Cassidy Lane

by Murnane, Maria

  She had friends to visit.

  Parties to hop.

  Dinners to attend.

  There would be laughter and good cheer all the way around.

  She closed her eyes and leaned against the headrest.

  This was supposed to be the happiest time of the year, and all she wanted to do was cry.

  The sound of a woman’s voice startled her. “Excuse me, ma’am, you need to shut down your phone now. The captain’s preparing for takeoff.”

  Cassidy opened her eyes and nodded at the flight attendant. “Will do. Sorry.” She picked up her phone and checked the screen one last time before turning it off.

  No new messages.

  “Well, hello there. You’re looking very pretty tonight.” Cassidy’s sister-in-law approached her as she entered the private dining area at the Westin.

  Cassidy opened her mouth to respond, but before she could utter a word, Jessica pointed to her dress and continued. “It’s probably just because I’m used to seeing you in jeans, if not sweats, but I do love that outfit. It’s good to see you wearing nice clothes now and again.”

  Cassidy wasn’t surprised or offended. For Jessica this was practically fawning. “Thanks, I like it too.” She’d decided to wear the hunter-green dress she’d bought specifically for that fateful date with Brandon that had never happened. She’d hoped doing so would make her feel strong, but unfortunately it was having the reverse effect, and all she could think about was how she’d invited Brandon to be her date tonight.

  Jessica gave her a polite yet slightly cool smile, just as she always did. “How are you?”

  Cassidy tried to force Brandon to the back of her mind, to focus on the positive things going on in her life. “I’m doing well, actually. I just finished a new book.”

  “I heard. Your brother and I were talking about that on the drive here. Congratulations.”

  “Thanks. I have a lot of editing ahead of me, of course, but the heavy lifting’s behind me.”

  Jessica sipped her champagne. “What’s this one about?”

  “It’s the story of a bright yet naïve young advertising executive whose life isn’t quite turning out the way she expected. I think I’m going to call it Miss Perception.”

  “Ooh, I like that double entendre. Sounds mysterious. So no street-name title this time?”

  “The book is pretty different from the kind of stuff I normally write, so I thought it might be a good idea to take the title in a new direction as well. I hope it all works.”

  “Different how?”

  “It doesn’t exactly end with a walk into the sunset.”

  “Is that a bad thing?”

  Cassidy played with her earring. “I’m not sure yet, but it’s a bit of a gamble to change course; my regular readers won’t be expecting it.” She wondered if it would pay off, despite what Nigel had said. She didn’t want to disappoint her fan base. “It’s also a little depressing to write a book without a happy ending, to be honest. I didn’t realize that until it was sort of too late.”

  Jessica shrugged and glanced over her shoulder. “Well, even if it’s a huge flop, you should be proud of yourself for trying something new.”

  “If what’s a huge flop?” The sound of her brother’s voice made Cassidy turn her head. Before she could reply, he lifted her a couple of inches off the ground in a bear hug, then set her down.

  “Hey, Tyler, happy holidays. We were just talking about my new book.”

  “I hope there’s a dashing character named Tyler in this one. It’s about time you gave me my just deserts.”

  She gave him an I’m-sorry shrug. “Unfortunately, I just couldn’t fit it in. But if you want dessert, I hear the pumpkin pie is quite tasty here.”

  He held up his palms. “Where is the love?”

  “Maybe the next book?”

  “That’s what you say every book. Call me a super sleuth, but I’m beginning to detect a pattern here. When did you come in?”

  “Yesterday.”

  “Nice. You still coming over to open presents with us on Christmas morning? You’re totally invited, so long as you bring me a fat box of doughnuts.”

  “Wouldn’t miss it. And yes, I’ll bring your doughnuts.”

  Jessica looked annoyed. “You’d better watch it or you’ll end up looking like a doughnut.”

  Tyler put his arm around her. “My lovely wife, eating enormous quantities of crappy food on holidays is practically a requirement. The rest of the year you know I’m a lean, mean exercise machine.”

