Ash to Steele

by Stewart, Karen-Anne

  “I said I’m not leaving, Breck,” she hisses.

  Yanking her towards me again, her body slams into mine as I get in her face, letting her taste the anger that I’m trying to protect her from. “The hell you’re not. Get your ass out the fucking door, Emma!” I scream.

  Gavin steps towards me this time, and the inferno in my eyes spits fire, daring him to say or do anything right now. Releasing Emma, my hands curl into tights fists itching to explode. Emma presses her hands against my chest, pushing me backwards, as she calls over her shoulder, “Jess, get Gavin out of here.”

  “I’m not leaving you here, Em,” Jess argues. She’s scared. She’s never seen me this way; she’s only seen the aftermath and she should be scared. I am, knowing that I won’t be able to hold it together for much longer.

  “I’ll be fine. He won’t hurt me,” Emma’s eyes never leave mine when she says those words. Her voice is calming, unwavering. She’s fearless, so fuckin’ unbelievably trusting of me when I can’t even trust myself.

  A ruthless laugh bubbles through my throat and I drown it with more whiskey, putting the second bottle to my lips and draining a good dose of its contents, relishing in the heat rolling over my tongue and burning my throat, “You need to listen to Jess. You shouldn’t be here.”

  “Shut up, Breck,” Emma counters, stepping closer to me and pushing me again, daring me to let go.

  The rage spirals dangerously out of control and I throw the bottle against the wall. The glass shatters and brown liquid drips down the filthy walls. I fill the fraction of space between us as I look around this house, vile memories filling my head at every damn turn. My nose touches hers as I growl, “You don’t belong here!”

  “Breck, c’mon, mate, she’s just worried about you,” Gavin tries to calm me. He should fuckin’ know better.

  He steps towards Emma, and she thrusts her hand out, “I’m not leaving, but you and Jess are!”

  “Gavin, get her the fuck out of here. NOW!” I yell, feeling the last thread of my control slipping.

  Gavin grabs Emma, but she jerks away, “I’m not going with you!” Her resolve matches mine but she’s mistaken if she thinks I give a shit about what she wants right now. She glares at me, “I don’t know what is going on here, or what any of this is all about because all of you are so damn secretive about everything in your past, but if you won’t talk to me then talk to someone else, anyone else, Breck!”

  I throw my head back, laughing bitterly, “I have!” I waive my hand in the space in front of me, “You’re looking at thousands of dollars of therapy sessions that didn’t solve my…issues. Do you have another suggestion, Emma? Another solution to fix me because all I’ve known have been tried already?”

  She takes a step closer, and I back away as she declares, “Yes, I do.” The intent in her eyes terrifies the hell out of me as she continues, “All of this rage, this anger, confusion, sorrow, and whatever else you are feeling right now that is getting ready to be unleashed on this house – this place that has caused all of this pain inside of you – it won’t solve anything. Don’t you see that? The house will be gone, burned to ashes by the kerosene, but this hurt inside of you will still be there, Breck! Instead of unleashing on something that won’t do anything to help you, unleash it on me.”

  “Emma,” Jess pleads, her voice shaking. She steps closer, but Gavin holds out his hand, stopping her.

  “What do you want? Do you want me to drop to my knees, crawl to you, and fucking beg for you leave? I am begging you, Emma, please, please, leave. You can’t trust me right now.”

  “Yes, I can.”

  “How do you know that? How can you be so damn sure?” I scream, slamming my fist against the wall.

  She extends to her full height as she screams back, “Because, you won’t hurt me! You can’t – you would never hurt me! I know what you’re doing; you are trying to scare me so I’ll leave, but I’M NOT AFRAID OF YOU! No matter how right or wrong it is, or how much I’ve tried to fight it, I belong to you; I’m yours! You own and control what I feel, who I am, and if you lose yourself tonight, I get lost with you, and you won’t let that happen to me!”

  She’s right. God, she’s right. I cover my face with my hands at what I’ve done to her. “I’ve tried to save you from this part of me and the whole time I’ve been slowly poisoning you with who I am anyway. Dammit, Emma, I know what it feels like to be ruined and I won’t be the one who ruins you! Leave. Now. Don’t ever look back.”

