by Pamela Ann
“Seriously, Parker, can you just take a moment to be happy for me without having to ruin it by suggesting something?” He was full of ideas, but I was beginning to doubt he had my best interest at heart. “If you want to be famous by association, then you’ve chosen the wrong woman.”
He was beginning to make me feel undeserving. Was that intentional? I couldn’t be sure. All I knew was that this was supposed to be about me.
Past caring about suppressing my annoyance and disappointment, I immediately ended the call without hearing his lukewarm answer. He was starting to bring such a negative impact to my life.
Was Parker the kind of man I wanted by my side? How could he begin to fathom my past if he couldn’t see past the glitz, glamor, and fame?
Beyond irritated, I concentrated on my driving and pondered my next move, weighing the pros and cons until I reached home.
I was so lost in my own thoughts that I barely recognized Parker standing right outside my door, possibly ready to apologize for his birdbrained moment.
As I approached him, I questioned myself. Was this worth arguing about since he simply wanted me to be successful? It was a catch twenty-two. The old me and the new me were clashing to make a decision.
“Baby, I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean it to come out that way. I swear it,” he blurted out before I reached the door. Hastily striding toward me, his baby blue eyes pleaded as he took my hands into his, gripping with intensity. “I didn’t mean to piss you off, Cara. Let’s just forget I even said it okay?”
How many times did I have to forget things? First it was my friends and now this. Crap! Why did he have to turn out this way? It was such a major turn off. If he wasn’t gorgeous, I wouldn’t even be contemplating breaking things off with him. Besides, it seemed nice to have someone check on me and knowing that I was at least trying to move on from my first love. But the question remained: was it worth it?
“Listen, Parker … I don’t know if I’m the person to make you happy. You seem to want more from me, and I’m not sure I can give that.”
“I want you,” he rushed out, cupping my cheek. “You’re beautiful; how can I not want you? Every guy I know is jealous I got you before anyone else. You’re everything I’ve asked for.”
It was a compliment, wasn’t it? Then why did he have the knack to cheapen it? Was I compelled to make such argument because he wasn’t like River?
If I broke things off with Parker now, I would never know if I could make it work with another man. It had only been a month. Surely, I could give it a couple more before making such brutal judgment. After all, he did want me, and his loyalty should account far more than his nuances and blunders.
Staring deeply into his eyes, I released a defeated sigh and made a small decisive nod. “We better get in before my neighbors starts listening in. This is not the kind of drama I want to get noticed,” I muttered before moving past him as I fished out my keys and opened the door to my apartment.
Setting my things down on the glass table, I closed my eyes as I heard him in the background. Not before long, I felt him stand behind me, searing his hot lips on my exposed shoulder, slowly, eagerly.
“All this tension … I can make it go away,” he whispered before I felt his hardened state pressing against my bottom.
Sex. Would it solve our problems? I wasn’t sure, but Parker was getting emboldened with each passing second, gripping the side of my hips as he began to gradually rub against me. Confused as I was, the heated friction woke something within me. I couldn’t deny how my body reacted to his unsubtle ministrations. It had been years since I had fully gone all the way with another man. Maybe he was right … Maybe this could be a good thing.
Appearing calm and collected, I stood idly by as he took charge, daring in his approach with my body. Compared to River’s rough, devour you effect, Parker took his time, seducing me into submission. It was imperative he did in case I decided to change my mind.
He took his time taking my clothes off, while I still remained unresponsive. Call it nerves but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him or utter a damn thing. And when he gestured to carry me to bed, I knew backtracking from here on would be near impossible.
Dazed, I watched with mixed emotions as he carefully put on protection. Parker’s lovemaking was just as slow, and there were times when I wondered if reading the grocery list was more exciting than him pleasuring himself with my body. I did feel satisfied, but a mind-blowing experience it wasn’t.
