Anchors Away~Shades of Gray

by Shara Azod

  “Hey, man. I had no idea you were that serious about her. But at least you know she’s into it – for now.”

  A red haze swam before Gray’s eyes. What the fuck? Didn’t know he was serious? Even had Gray not known Taggard, he could’ve smelled that weak ass lie. Unbelievable.

  “I am not feeling at all mellow right now, Tag,” Gray growled his only warning. “In fact, I ‘m feeling downright froggy. I’m just looking for a reason to jump.”

  Taggard seemed to get the message, his face clearing of all false humor. He swallowed sporadically before throwing up his hands.

  “Yeah, Gray you’re right. I should have known. I’m sorry man. It was a miscalculation. No disrespect to your lady. I swear it will never happen again.”

  “Tag, I want you to listen to me very carefully,” Gray leaned forward, getting right into Tag’s face. “Come within a hundred feet of her, and I will rip you from limb to limb. Got me?”

  Gray hung out with Taggard from time to time. The guy was a major asshole when it came to women. He treated them like dirt, going a little too far with whole dominance thing. It turned Gray’s stomach.

  “Yeah, dude, I get you.” Like a fucking dog who had met his alpha, Taggard’s head lowered a little.

  The man was a United States Navy SEAL, he shouldn’t be backing down to anyone. Gray could almost see his metaphorical tail trucked between his legs. Man, was that sad.

  “So, I guess your place is off limits for a little partying?” Taggard dared to ask just as Gray was getting out of his chair.

  Gray paused, but didn’t turn around. Taggard didn’t know about his place on Shelter Island. As far as he knew, the place here in Coronado was his home. The place with all the toys, and various bondage equipment. Even if he felt so inclined, he would never use anything in that house with Bobbi. That was a playhouse, Bobbi wasn’t a game. Still, he didn’t want anyone knowing about his other place.

  “Definitely off limits,” Gray more or less growled before stalking out.

  His first destination was the little house located not far from the base. It took a total of three hours to clear all his little toys, baring things like his St. Andrew’s Cross, the cage, the tower and the punishment bench. He didn’t need these things anymore. Any toys introduced to Bobbi in the bedroom would be brand new. He took all his clothes and threw them into the jeep. He wouldn’t be staying here anymore. He had no need. He had found the thing he had been searching for – someone to love. All the rest of this shit was just that.

  *****

  There was a long rectangular box leaning against the door waiting for Bobbi when she got off of work on Wednesday. A wreath of smiles lit her face as she retrieved it before letting herself into her apartment. The chill smacked her against her face as soon as she walked in.

  Had she left the air conditioning on? She had duty last night, so she hadn’t been home since Tuesday morning. Things had been a little hot in her tiny place Monday night. When Gray had taken her home Sunday, he had stayed, taking her to work the next day. When she walked down the pier after knocking off, he had been there waiting. Despite the light ribbing from her friends, Bobbi had been beyond jazzed seeing him at the end of the pier, as if he had every right to park his jeep right there and wait for her.

  She was humming as she stripped off her uniform and hopped into the shower. She would open them all clean and fresh and comfortable. Despite all her misgivings about where this thing was going, no one had ever sent her flowers before. She wanted to enjoy it, and maybe call Gray and express her heartfelt thanks. It had been a while since they got it on over the phone. They had been too busy getting it on in life and in person.

  Pouring herself a glass of wine, she settled onto the couch and opened her box. A dozen dead black roses lay nestled on blood red silk. There was a card; stark white so she couldn’t miss it placed dead center of the disturbing contents. There was a black skull on the front of the card.

  Bobbi had to take in deep breaths as she stared at the box’s contents. She couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing. Gray didn’t send these. She had no idea who would do such a thing.

  So open the card numb-nuts.

  She really didn’t want to. She was petrified what it might say. With trembling fingers, she reached out and carefully lifted the card, flipping it over away from her face with her thumb.

  Where have you been? Who have you been with? You have been a naughty girl, haven’t you? I know you have.

