True Control 4.2: A Dark Romance (True Series Book 5)

by Madison, Willow

  I’m shaking. It’s been a long time since I’ve worked really. And I’ve only had a few jobs before this. High school, I worked in a friend’s Dad’s dental office; college, I worked as the front desk in admissions; and right out of college, I worked as technical recruiter for a small talent placement company. The longest I worked anywhere was with the accounting firm, recruiting non-accounting positions. I loved it. I was even good at it. But it feels like a lifetime ago that I was around professional-types.

  Max didn’t believe in letting me work. I ignore this thought. It’s not going to help me. I need to focus on getting through today. That’s all. I can’t let Jake down. He’s doing this for me. I have to do my best.

  I know this is good for me. I’ve been able to think of nothing else all morning. Almost. A miracle. I rushed through getting ready and eating a big breakfast.

  I smile and jolt with a pothole. But I keep my breakfast down. I have a tight small smile for Jeff as I get out. I know he’ll be back to pick me up. He’s still on the payroll is how Ron put it. I know he thinks it’s his job to keep a close eye on me. For Max. I like it…I feel connected still to my life with Max this way.

  Jake’s still in his old offices, just outside the Loop. I look at my watch. I’m early. Max’s training. Never be late. A golden rule. I smile. He might not be pleased that I’m doing this, but at least I’m not breaking any of his other rules.

  I smooth my light dress down, pull my light-weight sweater away from my stomach and walk through the open doors. The offices are up a flight of stairs. I have to search for the door down the hall. I’ve only been here once, several months ago.

  I finally find the door, but it’s locked. The hallway is dark too. I’m a little too punctual. I wait near the only window in the area. I can see people walking quickly just a floor below on the street, cars slowing and speeding.

  I’m saddened by the obvious tick of time. This is why I need to stay busy…to avoid thinking about life and time and all that can happen and has happened and all that...

  “Hello!”

  “Shi…!” I jump and turn, startled by the clear voice in the hall behind me.

  “Hey…sorry…didn’t mean to scare you…” A dark-haired, dark-eyed man in baggy dark jeans, t-shirt, and multi-colored shoes comes a little closer. His smile is friendly though. He keeps one hand on his side and one on the strap to his bag slung across his shoulder.

  “Oh. No…I just didn’t hear you…” I try to sound more confident again. I’m still shaking though. Between being scared and running down the rabbit hole of depression again…I’m definitely shaken.

  He smiles wider. “Are you waiting for Jake?” I nod. “Well, I’m Tim. One of his architects. I can let you in to wait inside…”

  I smile too, “Thank you.”

  I follow him inside and he turns on lights as we go. The place is a little different. The lobby and front desk is pushed forward more, there are more cubicles everywhere. Tubes of papers, long tables of reams of paper, every work surface covered in papers. I follow Tim into a break area. He keeps looking at me from the side as he makes a fresh pot of coffee. The smell is intoxicating. I’m used to having one cup each morning. Another rule. Going cold turkey with even this small addiction has been hard.

  I step back out into the open area, looking around. I don’t know where Jake’s office is anymore. The space is jammed pack with tables and walls and papers.

  I turn to see Tim smiling again at me. “So…are you a new client…or a new architect?”

  “Neither…I’m just here to help out…new office staff.” I don’t know why I shy away from saying ‘manager’ but it doesn’t feel right. I won’t be here that long anyway.

  “Ah. Finally.” I move out of his way as he walks back towards the front. I still follow him though, through the maze of stuff. “This is me. In case you ever have a question, or need anything.” He drops his bag at a cubby near a side window. I look around the space. It’s a mess. A creative mess, but still an overwhelming display of objects, art, trinkets, and more papers. He moves a pile of rolled up papers off to the side and turns on his computer.

  “Thanks.” I think my first question would be how he gets any work done in all this.

  “What’s your name?”

  “Oh…sorry.” I put out my hand. “Lucy. Nice to meet you, Tim.”

  He takes my hand and wraps his other hand around both of ours. “You have a pretty smile, Lucy. I can say that…since you haven’t officially started yet.” And he winks at me.

