Secrets of the Hollywood Girls Club

by Maggie Marr

  “Why did you send your assistant to my office for a spice rack?” Boom Boom asked.

  “What?” Kiki looked across the hall at Boom Boom sitting in her office.

  “Your assistant came over, walked into my office, and said you wanted a spice rack from me? Is that supposed to be a joke?”

  “The Spice file, I need the Spice file,” Kiki said. “Where is the idiot?”

  “The store, I guess,” Boom Boom said and released the line.

  Kiki shook her head. You could dress up smart, but you couldn’t fix stupid.

  *

  “What do you mean you can’t find it?” Kiki whispered. She sat in a suite at the Four Seasons, across the room from Cici but close enough to hear every question each reporter asked. Sure, they had guidelines, strict ones, but every once in a while you got a rogue reporter from some Podunk market trying to ask Cici about Damien or her dead mother or absentee father or anything else that was completely irrelevant to the film and the press junket but would make a nice clip for the reporter’s local news and perhaps launch the reporter’s career.

  “I can’t find it,” Boom Boom said. “You took it.”

  “I did not take it,” Kiki said. “I gave it to you in the car after we stole it from Melnick’s. You’ve had it this whole time.”

  “Kiki, you are losing your mind. I don’t have the file.”

  “I handed the file to you when we got back to the car, along with the photos. I told you to get the film developed and put it in a safe place.”

  “You bumped your head,” Boom Boom said. “You don’t remember.”

  “Look, I do remember, and I expect you to remember where you put that file. Do you understand me?” Kiki clicked off her phone.

  “Trouble in paradise?” Terri asked as she sat down on the sofa next to Kiki.

  “New assistant.”

  “How awful, especially with awards season around the corner.”

  “Better now than after the holiday break,” Kiki said.

  “Speaking of the break, where are you going?”

  “Maui. I go every year. Why?”

  “Well, our friends Robert and Carlos mentioned that they like to travel.”

  “Do they?” Kiki asked.

  “And that they love, love, love Fiji,” Terri said.

  “Really.” Kiki looked at Celeste. “Well, I just happen to know someone who owns a private island not far from Fiji.’“ She nodded toward Celeste.

  “Exactly,” Terri said. “Why don’t you work your magic, and we’ll have an especially delicious two-week break?”

  “That really does sound like the perfect way to ring in the New Year.” Kiki watched Celeste’s stylist put the final touches on her hair before the next reporter came in. “You don’t think it’s too pouffy, do you?” she asked Terri.

  “Not for this crowd,” Terri said. “So when do I get to see this special little tidbit of gossip you’ve been tantalizing me with?”

  “Soon,” Kiki lied. She felt a rush of panic go through her. If Boom Boom failed to find Viève’s medical file her disclosure to Terri could be never.

  “I thought you’d bring it with you,” Terri said.

  “So did I. It’s not quite ready.”

  “Fine, but I’m writing my article during the break. So if this new material you have has any effect on my article, I need the information before we get back.”

  “Don’t you worry,” Kiki said, “you’ll have it before then.”

  *

  This was bad: Very, very bad. Kiki sat on the floor of her home office, dread rapidly replacing her excitement about her two-week vacation with Carlos. They were scheduled to leave tomorrow.

  She had checked every one of her super-secret hiding places, all the places she hid things so she could remember where they were.

  She even went to her bank and looked in her safe-deposit box. Nothing. She had nothing. How did she have nothing? Boom Boom swore that Kiki took the pictures and the file when they got out of the rental car, but Kiki couldn’t remember. Actually, she remembered very few details about the night she and Boom Boom broke into Charles Melnick’s office. She remembered pulling the file, and she knew that Boom Boom took pictures, but once she hit her head, her memory became fuzzy. She had to think. Where would she have put it? The file was perhaps the most important piece of dirt she’d ever acquired. Where would she, bleeding and with a nasty bump on her head, have put the file?

  She peered into the secret hole in the floor of her bedroom when her cell phone rang.

  “Kiki?”

  “Sherman,” Kiki said. “Thank God.”

