King Asshole

by Sam Crescent

  EVERNIGHT PUBLISHING ®

  www.evernightpublishing.com

  Copyright© 2018 Sam Crescent

  ISBN: 978-1-77339-785-6

  Cover Artist: Jay Aheer

  Editor: Karyn White

  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

  WARNING: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. No part of this book may be used or reproduced electronically or in print without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.

  This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, and places are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  KING ASSHOLE

  Sam Crescent

  Copyright © 2018

  Chapter One

  “I never knew it could be like that. You’re so amazing. You were right. Fucking is so much better than making love.”

  Jax King was bored. He stared down at the blonde he’d just fucked who’d come so many times that he had lost count. She’d been really vocal, and it had given him a headache. Next time he picked a woman up he was going to ask her if she screamed a lot. He’d have to bind their mouths up because he didn’t like getting distracted like that. His orgasm was fine, nothing noteworthy about it.

  Now the woman was just irritating him.

  She snuggled up against him, and that was just it for him.

  “Time for you to leave,” he said.

  She giggled. He couldn’t remember her name. Did she even tell him her name? He couldn’t remember, and it really wasn’t important to him.

  “No, seriously, leave.”

  She pulled away and looked at him, startled. “What?”

  “I don’t want you here anymore. Get out.”

  “I can’t believe this. Didn’t you have fun?”

  “I did, and now that fun is over. Come on, out. I got shit to do. You weren’t anything special. Get out.”

  He rolled off the bed, grabbed a pair of sweatpants, and pulled them up. Without a backward glance, he headed out to his fridge, taking one of the beers. She was ranting and spewing vile shit about how he was a dick and she’d had better.

  Yeah, right.

  He heard her screams and the surprise in her voice. She wasn’t even close to ever experiencing the kind of things he could do to her. It was a shame she couldn’t reciprocate that same kind of offer.

  Still.

  One night was all he’d give.

  No woman had ever made him want a third or even a second try before. Besides, he had rules. No woman was allowed to get too close.

  He didn’t date any of them.

  One time in his bed.

  That was all.

  He was never too intoxicated to let them stay over.

  If they were at their place, he’d break it off after he’d reached orgasm. That was his limit.

  No connections.

  Just pure pleasure.

  He didn’t have to worry about birthdays or Christmas, or any of that bullshit. He lived his life the way he enjoyed it.

  The mystery woman stormed out of the bedroom, her shoes held in her hand.

  “You’re a fucking asshole.”

  He raised his beer toward her. “Not the first time I’ve been called it.”

  “Ugh!” She picked up his cell phone and threw it at him. He caught it. He’d been good at ball back in the day.

  “You can leave or I can call the cops. Up to you.”

  She growled and stormed out, slamming his door as he went.

  He smirked as he headed toward his couch. Seconds later, Ryan entered. He’d spotted his friend as the woman left.

  “I take it that woman that’s screaming and cursing all men is because of you?” Ryan, his best friend, asked.

  “I don’t think it’s all men. Probably just a few of us. You know, all of us assholes out there. Not you. What are you doing here? I thought you had a thing with Lily?”

  “Lily’s got a bunch of girlfriends over and looking at some new sex toys, and I don’t want to be there.” Ryan grabbed himself a beer and joined Jax on the couch.

  “I don’t see why you don’t make Lily go to one of her friends’ places for that shit. It’s your home. You should be the man of your house. Tell her to fuck off or something.”

  “Dude, I sleep with that woman. I literally put my dick in her mouth. I do shit like that, she’ll bite it off and show me who’s boss.”

  Jax winced and grabbed his junk. “You know what, this is one of the reasons why I’ll never settle down. Not even once. You’re being too much of a pussy.”

  “When you have a steady girlfriend for longer than you can come, we’ll talk.”

  “I don’t see the appeal.” Jax began to flip through the TV channels. He wasn’t interested in watching anything to do with the news or shit like that.

  “That’s because you refuse to allow yourself to connect with anyone.” Ryan leaned forward, taking one of the papers off the table.

  “I connect with people just fine. It’s not my fault they want to give up the goods then start screaming and shouting about how they want to have a date or swap numbers.”

  “What’s this? Is this the ad you put in the paper?”

  “Yeah. I need someone to take the room. Rent has gone up way too much, and I don’t earn enough at the bar to pay for that. Renting seems the best way to go.”

  “The last time you rented it didn’t go down so well.”

  The last guy he rented with was a drug dealing ex-con who liked to use his room to pimp out his women. Needless to say, Jax got rid of him pretty quickly.

  “Yeah, well, this time I’m being careful. I’ve got an entire list of questions to go over.” He got to his feet to fetch the clipboard he had ready.

  “Why do I have a feeling I’m not going to like this?” Ryan asked.

  “Because you’ll probably think I’m a dick. I’ve got two sets of questions. One for chicks, another for dudes.”

  “You’re even going to consider renting to chicks? You can’t keep your dick in your pants long enough, and let’s not forget those pesky rules of yours.”