  I catch my breath. I lean against the makeshift wall between the cubicles and feel the tears spring up, but I look down quickly.

  “Damn…I didn’t think anybody blushed anymore!” He lets go of my hand. I pull away, moving back a few steps from him.

  I try to smile, to not cry. I don’t look at him. I look everywhere but at him. I know he was only joking with me, but…the wink! I hear a few more people coming in and I take the opportunity to walk away quickly. I’ll wait at the front.

  I bump into Jake’s strong chest rushing to get down the corridor of cubes.

  “Hey.” He puts his arms around me and I feel even colder, more shaken. I shouldn’t be here. This was a bad idea. “Lucy…you ok?” His deep, concerned voice. His spicy sweet smell, like vanilla and nutmeg, warm and inviting. His eyes. All wrong.

  I push away. “I’m fine…I just need the bathroom.” That’s true. My bladder is becoming the size of a pea with this baby. Maybe I’ll just keep walking though. I can explain later that I changed my mind. He’ll have to understand.

  But Jake grabs my chin and pulls my face up to his. And I know. Right there. I can lie to myself all I want. But I know. “Don’t lie to me, girl.”

  I shake my head, “I just got a little overwhelmed…being here…all these people I don’t know...” My eyes dart around. A few people are looking our way now.

  He lets go of my chin and grunts a little, “That’s understandable.” Then he grins, his dirty-secret grin, “Besides…I know you wanna impress the boss.” And I laugh watching his eyebrows wiggle. He can always make me laugh, even when my stomach hurts.

  “I really do have to…” I gesture with my head towards the hall.

  “Oh. Down the hall, first on the right.” As I walk away though, he adds with a stern voice, “I’ll be waiting right here, Lucy.”

  I guess I won’t be walking away.

  And I know that I don’t want to…I like the idea of being here…near Jake.

  Chapter 32 HIM

  I watch her walk down the hall. I don’t care that everyone’s staring at me, smiling or frowning. I only have eyes on Lucy. Her dress isn’t helping. It’s sweet, but I can see her ass moving under the light material, it looks like she doesn’t have on... I stop myself before I finish the thought. I rub my chin with both hands and stare up at the ceiling.

  She looked like she’d seen a ghost. She was that pale, that scared. I just wanted to pick her up and carry her away from whatever had her so scared.

  I’m absorbed in my thoughts; I don’t notice Mitch until he shoves my coffee cup under my nose. “Hey, Jake. What’s this I hear about you kissing somebody in the lobby?”

  I groan and shoot him a look that instantly has him shutting up. Lucy returns, but stops a few feet away seeing my angry look. I give Mitch one last warning glare, before turning my attention back to her. I put my hand out and she does her little hip-rolling walk over to me, putting her small fingers in the center of my palm. “Lucy, this is my assistant, Mitch. He’ll show you around today, get you settled in.” She nods and smiles at him, pulling her hand away from mine and shaking his.

  And for a brief moment I think about grabbing her arm and yanking her back against me. I smile, thinking about the office gossip that would start. I’m glad that I’ll be busy with client meetings all morning…I really need to keep a distance from her.

  Why’d you hire her then, jackass?

  …But I know the truth. I can lie t
o myself all I want. I can pretend. But I know.

  I like having her here…I like knowing that she’s near.

  Chapter 32 HER

  “What are still doing here?!” I jump at hearing Jake’s loud and angry voice at the entrance to my little cubicle.

  “Holy…! Jake, you scared me!”

  “I asked you a question.” His eyes narrow and his body seems to fill the space more.

  “I…I had a few things I wanted to finish before leaving.” I saw him an hour ago and he said bye, so I thought he’d left already. I don’t know why he’s so upset. I glance at my watch. It’s only 6:00 p.m.

  “Jeff is waiting downstairs for you.” It’s an accusation. An angry one.

  This only ticks me off, like he thinks I’d leave Jeff just waiting. “I text him. Told him I’d be down at 6:30 today.”