  “How can I be of service, my love?” Sherman asked.

  “I can’t find my file,” Kiki said.

  “Your file? Can you be more specific?” Sherman asked. “I’ve done a lot of work for you over the years.”

  “My most recent file. The one you helped me get. Remember?”

  “Oh, that one. But you had it,” Sherman said.

  “I did?”

  “Don’t you remember? You called me and told me that you and your assistant—what’s her name?”

  “Boom Boom?”

  “Yes, Boom Boom. You told me that you two got the file out of Melnick’s office.”

  Kiki heard the faint, soft sound of female laughter in the background. “I did? I remember calling you and telling you I gave it to Boom Boom,” Kiki said. She was losing her mind.

  “No. Kiki, come on. You would never let someone else have something that dangerous. Not you. You’re too much of a pro for that. You told me that you kept the file and hid it.”

  Kiki sighed. Of course, he had to be right, no matter what her memory said. She would have trusted only herself with a file that important. “Did I tell you where?” she asked.

  Sherman laughed. “If only you had, I might be a very rich man.”

  Damn. Damn damn damn. She’d lost it. “Where are you? You sound very far away,” Kiki said.

  “Just getting a jump on my end-of-year vacation,” Sherman said. “I’m in Saint Kitts for the next two weeks.”

  “I guess Saint Kitts is a hot spot this year. My former assistant is there.”

  “Really? Do I know her?” Sherman asked.

  “Boom Boom,” Kiki answered, a bit annoyed. Weren’t they just discussing her? “The newest publicist at my company. She was short and dumpy, but now she’s just short. I had such a tremendous influence on her. She’s seeing a trainer and wearing all the best clothes. Quite remarkable. I think she wants to be just like me.”

  “Oh, I’m sure she does,” Sherman said.

  Kiki heard another giggle over the phone. “Sounds like you’re not alone.”

  “No one should go on holiday alone,” Sherman said.

  “You’re correct,” Kiki said. “No one should go on holiday alone.”

  *

  “Kiki, this is fabulous,” Terri said. “They look like they could be our grandsons.”

  “Absolutely.” Kiki forgot to pretend she wasn’t old as she eyed Carlos and Robert. The international terminal at LAX was hopping. Everyone in entertainment was finally free for the two-week end-of-year vacation.

  “Did everyone decide to leave town today?” Terri asked. “I just saw Rita and Tom.”

  “Oh no, dear, that can’t be right,” Kiki said. “They never fly commercial.”

  “What did you bring to read? It’s a long flight.”

  “I have three scripts, a copy of Jennifer Probst’s latest book, and a bagful of magazines. You?”

  “Writing, the whole way. I want to get this article finished. That way I have the entire fourteen days to work on him,” Terri said, looking at Robert standing two feet from her holding her bags.

  Kiki looked at Carlos. She felt a warm sensation between her legs. He wasn’t cheap, but he was worth every cent.

  “Where is the material you promised me?” Terri asked.

  “I have it in the bag I checked,” Kiki lied. “I didn’t know yo
u’d work on the plane.”

  Terri sighed. “Fine, I’ll read it there.”

  “Have you decided on the slant of your article?” Kiki asked. “That all depends on the material you have,” Terri said. “And if anything breaks over the holiday.”

  “Breaks? What’s going to break?” Kiki asked, her pulse increasing.

  “Relax. I haven’t heard a thing. I don’t think anyone will find this sex tape, and as for Billy and Steven, their secret is safe with me.”

  Maybe everything would be okay. Of course Kiki didn’t have the file. The loss of it brought her to tears; the value of that secret was incalculable. Every male celebrity the little vixen had bedded would be ripe for the picking. Holden. She would finally have landed Holden Humphrey as a client and really been back on top.

  “I hope so,” Kiki said. “I’d hate to miss anything important while I was away.”

  “What could happen? Everyone is out of town,” Terri said. “Well, everyone who isn’t in production.”

  “Right. So everyone but Lydia, Jessica, Cici, and Mary Anne. And from the dailies of Vitriol that I’ve seen, those girls will get a nice long holiday once this film gets released!”