  “Bite me, Ryan.”

  “I wouldn’t put you anywhere near my mouth. You could have any number of diseases.”

  “I keep my dick bagged up, so you’ve got nothing to stress yourself over. I’m perfectly clean, and you can suck my dick anytime.”

  Ryan didn’t even comment, simply went back to reading his paper. “‘Looking for a roomie.’ A fucking roomie?”

  “I want to sound approachable.”

  “You should put down, ‘don’t have girlfriend, will likely fuck it.’”

  “I don’t fuck everything with a vagina. I’ve never been with Lily.”

  “That’s because she’s seen your asshole a mile away.”

  “I do have a nice ass. I’m so pleased you notice.” He kissed the air, and Ryan looked back at the paper.

  “‘Looking for a neat and tidy roommate. Must be working and prepared to be flexible. All facilities work, good area, protection guaranteed.’ Dude, this sounds like you’re advertising a condom or something. You’re not going to get any callbacks. Let’s hear those questions and see what you’re fucking up with now.”

  Jax looked at the female questions. “Are you easily offended by strippers?”

  “What the fuck, Jax?”

  “I have a stripper pole.” He pointed to the corner of the sitting room.

  “Why did you have that thing installed?” He friend rubbed his eyes.

  “Remember, I went to a stripper joint, brought a woman back to the apartment, got a little personal lap dance and would have loved a good show. It’s there in case any of the women I pick up wan
t to do something like that.”

  “It’s official. You’re a pig.”

  Jax rolled his eyes. “You’ve been spending way too much time with a pussy.”

  “I happen to love my girlfriend.”

  “Yeah, and she clearly doesn’t love you.”

  “Jax!”

  “What? She’s at home right now talking it all up with sex toys, and you’re here, talking with me.”

  “You’re right, I have completely screwed with my life,” Ryan said. “Has it ever occurred to you that these breaks are good with couples?”

  “I don’t think about it.”

  “Not even a little bit?”

  “There are a lot of pussies out there, Ryan. I intend to try my fair share of them.”

  “It’s like talking to a brick wall.”

  “Let’s get back to this.” Jax looked at his list. “‘Do you intend to bring back men to fuck them?’”

  “Jax!”

  “What? I have the same question on my other form for a guy. I even ask here if they had a girlfriend if they’d be interested in a threesome.”

  “You ask things like, do you cook? How late will you stay out? What kind of extracurricular activities do you have? Not sexual stuff.”

  “You’re a real bore, you know that. I ask what they think of having food used for sex,” Jax said. “I don’t even know why we’re friends.”

  “Right now, I don’t even know that either.” Ryan took the list of questions from him.

  Sipping at his beer, he watched, somewhat amused as his friend shook his head and his face went red.

  “Anal? You’re really going to ask that?”

  “Why not? We’re going to be sharing an apartment together. I love sex, and I need to know if someone is a prude.”

  “You’re not going to get anyone to rent this apartment. If you do, it’s a fucking miracle.” Ryan continued to look down the list. “‘Don’t fall in love with me.’ Is that a statement?”

  “Yes. I happen to be a very charming man.”

  “You’re fucking delusional.”

  “Women fall for me all the time.”

  “No. They fall for the chance to be with you. At the end of it, you prove to them you’re a hound dog and they don’t need to spend any fucking time with you.” Ryan shook his head. “I think you’re going to have to learn for yourself. Good look with finding anyone who’ll stick around after you’ve read them that list.”

  “I don’t think you’re taking this entirely seriously.”

  “I’m taking it seriously. You’re the one that’s not. Having a roommate is going to be a rude awakening for you.”

  “I’ve had one before,” Jax said.

  “Yeah but you didn’t really need one then so it was easy for you to get rid of him. To keep this place, you’re going to need him or her.”

  “It’ll be easy to do. I’m a good guy.”

  “Yeah, I’ll believe that when I see it.”

  ****

  Dani Brooke sat in the local diner drinking her third cup of coffee as she looked through the newspaper at apartment rentals. There’s no way she was going to live in a substandard apartment with a landlord who thought he could blackmail her to sleep with him. That shit was not happening anymore. She paid her rent on time and didn’t even complain when he hiked the price.

  She worked two jobs so money wasn’t really tight.

  Working a bar at night and a diner by day, she happened to love staying busy. The one thing she always hated was boredom, and since she was a kid, she’d always been allergic to sleep and rest. After only three hours’ sleep, she could feel refreshed and ready to face an eighteen-hour shift.

  Tapping her pen on the counter, she circled another apartment location and typed the number into her cell phone, taking a sip of the shittiest coffee in the world as she did.

  Glancing around the diner, she thought about how she loved coming to this place. It was rarely busy, and it gave her a chance to think. She never ate or relaxed where she worked so she had places to go when she wanted to eat and party.