  Cassidy poked him in his flat stomach. “I think you look great.” Gaunt Jessica, on the other hand, looked like she needed to eat a sandwich. Or ten. Plus a few bags of marshmallows. God forbid she balloon to a size two.

  “Auntie Cassie! Auntie Cassie!” Caroline and Courtney came running over and wrapped their tiny arms around Cassidy’s legs.

  “Girls, watch your manners now,” Jessica said.

  Cassidy leaned down and hugged them. “Hi, munchkins. You both look so pretty tonight. Can I see your holiday dresses?”

  The girls took a step back and held out their arms, then each did a little twirl.

  Cassidy laughed. “Let me guess: you’ve been practicing that.”

  Both girls nodded and curtsied. “Mommy taught us.”

  Cassidy clapped. “She did a great job, well done.” She looked at her brother and Jessica. “I was thinking we could all go ice skating next week. What do you think? Wouldn’t that be fun?”

  Jessica didn’t look too excited at the suggestion, but Tyler did. “I think it sounds great,” he said.

  “Ice skating! Ice skating!” After giving their aunt another hug, the girls darted off in the direction of Cassidy’s dad, who scooped them both into his arms for the original Lane bear hug. Tyler followed along after them, and as Cassidy watched her nieces squeal with delight in their grandfather’s arms, she again wondered what it would be like to have her own children. When she was in New York she was focused on her career, but at times like this she couldn’t help but imagine what her life would be like had she taken a different path.

  Somewhere along the way, would she have become a mother?

  Or a stepmother?

  Jessica’s hand on her arm snapped her back to the present.

  “So what happened?” Jessica asked.

  Cassidy blinked. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

  Jessica lowered her voice. “We heard you were bringing a date, and then suddenly you weren’t anymore. What happened?”

  Cassidy winced. “Ugh.”

  “Ugh? That’s the story?”

  “You really want to know?”

  “Of course I do. I was so curious to meet the man you’d finally deemed worthy of an invitation. You’re so picky, I figured he must be Superman or something.”

  Cassidy stifled a laugh. “You think I’m picky?” Was that really how Jessica saw her? Talk about a misperception.

  “Are you saying you’re not? It’s a good thing, though. Women like you should be picky; it’s not like you’re looking for a meal ticket or anything. So tell me about the guy.”

  Cassidy cleared her throat, then gave a quick, elevator version of the Brandon saga, doing her best to recount the most salient moments along the way—while also minimizing the most painful ones.

  When she was done, Jessica took a sip of her drink and looked over her shoulder again. “Sounds like the timing was just off. I wouldn’t take it personally.”

  “That’s what I’m trying to tell myself. It still just…hurts.”

  Jessica shrugged. “You’ll forget about him faster than you think.”

  “I will?”

  “Sure. It’s not like it was a real relationship or anything. You’ll bounce back.”

  Cassidy caught her breath. The words stu
ng—hard—but she tried not to show it. “I guess so,” she mumbled, suddenly feeling foolish.

  And sad.

  Jessica looked across the room and held up a finger. “Hang on a second, will you? Caroline’s got something stuck to the back of her dress. I’ll be right back.” She walked over to her daughters and her husband, who were chatting with Cassidy’s parents and Jessica’s mother and father, who were even more formal than Jessica. As Cassidy watched them all together, she tried to see things from Jessica’s perspective. She’d been with Cassidy’s brother for twelve years, married to him for ten, had two children with him, a home with him, a life with him.

  That was a real relationship.

  Jessica had made a measure of effort, however minor, to express concern for Cassidy’s situation with Brandon. But from her point of reference, a two-month text affair wasn’t even a blip on the radar of reality. And rightly so, given her own life experience. Cassidy knew her sister-in-law, despite her inherent iciness, hadn’t meant her comments to sound harsh.

  But they did.