  “Really?” Kiki asked.

  “After this piece of crap, the stink will be all over those ladies for a very long time.”

  Rule 27: Every Story Needs a Climax

  Celeste Solange, Actress

  Cici paced on set. She wanted to be in her Star Wagon listening to Lydia and Jessica give Billy their hard sell; not out here. They were confronting him with the evidence that he’d paid for Viève’s surgery. Hopefully, he would be so eager to keep that scandal under wraps that he’d tell them everything he knew. If he admitted to stealing the DVD and told them to whom he sold it, she’d still have a chance. Cici’s heart beat fast. She felt her career and her relationship with Ted slipping away.

  “Celeste.”

  She knew that voice. Excitement, followed by fear, rushed through her. She turned, and there stood Ted. It felt like years since she’d last seen him.

  “Oh, my …” Cici whispered. Her head felt light. Briggs Montgomery stood behind Ted with Jay and half a dozen men in suits.

  “Ted? What are you doing here? I thought you were still in Hong Kong.” She forced herself to breathe and smile—the things people did when they weren’t terrified.

  “I came back early. Have you seen Lydia? Toddy said she was on set.”

  “She’s in my trailer,” Cici said. She leaned forward to give Ted a quick kiss, but he put his hands on her shoulders.

  “Alone?” Ted asked.

  “She’s with Billy and Jessica,” Cici said.

  “Okay.” Ted started to walk across the soundstage.

  Cici jumped in front of Ted and his entourage. “Ted, sweetie, you can’t go in there now,” she said quickly.

  “Cici, this is important.” He tried to walk around her.

  She needed to make him stop, or at least slow him down. Who knew what they were discussing in there? “But, darling, aren’t you happy to see me? Don’t you want to hear about the film and how I’m doing?” she asked.

  Ted stopped short and looked down at Cici. “You know that you are always my priority, don’t you?”

  “Yes, I do,” she said. She reached out and touched Ted’s lips with her finger. “Always.”

  “So trust me when I say it’s in your best interest if you let me go speak to Lydia.”

  Cici looked past Ted and saw Billy storming back onto the set with Lydia and Jessica behind him. “No need, darling. It looks like they’re coming to you.”

  “There they are,” Ted said to the men behind him. Cici watched as two of the men walked swiftly toward Billy.

  “Billy Gerard?”

  “Who are you?” Billy spat, giving both men a fierce look.

  “FBI, sir. We’re going to need you to come with us.”

  “Is this a joke?” Billy glanced around the soundstage with a smirk plastered on his face. “First I’m accused of financing a sex change operation for a transsexual, and now I’m under arrest?”

  “Sir, you’re charged with violation of the DMCA.”

  “The DMC what? Is this some kind of prank?”

  “You’re charged with DVD piracy and intellectual property theft, a felony and violation of the Digital Media Copyright Act.”

  Cici looked up at Ted. “Are those guys for real?”

  Ted nodded as the Feds snapped the cuffs onto Billy’s wrists. “You have the right to remain silent …”

  Cici looked across the soundstage at Nathan, who was getting the same treatment from two other officers. “Nathan, too,” Cici whispered. Jessica and Lydia stood silent beside her.

  “Billy, what are they doing to you?” Steven wailed, running toward Ted. “What’s going on?”

  “Steven, calm down. Call your attorney,” Billy said as the Feds pulled Billy and Nathan toward the soundstage door.

  “But Billy?” Steven called.

  “Just call Howard!” Billy yelled. “This is a mistake.”

  Cici watched the Feds lead Billy and Nathan away. She looked at Steven, who now stood motionless next to Ted.

  “Just call Howard,” Billy yelled. “Steven, do you hear me? Go get your cell and call Howard now.”

  The FBI led Billy off the soundstage. Once the door slammed shut, Steven’s expression changed from fearful to satisfied. He looked over at Ted and nodded his head. Then he looked at Lydia. “You’ll call me when we have a new director,” he said, turning away from them and walking calmly toward his trailer.

  Cici was stunned. “Did Billy and Nathan just get arrested by the FBI?”

