A Reason To Live (Reason #3)

by CP Smith

  Sage reached out to him and he dropped to the bed, taking her mouth as if it was the last kiss they’d ever share. “So fuckin’ soft . . . A man could lose himself in how soft you are,” he groaned, cupping her breast again and pinching her nipple to heighten her arousal. Sage arched her back in response and he took the other nipple into his mouth, rolling his tongue and sucking until her body writhed for him.

  When she whimpered in need, he placed his finger over her lips. “Shh. I’ve got you, baby. Relax.” Shane leaned in and ran his tongue down her neck, tracing the throbbing vein to her shoulder until she relaxed into him. Her breathing slowed then, and he grinned, nipping her shoulder. She was so fucking responsive to him it made him ache.

  Once he had her attention, he kissed his way down her body, tasting every contour, every curve, and then buried his face between her legs, wrapping them around his shoulders. He worked her clit until her body was covered with a light sheen of sweat. His own scorched with the need he held in check. He wouldn’t douse his flame until he buried himself deep into her silken heat.

  Sage gasped, “Shane,” and her hips rose to his mouth. She grabbed hold of his hair to anchor him to her pussy and rode his mouth.

  “Hands above your head,” he ordered before he lost control. She complied again without hesitation.

  She began to pant, chanting his name as he brought her closer to the edge with each pass of his tongue. He knew she was close, could feel her body quivering, so he rose up on his knees, flipped her onto her stomach, and found her core with the tip of his cock. He surged in an inch at a time, drawing out her anticipation while she begged for release.

  “Please,” she mewled, offering up her ass to him as an invitation to take what he wanted.

  “Hands to the headboard.”

  Sage did as he asked, and he mumbled, “That’s my girl,” before he drove in, seated himself to the root, and held. “Don’t move,” he bit out when she tried to slam back into him.

  “But I need to move,” she whimpered.

  “Not ‘til I fuckin’ say,” he hissed.

  She took a deep breath and then relaxed. She was a natural at being controlled, and Shane groaned at having found the perfect woman and then cursed fate. He had to let her go.

  “Tonight, you’re mine,” he grunted, then pulled out, and slammed back in. “It’s just you, me, and nothin’ else. Forget about tomorrow; forget this is temporary and just feel.”

  She whimpered her response, holding tight to the headboard while he made sure she remembered every fucking thing about their night together.

  Reaching out to fist her hair, Shane pulled her head back until he had access to her neck. Then he buried his face there, running his tongue on a path where her neck met her shoulder and he bit down until she moaned.

  He slowed his pace so he could feel her tighten around him with her greedy walls. Reaching forward, he found her clit and rolled it until her head flew back, mouth opened, and she moaned deep in her throat as she milked him through her climax. Wrapping his hand around her neck, Shane pulled her hard against him and anchored her to his chest so her warmth surrounded him. He thrust twice more and then bit down on her neck as he rode out his release, grunting low in his throat.

  Shuddering as he came down, he found her mouth, wrapped his hands around her breasts, and began a slow seduction all over again. He had one night with her and he intended for the memories to last a lifetime. For now, she was his, and he’d worship her body until the sun finally set and rose again.

  ***

  My eyes opened slowly the next morning, and for a brief moment, I was happy. Then reality sunk in, and I closed them. Shane made no promises the night before. I knew when I asked him to make love to me he wouldn’t change his mind easily. And despite all the obstacles in our way, hope springs eternal remained in my foolish heart.

  I was telling the truth when I said I was lonely and afraid. Being with Shane made me feel safe in a way I’d never had. He was doing it now, keeping the monsters in their closet as I lay beside him in his bed.

  Shane’s arm was wrapped around my waist, his leg lying between mine, holding me close. He’d protected me all night from the demons that hid in dark corners. I wanted to lie there for the rest of my life, drinking his strength, but I had to fight for him so he could sleep without nightmares, too. And the only way to accomplish that was to shore up my strength and hand it over to him like Maxine said. He didn’t need a teary-eyed woman leaving his bed. He needed to see I could survive without him. Which I could. But I’d rather build something with Shane than walk away.

