better than to curse, to say it the way he did. Even in my rabbit holed-brain, I know better than to anger him more that way. I push my mind away, trying to not feel his body move to be above me, between my legs.
But I feel everything. There’s no escape. He spreads my cheeks with his thumbs. I can feel the tip of his hard cock against me and I try to squeeze my body smaller, away. He laughs. “Go ahead. Tense up. I’ll only like it more.” He pushes a little, but not in. “I’m not going to make this easy on you, whore. I’m not going to make you wet. I want this to hurt.” He pushes in fast and hard.
I scream. I’m being ripped apart. A searing pain, I try to push up and get him off. I don’t have control over myself, it’s instinct to fight against this pain. But he doesn’t budge. His legs stay locked next to me, his cock buried deep. He shoves my arms down and holds me against the bed. “I like when you move. Pushes me in deeper.”
He pulls out a little and I cry more. He’s almost out and I take big gulps of air and hair, my face smashed to the side, my hair covering me. “Tell me you want it. Tell me you deserve it.”
I know he’ll only hurt me more if I disobey, if I try to resist. “I want it….I…I deserve…” my tears cover the last word. My cry strangles it when he shoves into me again.
He leans forward, pushing his cock down and making me cry out louder. With his lips gently against my ear, “Move your hips. Shove yourself against me.” I’m too shaky to do much, but I move my hips up, crying more. “Good whore. You do like it, don’t you?!” He kisses my ear and raises up. He thrusts in and out fast several times, then slows down. I can hear his breathing over my cries and grunts. I know he’s slowing down to stop himself from cuming too fast.
“Please…”
He stops, his cock deep in me. “Squeeze me then. Make me cum, whore.”
I shake my head against the bed. “Do it or I’ll cum now, get hard and fuck your ass all over again.”
“Please, Max…please…” But I close my eyes, squeezing them as much as my ass. I cry out, letting go.
“Again.” I don’t know how, but I do. My cries are constant, shaking the bed, us. I don’t know if I let go; it feels like I just hold onto him. A desperate embrace of sobs and pain.
I feel him explode, his legs rocking the bed and me. But he doesn’t get out. He stays in me, rubbing my head and back. When my sobs finally quiet. He leans over, pulling out and kissing me cheek through my hair, “That’s my good whore.”
He gets up and I roll over, waiting until he leaves the room to really cry. My body convulses with sobs. I don’t hear him when he returns. “Get up.” I jump at his voice. But my sobs are silenced. I shakily get off the bed, grabbing my robe. It’s still clean even if I’m not. I wrap this around me and slowly walk out. I feel my asshole is the size of my ass and I can feel his cum dripping out of me. I have to stop myself from throwing up. I take a few deep breaths before I walk into our bedroom.
He’s in the bathroom. I can hear the shower running. I walk in slowly. He’s already cleaning himself off. His beautiful hair slicked back, his muscled body bubbled with soap. He sees me and opens the door. His eyes are still hard, but he doesn’t say anything. I let the robe drop to the floor. I’m numb.
The warm water feels good for a moment, a shock against my numbness. He hands me the soap and turns away while I clean myself. I wince at the pain, trying to be gentle. When I turn around, he’s staring at me again.
But his face has changed a little. The anger’s still there. But so is pain. He’s had this look before. Like he wants to cry but he won’t let himself. “Why?!”
I don’t know how to respond to this. His voice takes on more volume over the water. “Why would you betray me like that, Lucy?”
“I...I’m sorry…I wasn’t trying…I didn’t mean to hurt you…” My voice echoes and I can hear how pathetic I sound. I’m hurt, but I’m the one apologizing to him. This is just the way it is with us.
He moves slowly to stand in front of me. He puts his hands on my shoulders, gently. But I don’ trust that he’ll stay gentle. I can see the dark anger, I can still hear it. His body is still tense. “Haven’t I always told you exactly what I expect of you?”
“Yes” This is true. From the beginning, he’s told me how it has to be with us. His demands were never a secret he hid. Jake’s right; I’m the one who’s been hiding.
“Then you know you’ve been very bad, little girl.” It’s not a question. I don’t move. He said he wouldn’t punish me today. But I’m suddenly very cold in the steamed shower.
He turns off the water and opens the door. I follow him out. He puts a towel around me and dries off my hair and back. He kisses my forehead and even smiles at me as he turns to get his own towel. I’m too numb, scared, confused…I don’t know what to make of any of this.
When he’s dry, he takes the towels and hangs them up. I watch as he gently takes my hand and leads me back to the bedroom. I watch as he gets in bed, propped up on pillows and pats my side of the bed. I slowly get in. My butt still hurts and I wince as I put pressure on it, lying on my side quickly. He puts his arms around me and pulls me onto his chest more.