  Cassidy forced an outward smile, but inside she was hurting, no matter how much she didn’t want to be. The fact was that her life experience had taken her, for better or for worse, in a different direction from Jessica’s. Her contribution to the world was in the form of novels, not children, and she should be proud of that.

  She was proud of that.

  She’d decided what she wanted out of life and made it happen, all on her own.

  All on her own.

  She took another look at the festive gathering across the room, then balled her hands into fists and stared at the floor, willing herself to keep it together.

  Don’t cry.

  Don’t cry.

  There was no doubt that she loved her career, but she still longed for a different type of love.

  She looked up and took a deep breath, then did her best to smile as she began walking toward her family on the other side of the room.

  Maybe it was nothing to the rest of the world, but it was real to me.

  “You still haven’t heard from him? Text? E-mail? Nothing?” Patti finished tying a small silver bell onto her shoelace.

  Cassidy shook her head “Not a peep.”

  “Wow. I’m really surprised.”

  Cassidy leaned her hands against the wall and pressed down her heel to stretch her calf and Achilles. “Join the club.”

  “How long has it been now?”

  “About a month. Radio silence.”

  “And this was after he made a big deal of wanting to be your friend?”

  “Yes. I told him I had enough friends, and he got upset with me, so I swallowed my pride and agreed to be his friend, whatever that means.” She held up her palms. “Apparently friends is the new term for not speaking.”

  Patti stood up and put her hands on her hips. “I hate to say it, but Brandon Forrester sort of sucks. He’s hot, but he sucks.”

  Cassidy laughed. “I adore you. Can I just tell you that?”

  “Of course you can. I’m quite adorable, despite what my kids think.”

  “I guess I was right when I wondered if he seemed too good to be true. He certainly seemed perfect for a while there.”

  Patti handed her a pair of reindeer antlers. “You should have gone for pothead Trent at the reunion. Did you let him know when you were coming home?”

  “You mean Brandon or Trent?”

  Patti pretended to stick a finger down her throat. “Yeah, right. Barf.”

  Cassidy put on the headband and adjusted the antlers in front of the hall mirror. “He knows.”

  “Maybe you should just tell him you made it here safely?”

  “That sounds a bit desperate to me.”

  Patti shrugged. “Maybe he forgot the date. Guys are terrible with dates. Roy can barely remember our anniversary.”

  “Hey now, it’s sometime in July,” Roy said, emerging from the kitchen. “Give a guy some credit.”

  Cassidy pulled on a thin pair of gloves. “Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, Patti. Even if he forgot the exact date of my arrival, if he’s thinking about me at all, he’s got to assume I’m home by now. Don’t you agree, Roy?”

  Roy offered a reluctant nod. “I know men can be clueless when it comes to women, but it’s pretty rare that we’re that oblivious.”

  Cassidy looked at Patti. “See? From the horse’s mouth.”

  Patti walked over and gave Roy a quick kiss. “I like your horse mouth. Where are the devil children?”

  Roy pointed down the hall. “They’re supposed to be quietly watching a video in the den, but I give it five minutes before I hear a crash and/or a scream.”

  “Good luck with that, babe.” Patti pointed toward the front door. “We’re off to do some jingle jogging.”

  Roy saluted. “Heigh-ho.”

  After their run Patti, Cassidy, and Patti’s friend Amy followed tradition and drove to a local bar called the Office for their annual post–Jingle Jog drink. Huddled around one of the outdoor fire pits in the chilly patio area, they clinked their glasses together in a toast.

  “To my leg finally being healed!” Cassidy smiled. “I’m so happy to be healthy again.”

  “And to the most successful Jingle Jog yet!” Patti added. “I can’t believe we had ten other people come out tonight. I didn’t think I had that many friends.”

  Amy glanced around the bar, which was decorated with red and silver tinsel and looking quite festive. “Personally I think joining us for the post-jog festivities—which is my favorite part of the evening—should be a requirement for participation. What’s up with bailing at seven thirty? Everyone just took off.”

