Always the Last to Know (Always the Bridesmaid)

by Bowling, Crystal

  “How long has this been going on, Carla?”

  Carla is staring at her fingernails to try to avoid my glare, “What does it matter? I mean, you’re in love with Riley. This is fantastic news!”

  “Carla.”

  “Eight years.”

  “Eight years this has been going on?”

  “It was my dad’s brainchild. It started out as a silly little joke but when the pool reached two hundred bucks a few years ago, things got a little more serious. Everyone draws a month out of a hat and if there’s any months left over, anyone who wants to can bet more money and draw for another month. It’s actually a pretty good system, really.”

  My family and friends are freaks of nature. I mean, really. Who does something like this? And thinks that it’s a ‘pretty good system’? Clearly I am the only sane person I know.

  And that’s saying something.

  Thirteen

  Saturday, July 4th

  Okay, so it’s a few hours until the wedding and I can’t find Riley. It’s no big deal. I mean, I just went to his house this morning during the manicure appointment I was able to cancel since I somehow refrained from chewing on my fake nails to go have sex with him and he wasn’t at the house. Him not being there wasn’t a total loss; I done some testing and realized that I fit through his bedroom window, just in case I want to reenact the night of my senior prom, minus the whole psychological scarring caused by Cliff, of course. During my entire trial run, Riley never came home. And he’s not answering his phone now.

  Oh, and his sister is getting married today and he’s walking her down the aisle!

  But, it’s fine, really. I mean, no one will notice that Riley is gone since the groom has gone totally AWOL.

  Seriously, Evan is gone. I have no idea where he’s hiding at, neither does Matt nor any of the other groomsmen. The groomsman and ushers have all been sent out to search for him. Matt is staying here at the church to keep my sanity in check.

  But, since Matt has been chatting up the hair stylist for the past twenty minutes, my hold on sanity is rapidly fleeing me.

  “Jess? You okay?” Carla asks.

  I almost break down into tears. Poor little Carla is sitting here in the church basement getting ready for what is supposed to be the happiest day of her life and her scum bag of a fiancé has ran away, leaving his love pregnant and alone.

  If I ever find Evan, I’ll kill him.

  “I’m fine.” I try to say in a reassuring voice. Carla doesn’t know that Evan is unaccounted for. And I’m trying to make sure it stays that way until the last possible moment, like when the organist starts playing “Here Comes the Bride”.

  My squeaky voice seems to convince Carla well enough, and she goes back to talking to her mother about makeup.

  I look over at Matt who is laughing at something Brian, the hairstylist, just said. He seems really happy and I hate to break that up but I need to make someone as annoyed and miserable as I feel right now.

  “Matt, can I have a word outside? Please?” I ask, grinding my teeth together before practically dragging him out of the basement. Once we’re a fair distant away from the basement doors, I ask if he’s heard anything from Evan.

  “Nope.” Matt says like it’s no big deal. Yeah, it’s no big deal that the groom is M.I.A. It’s also no big deal that we can’t find the man who is walking his sister down the aisle. And, when Carla kills me dead, then I reckon that won’t be a big deal either.

  “Have you tried calling his cell phone again?”

  “Not since the last time you told me too.”

  My left eye twitches, “You do know that this wedding starts in less than three hours and we’re missing the groom, the bride’s brother, and the “just married” banner.”

  “It’s okay; I found some window chalk and went ahead and wrote ‘just married’ on the back window and decorated the rest of the car.”

  “What car? Evan and Carla hired a horse-drawn carriage to take them from the church to the reception. We were going to get someone to attach the banner to the carriage when it got here.”

  “Then whose car did I decorate?”

  I look around the parking lot and see a maroon colored car that looks similar to Carla’s. It has hearts drawn everywhere and “honeymoon sex awaits” written on the passenger window.

  “That’s Father McCarthy’s car!” I smack his arm. “You wrote “honeymoon sex awaits” on the priest’s car!”