I’m still not trusting…but this has always been our routine. He punishes me, then comforts me. I’m used to kissing my own tears on his chest, feeling his heartbeat against my cheek. I put my hand up on his stomach and feel his breaths, his muscles. I can see that he’s aroused again under the sheet. I can feel my own body respond to his gentle touches. A damn lab rat in his maze, doing whatever I can for a piece of cheese!
I decide I have nothing to lose. If he’s going to keep his promise of not hurting me more, then it’s now or never. “Max?
”
“Yes, baby.” He sounds almost sleepy.
“I…I don’t want to make you angrier with me…but…”
Chapter 14 HIM
“…but I need to talk…to say something…?”
I can feel her shaking against me. My little Lucy. She knows she’s in a lot of trouble. She’s never made me this angry before. Not even that night when she let Rich touch her. She’s been on her best behavior ever since…I don’t understand why she blew it. Why she misbehaved so badly.
“Go on.”
She moves her head up to look at me more. I kiss her nose. I’ve always loved her nose, so straight and little. I’ll keep my promise…I’ll never break her, never cause her any real damage. But I smile thinking of the black eye I’m going to give her tonight. I won’t use my fist. Her nose will be safe.
She swallows and takes a deep breath. “I am sorry for everything.” I nod. Of course she is. She’s sorry she’s in so much trouble. “It was stupid and foolish…and I shouldn’t have done any of it…” I nod again, but I’m curious where she’s going with this. Does she really think that apologizing now while I’ve promised not to punish her will help to ease my anger? She should know better by now.
“I know you know…” She stops, I can feel her body heat up again, her heartbeats flittering thumps against my side. She continues in a tiny voice, “…about Jake coming here…” I keep myself relaxed, not responding to the mental image and shouting in my own head at her words.
“And I’m sorry for keeping that a secret too.” I nod, continuing to stroke her hair and back. “I needed someone to talk to…after…after what you did…that night…”
“What I did?” I keep my voice steady, but I can feel my own body getting warmer now.
“…Yes…when you hurt me so badly…when I couldn’t move without pain for a week…” Her voice rises slightly, an unpleasant note of defiance in it.
“Careful, little girl...”
I feel her squirm, swallowing and moving her head back down. When she starts again, her voice is small and soft once more, “I was in a lot of pain…and I was scared, Max.”
“Didn’t I tell you what would happen if you let another man touch you again?”
“…Yes, but…” She’s shaking again, I can feel her tears on my chest, her fingers fidgeting against my stomach. I wait for her to continue, wanting to see how far she’s willing to push this. “But…I never thought you’d be able to hurt me like that…that you’d even want to hurt me that badly…”
I lift her chin up to look at me again, but I’m gentle. I even keep my voice soft, my look tender. “I’m going to hurt you worse than that later today, little girl.”
She’s shocked. I like seeing her looks as they change so quickly. Shock. Fear. Guilt. Despair. And one I haven’t seen in a long time. Anger.
It doesn’t matter. She’ll be feeling only fear and guilt soon enough. And pain.
Chapter 14 HER
“I can’t…I can’t believe you’re saying…” I try to breathe. I must be in a nightmare…today must’ve been a nightmare and I’ll wake up soon, right?! He can’t be looking at me so sweetly and saying…this!
“I think I’ve been too lenient with you, Lucy. It’s my own fault really. I’ve given you too much time to think…I’ve not demanded enough of you, to keep you busier.” He smiles at me. I feel his hand move from my hip around to gently press against my lower stomach. “That’ll change soon if you’re pregnant.” He shrugs. “And I’ll keep a closer eye on you. I won’t let you get yourself into so much trouble again, little girl.”
I push against him quickly, shoving myself away before he can react. I’m standing, naked. Furious. Shaking with anger at his words.
“Do you hear yourself? Max…I’m practically a prisoner here now. I threw my phone away because I know you trace my every move, my every call. I needed a minute to myself. To breathe! To think!”
His look doesn’t change much. He remains sweet with a hint of anger, but his words carry even more edge. The warning edge. “You want time to think? How bout thinking about what you’ve done wrong…yesterday and now. How bout thinking about how you’ve disappointed me?”
I take a breath, but stay standing away from him. I try to think. How can I get him to see that I need him to talk to me seriously?! “I…I know I disappointed you, Max…and I am sorry…I already said I’m sorry for everything that’s happened.” I take another deep breath, trying to see if any of this is getting through to him. I can’t tell. “But…but I’ve been struggling for so long with…with everything…I need to talk to you…I need you to listen to me…please?!” My tears run down my cheeks freely, I brush them away angrily.