  “Piracy and theft,” Ted said. “Billy was trafficking in pirated DVDs in Asia. Some of them were Worldwide films. I’ve been working with the FBI, trying to persuade the Chinese government to release evidence so the U.S. Attorney could file criminal charges in federal court against Billy’s bootleg movie business.”

  “And Nathan?” Jessica asked.

  “Nathan got in on it,” Ted said. “As far as I can tell, he copied movies in theaters, transported cash. But Nathan definitely wasn’t the brains behind the operation; that was Billy.”

  “And the letters were from Billy,” Lydia said.

  Ted nodded his head. “The letters convinced Steven to help me. Once we traced the paper—”

  “You knew who sent the letters?” Celeste asked.

  “For a while now,” Ted said. “Steven was fed up with Billy’s illegal activities—and, quite frankly, scared. Billy had become a huge liability to him.”

  Cici felt her insides wobble. Was she a liability to Ted? “That’s all?” she asked, looking at Ted.

  Ted looked at Cici, his lips set in a hard line. “As far as we can discuss here, yes, Celeste, that’s all.”

  *

  Cici lay in her bathtub soaking. Vitriol had wrapped for the day—what else could they do? Their director waited arraignment in a federal jail and their female star was an undisclosed transvestite. Ted and Lydia had disappeared together after the Feds escorted Nathan and Billy off the soundstage.

  Celeste closed her eyes. When would she learn that business and love never mixed? She thought that, with Ted, it wouldn’t matter that they were both in the film industry. But in Hollywood, business and your personal life always got tangled. Your friends were your business partners, your bosses, your colleagues, your confidants, your codependents, and your enablers. Why had she believed it would be any different with Ted?

  “Cici?” Ted came in and stood over her bath. He looked out of place in his suit and tie standing next to her tub.

  Celeste sighed. She saw it in his eyes. He knew. He knew everything. She wondered how he had found out. Celeste looked down at the bubbles in her bath. Her insides felt as fragile as the soap suds that surrounded her.”I tried to take care of the problem.”

  Ted sat on the edge of the marble tub. “I know. Lydia told me. You girls are very crafty
—if Billy and Nathan hadn’t already sold the DVD out from under you, I’m sure they would have handed it over to Jessica and Lydia this afternoon, in exchange for the file on Viève.”

  “But how did Billy even get the DVD in the first place?”

  “Hollywood is a small town,” Ted said. “I hear Damien’s divorce attorney traded it to Billy for drugs. I’d be surprised if Janice isn’t disbarred.”

  “How did you find out about the tape?” Cici asked.

  “You mean what was you ladies’ biggest mistake?” Ted asked with a tiny smile on his face. “Lydia gave Briggs Montgomery the letters before she knew about your film, and before you met Nathan. So she didn’t have any idea the letters were connected to it.”

  Cici sank deeper into the bubbles. “And the letters were from Billy.”

  “So it seems. Sherman told me his revenge theory as well. Once I read the letters, I became concerned for Lydia’s safety and, tangentially, yours. So I upped the security on Lydia. And, well, you guys may be secretive with the rest of the world, but when you’re together you jabber, jabber, jabber. And Jay may be Lydia’s security guard, but he works for me.”

  “I see.”

  “And the house.” Ted pointed around the room.

  “Cameras?” Cici gasped, sinking farther into the tub.

  “No cameras, Cici. Not in the bedrooms or bathrooms. But on the outside of the house, the entrances. And microphones in all the public rooms.”

  “The phones?”

  Ted nodded. “The landlines.”

  “There is no privacy in this world,” Cici said. Her heart felt heavy.

  “No, honey, especially for an international superstar. But listen to me: I promise, I do these things to protect you, not to exploit you.”

  Celeste looked into Ted’s eyes. She felt the truth coming from him. He wanted to keep her safe. She loved Ted, but didn’t yet want to cede all her privacy to him. “No more tapping the phones,” she said.

  Ted hesitated. “Fair enough.” They sat in silence for a moment. “This isn’t Lydia’s fault,” Celeste said.

  “I know, but she’s not staying at Worldwide.”