Coulson's Lessons

by McIntyre, Anna J

  “He said that?” Alex chuckled.

  “No offense, Mom, but I never thought Uncle Jimmy thought of you that way. Hell, you’re my mom!” Instead of scolding Adam for cursing, Alexandra began to laugh.

  Alexandra wasn’t laughing when she watched Adam drive away Saturday morning. She continued her positive front, assuring her son that she would be fine. It wasn’t until the car was completely out of sight that she realized she would be alone for two weeks. Alone. The possibilities of that situation had not even entered her mind. Or had it entered her subconscious? If she wanted to have someone… let’s say… just for the heck of it… you know… spend the night, who would know? Her entire body flushed at the thought.

  When Alexandra went to work Saturday afternoon, any secret desires to bring Garret home with her after work were dashed. He’d left her a message saying he would be out of town for the weekend. Although disappointed, she began to consider the responsibilities of an intimate relationship. What if she were to become pregnant? That possibility horrified her. Weren’t women in their forties, approaching menopause, actually more fertile? She remembered one friend who had tried to conceive for years, yet became pregnant twice in her forties. Alexandra couldn’t take the birth control pill; she had taken them during her engagement with Ryan but had later developed a negative reaction to the contraceptive. Alex had given them up when she and Ryan married.

  During her affair with Garret, she had been plagued with nightmares of pregnancy. Her inability to conceive with Ryan after Adam’s birth and Garret’s fairly consistent use of condoms and the fact that she was married had helped her to push the consequences from her consciousness. But now she was a single woman in her forties who definitely did not want to become a mother again. The thought sent shivers down her spine. Although she believed in free choice, Alexandra didn’t think she would ever be capable of having an abortion herself. She simply couldn’t do it.

  Alexandra spent the entire weekend wrestling with the various consequences she might face with an intimate relationship with Garret. By Monday morning, she decided it would be unwise to have sex with anyone who could get her pregnant. That was, of course, until she saw Garret standing on her front porch.

  “Morning, Alex.”

  When Alex opened the front door, Garret was leaning lazily against the porch’s pillar; behind him, a backdrop of stormy rain clouds filled the sky. Alexandra stood in the doorway, wearing a dark blue jogging suit and fuzzy socks. It was a chilly morning, and rain was threatening to fall at any moment.

  “Garret! When did you return?” She stepped back away from the doorway and opened the door wider in invitation.

  “Late last night,” Garret explained as he walked into the house.

  Together they went into the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Just as Alexandra reached for the coffee cups in the high cupboard, Garret walked behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Resting his chin on her shoulder, he hugged her tightly and whispered into her ear.

  “I missed you,” he murmured, nipping gently on her earlobe. Alex turned in his arms and placed her hands on his shoulders. Looking into his blue eyes, she could feel his breath on her face. The naturalness of their intimacy astounded her. It had been ten years, yet being in his arms felt as it always had, like being home. In answer, Alex placed a light kiss on Garret’s mouth. He groaned inwardly, pulled her tighter, and pressed his mouth harder against hers, demanding more than her gentle offering. Alex could feel the mounting heat as his tongue met hers. Inside, she was becoming liquid, fiery; should he release his hold, she would surely fall onto the kitchen floor.

  When the kiss ended, Alex looked into his eyes with such hot passion Garret imagined that his body would explode from sheer need. His breathing was ragged as he kissed her nose and then nuzzled it with his own. For a moment, they stood quietly in each other’s arms, attempting to regain their composure.

  “Would you drive up to the cabin with me?” Garret asked, once his breathing was again at a normal pace.

  “Looks like a nasty storm brewing outside. We could stay here.”

  “I have to go to the cabin.” Again, he nuzzled her nose. How could any woman make him feel this way? It always amazed him. “When I got home last night, my washing machine went down. I have a mountain of laundry to do.”

  “You want me to help you with your laundry?” Her eyes widened in surprise. She hated laundry.