The whole experience left me reeling that I couldn’t wait to be relieved of him. So, when Anton came knocking on my door, begging for a girls’ night out with Kells, I jumped at the chance to be alone with my friends and with my troubled thoughts. More pointedly, River’s face and how impossible it was not to feel as though I had just betrayed him.
Crazy didn’t even cover it.
Chapter Seven
Girls’ night out consisted of my staple band of paragons along with Anton’s cousin, Rose. We were lounging at The Nice Guy while nibbling on asparagus wrapped in prosciutto and guzzling on Rosè. It had been ages since I had let myself go, but tonight called for it. It was a celebrity hotspot, and I normally wouldn’t go to such a place, but Kells loved it here.
Dressed to impressed with my two-piece, low cut crop top and skin-hugging skirt ensemble, I exuded a confident millennial who knew what she wanted and ruthlessly went after it. I carried on as if I had no care in the world.
After my second flute of the happy pink bubbles, I couldn’t ignore the incessant buzzing of my phone any longer. Parker had been ceaselessly trying to converse since I became closed off and distant after our first physical intimacy.
“Hello, hello. I’m still alive, so fizzle out your bubbles, dearest boyfriend. I’m fine,” I took the call with as much enthusiasm as I could evoke.
There was a grunt on the other end of the line. “Where are you?” Parker asked. “You sound drunk. Tell me where you are right now. I’m coming to get you, Cara.”
With the people you deemed irrelevant, my mind replied. Instead, of saying that aloud, I chose the less feisty route. “I’m with my girlfriends; there’s nothing to worry about.”
Parker let out an irritated huff. “I do worry. You’re out partying, and people are going to think you’re single if you keep this up. Let me come over at least. That way, I’ll dismiss anyone’s doubts.”
I dared not think what transpired between us earlier this afternoon. I just couldn’t. Besides, I needed to be with my friends. It was one of those make or break moments, and I couldn’t be alone with my wretched thoughts.
Not only did I feel like I betrayed River, but I also felt like I hurt myself by trying to prove a point. I was in a state of denial, and I had no hopes of coming down from it. Not yet, anyway.
You’re really sending out bad vibes. I don’t wanna be around that type of negativity right now. I’ll see you soon, okay? Thank you mucho. Bye.” Instantly ending the call, I shrugged as I ignored the knowing looks my friends were giving me, possibly wondering if things were fine between me and Parker. I had yet to divulge this new development to them, and I couldn’t bring myself to talk about. Moreover, if they began to ask questions, I had no answers. So, for the time being, I was in the state of gray.
Although I had been firm and clear about what I intended for Parker to do, he seemed to not get the blatant message. Missed call after missed call, he went on until I had to put my phone on silent. I couldn’t shut it off in case there was a call from Addison.
Five and a half hours later, I came home after being dropped off at my front door by dear reliable Anton, totally inebriated, and still the calls had yet to cease.
Parker was doing his damnedest to irritate me to the fullest. Why, for the love of everything that’s holy, could the man not get what the word “no” meant? Well, unless he was trying to provoke me to do the inevitable.
Is that what he wants?
The answer was obvious. Best to deal with this then.<
br />
I took hold of my phone and changed my settings back to normal so that when the next call came, I would be ready for confrontation.
Alas, the call came less than ten minutes later. I needed not check the caller.
“Okay, gosh, lock it down. I’m fine. No need to go psycho on me. Holy hairy shit balls, I’m home now, okay?” Tried as I might to sound stern, my words ended up coming out slurred. “This is bad … Whoops. Sorrrry,” I hiccupped before I was hit with a mild hysteria of giggles. That Jäger in the end was a big no-no, but it had been too fun to resist.
“Who’s threatening to harm you?” The words rang in my ears, making me squint while my head spun. “Cara? Are you there? I’m about to call my security team to hunt you down if you don’t answer me right now!”
Security team? What? He had one?
“Cara!”
Then it clicked.