  She pushes me, hard, and I am surprised at her strength. “You already have ruined me!” Her chest rises and falls with each labored breath. Her eyes are reckless, full of fury, love, and desperation, and she pushes me again, coming at me with her slender hands balled into tight fists, thrashing wildly, “You’ve ruined me for anyone else. I can survive without you, I can go through my life each day just wanting for the next one to come so I can put it behind me, so that’s one more day that’s over, but I can’t live without you. Air will fill my lungs, but I won’t be able to catch my breath. My heart will still beat but I’ll want to rip it out of my fucking chest so I won’t feel the pain every damn time I think of you – so, if pushing me away from you is how you plan on saving me, then just go ahead and rip my heart from my chest now because I don’t want it!”

  My shirt is grasped tightly in her fists. Hot tears spill down her cheeks as her ragged breaths warm my neck. She’s a mess, so damn fierce and beautifully broken, hanging onto sanity by a fraying thread, and I couldn’t love her more for loving me enough to risk all of her for someone like me. I may have ruined her for every other man and, damn if I have zero regrets over that, but I won’t destroy her soul. I won’t hurt her anymore. Sinking to the floor, I kneel on my knees in front of her, so damn lost, “I don’t know how to stop this, to-”

  “I do,” she soothes, taking my hand, before looking over her shoulder at Gavin and Jess, “please, leave us alone tonight.”

  Jess’ cheeks glisten with tears as Gavin wraps his arm around her shoulders, leading her out of the house.

  Once the door is shut, Emma falls to her knees, grabbing my face and pressing her palms tightly against my cheeks, “Use me. Use me to get rid of all of this crap inside of you. I can handle it.”

  “I’ve been gentle with you, Emma. I’ve never been rough. I can’t be gentle tonight. There’s no way that I can take you with how I am right now; I’ll hurt you.”

  “I’m not asking you to be gentle, I’m asking you to trust me as much as I trust you. You won’t hurt me; you won’t cross that line.”

  “I hope you’re right,” I groan, grabbing her waist. My hands tremble as I hold her and I’ve never been more terrified in my life. “You have to tell me if I hurt you,” I plead, knowing I should force her to leave, kick her out of the house and lock the door, but she’s weakened me just as much as she’s given me the strength to try.

  Emma drops her hands, her eyes unwavering from mine, as she slips her shirt over her head. Her finger slides against my skin and it moves without friction on my sweat moistened chest, over the tattoo on my shoulder, down my arm. She grabs my wrist and brings it to her mouth as her lips brush so lightly against my skin it feels like a whisper, and I shudder, needing her savagely, needing to rid this poison inside of me.

  “Swear to me that you won’t let me hurt you!”

  “I don’t have to,” she states simply, crashing her mouth against mine, and I let go.

  I grab her jeans, yanking them off her as I tear the panties from her legs next. She doesn’t flinch when my fingers wrap around her wrists, pinning her on the floor. There’s no fear, no hint of uncertainty, as I rip my belt off, then my jeans, before dragging her towards me, pulling her legs apart, and taking one hard, deep thrust, pushing to the hilt inside of her. Her eyes widen and lips part, gaping open, but she makes no sound, only arches her body towards me as I pump into her again, driving into her harder and faster with each thrust, as I unleash everything inside of me.


  Emma grabs my neck, holding on tight as I drive into her recklessly. I watch as she refuses to look away, not daring to lose that connection that I desperately need to prove that I won’t go too far. Rage spills through my veins and I dig my fingers into her waist, holding her captive, as I pound into her. Sweat rolls down my forehead, dripping off my nose onto her chest, as she presses her ankles into my back, pushing me to release the demons. Grunting from the exertion, I thrust furiously, bracing myself above her, pressing my hands viciously against the floor, as I thrash in and out of her. Her body shelters me as the beast ravages. Everything I’ve tried to hide rips through me, showing all my ugly demons, and she takes it all, her eyes shining salvation through the darkness inside, through the abhorring depths of my hell. She is my beacon, my redemption. She guides the way, dragging me closer as I deliver each pained, stricken thrust bringing me closer to her way of escape.