  Matt tries not to laugh but fails miserably. He finally manages to snort out, “Just be glad I didn’t draw any of the sex positions from that Cosmo binder of yours.”

  I have seriously got to start hiding that thing.

  I see the humor in this, I really do, but I’ve been around Carla all morning and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to laugh at anything ever again. Besides, I’m too concerned with the fact that there’s no groom for this wedding. I narrow my eyes and just stare at Matt.

  “Fine, I’ll go wash it off.”

  “I’m more worried about Evan than I am about the car. We need to find him first.”

  “Calm down, Jess. You know that Evan’s never on time. He’s probably just sitting at his apartment, watching some sport thing on ESPN.”

  “Sports? He’s watching sports at a time like this?” I shout as I call Riley’s phone again, “Your wedding day is no time to watch some stupid sports show on stupid ESPN!”

  “Woah, ESPN is not stupid.” A voice says behind me. I turn around to see Evan and Riley standing there in the church parking lot. Evan looks pissed and Riley is turning off the ringer on his phone, but not before I hear the ringtone he has programmed for my number: “American Girl” by Tom Petty. His favorite song is my own personal ringtone.

  But I’m still mad at him.

  “Where in the hell have you been?” I walk up to them and point a finger from Riley to Evan. I poke Evan in the chest with my finger multiple times for emphasis, “This is your wedding day and you were supposed to be in contact with Matt or me. Answering your cell phone at least one of the forty-seven times I called you would have at least been helpful. You better have a damn good reason for being this late.”

  Evan just looks down. I made him feel bad, and you know what? I’m glad.

  One down, one to go.

  I move over to Riley and am prepared to yell at him, but he stops me before I can.

  “It’s my fault we’re late, Jess. I took Evan out for lunch and we lost track of time. And there was no reception at all in the restaurant.” He gives me a quick wink. There’s got to be more to the story. If there isn’t, I’ll kill them all.

  “Okay, fine, whatever.” I throw my hands in the air, annoyed. “Evan, your tux is inside the church. But first, you and Matt have to go wash Father McCarthy’s car.”

  As Matt and Evan head over to Father McCarthy’s car, no doubt questioning my sanity and humanity, I turn to Riley and am fully prepared to give him a verbal lashing but he puts his hands on my shoulders and starts to explain before I can even get a word out.

  “Evan tried to run.”

  “What?” I shriek.

  “When we were moving your bed yesterday, he was talking stupid and I thought that he might try to leave. So, I went to his apartment at the ass-crack of dawn and cornered him. We ate some lunch and he realized that he’s a dumbass.” Riley shrugs, “But he’s a dumbass that loves my sister.”

  I can’t believe Evan. Why in the hell would he run out on Carla? I know that she’s a little insane and controlling and everything, but Carla is an amazing person. Evan is lucky to have her. What a bastard.

  “He was just scared, Reynolds. He’s going to be a husband and a father. Wouldn’t you freak out?”

  “If I was going to be a husband and father? Like, if I was a guy all of a sudden?”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “It was really sweet of you to help out.” I smile at him. “I think you like Evan.” Riley grunts, not unlike Evan, at my comment, causing me to gig
gle. “And, just out of curiosity, why is my ringtone “American Girl” on your phone?”

  Riley’s face turns a light shade of red and he looks down at the ground as he says the line, “God it’s so painful when something is so close but still so far out of reach.” He looks back up at me, “Why do you think I like the song so much?”

  “Because of me?”

  “It’s all because of you, Jess.” He takes a step closer to me and wraps an arm around my waist and leans in for a kiss. He never gets to finish that kiss though because my mother has these Spiderman senses that let her know when is the best time to ruin her only child’s happiness, and she comes barreling out of the basement.

  I manage to separate myself from Riley before she sees anything resembling my contentment.

  “Jess, we need you in here for hair and makeup, now.” Mom says with an edge in her voice, no doubt caused by being around Carla. Her face brightens when she sees Riley. “Hello Riley. You and the boys are getting ready upstairs.” Then she goes back to being Mr. Hyde when her eyes focus back on me, “Now, Jessica.”

