King Asshole

by Sam Crescent

  “Why do I feel this is going to involve no sex, with what you just said?”

  “Because it is, and the best kinds of agreements are the ones that offer abstinence. And you’ve been proven to be a douchebag to a lot of the women you sleep with. This is a temporary kind of security deal for my home. It’ll be fun. I think it’ll be fun. It’ll be kind of weird to do, but I think we can come to some arrangement.”

  “What kind of deal do you have in mind?”

  “It’s a pretty simple one, actually. We date. We spend time together, and we don’t have sex at all.”

  “No sex.”

  “None.”

  “Can we negotiate?” he asked.

  It was on the tip of her tongue to say no, but then he had her kind of curious. “What exactly do you want to negotiate?”

  “So, sex is off the table. With each other and with other people. That goes for you as well.”

  “I’m already in agreement with this.”

  “Good. Then I say foreplay is still very much on. You make me come, I make you come. It’s a win-win.”

  “That’s sex.”

  “No, that’s foreplay.”

  “We both get to have a happy ending, Jax. That is sex.”

  “Where did you come from? Does that mean you’re not going to pleasure yourself at all?”

  “What?”

  “If you say foreplay and orgasms are all around sex, then you can’t masturbate. There’s no way I’ll let you stroke that sweet pussy, and to make sure we both stick to this agreement, you have to move into my bed.”

  “That’s ridiculous.”

  “By your own words, achieving orgasm is having sex. I don’t agree. Completely disagree with you on all that, but it’s what you think.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to manipulate all of this.”

  “I’m not. I’m trying to play by the very rules that you’ve put in place. That means, no touching of your special place.”

  She burst out laughing.

  “Okay, fine; foreplay is allowed but no actual penetration.”

  “I want to counternegotiate.”

  “You’re really playing hardball with this.”

  “A guy has got to get what he can. You’re a tough cookie to crack.”

  She chuckled. This was actually really fun. “Give me your counteroffer.”

  “No dick shall enter your pussy and no pussy shall slide on my dick. But … tongues and fingers and sex toys are allowed.”

  “No sex toys.”

  “Why the hell not?”

  “They’re called sex toys, so it means we’re clearly having sex.”

  “Ugh, this is not fun. Fingers and tongues?”

  “They’re a possibility.”

  “And finally, she caves.”

  “I am not caving. This is crazy. I want you to also agree that if this doesn’t work between either of us, we can both still live in this apartment.”

  “Wow, you don’t want my cock but you want my apartment.”

  “A girl has got to have priorities.” She had said nothing about not wanting his cock. She very much wanted it, but she also didn’t want to screw up what they had. If for whatever reason they didn’t work, she didn’t want to think about him fucking other women.

  “How long is this going to last? I need to tell my guy he’s not getting to see your pussy in a very long time.”

  “I don’t know. How about a month? We see how things are going and you can make dinner and we’ll see.”

  “One month, dating, heavy foreplay, and no sex. I got it. I can do this. It’s not, like, set in stone though, right?”

  “I have no idea. We’re just going to see how this goes. You know, no sex, and to see if we can just be ourselves.”

  “Awesome.”

  “Awesome,” she said, giggling.

  “Oh, you’re also moving into my bedroom,” Jax said. “I’m not negotiating on that.”

  Chapter Eight

  “You seem in a much perkier mood,” Ryan said.

  “I am.” Jax picked up the mango and gave the flesh a little squeeze, finding it just ripe enough.

  “I’m shocked you asked us to go grocery shopping with you,” Lily said, coming up beside him with her own shopping cart.

  “I felt it was time for a change, and, seeing as I have a girlfriend now, I do have to impress her.”

  “Wait? What?” Lily asked. “When did he get a girlfriend?”

  “Did it work out with Dani?”

  “Yes, it worked out. She plays hard to get, but I know what I’m after and I know how to play just as hard to get what I want.” He picked up a lemon. It had been so long since he made lemon pudding, but now he couldn’t get the thought out of his head. Checking through his list, he moved the cart to the chili section and went straight for lots of jalapeno and cilantro. The herbs were right there with the jalapeno. His mom used to grow her own. He’d been a giant momma’s boy.

  “Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?” Lily asked.

  “I thought you told her everything?”

  “I do but the important stuff.”

  “The quick version. Dani is my roommate. She also likes to work out on the stripper pole I have installed.”

  “She’s a stripper?”

  “Not even close. We made out. I like her. We’ve got an agreement. No sex, but we can have foreplay for the next month. We’re seeing if we fit and make a good match. Also, I think she’s seeing if I can be faithful. During that time, we’re going to date. I’m making her dinner. I already showed her my mom’s meatloaf, and believe me I think it helped me seal the deal.”

  “Your mom’s meatloaf? You won’t even cook that for us.”

  “I know. It was a bit of a shock to realize what I was making, but before I could second guess myself it was already in the oven. It’s amazing how these things work out.”

  “Jax, honey, are you really sure about this?”

  “I am. I enjoyed cooking for her, and it feels right to do it again. That’s why I’m with you guys grocery shopping.”