  My soul screams as I grab her wrist, holding on with all I am, as I thrust at a punishing force. The rage spirals out of my control and I scream her name as I pound against her so roughly, her body rocks against the wood. Her fingers pierce my flesh. Sweat slickens my skin. Her body lurches ferociously from my fevered momentum. My blood boils, bursting in my veins. Emma grits her teeth. I try to stop. God, I really try to stop! She digs her heels in harder, pushing me. Tears join the sweat rolling down my face. A vehement gasp bursts through her lips. My fingers cut into her. She pushes harder. I feel the impelling edge of abdication and I thrust savagely, shattering. Her cry splits the air. Emma’s name leaves my lips in a loud wail, and I collapse.

  Panting, I fall on my back, rolling Emma on top of me as I inspect her face, search every inch of her body. “Did I hurt you? God, please, tell me that I didn’t hurt you,” I plead, my voice cracking as tears fill my eyes. I will never forgive myself if I’ve harmed her.

  She’s breathless as her shoulders heave, her chest rapidly rising and falling. Perspiration dampens her skin as she throws her head back, gulping for air. Her entire body is trembling.

  “Talk to me, Emma. Say something!” I scramble to where I’m sitting on the floor as I haul her onto my lap.

  Her finger presses against my lips as her head falls forward, slightly shaking once left to right. Her damp chestnut hair sticks to her moistened skin as she catches her breath. “I told you – that- you wouldn’t – hurt me.”

  Relief explodes, and I press her forehead against mine, kissing her mouth, her chin, and neck as I hold her protectively, possessively. It’s several minutes of me being raveled up in her before it hits that I didn’t use protection. The color drains from my face as I hold hers in my hands, “I didn’t use anything.”

  “Don’t worry about that right now,” she whispers, kissing me so gently, and I shelter her in my arms this time.

  “Are you sure that you’re okay?”

  “The question is, are you?”

  A lump forms in my throat and all I can do is nod. All of this time, I’ve tried to protect her from the demons inside, but her touch found them all, doing the impossible, exorcising every last damning one. “How often did you mention me when you talked to your angels?” I see a sadness in her eyes, a longing for what she had, what I tainted.

  “Every time. You are always in my prayers.”

  “Your love might just save me, yet,” I kiss her, grazing her bottom lip.

  “Not my love,” she whispers breathlessly, kissing me back softly.

  Pulling a drop cloth from the old piano, I wrap it around us as I fall into her arms, tangling her body with mine, until we give in to the emotional exhaustion.

  A hard jab to the side of my head drags me from my fog. One look at what hit me and I’m wide awake, throwing my body sideways, in front of Emma’s sleeping frame to shield her from Liam’s 9mm. My chest pounds as I skim the room, seeing three others I don’t recognize.

  “I heard you were back in town, Ash, but I didn’t realize you weren’t alone.” Liam lets out a low whistle as he leers at Emma, shifting his aim.

  I jump to my feet, keeping my body directly in front of Emma’s.

  “Damn, Ash, I heard you always did have a hard on for the beautiful ones,” his shit brown eyes gleam when they roam over Emma’s face and naked back.

  The pain slices fiercely through my heart as I glimpse at her sleeping soundly out of the corner of my eye. “You’re here for me, Liam,” I growl, ready to snap his neck the first chance I get; I’m shocked that some other lowlife hasn’t done that yet. The regret that I didn’t when I had the chance is profane.

  His lackey with greasy blond hair pulled back into a tight ponytail rears his boot clad foot back and kicks Emma. I explode, bounding across her, as she lets out a surprised, pained cry, and my fist lands against his nose. Blood spurts everywhere as it cracks. Emma’s scream pierces the air as his blood splatters on the throw cloth covering her. Her right hand is clasped against her mouth as the other one grasps the sheet, gripping it in front of her.

  Grabbing her arm, I propel Emma to her feet, shoving her behind me as Liam aims the gun at her head. “You can have me, just let her go!”

  Emma’s hand grips my arm. I feel her body pressing against my back, her ragged, panicked breaths coming out in a rush on the base of my neck. If I would’ve known Liam would find out I was here, I would have dragged her ass to the car and made Gavin carry her onto the fucking plane kicking and screaming. She doesn’t deserve this!

  “It’s alright, you’re going to be okay, baby. I won’t let them hurt you,” I whisper, and Liam laughs.