  “Why is she so nice to you?” I ask after she’s gone back inside. I stare at the closed basement doors, “I mean, you’re the one trying so hard to get into her daughter’s pants. You’re the creep, not me.”

  “You think so?”

  I turn back to Riley to confirm my beliefs, only to have my mouth fall open in shock. He’s holding the horseshoe necklace that I saw in the store when we were looking for Carla’s wedding gift.

  “You’re right; I am a creep.” Riley laughs and spins me around to put the necklace on my neck. He swears as he fights with the clasp and, once it’s securely on, he kisses the base of my neck where the necklace lies, and I swear that kiss goes all the way down my spine.

  “I don’t know what to say.” I face him again and his arm goes back around my waist like it was always supposed to be there.

  “That’s a first.” He grins at me. “I just, you know, thought you’d like it.”

  I fight tears because, really, this is one of the sweetest things that has ever happened to me. And it’s not because it’s jewelry, I’m not the kind of girl.

  It’s because Riley loves me.

  “Thank you Riley.” I say before I kiss him.

  ***

  “You ready, Jess?” Matt asks, holding out his

  arm for me.

  I nod, “The sooner this is over, the sooner we can change out of these miserable outfits.”

  “I’m right behind you.” Carla whispers violently while Riley chuckles at me.

  I turn to apologize but Matt has already started to pull me down the aisle. I don’t miss him give a wink at the hairstylist who Carla invited to stay on for the wedding and reception, place settings be damned.

  “I told Evan that I like guys.” Matt turns his attention from the hairstylist and smiles at me, “You were right, he was totally cool with it.”

  “I told you he would be.”

  “And what about you? I hear that you and Riley are an item now.” He whispers while people ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ at us. How they’re keeping their repulsion so well hid, I have no idea. Being in love still makes me feel like an idiot in this dress.

  “Who told you?”

  Matt laughs, “Riley came into the changing room wearing the same shade of lipstick as you, albeit a little smeared. I kind of figured it out for myself after that.” He elbows me lightly, “Are you happy?”

  I nod, “Yeah, of course I am.”

  “Have you two done It yet?”

  “Matt!” I say far too loud. The bridesmaid and groomsman in front of us turn around to look at me, as does the rest of the church. I mouth a “sorry” and quicken my pace.

  When I talk again, my voice is barely a whisper, “God, I hope the videographer doesn’t get that on tape.”

  “So, is that a no?”

  We reach the altar but before we part, I whisper, “It’s a no for now.”

  “Tonight?”

  Evan steps between us and looks at me, “Can you wait to tell him about your plans to seduce Riley until after I get married?”

  I refrain from mentioning how this wedding wouldn’t have even happened if Riley hadn’t kept Evan from running away, and go to my side of the altar.

  “Here Comes the Bride” starts up and everyone stands up to watch Carla as she is escorted down the aisle by her big brother. I look over at Evan to see him watching Carla. He has always tried to be so macho about everything but, right now, his eyes are getting watery and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile so big in the five years that I’ve known him.

  Carla and Riley reach the front of the church and, despite the veil, I can tell that she’s already crying. Riley isn’t crying, but his grin could be competing with Evan’s. He hugs Carla before placing her hand in Evan’s. Before he leaves the altar, he looks at me. His gigantic grin has been reduced to that half-smile that he always gives me. I feel like it’s my own personal smile, something special that’s only for me.

  “You look beautiful.” Evan says to Carla before Father McCarthy begins the ceremony.

  The original plan was to have the full Catholic wedding with the mass built right in. Due to Carla’s morning sickness, however, Father McCarthy has agreed to cut out the mass and just have a short ceremony. Of course, Father McCarthy just thinks that Carla has a forty-eight hour bug, and is not going through a nine-month pregnancy. If Father McCarthy knew the truth, he may not perform the wedding.