“River,” I rushed out, instantly frozen in the middle of my living room. How in the world did his voice not immediately register in my inebriated brain? How?
“Who’s threatening to harm you?” he asked again.
“Harm me?” I chirped. “No one. Well, none that I can think of.” Glancing around the dimly lit living room, I fiddled with the ends of my skirt, suddenly nervous that I found myself talking to my ex, the one who I couldn’t stop thinking about ever since I had given my body to someone else. It seemed the more I drank, my memory bank propelled to dwell further into the past. A part of me congratulated myself that I finally took the risk, and the other part wondered if River could hear my guilty heart echoing in my voice. “I didn’t know it was you. Why have you called?”
“I couldn’t help it. I wanted to hear your voice. It’s been one of those days …” he trailed off, seeming as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. “Hearing your voice always made me feel good. It’s been a rough day; that’s all.”
One could only wonder the pressure of being River Ellis. I surely didn’t want to be in his shoes, not for a minute, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
River sounded like there was more to it than the normal pressures of being a Hollywood star. I had seen him in all sorts of work strain before, but this was more than that.
Deep concern immediately drew out from my heart, an instant reaction of overprotectiveness and concern.
“What’s wrong?” My heart squeezed upon hearing the tone of my own voice. It was loaded with emotions, good and bad.
“Work stuff, and, you know … since I’ve found you again, it hasn’t been easy.” Surprisingly, he was forthright with his response.
“I know. It’s been hellish, to say the least.”
“So, no one’s trying to harm you, right? For a second there, I thought you were in danger. If I overreacted, you know things can get crazy in Hollywood. You never really know what’s up.”
“I’ve figured as much.” Anyone living around here knew it, as I was learning myself. Opting to change the subject, I veered toward what prompted this call. “So, uh, what—”
“What have you been up to? It’s late there, isn’t it?”
Since he was so eager to know, I wondered if he was thinking that I was with Parker.
“I was out with friends.” And right on cue, there was a knock on my door.
Shoot, could that be Parker? Should I end the call and open the door? Damn. This was a sticky situation.
“It’s your boy toy, sweet tits,” Anton teased before pressing the buzzer.
Beyond relieved that it wasn’t Parker, I returned my attention back to the call. “One second, yeah? My friend’s at the door.”
With my phone secured in my left hand, I opened the door to find Anton sporting a silly grin with my shoes decoratively on the sides of his head as his antlers.
“Girl, I don’t know how you walk around without shoes on. It’s a little ghetto, but I won’t hold that against you when plastered,” he greeted with a twinkle in his eye.
Thinking back, yes, I was too drunk to walk with heels on.
“Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome.” He then spotted the phone in my hand and raised his brow before snatching it from my grasp in a span of seconds. “We deposited her safe and sound, Parker.” His brow grew higher. “Wait, you’re not Parker … Hmmm, and whom might you be, Mister, with a husky and oh so sexy voice?”
Oh, my God. He was sending me early to my grave!
“Dammit, Anton, give me back my phone!” I glared at him as I tried to take my device back, but he slapped my hand away, incredulous.
Anton then gave me a wicked look like he intended to find out what naughty things I had been hiding from him. “Oh, so you’re an old friend. Uh-huh. Okay, so how friendly are you, eh?” He giggled like River had said something flattering. “You actually sound familiar, but no name comes to mind.”
Shit. Of course Anton was one of millions who were obsessed with TVM. He would go hysterical if he realized he was speaking to his professed sex Viking God.
“Your name’s River.” He wiggled his brows at me while I stared with my mouth agape. “I’m Anton, by the way, in case you were wondering. Cara and I are neighbors, and I’m one of her best friends. Funny that she hasn’t mentioned you …” He was so engrossed in their conversation that he seemed to have forgotten that he hijacked it from me. “I love your name. It’s very earthy.”
Earthy? Like hell. How does he come up with these things?
“Anton!” I grumbled, ready to commit murder. I wouldn’t put it past him to keep asking River personal questions, and God help me if it ever came to that.