  Bobbi had an overwhelming urge to cry. She never cried. Who would do such a thing? She had never done anything to anyone. She had never blown anyone off, or spurned anyone. Why would anyone do this?

  It was a sick joke, it had to be. Jumping up she put the flowers down the garbage disposal, taking the box outside to throw it in the dumpster. She would forget it. It wasn’t worth dwelling on. Once that was done, she called Gray. She needed to take her mind off this. When she was with him, the troubles of the outside world seemed to melt away.

  It didn’t occur to her until she was in the car, bag packed, on her way to his house what she had done.

  What the hell was thinking? When the hell had she come to depend on Gray to make all her troubles go away?

  This was bad. She was getting hooked, and that would only lead to heartbreak.

  Chapter 11

  “You have been spending way too much time with this dude.”

  Bobbi sighed at Maria. The chick was seriously bitter. None of them knew what exactly happened between Maria and her ex-husband, but whatever it was had left her bitter.

  “Leave her alone, Maria,” Tara cut their friend off before she could launch into a diatribe about the evils of relationships.

  “Fuck ‘em and leave ‘em,” Maria mumbled anyway. “Before they can leave you.”

  “Ignore her, Bobbi, and spill it,” Carmen ignored their friend full of piss and vinegar at the end of Bobbi’s couch. “What’s it like being all full time with a hunky SEAL?”

  “Are they really psycho?” Trina chimed in. “Are they all commando in bed?”

  “Didn’t you guys pick up some of your own that night in Coronado?” Bobbi didn’t want to share her relationship with Gray with anyone, not even her best friends.

  Gray brought out things in her she had never known were there. He was beyond commando in bed, he was masterful. She loved the way he held dominion over her body, driving her higher and higher every time they were together. Even when he was being all dominant he still had a sweet side, making her feel cherished. It wasn’t just the sex that had her hooked, it was the way he cared for her.

  After their first weekend together, she rarely slept alone. Either he was here or she was at his place. It had been six weeks, and he was just as attentive as he had been before they started sleeping together. She didn’t understand it at all, but she liked it.

  But as special as their time together was, Bobbi was starting to feel caged in. Grayson was a force of nature. She was fast becoming swept up in Hurricane Gray, and the thought terrified her. Maybe Maria was right. Maybe she should move on before she got in too deep. After all was said and done, she could be completely devastated. She prided herself on keeping it all together. She didn’t get upset or vengeful. She didn’t cry, she didn’t yell, she didn’t scream. It was her nature to look at things objectively and decide on a course of action after evaluating all the angles.

  Gray didn’t allow her to do that. Not that he stopped her by force or anything. It was just that he made her feel so weak with just a smoldering look, or a roguish smile. When he spoke all low and sexy she was wet in seconds, panting for it. He held her through the night like she was someone special. She wasn’t special, no one was. She was just her. Too much of this and she would start believing in things that didn’t exist – like love.

  “I don’t want to talk about Gray,” Bobbi changed the subject. “Let’s talk about what we are going to do tonight.”

  It helped for a few hours. A night out with her fri
ends was never dull. Still, club hopping seemed lackluster. She kept looking over her shoulder, expecting to see Gray any second. It was silly, he had duty this weekend. He had to babysit a new crop of wanna-be SEALS new to the BUDS program. She missed him, she realized halfway through the night.

  “I’m so glad to have you back,” Maria slurred on the way home. She was four sheets to the wind, as usual. “Thought we lost you to that – man.”

  “Was it really that bad? Being married?” Bobbi hadn’t meant to ask, but she was beyond curious. It seemed Maria had spent the whole night going on and on about the perils of men and being drawn in by pretty lies.

  “For a while it was perfect,” Maria smiled in a rare moment of reflection. “I was so happy. I thought he was, too…”

  “But?” It felt awful, but Bobbi really wanted to know what to look out for.