  To make my dream a reality, I had to concentrate on making Shane whole again. Nothing more, nothing less. My path to him was through a darkness that wrapped around him like a spider’s web, entrapping him in the silk.

  Lifting my head from the pillow, I turned and gazed down at him. He was peaceful, the lines on his face relaxed, and he looked ten years younger. I reached out and ran my hand down his cheek before I slid out of bed and grabbed my clothes.

  Once dressed, I leaned down, touched my lips to his forehead, and whispered, “I’ll remember last night for the rest of my life.”

  I started to move away, but his hand came up and wrapped around my neck, pulling me back to his mouth. He kissed me tenderly, causing my eyes to water.

  It was a good-bye kiss.

  When he let go of my neck, I looked up. His eyes were closed, his brows pinched together in a look of regret, and his breathing was deep and angry. He was beating himself up on my account.

  “I’m okay,” I whispered, running my hand down the side of his face.

  “I have to let you go,” he whispered back. “I’ll hurt you.”

  “I understand, Shane. I’m a big girl. I know I can’t make you love me.”

  His eyes popped open and the sorrow I saw written across his face reinforced my desire to help him heal. He wanted love so badly it filled the room with its force.

  I knew I’d start crying if I didn’t leave soon. Shoring up my backbone, I brushed my lips across his one last time and then headed out of his room, through the living room, and out the front door without breathing. I made it to my Jeep and halfway out of his drive before the tears came down hard.

  “Please, God,” I prayed. “Please help me heal Shane.”

  I knew God well enough to know that all prayers are heard. Unfortunately, they aren’t always answered in the way we desire, but in the way that is best for all involved.

  “May your will be done,” I mumbled, respecting the fact He knew better. I could only pray that His will included Shane forgiving himself.

  When I strolled into Maxine’s kitchen in search of coffee so I could sort out my head, she was there waiting. She sipped her coffee while she watched me slam around her kitchen, shrewdly accessing my demeanor.

  “I can tell by the fact that you’re just gettin’ home and your sweater’s inside out, you made headway. But your face tells me not enough.”

  I looked down at my sweater and sighed.

  “Understatement,” I mumbled as I poured cream into my cup.

  “Well, you might as well sit down and tell Maxine all about it.”

  A part of me wanted to sulk in my room, but instead, I plopped down in one of her chairs and took a sip before I began.

  “Since you’re a lady who sells sex toys for a living, I’m not gonna pretend that he and I didn’t have sex last night.”

  “Hold that thought,” Maxine said, picking up her phone. I watched in confusion as she dialed a number and then waited for someone to pick up. “You awake? Okay, good. She’s home now, I’m putting you on speaker phone.”

  “Who did you call?” I whispered.

  “Mia, who else?”

  The sound of kissing filled the kitchen and I raised my brow. Maxine snorted. This went on longer than was needed for a good-bye kiss, and I lowered my head.

  “My boy knows how to keep his woman happy,” Maxine snickered when we heard Max grunt
farewell.

  “Okay, Max just left,” she said out of breath. “I have to be quick because he and his crew are cutting trees near the border of the reserve today, which means my bears are gonna be on edge. I need to get up there and keep an eye on things.”

  “You takin’ Jake?” Maxine asked.

  “No. Max ordered me to stay home, so Jake is cutting trees.”

  “Courtin’ trouble,” Maxine sighed. “Why do you insist on puttin’ yourself in situations that make my boy’s head explode?”

  “I’m not as clumsy as I used to be, Maxine. Besides, I plan to stay in my Jeep and observe how the logging affects them, not interact with them. How dangerous can that be?”

  “Where there’s a will, there is a way with you.”

  “Enough about me,” Mia sighed in annoyance, “start spilling, Sage. What happened when you found Shane?”

  I looked at Maxine then looked at the phone. I guess they expected me to discuss every detail.