  “Look at this boys, Ash here has gone and fallen in love,” his repulsive laugh reverberates in my ear as lewdly as chewing glass. “I’m thinking that, instead of killing you immediately, I’m going to kill your girl here, then kill you,” he barks harshly and lethally serious, “this time, you can watch as someone you love dies in your arms.”

  I push Emma backwards against the wall, lengthening my frame as far as it will expand in front of her. The thumping in my heart beats in my head as I focus on their positions, trying to calculate how fast I can get to each one.

  “You should’ve let Gavin get what was coming to him,” Liam snarls, spitting in my face. “Now, your girl’s going to pay the price.” Another bitter laugh spills vulgarly as he waives his gun around the room, “You couldn’t have picked a better place. Damn, talk about poetic justice. Or is it irony? I don’t really give a fuck; your girl’s going to die in the exact same spot where your life ended.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Undeniably Mine

  Emma

  Breck’s hand tightens on my already throbbing hip, squeezing so tightly it’s bruising. A million things spin through my head. Why are they calling Breck, Ash? Why do they want to kill me? What the hell did Gavin do?

  “Don’t worry, honey, we’ll make your death quick, but, Ash here, he’s going to suffer before I finish him.”

  “No!” I scream.

  “Sounds like she loves you back. Man, this just keeps getting better!” Liam slaps his leg, bending over from his repugnant howls.

  “You come near her, Liam, and I will fuckin’ kill you!” Breck rages.

  His laughter sputters to a stop, “You always did have some serious balls, Ash. It’ll be so much fun seeing how much pain you can take before I break you.” Liam’s lips turn up when he looks at me, pure evil in his eyes, “Take her to the kitchen, Tate.”

  Breck lunges just as Tate reaches for my elbow with his enormous arm covered in colorful tattoos of bloody skulls and blue flames. Breck throws me to the floor before he grabs Tate’s wrist, jerking him down as Breck’s knee lands against his chin. In less than a second, Breck’s hands squeeze both sides of Tate’s head, jerking it sideways. I hear a sickening snap, then Tate falls lifeless to the floor.

  “Take him, Garth!” Liam demands.

  The man with a scar spanning from his chin to his ear pulls a knife and jabs it at Breck’s abdomen. Everything happens so fast. The knife drops
to the ground, bouncing eerily loud from tip to end a few times before bouncing to a stop. Breck’s elbow crashes into Garth’s throat and he drops to his knees next to the knife, gasping for air. The one whose name I haven’t heard is sent spiraling backwards, slamming into the wall. Breck grabs the back of Garth’s neck, his fist pummeling his face as blood spills everywhere. A line of fire bursts against the back of my skull and I’m knocked forward before I’m jerked to my feet, the barrel of the gun held painfully against my temple.

  “I’ll blow her fuckin’ face off, Ash!”

  Breck immediately releases Garth and holds his hands in front of him, “Liam, don’t! Do whatever you want to do to me, but, please, let Emma go.”

  The nameless one slams his fist against the side of Breck’s face, and I scream. Breck doesn’t go down, and another brutal blow is administered, the harsh impact cutting his cheek. He stumbles sideways, but still doesn’t fall.

  “Stop. Please, stop!” I plead, twisting my arm against Liam’s bruising grasp.

  Garth finally makes it back to his feet and grabs Breck’s head, slamming it against his knee, returning the favor. I watch in horror as Breck gets battered and doesn’t fight back, knowing I’ll die if he does. Garth sends his heavy boot into Breck’s chest and he finally falls. The other one repeatedly kicks Breck’s back and ribs as Garth lands punch after punch before pulling a gun from underneath the hem at his ankle and sending the butt against Breck’s jaw with a deafening thwack that makes my stomach churn.

  “NO! STOP!” I turn as far towards Liam as my position allows. Tears stream down my cheeks as I beg, “P-please stop – don’t hurt him anymore!”

  Breck is breathless, kneeling on the floor, when Liam holds up his hand, “Enough..for now. Get him up.”

  Breck is hauled to his feet by the nameless one as Garth steps back, out of reach, holding the gun on him, and a sob erupts when I see Breck’s bloody, battered face.