  “No.” Garret began to chuckle. “I have to meet a repairman there in an hour. Trust me, Alex; I have no intention of spending our time together doing laundry. Why don’t you drive up with me and keep me company? Monday’s your only day off, and I know Adam’s gone. Spend it with me.”

  The repairman was waiting for Garret by the time they reached the cabin. True to his word, a mountain of dirty clothes and linens were heaped in a corner of the laundry room. Alexandra imagined Garret didn’t have a single clean towel. When the repairman announced the needed part would have to be ordered and he wouldn’t be able to return until late Tuesday or Wednesday, Garret looked as if he might strangle the man.

  After the repairman drove away, Garret stood in his laundry room looking dejected. Alex imagined that was how Tom Sawyer first looked when he was told he had to whitewash the picket fence.

  “I wanted to spend the rest of the day with you, not figuring out how to get my laundry clean.” Garret shook his head and shivered. It was cold in the cabin. He hadn’t bothered turning the heat on.

  “So, do it Wednesday. You’ve waited this long.” Alex shrugged.

  “You don’t understand. I don’t have a single towel or a single piece of clean clothing.”

  Alexandra began to laugh. She continued to laugh when Garret pulled her into his arms, his face scowling.

  “This isn’t funny, Alex.” He nipped at her ear.

  “I know what we can do.” Alexandra’s laughter subsided into an occasional giggle. “Let’s load all the laundry in your car and head to the Laundromat.”

  “But I don’t want to do laundry with you,” he protested, his hands cupped her face.

  “It won’t take that long at a Laundromat. All those machines—it’ll be a snap. You don’t want to wear dirty underwear do you?” She chuckled.

  Within fifteen minutes, the dirty laundry was shoved into plastic trash bags and loaded into the back of the Jeep. As they were pulling from the garage, thunder crackled and roared, and the rain began to fall in violent, harsh sheets of water. The Jeep’s windshield wipers were barely able to keep enough water off the window for clear vision, forcing Garret to gaze ahead steadily. When they were about two blocks from the cabin, the Jeep backfired and stalled, only allowing Garret enough time to pull to the side of the road out of incoming traffic. Garret turned the key. Nothing happened. He turned it again. Nothing. Garret cursed and slapped the palm of his hand against the steering wheel.

  “What’s wrong?” Alex asked hesitantly.

  “How do you feel about getting wet?” Garret finally asked, turning to face Alex.

  Together they ran back to the cabin. Rain pelted their every step; lightning illuminated the midmorning sky, which was blackened by storm clouds. Thoroughly soaked, yet laughing and finding humor in the situation, they barreled into the log cabin, attempting to catch their breath.

  Garret reached for the light switch. He clicked it twice before he realized the electricity was out. He stopped laughing. Garret walked to the phone and picked up the receiver. It was dead. He looked to Alex, who was shivering, her arms wrapped protectively around her body.

  “Where’s a towel, Garret? I’m freezing.” Her teeth rattled as she talked.

  “The electricity and phone are out,” he said flatly.

  “So?” Alex was too cold, too wet to understand what he was saying.

  “No heat, Alex.” Garret’s hands went to his own shoulders. His shirt was soaking.

  “What about the gas?” She continued to shiver.

  “It’s all electric. There’s
no natural gas at Clement Falls.”

  “Well damn, let’s just get dry.”

  “The towels are in the Jeep.” Garret went to Alexandra and placed his hands along her forearms. She was so cold and soaked. If she didn’t get the clothes off, she would catch pneumonia. It was freezing inside the cabin. Why hadn’t he turned the heat on earlier, to remove the chill?

  “All of them?” Alex’s eyes were wide, her lips blue. Garret nodded his reply. “Any blankets?”

  Alex trembled. Even her underwear was drenched. At the mention of blankets, Garret pulled Alex into the bedroom and immediately slipped off her jacket and began unbuttoning the jacket to her jogging suit.

  “What are you doing?” Alex stood trembling, yet did nothing to halt the undressing.

  “You’re freezing. You’re going to get undressed and get under those covers and get warm. Fortunately I put my one set of clean sheets on the bed this morning. I’ll go make a fire.”