  “But I apparently wasn’t enough for him. Or maybe I was too much of a good girl.” Maria smiled weakly, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “I wasn’t very adventurous back then. I didn’t drink, never partied. Hell, I thought blow jobs were scandalous. In the end, he left me for a hard drinking good-time girl. I decided right then and there, never again.” Maria grabbed her hand, looking at her earnestly. “Don’t be sucked in, Bobbi. They promise forever, but in the end, they aren’t capable of being faithful. Hell, just look at every married man on the ships. How many of them keep it zipped up after leaving port? Take what they have to offer and move on. Shield your heart.”

  It wasn’t so much of what Maria had said that kept Bobbi from calling Gray, or from accepting his offers to pick her up or to come over. She knew she was in way over her head. When she was with him, everything was great. It was when they were apart that got to Bobbi.

  She missed him. Madly. It felt as if she was missing something, and she hated that feeling. Bobbi was a self-sufficient woman. She didn’t need anyone else. She had made it all on her lonesome since she was a kid. Why should now be any different? Not to mention weird things were happening in her apartment when she was away.

  Once she had come home and the door was wide open. Nothing was taken, it was just strange. Maybe she had left the door unlocked by mistake. Every now and then, something would be missing. Nothing big or expensive. Just small things like articles of clothing or a knick knack here and there. Several times the air had been turned to freezing, making the place feel like an ice box.

  Since she’d been coming straight home from work or hanging with her girls, all the strange things had stopped. She wasn’t sure what that meant, but she was relieved. Too bad she couldn’t say she was happy. She was downright miserable. A least a dozen times a day, she had opened her phone to call him only to catch herself.

  She wasn’t sleeping well, she wasn’t eating much, and she was scared as to what it all meant. She missed him. She yearned for the sound of his voice, the touch of his hand. Her body felt so cold without him beside her. Maybe it was for the best. Had she waited longer to take a step back from him, she might not have been able to do so.

  So why did she feel like she was being a fool?

  Because you are punishing him for something he didn’t do, just something he might or might not do.

  The little voice inside her head was driving her crazy. It seemed even her subconscious was working against her. Always with the “He didn’t do anything wrong or What’s wrong with taking a chance?”, or even worse, “Are you seriously going to give up your chance at love because Maria got hurt once, long ago?” That one killed her because she didn’t have answer for it. Maria had influenced her decision to back off, but it wasn’t the only reason. It was merely the most tangible, which wasn’t saying much.

  She wanted him.

  She didn’t want him.

  She needed him.

  She didn’t need anyone but herself.

  One thing was for sure, she couldn’t stay in her apartment by herself much longer. It had been just six days since she had seen Gray, and she was climbing the walls. Friday night and she was a bundle of nervous energy, yet she didn’t want to go anywhere. She was going to have to. If she stayed here alone, she would break down and call Gray. Every fiber of her being was calling out for him, all but the small, still rational part of her brain. He had become more of a friend than her girls. It wasn’t just her pussy that missed him; the soft feminine side of herself had recognized something in Gray she had never experienced before.

  Damn, this was bad. She stared at her phone trying to summon the will to call her girls to go out. The thought of a crowded club, desperate bodies grinding together in the mindless search for companionship turned her stomach. This was so not good.

  It took splashing cold water on her face three times before she worked up the nerve to make the call. And of course, they had been all too happy to swing by and pick her up. Only she didn’t make it far. Three blocks, a whole ten freaking minutes and she was done.

  The mindless chatter about various male body parts grated on her nerves like nails on a chalkboard. She didn’t want this. The meat market held zero appeal. Maria was already half drunk, and railing against men in general. Tara, Carmen, and Trina ignored it, but it bothered Bobbi more than ever. What the fuck was up with this chick?

  “Maria, how long have you been divorced?” she snapped without really meaning to, but enough was enough already.

  “Six glorious years,” Maria happily replied. “And good riddance to bad rubbish.”