  Fortunately, it was not the Maid of Honor’s duty to lie to the priest about Carla’s “illness”. That was all Ms. Callahan’s doing. I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen Riley more proud of his mother.

  As the wedding goes on, I look around the church to see everyone’s reaction to this holy union. Like me, Matt is scanning the church, probably looking for the stylist who has seemed to move from the back of the church where he was standing. My mom is sitting in the second row, smiling and looking like she may cry. I notice that she keeps turning around to look at the doors of the church. Dad’s late again. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t show up until the reception gets into full swing.

  In the row in front of Mom, Ms. Callahan is just smiling and dabbing her eyes with an already crumpled-up tissue while her boyfriend Bill pats her arm gently. They’re both smiling up at the happy couple.

  I look next to Ms. Callahan and can’t help but smile even bigger than I already am (you know, since there’s a photographer with a camera running around the church snapping pictures like he’s covering Paris Hilton’s release from prison) when I see Riley, who is looking at me. And he still has that half-smile playing on his lips.

  I wink at him before turning back to Carla and Evan. They’re holding hands and exchanging vows. Well, Carla’s trying to, she just keeps getting choked up. Her back is turned to me but I can see Evan and he’s crying.

  Yes, Evan “My-Heart-is-Made-of-Rusted-Tin” Winters is crying. And, surprisingly, his football groomsman isn’t snickering quietly.

  He is, however, is chewing gum. With his mouth wide open. During a wedding that’s being filmed. And he keeps popping bubbles. In a church for God’s sake.

  Carla is going to kill that guy when she sees the wedding video.

  “Evan, I never thought that I would find someone like you. The first time I met you I knew that I could never be without you. We laugh, we cry, kind of like how I am right now.” The congregation chuckles softly as Carla goes on, “I didn’t think that I could ever be full of this much love and happiness. And I just want to say thank you for that.” She laughs as she is crying. “I love you, Evan.”

  Father McCarthy nods at Evan, gesturing for him to speak. Evan breathes deeply, trying not to get all weepy before he talks.

  “Carla, I love you. You make me the happiest that I’ve ever been. I can’t imagine living my life without you in it. You are the reason why I get out of bed in the morning.” Evan laughs as he chokes back a sob, “Before I
met you, I never really thought about love. And now, whenever you lay your head on my shoulder or I hear your laugh, love is all I can think about.”

  I can’t help but let a few tears fall. That is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard in my twenty-two years of existence. I just can’t believe that it’s coming out of Evan’s mouth.

  The rest of the ceremony goes by in a blur of promises and tears. Before I even realize it, Father McCarthy is introducing us all to Mr. and Mrs. Evan Winters.

  Carla turns to me to take her bouquet back and then hugs me.

  “I’m married!” She squeals excitedly before Evan starts leading her back down the aisle.

  “That Carla, she doesn’t miss a thing.” Matt laughs as he holds his arm out for me.

  We’re just off the altar when Riley grabs my arm and, with Matt attached to my opposite arm, kisses me. I can hear Matt saying “awkward” and Ms. Callahan and my mother gasping, but I don’t care.

  I don’t care because right now Riley has a hand on the small of my back and a smile on his lips as he kisses me and all I can think about is that this is the moment that my entire life has been building up to. Years of fights and name-calling and wrestling matches and sharing the big tub of popcorn at the movies because we were both broke, and those nights of cheap beer and falling asleep on the sofa and waking up being so comfortable with his head on my shoulder and being so afraid of that comfort. All the fights and fears and the years have built up to this day where I finally see what’s always been in front of me.

  And love is all I can think about.

  ***

  I can’t believe that I am doing this. If a cop

  happens to drive down the street right now, I’d surely be arrested for breaking and entering.

  However, with me still wearing my Maid of Honor Dress from Hell, I could probably plea insanity with very little argument against it.

  When we got back from the wedding, I claimed that I was too tired to even think, and retired to my bedroom where I primped and waited until I was sure that Riley was asleep and clueless of my plans.