Never Been Kissed

by Darling, Lucy

  I pocket my phone, heading back into the kitchen. She turns when she hears me, her whole face lighting up. She comes over to me, dropping her head back for a kiss while handing me a cup of coffee at the same time. Fuck me.

  “I made omelettes today.”

  “Sounds good.”

  She heads back over towards the stove. “Word of warning—my brother could show up at any time.”

  “I’ll have to meet them at some point. Rather sooner than later.” I can tell she’s a little nervous about this. Why, I’m not sure.

  “They tend to scare off anyone that shows an interest in me.”

  “I like them already then.”

  Precious snorts a laugh. I’m not going to get mad about her brothers making sure no man is trying to get at her.

  “I think you fall into that category.” She points the spatula at me.

  “I wouldn't let your brothers run me off. If I did, I don’t deserve you.” That isn’t a lie. “That said, I don’t think you’d let your brothers get rid of anything if you truly wanted it.”

  Her eyes widen for a moment, realizing the truth in my words. No, she's never had her brothers chasing off someone who she gave a shit about. Precious doesn't do anything she doesn't want to.

  “You’re right.” She turns, plating my omelette to bring over to me.

  I snag her around the waist, pulling her between my legs. “Last night meant more to me than you’ll ever know.” She puts her hands on my chest. “I promised you I’d never hurt you.”

  “I didn’t think you would.” I love how she gives me her trust. “Now eat. We have to swing by my place.” I dig in, eating the best omelette of my life. Dread hangs over me as Precious gets dressed.

  “Duke, you coming?” I whistle for him as we head out the door. I am going to leave him with her. I wish I knew how long I was going to be gone. That might make this easier. But those details are never shared in advance. You get the call, you go, and you do what you have to for as long as it takes to get the job done.

  “He’s such a good boy.” Precious opens the truck door, letting Duke jump in. “It’s such a nice day. It’s hard to believe that it’s been storming these past few days based on today.”

  “I’ll have to show you around.”

  “You have four wheelers?” Her eyes light up with excitement. I do, but if I didn't I would buy thousands of them if it made her have that look on her face.

  “I do.”

  “Oh, let’s do that.” My eyes drift between her legs. She’s got jeans on now but I’m not sure that a four-wheeler is a good idea. I worry that she’s sore. Not that I can take her out right now but when we get back.

  “My vagina is fine.” She smacks my arm. “Though I wouldn't stop you from kissing it.” Her teasing makes me smile but rips at my insides. I don't want to leave. My girl is beginning to come out of her shell, showing me the kind of life she would give us. It would be filled with her happy sweetness. She fills up the quiet, making me feel settled for the first time in a long time.

  “My cabin is still standing.” She hops out of the truck. The cabin has seen many storms. I wish it was flattened, then she’d have to stay with me permanently. That’s a bridge I’ll cross when I get back. I grab her bag, following her inside. “Found it on the sofa.” She holds up her phone. Her eyes drop to my bag. “Are we not staying at your place?” I set her bag down on the love seat.

  “I’ve got to handle some work,” I admit. Her smile drops for a moment.

  “Bow, I know you have work. You own a whole farm. I can help if you want.” She drops her phone back down, coming over to me.

  “This I gotta do alone.” I pull her into me. “Will you keep an eye on Duke for me?”

  “Of course. I can’t promise that he won’t favor me when you get back.”

  “I can’t say I blame him.” She’s making this too easy. It’s ripping me apart. I don’t want to leave her for a second. I’ve gone so long without human touch that I’m starved for it. Not just anyone. It’s only hers that I want for the rest of my life.

  I want to see that smile on her face every day for as long as I’m still breathing. I reach up, brushing a piece of hair from her face, committing every detail of her beautiful face to memory, knowing that I’ll need the memories to keep me going while we’re apart. I lean down, kissing her. Her little body pushes into mine. I lift her, holding her close.

  Regret lingers as I report in for duty. I should have told her I love her. I should have told her everything.