  “We’re old now,” Patti said with a shrug. “People need to get home to their families.”

  “We’re in our thirties,” Amy said. “We’re not dead.”

  Cassidy laughed. “I like your attitude.”

  “How’s the job search going?” Patti asked Amy.

  Cassidy looked at Amy. “Are you out of work?”

  “No, I just hate my job.”

  “You’re a lawyer, right?”

  “Yep. And I hate it. I literally want to hang myself every single day. Except for the weekend, of course.”

  Cassidy sighed. “Brandon’s a lawyer.”

  “Who’s Brandon?” Amy asked.

  Patti took a sip of her beer. “He’s that guy from high school I told you about, the one who asked Cassidy out after our reunion.”

  Amy’s eyes lit up. “Oh, yes! I loved that story. So romantic. How are things going with him?”

  Cassidy frowned. “Not so great.”

  “What happened?”

  Patti stood up. “Life got in the way, that’s what happened.” She looked at Cassidy. “Tell her. I’m going to get us another round.”

  As Patti disappeared inside, Cassidy filled Amy in on the highlights. By the time Patti returned a few minutes later with their beers, Amy was caught up on the situation, and Cassidy’s good mood had gone a little sour.

  “I’m sorry, Cassidy. He sounds like a good guy.”

  Patti sat down. “He is a good guy. But in my opinion he’s kind of acting like an ass right now.”

  Amy nodded. “Being a good guy and acting like an ass on occasion aren’t mutually exclusive. If I’ve learned anything after seven years of marriage, it’s that.”

  Cassidy picked up her glass. “I don’t know what to do with his Christmas present.”

  Patti made a pained face. “Oh no, the cuff links.”

  Cassidy nodded. “The dreaded cuff links. I was just telling Amy about how stupid I feel for having jumped the gun like that.”

  Amy shook her head. “Why would you feel stupid? They’re a superthoughtful gift.”

  “Yes, for someone you’re dating. H
e and I weren’t even dating,” Cassidy said. “I think I may have projected all of it.”

  “Stop it,” Patti said. “You did not project it.”

  “Stop what? It’s true. Embarrassing to admit, but true. Besides two dinners and a couple of coffee dates, our entire relationship was via text, with a few phone calls thrown in to spice things up. I can’t pretend it was more than that.”

  “Come on, you know it was more than that.”

  Cassidy shook her head. “It was more than that to me, but it clearly wasn’t to Brandon.” She looked at Amy. “Isn’t that how it sounds to you, from an outsider’s perspective? Like the whole thing was silly and fake? And sort of pathetic?”

  “I wouldn’t call it silly or fake, especially given how it began, and I certainly wouldn’t call it pathetic, but it does sound like a lot of the relationship was…you know…virtual,” Amy said.

  Cassidy pressed her palms against her eyes. “I’m so humiliated. I feel like the victim of a cruel hoax.”

  “I’m sorry,” Amy said, a rueful look on her face. “That came out wrong.”

  Cassidy took a sip of her beer. “Don’t be sorry. My sister-in-law had the same reaction the other night, and you’ve both brought some much-needed clarity to the situation.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “We barely even kissed.”

  “Really?” Amy said.

  “Really. So how can I feel so heartbroken? What the hell is wrong with me?”

  “I think the fact that you didn’t hook up with him shows that your feelings are real,” Patti said.

  “You do?”

  “I do too,” Amy said. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

  Patti sipped her beer. “You know how they say most women can’t differentiate between romantic feelings and sexual attraction, right?”

  “My friend Danielle can,” Cassidy said. Or can she? She wondered how Danielle was faring with the whole Jonathan ordeal.

  Patti set down her glass. “Well, most women can’t. But sex wasn’t a factor in this equation and you still opened up to him, Cassidy. This wasn’t just some physical thing. Sure, a lot of it was via text message and phone, but that doesn’t mean you two weren’t connecting, and to most men an emotional connection is more intimate than sex. Don’t you agree, Amy?”