  “You leave at 5:00, Lucy.” I’ve only been here a week. But on the first day, Jake came into my cubby at exactly 5:00 and told me to leave for the day. I was embarrassed then because Mitch and I were in the middle of a report. I didn’t argue, I just quietly left, not making eye contact with Mitch or Jake again.

  “I can decide for myself when to leave, Jake…it’s not like you’re paying me overtime…” I try to smile at this, to change the tension. It backfires.

  He only gets angrier with me, his face hardening. “Don’t get cute with me, girl. Get up. Now.”

  I flush at this. An angry, embarrassed flush. No one else is around at least. “What’s the big deal, Jake…so I stay a little later tonight? I’m trying to help you.”

  He moves to stand next to me, swiveling my chair to face him and pushing it back quickly with both hands on the top, his forearms on the sides of my head. I have a moment of dizzying motion and intoxicating vanilla spice. “The big deal is I told you to go home at 5:00. So that’s what time you’ll go. No questions.”

  I try to push against his chest, to get him off. It’s like a butterfly pushing a door. Not gonna budge. He grins and pushes my chair back even further. I’m afraid we’ll tip over; I stop pushing and just stare up at him.

  He hasn’t been this close to me all week. If anything, he’s avoided being near me or alone with me every day. We went to lunch that first day, but he invited a few people along and sat on the other end of the table.

  Feeling his heat, his breath on my face, seeing his strength…I flush again. It takes any thoughts I had and twists them around to only one. I want to run my tongue over the light hair on his arms.

  I lower my eyes and put my hands in my lap. Get control of your damn prego hormones!

  Chapter 33 HIM

  Heading out the door, I spot Jeff leaning against the car in the side alley. I frown, walking over. “Where’s Lucy?”

  He nods and takes out an earbud, I can hear the game he was listening to, “She’ll be down soon.” I frown more at this.

  “She’ll be down now.” I turn to walk back into the building, but stop and walk back to Jeff. “From now on, if she’s not down here at 5:00, you text me. Got it?” He nods again, but with a small smile. I ignore it and walk away quickly.

  I told her to leave at 5:00 every day. She needs to rest. She’s looking better, more like she should. Her eyes aren’t as hollowed and I know she’s been eating more, taking better care of herself. But she’s also been working harder than I expected.

  She’s been a madwoman with organization. I almost don’t recognize my offices, and it’s only been a week. She arranged interior design interns to help archive all the plans and drawings that were lying around. And she came up with a new system with my project leaders for staying ahead of the piles, so in the future we won’t have to deal with the same problem again, no matter how short staffed I might get.

  I’ve been impressed.

  Now, I’m just pissed. I stop at her cubicle and see her curls highlighted by the computer screen and her fingers pulling on her lips as she concentrates.

  She jumps and I like seeing the little startled, big-eyed look for a moment. It doesn’t take the edge off of my anger though.

  I’m not thinking. I’ve been trying to avoid being close to her all week. But now, I’m too pissed off to think of this.

  I shove her back, grinning at her shocked look again. I feel myself getting hard. But it’s too late. I can’t back down now. I push her even further back.

  And her look changes, her eyes soften, lips part… Stop! My imagination is going to drive me crazy. I let her chair back up slowly.

  “Now. Get your ass downstairs and go home.”

  She sits up straighter in the chair, chin up. “No. I have a few things I want to finish and I told Jeff I’d be down in a half hour. He can wait.” I laugh at her effort to look commanding and determined. Not very convincing on her. Her eyes narrow more. “It’s not nice to laugh at an employee, ya know.”

  “You’re not an employee… But I am your boss. And I’ll give you two more seconds to get your shit and get out of here.” I cock my eyebrow at her.

  “Or what?” She sits back and crosses her arms over her stomach. She thinks reminding me that she’s pregnant will stop me from doing anything to her. That’s a mistake she won’t make again.

  I answer her slowly, crossing my own arms. “Or I’ll pick you up and carry you out of here. I don’t care if you kick and scream, girl. You’re going home when I tell you to.” I grin at her even more determined look, almost a pretty pout now, “I won’t be the one embarrassed.”