  “This girl must really mean something to you to be cooking like you used to when we were younger. I’ve not seen you cook in so long, Jax,” Lily said.

  He shrugged.

  The truth was, he didn’t see himself cooking so soon again either. It had come as a shock when he found himself in the kitchen getting back into the swing of things. In a weird way, he felt like he was doing something right. Looking through his cupboard this very morning, he’d been a little embarrassed by what he’d found or what he’d not found. So that’s why he was having a complete overhaul of his food supplies. Fresh vegetables and fruits were in his trolley. Next was some meat. Beef, lamb, and chicken were his favorites. Pork had a place but was not something he intended to use regularly.

  Lily and Ryan followed him around the shop and then as they headed out to their car. He knew what they were trying to do as they kept suggesting that Lily at least have the chance to meet Dani.

  This wasn’t about meeting Dani but about coming over for his food.

  He invited them for food but told them both they had to be on their best behavior, as otherwise he wasn’t going to invite them again.

  They both agreed, and he took off toward his apartment. After making several trips with all of his groceries, he spent the afternoon rearranging his kitchen to make everything fit.

  Once he was done, he felt … better.

  Smiling, he got to work marinating some chicken and preparing some vegetables to make a kickass stir-fry. This was one of his favorites, with coconut, chili, and lots of fresh herbs.

  Dani arrived as he was preparing the table.

  “This is weird. I’m not going to lie.”

  “You’re home for the rest of the night, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “I need you to do me a schedule of your working hours.”

  “Okay. Why are there four seating ar
rangements?” she asked.

  “Ah, Ryan and Lily came to the store with me. I invited them to dinner as well. It’ll be fun. It’s good to, you know, have friends.”

  “Cool.”

  “You’re always nervous about meeting Lily. You’ve put it off for a long time now.”

  He saw she was playing with the strap of her bag. She once again hadn’t put it up with his jacket. Walking toward her, he took her bag and placed it on the hook. He stepped back up to her and took her hands within his. He placed a kiss to each of her knuckles, and he saw that it confused her a little bit.

  “You need to relax. Lily’s a good friend.”

  “How long have you known them?”

  “A long time. Long enough to know that they have my best interests at heart. They know I’ve not cooked in a long time, and they were a little jealous that I decided to this with you and no one else.” He pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Please. Try and get along with them.”

  “I’ll try.”

  “It’s going to be great.”

  “Jax, I’m still finding this a little surreal right now.”

  He kissed her cheek again, seeing her blush just a little. “Good.” He’d been hoping to startle her.

  He could be an asshole, but he knew how to also be a gentleman. It was his secret, and he wasn’t going to let anyone in on it.

  “I’ll go wash up and get changed. I smell like fried chicken.”

  She made to pull away, but he still held her hand, and he pulled her close. Cupping the back of her head, he slammed his lips down on hers, startling her. She let out a gasp, and he gripped her ass even tighter. She was so soft against him.

  Dani didn’t fight him. Not one bit. Her hands were on his chest, and she moaned as he continued to kiss her.

  He broke the kiss first. “Fried chicken is the best kind of smell.”

  Her cheeks were on fire.

  “I’ll be back.”

  “I’ll be waiting.” He watched her disappear into the bathroom. “Not now. Not for some time. You’re not getting any kind of action, and we’re going to have to deal with that.” His cock was rock-hard, but after a few seconds of thinking about birds, it seemed to calm him.

  Back to his stir-fry.

  ****

  Dani took a sip of her wine, smiling as Ryan recalled one of Jax’s memories as a child. Lily and Ryan were his childhood friends. It was probably why out of all of his friends, Ryan was around the most. Wes and the others were guys they’d picked up along the way.

  “So, as he jumped into this freezing lake in just his boxers, he was acting all hard and tough. I told him to get the fuck out and he told me he couldn’t. I thought he was just trying to show off. He’d lost his boxers in the damn lake and had to walk out completely butt-ass naked in front of the entire school.”

  “Hey, I owned that moment. I didn’t back down. This loser didn’t help me one bit.”

  “A lot of girls liked what they saw,” Lily said. “They were all over him. Love letters and all that. I even had girls try to be friends with me just to get with him. It was embarrassing and so lame. I saw right through them.”

  “Don’t believe everything you hear,” Jax said. “It wasn’t that bad.”

  “It was. You had, like, a huge pile of Valentine’s cards on your desk. Every girl wanted you to love her.”

  “Is that when all this started? The girls? You didn’t want to let them down?” Dani asked.

  She was genuinely curious about all of it.

  The silence told her she wasn’t even close.

  “Jax has never had a steady girlfriend. Not even in high school. Those cards were always opened, but he didn’t take any girl up on her offer until after—”

  “My mom died,” Jax said.

  She saw the sadness in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

  “It’s fine, guys. She knows all about my mom’s passing and what happened after. I … I got angry, and when that happened, I decided to no longer be the nice guy.” Jax shrugged. “I wasn’t perfect.”