  “But you’re soaked, too,” she protested, then pushed his hands away and said harshly. “You better get your own clothes off.”

  Overcome by the threat of frostbite rather than passion, they tore off their clothes and fairly flew beneath the sheets and blankets of the king-sized bed. It felt wonderful to be rid of the drenched clothing, yet once they were beneath the sheets, they soon discovered that the cool linens offered little warmth. But there was always body heat.

  It took less than three minutes for them to snuggle beneath the bedding, greedily seeking the human warmth, generating heat by the contact of two fully nude bodies, before generating another type of heat.

  At first, they snuggled together, roughly rubbing heat into the other’s forearms and backs, fighting away the chill. Then, they abruptly grew still. The lengths of their bodies pressed together as they embraced. Alex’s eyes blinked nervously, she could feel the hard evidence of Garret’s arousal pressing into her belly. Garret lay perfectly still, his arms still wrapped around Alex. Attempting to contain his breathing, which was growing harsh and ragged, his eyes swept over her features. It would be so easy, so easy to have her again.

  “Oh, shit.” Alex gulped nervously. How in the hell did she get herself in these messes? Garret responded by moving his mouth to hers. Alex pulled away.

  “I don’t want to get pregnant,” Alex managed to choke out. Garret looked puzzled for a moment and rolled away from Alex. Looking as if it took him an enormous amount of strength to pull away, he gazed up at the ceiling.

  “Oh, shit,” Garret said, parroting Alex’s curse. “I don’t have any condoms.”

  Alexandra would have laughed, had not her body felt such surmounting need. Instead, she rolled away from him, buried her head in a pillow and punched the mattress in frustration. Garret was pleased that Alexandra obviously wanted him. Forgetting his early promise to move slowly, he rolled back to Alex and pulled her into his arms. She struggled against his embrace, but his hands swept the length of her nude back and the soft cheeks of her bottom in an attempt to tame her resistance.

  “We’ve gone without condoms before,” he growled, his hands touching every part of her as her struggles increased.

  “No, Garret, please. I can’t… can’t get pregnant.”

  The sincerity of her voice did not dampen his desire; it merely caused him to take another road. Abruptly, Garret stopped her struggles by capturing her hands above her head and moving his body onto hers. Straddling her waist, he looked down at Alex. In surprise at the attack and capture, Alex’s eyes flew open. What in the hell was he doing?

  “There are other ways for us to make love,” Garret growled. His mouth dipped to her breasts and moved his wet tongue over her nipples. They grew hard and erect, reminding Garret of his own hardness. “Trust me, Alex. Trust me.”

  Alexandra closed her eyes in surrender. When had she ever been able to resist Garret? How had she easily leashed her passion when she was a teenager? Shouldn’t the maturity of her years enable her to better control these urges and desires? Alexandra moaned as she felt Garret move down her body. His mouth left her breast, seeking the recesses of her stomach, moving down to run his tongue over the contours of her hips, then finally settling between her thighs, urging her legs apart. Garret’s mouth eagerly rediscovered the soft curls, seeking the secret recesses and driving Alexandra into delightful madness. Alexandra returned the favor. Yet, in spite of the release, they each wanted more.

  “I better get that fire going,” Garret whispered into Alex’s ear. “If I stay here with you much longer, I won’t care what you say. I’ll take you with or without a condom.” There was no humor in his voice, only a simple statement of fact.

  Once the fire was going, Garret spread out the wet clothes to dry. Alexandra wrapped her nude body in the blanket, as Garret used the sheet for a covering. His desire to conceal his nudity wasn’t borne of modesty or shyness. Yet, he didn’t need his ever-present desire for Alex in clear view, standing at attention, a constant reminder of what he wanted to do.

  To pass the time, Garret brought out the chessboard, which was stored in the closet. Waiting for the phone service to be restored, they settled into a pleasant game of chess.