  “He was on the porch when I arrived. I apologized for something I said to him at the carnival and then things got a little . . . heated. I spent the night.”

  “That’s progress,” she answered, completely unfazed by the fact we’d had sex.

  “Not really,” I replied. “He told me he could only offer me one night.”

  Maxine shook her head and grumbled, “Stubborn man,” under her breath.

  “Well, how was the sex?” Mia asked as casually as you’d ask about a new restaurant or a movie that had released. “If it was lousy and you didn’t connect, you have your answer about how to proceed.”

  I didn’t hesitate to answer. “Life altering,” I groaned, slumping further into my chair. “He has this way about him. He orders me around, but instead of being uptight about it, it relaxes me and makes me feel protected.”

  Silence ensued, then Maxine grinned smugly.

  “You’re a natural submissive,” Maxine replied with authority. “Shane’s always had control issues, even when he was a kid. He and Max used to fight constantly, always bumping heads over stuff kids fight over and neither would back down. I knew then he would be a stubborn man. I can see him needing the control you’re speaking of, especially after spending ten years in the military.”

  “Submissive? But I’m not into bondage,” I argued.

  “Bondage is another level of dominance. I’m talking about Shane having a deep-seated need to control his surroundings. Controlling you in and out of the sack would be one of his surroundings.”

  “You said you enjoyed it, right?” Mia asked over the speaker.

  I always thought my experience with my stepfather made me stronger, and because of it, I could never be ordered around again. But last night had been liberating, and thinking about it caused my heart to race.

  “Yeah, as much as it pains the liberated woman inside me to admit, I loved it.”

  “But that seems out of character for you. You’ve been through so much and came out of it stronger,” she responded, seemingly amazed.

  “Mia, it takes a strong woman, confident in her own abilities, to allow a man to lead in the first place. A man like Shane isn’t gonna be attracted to a weak woman. It’s her strength of character he’s attracted to and her willingness to let him lead when she is perfectly capable of taking care of herself.”

  “How do you know so much about this?” I asked.

  “Because every time my Tom ordered me to stand down or to stop doin’ something that put me at risk, it turned me on. Think of it as foreplay . . . all day long. When he got home on those days where he’d stepped in and ordered me around, I was ready, willing, and more than able to meet his needs with a gusto.”

  “Oh. My. God.” Mia gasped. “You allowed someone to top you?”

  “Not as often as I would have liked,” she grinned. “Tom was laid back, but he knew I liked being dominated, so he did. It’s what made our marriage work. He gave me what I needed to be happy.”

  “I hope that didn’t rub off on your son. If he needs me to follow to be happy, he’s in for a miserable life,” Mia declared.

  “Says the woman who caves every time he bellows,” Maxine mumbled under her breath.

  “What was that?” Mia asked.

  “I said Max enjoys the chase,” Maxine said, winking at me. “I bet on the days you two fight he’s extra attentive.”

  “I have to ask,” I finally blurted out. “How is it you feel comfortable talking about sex with Maxine?”

  I was having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact Maxine was discussing sex with her daughter-in-law. But there you had it, and Mia didn’t seem the least bit uncomfortable.

  “Maxine is like a sex therapist for the whole town. Just like you, I stayed with her when I first came to Trails End. I knew her as the Passion Princess entrepreneur before I became involved with her son. Not to mention, it drives Max crazy when we openly discuss sex. It’s fun to watch him lose his wits and storm out of a room.”

  “See,” Maxine smiled. “You pick fights with him because you recognize what comes after.”

  “This is so surreal,” I mumbled.

  “You’ll get used to it,” Maxine replied.

  “Okay, I have to get going,” Mia said. “Before I go, tell me what you’re gonna do now, Sage?”

  “Keep fighting; I have no choice. I owe him that much for taking care of Emma Jane. Even if the only thing that happens is he forgives himself. That would be good enough for me.”

  “That’ll be interesting to watch. How did he react this morning?”

  “He could barely look at me. Said he had to let me go or he’d hurt me. So I told him I was fine and left.”