  13

  PJ

  Duke lies on the bed with me. His head rests on my stomach as I pet him. “Where is your daddy?” I ask him. It's been more than a day since I saw Bow. I’m starting to worry. He had work. I get that. I have no idea what it takes to run a farm, but I’m sure it’s a lot. I just didn't know it would require him to be gone overnight. Then again, I guess he could have gone back home. Slept alone and then went back to work. Why couldn’t I sleep with him?

  “I’m a clinger, Duke. Can you believe that?” I let out a long sigh. I’m acting like we should be living together. “Is it wrong of me to think that? I mean really, Duke. You heard all the sweet things he said to me. I thought he wanted to marry me and for me to have his babies.” Duke lifts his head to stare at me. “Yes, you could be an older brother.” He barks. See, he likes the idea too.

  “I’m going crazy.” Duke jumps from the bed as I start to get up. He falls in step in front of me. “If Bow and I break up I’m keeping you, Duke.” He is a well-trained dog. It took me some time to get him to come up onto the bed. He prefers to stand guard at the front door, but my belly rubs won out. I didn't want to sleep alone. Which is crazy. I’ve always slept alone. Unless Bunny was crawling into bed with me demanding we have a slumber party.

  Now Bow has gone and ruined me in only a few days. I don’t want to sleep in a giant bed alone. I want a giant man filling it with me. One that smells like the sun with rough hands that feel good on my skin. I glance to the kitchen. I still haven't gone to the store. That might kill some time. I could also swing by Bow’s to check on things. I’ll do a drive-by. I pick up the key he left on the coffee table.

  “What if he is over there wondering why I haven't come over?” Duke tilts his head, looking at me. I know. I don’t think Bow waits for anything. That’s why this doesn't make sense. I slip on my shoes, opening the front door. Duke bolts out, doing his normal circle check around the house. He reminds me so much of the dogs my brother often uses.

  I lock the door behind me before heading for my truck. Duke jumps in when I open the door for him. I follow him in, pulling my hair up into a ponytail. My phone rings as I head towards Bow’s place. I think it’s going to be my brother, but it’s Bunny. Mason told me we needed to talk and then when I’d called him back he was out working. I haven't heard a peep from him. Not that it’s uncommon. He can get wrapped up in work if something comes up. Still, it’s driving me bonkers. He knows something about Bow and I want the details.

  When I pull up to Bow’s his truck isn't there. I still go inside, grabbing some food for Duke. I find myself back in his bedroom. The bed still looks messy, the same way we left it. Being the crazy person I am, I steal a few of his shirts before leaving again. I don’t want to leave. A knot forms in my throat. Before I know it I’m in front of Jameson and Bunny’s place. Suddenly the peace and quiet I thought I wanted so much doesn’t seem that appealing.

  Bunny is opening the front door before I’m out of my truck. She steps out onto the porch. “Come in here,” she orders making me smile. Jameson gives me a nod as Bunny pulls me into the kitchen.

  “You want Jameson to make us something to eat?”

  “Sure.” Jameson walks over to Bunny, dropping a kiss on her mouth before he starts cooking something. “Is that a ring I see on your finger?” The light hits it making it shine. It’s beautiful. I’ve never thought much about wanting a wedding ring, but I don’t think I’d mind wearing one to show off I bel
onged to Bow. Obviously he’d wear one too. I think I’d enjoy that most of all.

  “I was gonna tell you about it but I thought you might be busy with Davis.” I swallow, shaking my head no. “What do you mean no? I saw the man looking at you with those puppy dog eyes.” She turns to look at Jameson, who is cutting something. “Davis broke up with her.”

  He lifts his head, looking confused. “I doubt that.” He chuckles before he starts cutting again.

  “He left.”

  “What do you mean he left?” Bunny’s tone sounds so angry that I almost laugh. She’s not one to get worked up. She’s always the calm one of the two of us. She can talk me down most of the time.

  “He does that sometimes,” Jameson drawls.

  “Where does he go?” Bunny asks before I can.