“Okay, well, I have to head back since little Miss Ghetto here looks like she wants to flay this fatty perfection alive. I’ll leave you two be, and hope I’ll get to meet you soon, Earthy River.”
Watching Anton’s mischievous face disappear toward the elevator, I immediately shut my door and leaned against it.
“I’m so very sorry. I’m so embarrassed right now. I hope you weren’t offended or anything.” My heart was thumping so loudly I could swear anyone within a mile radius could hear it. It felt as though I died a thousand deaths from mortification.
“Don’t be sorry. It’s always nice to meet the new people in your life. He seems keen on you and sounds like a decent friend.” River sounded like he hadn’t minded the intrusion. In fact, he seemed to have welcomed it.
“You have no idea. That man won’t stop hounding me now, wondering who you are.”
“Are you going to tell him?” He seemed reluctant to ask.
“I don’t know, because the second I do, there’s no taking it back.” It surprised me that I admitted the truth to him. But maybe that was a good thing. River had to understand why I kept him hidden. Divulging my secret would forever link me with him, and that was one of my qualms in trying to keep my past a secret. River had no place in this new chapter of my life.
“What are you so afraid of?” he pressed, willing to hear the truth from my heart.
You. Always. “Everything,” I managed to say. I was caught by surprise by how easily my mind responded. Yes, I was terrified of River and what having him in my life again entailed. He shook my foundations and threatened everything I had worked hard to attain. Engaging him would burn me, so it was no wonder I was beyond cautious to keep him at bay.
“You don’t have to be afraid, Cara. I’m here to protect you, if you’ll let me.” His words entailed everything. He was giving me the world on a platter. Above all, he was handing me his heart. He was unapologetic in showing me what was in it; what was in his soul.
It was too much too soon. Forever was too soon.
“River—”
“Cara,” he retorted with the same ferocity. One word, my name, and it contained everything I didn’t want to remember.
“You’re relentless.” Shaking my head, I stared at the cerulean vase on the coffee table, pondering.
He loved me. Deep down, I knew he still did. However, my heart distrusted him
, and there was no way he could fix that.
“Am I? I didn’t realize.” He laughed melodiously, sending me straight to the shitters of memory lane.
His laugh was the sexiest thing I had heard in my entire existence. It was an absurd thing to say, let alone think it, but it was the truth.
“So, you’re drunk. I love a drunk Cara. You light up and come alive in such a beautiful way. I wish I was there to watch your animated face,” he carried on his jovial, teasing demeanor. And in the present state I was in, things could get shifty.
“I thought you loved me drunk because you used to get away with whatever you wanted to do with me.” Word vomit much?
“I did,” he murmured with a definite smile in his tone. “And you did give me free reign over that sweet body. Jesus, how I loved it when you submitted to me. Fuck, Cara.” There was no doubt he was transported back to the past. As was I.
The memory of us entangled in bed sent a shiver down my body. How he took charge. How he kissed and grazed my skin with his teeth. His vigor and passions … and how insatiable he was. He could go on and on until I was sated and unconscious from exhaustion. He loved just as he dreamed, larger than life, by giving his all, heart and soul, without restrictions. When he made love, I knew it with every fiber of his being, and each cell in my body hummed for his possession. He loved, he took, and he conquered, no holds barred.
No man could compare. I knew that now. He just made me realize how true that was.
This was bad in epic proportions. If only Parker could make me tremble the way this man could …
I loudly sighed, feeling the weight of a losing battle.
“Cara…” he said smoothly, looking like he had been vividly picturing me in a lurid way.
Biting my lip, I savored the sound of my name coming from him. “Yeah?”
Damn him. How was it possible he turned me on like no other man could?
“I love you. I fucking love you,” he confessed before adding, “And I’ve got to go, but I just wanted to say that I hope you can forgive me. Speak to you soon, my love.”