“What is it you think I need to hear? What is it you think you need to say, Lucy?”
“I…I’m afraid.”
“You said that already.” He’s calm, matter-of-fact almost. “You should be afraid.”
“Max…” I’m running out of words. My shock, fear, anger…zapping any thoughts. I swallow and start over, trying for a stronger voice again.
Chapter 15 HIM
“I’m afraid that you don’t really love me…that you only love how you can order me around…and…and hurt me.” She swallows again. I let her have this time to speak. No harm in letting her talk as long as she’s calm about it. “I’m afraid…if we have a child…how you’ll want to raise…our child…” She stops. Her mouth opening and closing, but she only tries to breathe, her hands against her stomach.
I speak calmly, slowly, in the voice I use when I want to be very clear with her, a child needing a reminder lesson. “Lucy. I love you very much. Everything about you. I’ve loved you since the beginning.” I put my hand out and pat the bed again. She doesn’t move at first, but she responds when I lower my brows a little more. She sits on the edge of the bed, but still away from me.
“I do love ordering you around as you put. And I do love being able to hurt you.” I can see she tenses up again, almost standing, but she stops herself. I keep my voice very calm, very slow still. “And I will raise our children to be respectful of me and of you. Our children will know that I’m in charge and they will fear being punished if they misbehave.” She starts to shake her head, but I continue. “But understand…that my harshest, strictest lessons…and discipline…I reserve for you.”
I give her a moment to think about this. “I expect full obedience and submission from you, Lucy. No questions. No arguments. No negotiations. You know this, little girl. You mess up. I will punish you. And from now on…I will be harder on you.”
I can see her eyes fill with tears. So pretty. Her hair down her front, her hands in her lap. I reach and pull her towards me, not giving her a chance to stand up again. She doesn’t resist. I pull her into my chest, a tight ball with her knees up and pressed against me. I pull the covers over us and hold her.
Chapter 15 HER
I try to be still in his arms. I’m too chilled by his words. So calm. So clear.
“What if…what if that’s not what I want…what I need…?” I say this as almost a whisper, too afraid to say it…to afraid to keep it in.
He doesn’t say anything for a long time, just keeps stroking his hand from the top of my head, down my back, across my raised legs and back again. I almost think he didn’t hear me until his voice answers in a whisper too, “You gave up having a choice when you became my wife, Lucy. What you want…what you need…I decide. You’ll take whatever I do to you.”
Even in a whisper, I know his final tone when I hear it. There’s no point in talking more.
Jake was right. He’ll never change. I swallow and still only speak in a cracked whisper, “What…what are you going to do to me, Max?”
And he waits to answer me again. His voice slides across the words, like he’s enjoying hearing the fear in my voice, feeling the shiver in my body. “Do you really want to know, little girl?”
“I…I might be pregnant…” It’s all I can think to say…ho
peful that he’ll snap out of this deeper darkness still. Foolish hope. And coward. Too afraid to hear what he has planned for me.
“Yes. I think we should get you a new appointment later today.” He moves us both down the bed. “Enough talking. Get some sleep now, baby.” He kisses the top of my head and relaxes his arms a little.
Chapter 16 HIM
I didn’t fall back asleep after last night. I stayed awake, listening to Lucy’s breathing eventually even and deepen. Just that was enough to make me almost sleep. I’m always calmer having her next to me.
And I could use some calming right now. It’s why I got out of bed at 5:00 a.m. and went for a longer run. It’s why I’m still sitting on the terrace with a cold cup of coffee, thinking.
Yesterday seems like a nightmare. Not knowing where Lucy was. Looking for her. Talking to Killaney, Dad, Jeff. Jake…but I skip over him for now. Everything that happened up until she was home again, safe.
I’ve never felt helpless before. A feeling I hope never to feel again. That Lucy made me feel this way…I can’t forgive her. Not yet anyway. Not until I’ve punished her.
Which leads to my next frustration. Having to wait to punish her. I don’t like waiting for anything. I see the reason, the sense in waiting. But that doesn’t mean I like it. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to wait for anything. Waiting last night to hear from Lucy...I need to stop thinking about it.
Since Jake called. Since knowing what happened to her. I’ve had to hold my anger in check. I’ve had to stop my hands from wringing her neck. From punching him. I look at my hands holding the cold cup now.
I don’t know that I’ll be able to forgive Jake for his part in all this. I’ll try, but it’ll be a long time before I trust him again with Lucy.
I smile. But that doesn’t matter. I’ve already arranged for a new driver for me. Jeff will be keeping Lucy company from now on. She won’t be leaving here without me knowing where she is at all times. And no one will be allowed in here without my permission.
True Control 4.2: A Dark Romance (True Series Book 5) Page 5