  “To be honest, I have no idea where he goes. Sometimes he’s gone a day or two. Then other times he’s away a few weeks to a month. I thought maybe he’d stop now.” He looks over at me. Why would someone disappear for weeks on end? It’s not like he has a mistress stashed away.

  “When you say gone I’m assuming you don’t mean out working or farming. Whatever it is you country boys do out here besides work your land?” He isn’t here. I should have figured as much with how he’d been with me. It is the only thing that makes sense. If Bow were close, he would have been in bed with me last night. But where the hell is he and what is he working on?

  “Boys.” Bunny snorts. Yeah. There is nothing boyish about Jameson or Bow but I didn't come up with the saying.

  “No,” is all he gives not elaborating. I let him sidestep my other question for now. But I can tell by the look on Bunny’s face that she’s not going to let this go.

  “Jameson,” Bunny snips at him. Watching the two of them you’d think they have been married for years. It’s sweet. I want this. Bow needs to get back here so I can fight with him in our kitchen.

  “He didn't tell you?” He puts the knife down, grabbing a pan.

  “Tell me what?” Gah. Why hasn't my brother called me? I should tell Jameson not to tell me whatever it is. I should hear it from Bow. These are questions that I should ask when I see him again, but damn I’m so freaking nosy I can’t help myself. “You were saying?” I keep my eyes on Jameson. He suddenly looks uncomfortable, which makes me a bit uneasy, considering he always seems so confident. A knot forms in my stomach.

  “Spill it,” Bunny shouts, scaring the crap out of me. Jameson looks between us. I can tell he doesn’t want to betray Bow’s trust, but Bunny is not backing down. When it comes to her and me, we ride hard together.

  “No. I want Bow to tell me.” As much as I want to know, I don’t want it to come from Jameson. I wouldn’t want anyone putting me in that position if it were about Bunny. Jameson lets out a sigh of relief at my words. I know that he would have told me if Bunny pushed because that man will do anything for her, but I don’t want that. I’ll just have to do my own research and get in touch with Mason.

  “I don’t think he’s trying to keep secrets from you, PJ. I’m just not sure he knows what to do in a relationship.”

  I lean back in my chair, taking a sip of the lemonade Jameson had gotten for us and think over his words. I’ve never done this relationship thing either. I am a little lost myself. One second I think we’re on the same page and then the next I’m questioning everything. Jameson isn't questioning it. He seems sure Bow wants me. He scoffed at the idea that Bow broke up with me.

  “You told me not to hurt him.”

  “I did. Davis is a few years younger than me. We grew up together. His father wasn't a piece of shit like mine. He had the whole cookie cutter life with his family.” I can see the sadness in Jameson’s eyes when he talks about Bow’s family. “Until he didn't.”

  “Then he was alone,” I whisper, feeling my heart ache for him.

  “We tried to push our way into his life, Ma and I, but he doesn't let anyone too close.”

  I nod in understanding. He fears getting hurt. That he could lose someone again. If he doesn't let anyone close that could never happen again. “I gotta go.” I hop up from my chair.

  “Where are you going?” Bunny shouts after me. I’m sure she wants more details. I’ll give them to her, but later.

  “Home,” I tell her, heading out the front door. Duke is hot on my trail.

  14

  Davis

  The drive home is long. I’ve never paid it much attention before now. Now each mile seems longer than the last. I tried calling Precious the moment I was back in the States headed her way. The phone went to voicemail each time. I then called Jameson, who told me she was fine and still here in Texas. Thank fuck.

  I had no idea I’d be gone for a week. It was the longest of my life. I have no clue what she might be thinking. How mad she’s going to be. If she dropped off the map for a week, I’d lose my fucking mind. I should have told her more before I left. I thought giving her any idea of what I was doing would make her life hell until I got back. I never thought what she might think if I was gone so long. Hell, I didn't know I’d be gone this long. But it will be the last time that I ever leave her. Especially without explanation.

  I pull up to her cabin but don’t stop driving. I don’t see her truck. I make a U-turn, hitting Jameson’s number on my phone. If anyone knows where she is, it’ll be Bunny. And if Bunny knows, Jameson knows.