  “Oh, Lord,” Maxine chuckled shaking her head.

  “Oh, Lord, what? I was trying to give him space, show him I was strong enough to sleep with him one time and still get on with my life. Was I wrong?”

  “No, not wrong, but you won’t have to wait long to interact with him. He’ll find you.”

  “Because I said I was okay?”

  “Yep. ‘I’m fine’ is code for ‘I’m not fine.’ Shane knows this better than anyone does. He’ll hunt you down before the day is done.”

  “What was I supposed to do?”

  “Make him coffee, maybe breakfast. Talk on your phone before you left to show him you have a life and can survive without him. That you’re a strong enough woman to sleep with a man, make him breakfast in the morning with no strings attached, and then walk away without regret.”

  “Jesus, I’m gonna screw this up without even trying. I can counsel kids through horrific circumstances, but I can’t even manage my own life. You have to help me, Maxine. I’ve had one relationship and a handful of ugly dates. I know nothing about matters of the heart. Can you write the rules down somewhere so I don’t cut myself off at the knees?”

  “Not showing you were upset should have been obvious,” she pointed out.

  “Well, yeah, in the light of a new day and coffee in my system, it’s crystal-clear. But I had to make a quick decision, so I went with my gut like you said.”

  “Send him a text,” Mia shouted. “Tell him not to worry, that you’re fine. Say you were meeting me to see the bears and you had to run off quickly this morning.”

  I looked at Maxine to see what she thought. “Is lying to make him feel better on the list of dos and don’ts?”

  “Mia, I think it’s time for a list.”

  “No, Maxine. No list. Your list had my head spinning. She needs to be true to herself or it won’t work with Shane. Just come with me to see the bears and then you’re not lying or playing games. If he comes looking for you, he’ll find you right where you said you would be.”

  “But isn’t pretending to be fine when I’m crying inside playing games?”

  “Will you survive Shane if he never changes his mind?”

  “Of course.”

  “Then it’s not a lie, therefore, not playing games.”

  Mia scoffed down the line and I gr
inned.

  “Why do I get the feeling that with you, the difference between playing games and not is what side of the bed you wake up on?”

  Maxine threw her head back and laughed. Then she looked me straight in the eyes and winked.

  Seven

  The Barbie Twins

  The Tom Hunter Nature Preserve sat directly on Max and Mia’s property. In an attempt to keep her in Trails End and keep trigger-happy hunters from shooting the bears, Mia told me Max had designated a portion of his land as a nature preserve. Now the bears had an environment where they could raise their young without fear of hunters or loss of habitat due to Max’s logging. After our heart-to-heart, I’d met Mia at her cabin, and we drove to the preserve so she could document the bears and see how Nala’s new cub was growing. When we arrived, I expected her to stay in the Jeep like she’d told Maxine, but she promptly got out and sat on her hood with binoculars. I followed as any friend would, of course, but with bear spray in hand. Maxine had slipped the spray into my hand on my way out the door, so it was obvious to me she knows her daughter-in-law well.

  “I thought you said you were staying in the Jeep?” I questioned as I climbed up next to her.

  “I just said that to get Maxine off my back. I admit to having vertical issues, but I’ve overcome a lot of them since moving here. What Maxine, or Max for that matter, doesn’t know won’t—”

  I raised the can of bear spray and shook it.

  “Maxine?”

  “I hate to tell you this, but I don’t think you’re fooling anyone.”

  Mia rolled her eyes and picked up her pen and paper, resting them on her lap. “Figures,” she mumbled, raising the binoculars to her eyes with her other hand.

  I scanned the meadow for any sign of the bears then remembered Maxine talking about one called Cowboy.

  “Did you find a mate for Cowboy yet?”

  “Cowboy?” she questioned. “He has his pick of the females. He stomps the best and no other male can best him in a fight.”

  “He stomps?”

  “Yeah, wide-legged like a cowboy fresh off a horse. That’s how he got his name because he constantly stomps during mating season. He’s extremely successful with the females because of it.”