  She falters. I know she’s imagining what everyone would see. I am too. I like the image in my head. She seems to think better of pushing me more.

  She glares as she opens her drawer and slams it closed after getting her bag. She huffs as she stands up and stomps by me. Her cheeks are bright red, her lips squeezed tight over what she’d like to say to me. But I grab her arm before she’s by me. “And I told Jeff to let me know if you’re ever late meeting him again. I won’t give you a choice a second time, Lucy.” She looks like she’s going to say what she’s been thinking, so I cut her off, my voice a little deeper with emotion, “You need your rest. You’re just starting to look healthy again…I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

  Her mouth snaps shut again and she looks down. I let her arm go and she walks out, but quietly. Submissively.

  I on the hand have to wait a minute to leave. Wouldn’t be good for the boss to be walking around with a hard-on in the office.

  Chapter 33 HER

  The first morning sunshine feels good, but the humidity is already climbing. I can feel sweat all over and not just from jogging. I slow to a fast walk. Sorry, Max, won’t make my numbers today. I know it’s more than feeling heavier and the heat. I’ve been pushing myself to get out of the funk I feel again. I woke up at 4:00 a.m. and couldn’t go back to sleep. I came out for a run when it was still dark out.

  I had a burst of energy the last few weeks. A happiness at working for Jake. Feeling productive and needed again. I like most of the people there and I’ve had more than one person say I’m doing a good job. I smile thinking about the praises I’ve received from Jake.

  I like when he pops his head into my cubby, just to smile and give me a compliment. I’m a puppy with a bone, wagging my tail in happiness all day afterwards. Eager to please…that’s me. But it’s more than that. I like earning Jake’s praise, his smiles. I like pleasing him.

  I feel a flutter in my stomach again at this thought. I’ve been having dreams of him lately. The boss bending me over every surface in the office and taking me from behind.

  I keep blaming it on hormones, but I know that’s not it. Well, not all of it.

  I keep going back to the conversation we had…that night I was stuck in his elevator. But I never quite finish my thoughts. Because all thoughts always leads back to Max.

  And I’ve been thinking a lot about Max this past week. All of the firsts we missed celebrating so far this summer. First kiss, first date, first time he said he loved me. That was today, Fourth of Ju
ly.

  I’ve skipped over a lot of things this summer to avoid facing my pain with others around. I skipped Dan’s birthday party. I skipped firm events that Ron and Alex invited me to. I’ve skipped going to their lake house. I haven’t avoided them. I’ve seen Ron and Alex almost every week.

  But I’ve avoided going places that remind me of Max, doing things that remind me of him. I’ve even stopped wearing my rings. At least in public. I’ve always felt a little self-conscious with such a large diamond. Somehow not having Max next to me, I feel a little strange with it on. Like it’s a tag of possession, but I no longer belong to anyone. Luggage lost at the airport that no one claims. I’d rather not answer any questions about it when someone notices it.

  In the privacy of my own home, I still cry myself to sleep some nights with pictures of him around me. I still wear his shirts around the house. I’ve bolted awake from a dream, thinking he was next to me and cried well into the morning hours.

  I start to jog again. It helps with the anger. Tears I can handle now. I have some feeling of control over the sadness. I can keep it together around people for the most part. I only breakdown when I’m alone anymore.

  I put my hands on my stomach as I pick up speed. Our baby helps with the sadness. I know I have to stay positive as much as I can for the baby’s sake. But the anger? I don’t know what to do with it sometimes.

  And I’ve been dreading today. It was a turning point in our relationship. The “I love yous” were exchanged and I was forever his. No choice. No control. Just his.

  Well…I still had the illusion of control for a little longer. I brush my cheek, shoving a tear away, thinking of that first slap. When all illusions were cleared away. I had one last choice and I made it. Him. Always.

  Even with all of the doubts I had. That last day together. I said he couldn’t change, but he was willing to try. For me. He said we’d have a fresh start. No matter the pain he caused me, his love was always stronger. Always.

  He said I gave him everything he asked. At least that day, he knew I gave him the one thing I was afraid I couldn’t. A child. And my belief in him. My faith in him. Always.