  Minutes later she crossed out another apartment. The woman who wanted to rent out her room had a screaming kid in the background. Dani didn’t mind kids, but she wasn’t ready to settle down in a place with them. It also meant the room wasn’t on a long-term basis. She had no interest in constantly moving around. If her landlord wasn’t such a big horndog, she wouldn’t be moving now.

  Changing apartments was one of the things she hated more than anything else. She could gladly do without all the bullshit that it made, having to change her address at work and to redirect mail. Not to mention there had been a couple of times when she’d ended up at her old place because she’d been so tired that she’d forgotten where she was.

  So, moving wasn’t exactly on her top ten list of things to do in her life. At twenty-five years old, she’d seen a lot of bad stuff. She’d even spent a short time living on the streets while she got her bearings. When she left her family home at eighteen to be independent and to spread her wings, she’d made a vow to herself that she’d never, ever go back to her parents’ place.

  They had wanted her to suit their own personal path, to follow their rules and to not follow her heart. She couldn’t do that.

  She had a dream of her own, and she intended to live it and not become someone’s wife that was forced to stay at home and do as they were told. She had her own life that she wanted to lead. She’d been the good little girl, and it had fucking bored her. She wanted more out of life than what they were offering, and she intended to get it, no matter how much she had to fight for it.

  Going back wasn’t an option. It would never be an option to her.

  Finishing off her coffee, she tapped her pencil against the table and scanned down the last few advertisements. None of the apartments were what she was looking for until she turned the page and saw the very last one.

  Reading through the brief description, she wasn’t impressed. The thought of heading back to her place had no appeal though.

  Seeing no other reason to deny herself, she typed in the number, placed it against her ear, and waited. The phone kept ringing, and she didn’t hang up. It also didn’t go to voicemail, so she kept on waiting.

  Finally, after a few minutes, she got an answer.

  “This better be a hot as fuck woman ready to suck my dick.”

  “I’m not ready to suck anything. I’m calling you about your room.”

  “Ryan, is this you? It’s, like, three in the morning. I want a roommate, but come on, man, I need my beauty sleep.”

  “I don’t have a clue who this Ryan is. I’m sorry about calling so early.” She hadn’t even realized the time. “There’s no recommended time slot on your ad. I was wondering if the room is still available.”

  “You’re not Ryan.”

  “Last time I checked I wasn’t. I don’t even know you.”

  “Shit, it is way too early to be using my brain right now.”

  She heard him moaning on the other end.

  “Is it really three in the morning?”

  Looking at the clock on the wall of the diner, she winced. “Do you want me to lie to you?”

  “Shit, nah, fine, I’m up. I’m awake.” She heard him moan. “So, what can I do for you?”

  “Your room. Is it still available for rent?”

  “It certainly is. Are you interested?”

  “I wouldn’t be calling if I wasn’t.”

  “Look, you’d be surprised about the amount of bullshit I get from this. I’m not interested in someone who is only looking.”

  “I have a few questions first.”

  “Shoot?”

  “Is it a shared bathroom?”

  “Yes. It’s a pretty big bathroom.”

  “Okay.” That wasn’t a point in the guy’s favor.

  “We can work out a schedule or some shit about the damn bathroom. I put the toilet seat down and the cap on my toothpaste if that is such a bad thing
.”

  His foul temper made her giggle.

  “It’s not a deal breaker. You mention it being a good neighborhood. What’s the crime rate?”

  “How the fuck should I know? It’s safe because I’m here, and I’ve never been robbed while I’ve been here either. I don’t see drugs and stuff. Look, lady, you woke me up. My apartment is fucking amazing, okay? I wouldn’t even be in this situation if it wasn’t for my landlord and his price hike, but I need help. I like my life the way that it is. If you’re a judgey little do-gooder, this room is not for you. I like to have a lot of women in my life, the guys over, and to do my own thing. You can have the room, and I won’t police your every move. If you’re happy to have a roommate you won’t see, then come on over. If not and you can’t keep your opinion to yourself, then don’t bother.”

  She couldn’t help but smile. “That sounds like a pretty fantastic room. Can I come over now? I’ll be there in twenty?”

  “Sure. I’ll be awake now thanks to you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Hanging up the phone, she grabbed her bag and paper and climbed out of the booth. Taking the cup up to the counter, she left money with plenty of change to tip the waitress and headed out.

  She walked down the street, holding her hand out for a taxi. It took four passing before one finally stopped.

  She got into the back and told them the address.

  Her heart was racing.

  This felt like an amazing opportunity. Roommates, no matter what, always held a feel of being with parents.

  This guy, whoever he was, sounded like an asshole, but he was offering her a lifeline right now. She didn’t want to have someone breathing down her neck because of the choices she made. This apartment felt positive. It felt like a step in the right direction.

  The taxi pulled up outside of the building, and she smiled. The street seemed like a nice place, and the apartment building looked fantastic. There were trees in the pavement that had been planted there a few years ago. The trunks of the trees were not that big. On the sides of the building there with plants and even hanging baskets filled with flowers. At three in the morning it looked like a serene place to be.