  “Really? Then why is it you can’t seem to get over it?” Bobbi was at the end of her patience. “That man fucked up your head, and no one should ever be allowed to do that to a person. You have lived every day since he left you in bitterness. You can’t get through a day without taking a drink and everyone is judged by the standard he set, he defeated you, and you just laid down and let him.” She was on a roll. She knew the words were harsh, but she couldn’t stop them from flying from her mouth. “How long are you going to let some sorry, no account man ruin the rest of your life. You aren’t living, you are grieving. Every time you let that bile you have built up in you lose, you are declaring to the world that you are beaten. Every time you judge a man by comparing him to your ex, you are letting him cheat you of something that could be wonderful. You were both eight-fucking-teen when you got married. Young and dumb. Statistically speaking, it wasn’t going to work out. Get the fuck over it and move the fuck on, because frankly, I can’t take any more of your bullshit!”

  The car was deathly quiet for a full minute before Tara, Carmen and Trina chimed in with a simultaneous, “Amen.”

  Bobbi let out a harsh breath, leaning back in the back seat. That was kind of harsh, but damn it, Maria needed to hear it.

  “I’m sorry,” Bobbi whispered to her shaken friend, taking her in her arms.

  “No, you’re not,” Maria whispered in shock. “You meant that shit.”

  “Hell, yeah, I meant it, but I am sorry I was so blunt.”

  “We’re not,” Tara, Carmen, and Trina replied in unison.

  Fuckers.

  “We love you, girl,” Tara put in. “But seriously, you need to let it go.”

  “I’m guessing you want to go back home and call your man?” Carmen, who was behind the wheel smiled in the rear view mirror.

  Okay, taking on Maria was one thing, but admitting her need for Gray wasn’t something she was ready for right now. It didn’t matter that she had ever intention on calling him.

  “I left my cell at home,” Bobbi offered as an excuse. Lame, but it was all she had. “And I think I have a headache.”

  “Uh huh,” Carmen answered turning around. “I just bet you do.”

  As soon as Bobbi opened her door she knew something was wrong. A loud crash in her bedroom confirmed it. Without thinking, she ran toward the sound, stopping in her tracks in the doorway.

  The room was completely trashed. There was something scrawled in red on her wall, but she couldn’t make it out, her eyes were watering. Piles of clothes and underwear had been
ripped to shreds on her bed. She was shaking. Literally shaking. She didn’t know what to do, so she did the first thing that came to mind. She called Gray.

  Chapter 12

  It had been six days and no Bobbi. Everything had been going great before his duty weekend. It seemed over those two days everything had changed. Every time he called she had something else planned with her friends. It was maddening. He was going mad wanting her. Gray had told himself to be patient, to give her space, but she was pulling back from him. He heard it in her voice on the phone. She was running.

  Damn. What could he do? He didn’t want to pressure her, but he damned sure wasn’t prepared to let her go. He had driven past her house no less than five times in the last two days. It was driving him batty. He couldn’t sleep without her next to him. Man, he had it bad.

  Maybe he should go out with the guys. It looked like he wasn’t going to see her this weekend. She’d gone out with her friends, so she said. Stalking her was not an option. He would be patient – to a point. He was just about to head out when his cell rang.

  “Yeah?” he barked without checking the number. He wasn’t feeling very social. Maybe he should just stay in.

  “Gray – Grayson?”

  The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. Bobbi, and she didn’t sound good.

  “Bobbi? Baby, what’s wrong? Where are you?”

  “Someone broke in. I didn’t notice until my friends left but, but…”

  “Lock the doors and windows and stay on the phone with me,” Gray tried to sound as calm as he could, he didn’t want to scare her any more than she already was. “Did you call the police?”

  “No, I called you.”

  It wasn’t exactly the right time or situation, but the statement made him rock hard. She called him.

  “Okay, baby, just take deep breaths,” he was in the car on the freeway in seconds, driving like a bat out of hell to his woman.

  It was difficult keeping a conversation going, but he needed to hear her voice to reassure himself that she was all right. His gut twisted in hard knots, he tried his damnedest to stay cool.