  “Did Ryan ever find out about us?” They had been playing chess for about an hour before Garret asked the question. They were sitting on the floor in much the same fashion as they had been the last time they played the game, more than ten years earlier.

  “No. Never.” Alex’s eyes swept upward, noting Garret’s serious expression. “Why do you ask?”

  “I don’t know.” He shrugged and then moved a game piece. “I thought maybe you finally told him.”

  “Why would I do that?”

  “Sometimes people do that. Alleviates the guilt.”

  “I told you, I never felt guilty. Anyway, telling Ryan about us would only have served to make him miserable. It wouldn’t have changed a thing.”

  “You never thought he had a right to know?” he asked softly, wondering why he was asking these questions.

  “You and I had nothing to do with Ryan.” The utter conviction of her words caused Garret to startle. He continued to stare at her, as if he didn’t quite believe her declaration. Alex let out a deep sigh and laid back onto the floor, staring blankly at the ceiling. It always amazed her that they never had this conversation ten years ago. Perhaps she didn’t understand back then.

  “Garret,” she began slowly, “what happened between you and me didn’t result from some deficit in my marriage. It wasn’t as if Ryan was a bad husband, unloving, or any of those accusations people place on their spouses for justifying an affair. You know, he just doesn’t understand me. Or she doesn’t support me. Bullshit.”

  “What was it, Alex?” Garret looked stricken. He felt a little sickened inside. “A sexual thrill? Like with Taylor?” Garret choked out the words. Were the tables turning on him, a painful reminder of his youthful indiscretions, seeking sexual pleasures with disregard to the emotions of his partners?

  “No, Garret.” Her head turned to him. Perhaps she should be offended by his reference to Taylor, yet he didn’t understand what she was saying. “My marriage did play one part in our affair. Ryan was spending all of his time at the restaurant, and I was feeling trapped. Foolishly, I failed to recognize the danger signs. Instead of working on my marriage, I pushed away just long enough… long enough to fall in love with you.”

  “Could you love me again, Alex?” Garret asked the question so quietly that she barely heard the words.

  “Yes, I believe I could.” Maybe I already do. She sighed and rolled over onto her side to face Garret. “Like you said the other night, my body definitely remembers you. I always enjoyed making love with Ryan…” Alex began, but Garret cut her off tersely.

  “I don’t want to hear this,” he hissed.

  “What I was going to say—” She refused to be stopped. “—was that being with you was different. Different than Ryan, different than Taylor.”

  “What do you mean?” He
wasn’t sure if he wanted this conversation to continue or end.

  “You curl my toes.” She chuckled, thinking about her sister, Kate. “No one has ever made me feel what you do. It’s not just physical. I don’t know. Maybe this sounds corny, but making love to you is almost spiritual.”

  Garret chuckled and pulled Alex into his arms.

  “But you don’t know if you’re still in love with me?”

  “I know I feel something. How do you feel, Garret?”

  “I never stopped loving you. Wanting you.”

  “I didn’t even know if you got married.”

  “You could’ve asked Russell.”

  “I stopped asking your brother about you years ago. He’d never say much.”

  “After I left, I felt that it would be easier for you to forget me it you weren’t kept informed of my new life in Chicago. Russy knew how I felt about that, which explains his lack of information.”

  “Why?”

  They continued to hold each other.

  “I thought it was for the best.”

  “Garret, I don’t mean to sound… full of myself… but did you decide to return because Ryan died?”

  “Yes and no.” He tightened his hold. “I’d been considering a return. When I heard about Ryan, I didn’t rush back. But I knew I would be moving. I asked Russell to keep an eye on you. I knew you’d need time. But, just in case you started dating, I planned to get my ass back to Coulson before you could get yourself married to someone else.”

  “Married!” Alex laughed. “I wasn’t about to run off and do that!”

  “You had sex with Taylor.”

  “Are you telling me if Russell had found out about Taylor, you would’ve gotten here sooner?”

  “Damn right.”

  Alexandra sighed. So, Russell had been coming into the restaurant to spy on her. That thought reminded her of something else, about Russell and Kate.