  “He took every single girl up on their offer and of course he never returned their phone calls, and never asked any of them out. They were always all over him, surrounding him like a celebrity.”

  “It must have been hard,” she said. “Wow, can’t you tell I don’t have any friends at all?”

  “None?”

  “Nope. Most of my friends were pretty much married out of high school,” she said. “I’m the rebel of the family. I’ve even got a tattoo to prove it.” She stood up and lifted her shirt to show off the ink across her lower back. “I did well in high school. I wanted to go to college, but my parents refused to help me with any of that. I missed the scholarship track, and then they were preparing my life as if I wasn’t even there. They already picked out the perfect husband for me, and the house, and I packed my bags and left. I didn’t want to be controlled. I wanted to explore the world. I got to the city. Have two jobs, and I’m loving it. I’ve not had time for friends though, until now.”

  “And you totally can be friends with me. Any girl that can get Jax’s attention for longer than three seconds I’ve got to know.” Lily raised her glass. “To friendship and to possibilities.”

  They all clinked their glasses. Jax was one hell of a cook.

  “So, tell me, Dani, what’s it like being Jax’s girlfriend?” Ryan asked.

  She laughed. “You want to take my place?”

  “Hell no, that dude couldn’t handle me in the sack. I’m all man, baby,” Jax said. He put his hands behind his head and started to swing his hips from side to side.

  “You’ve got no chance. I’m not giving him up.” Lily put her hand on Ryan’s arm. “Shall we tell them?”

  She looked toward Jax. She saw the love he had for his friends and any doubt she had about Lily evaporated. He didn’t trust easily, but he loved his friends. She saw it so easily.

  “We’re getting married in two weeks,” Lily said.

  “You’ve finally set a date?” Jax asked.

  “We’ve set a date, and we’ve set a location. It’s going to be in two weeks, and we want you both to be there. It’s going to be a really small affair, but you’re not going to like where it is, Jax,” she said, nibbling her lip.

  “It’s the lake, back home. We think it was fitting for our date seeing as that was where we met. You know, when we all went for a picnic as kids.”

  Dani looked among all of them. They wanted Jax to be there. His father and aunt were going to be there. She reached out taking his hand. “I’d love to see your home and where you grew up. Especially where you got all those girls to fall madly in love with you. If we’re still together that is. I would totally love that.”

  “I see what you’re doing, Dani. I’ll be there.”

  “Good because you are best man. You’re in charge of the bachelor party.”

  “And making sure he makes it down the aisle. I will hold you personally responsible for anything that happens to him, Jax.”

  “Hey, I take care of my own. You should totally know this by now.”

  “I also know you like to play tricks, mister.”

  Another glass of wine was poured, but Ryan and Lily had been drinking water. They had to leave as they both had work in the morning. Before long, Jax was saying goodbye, and Dani was clearing the table of all of the dishes, drinking her wine.

  Jax moved up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist as he pressed his face against her neck.

  This was all new to her, and yet it still felt so right.

  “What are you thinking?” she asked.

  “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For giving me a reason to go back home. To go to their wedding. I don’t want to let them down. I’m not going back to see my dad.”

  “It wasn’t just about their wedding.” She put her glass down on the counter beside the sink and spun in his arms so that she was facing him. “They’re your best friends
, Jax. They want you there, and I can see why. You mean a lot to them.”

  “I don’t care. I’m going because you are.”

  She cupped his face, running her thumb across his bottom lip. “They’re your friends, and they need you for their big day. Not because of me. You’re better than that guy. Remember that.” She pressed a kiss to his lips because it felt so natural to do so.

  Jax didn’t let her go, his arms staying around her as she did the dishes. He didn’t offer to help, but after a few minutes, his hands started to wander.

  She gasped as one hand cupped her tits while the other touched her pussy. She wore some light pants and a shirt as the night was warm.

  “You feel wet.”

  “Jax?”

  “I’m not breaking any of your rules right now. I’m just touching you, and that is more than okay. You said so yourself.”

  He lifted his hand up and began to unbutton her pants. She tried to focus on the dishes and was pleased that she’d already washed all of his knives. She wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on them and that would have been dangerous. So very dangerous.

  He slid a hand inside and cupped her pussy. His fingers moved beneath the band of her panties to touch her. He ran a single finger between her slit, stroking her clit before moving down to plunge inside her.

  “Fuck, you are tight and wet.”

  “Jax?”

  “Don’t worry. I’m going to make it feel good. Keep doing the dishes. I just want to touch and play.” His other hand moved up beneath her shirt, cupping her tit. Her nipples were always so sensitive that the first stroke over one beaded tip had her crying out.

  He pressed his cock against her ass, and the pleasure from being surrounded was so fucking good. She didn’t want him to stop.

  “Dani, that wasn’t clean.”

  She grabbed the wok and started cleaning it again. He added a second finger inside her, and his thumb began to stroke her clit, running back and forth. She took a deep breath, trying to think of anything that would calm her. She’d been without a man for so long she had forgotten how good it was to be touched.