  “Hey,” he answers.

  “Precious there?”

  “Who?”

  “PJ,” I grit out.

  “Her name is Precious?” He barks out a laugh.

  “Not the fucking time.”

  “You’re edgier than normal.”

  “Jameson,” I growl.

  “I think she’s at your place.”

  “Thanks.” I end the call and push down harder on the gas, surprised she’s at my house. I don't want it to be my house. I want it to be ours. When I pull up to the house, Duke sits up from where he was sleeping on the porch. I scan the rest of the porch but I don’t see her anywhere. My mind tries to play out all the different scenarios that might happen when I walk into the house. I’m not one to get nervous but I’m guessing that may be what I’m feeling.

  Is she going to try to leave me? Is she only here because she promised to take care of Duke? Is she going to haul ass out of here? My hand goes to my chest, a sharp hollow pain making itself known. I don’t think I could bear it. I can't lose her. Life can’t be that cruel. It has already taken so much from me. Could it possibly try to take the one person from me that I finally let get close to me?

  I step out of the truck heading for the front door. Duke is up and heading my way, and I give him a pat on the head.

  “Good boy,” I tell him. He watched her while I was gone. When I open the screen door, the smell of cinnamon and apples fills the air. I hear the sounds of humming. I enter the kitchen to see my kitten pulling something out of the oven. She sets it down on the counter. I stand there watching her. She’s got her shiny hair piled on top of her head. She’s wearing my shirt paired with an apron. Her feet are bare.

  “Bow.” She turns to look at me. Her eyes go wide.

  I take three long steps until I’m in front of her. I drop to my knees in front of her, burying my face in her stomach breathing her in. “I’m sorry,” I say. I feel her fingers run through my hair. “Don’t leave me.”

  “Bow.” She says my name again. I look up at her. “I’m in your kitchen cooking. What makes you think I’m leaving you?”

  “I was an asshole. I should have told you I could be gone longer than I thought. I should have-” I trail off. There are so many things I should have done. She stares down at me. Her lips part like she’s going to say something, but she closes them. At least she’s not yelling at me. Trying to push away from me. That has to mean something. “I love you.” It’s a selfish thing to say right now, but it’s the truth.

  “I love you too.” My chest goes tight again. “Doesn't mean I’m not mad at you.”

&nb
sp; “I’m okay with that.” I can work on the mad thing. I’ll work my whole life making this up to her. I don’t give a shit. As long as she loves me. I pick her up, carrying her into the living room. I sit down on the sofa with her in my lap. She straddles me. I breathe her scent in. She smells good enough to eat.

  “How was work?” Her hands roam up and down my shirt. I don’t know if she’s teasing me or not. “Tell me you’re okay.” She smacks my chest. I try not to flinch, but she catches it. Her eyes go wide again. She pulls at my shirt. I don’t stop her. “You’ve been shot!” she practically screams. “And you’re carrying me around.”

  “It doesn't hurt. It was a through and through.” She puts her hand over the bandage.

  “I’m starting to understand why my brothers worry over me so much in this line of work.” Her eyes fill with tears. This is exactly what I didn't want.

  “Don’t cry.” My hands cup her face, pulling her in for a kiss. She doesn't fight me as I take her mouth. Her sweet taste fills me. I don’t know how I went a week without this. She was the only thing that went through my mind when the bullet hit me.

  “Can you tell me what happened?” she asks. Her voice is so soft it almost breaks me in half. A bullet couldn’t take me down, but she could.

  “I’ll tell you anything you want.”

  “I want to know. I know you’re likely ordered not to tell me anything but-”

  “But you’re nosy.”

  A small laugh leaves her. I’ll take it. It’s better than any tears coming from her. This is easier than I thought it would be. I should have known that she would understand. She grew up with her brothers in my line of work and she herself was in it.

  “A mission plane crash landed. Someone had to go into enemy territory without being noticed and see if anyone was alive. I’m one of the best at tracking people. It’s why they called me in.”