by Taylor Dean
We all quietly observe the scene, feeling as though we don’t want to intrude.
It’s Spencer who notices us all crowded in the doorway. “Come in, everyone. Come and meet Sophie Grace.” Her voice is weak, but she sounds happy.
Stony gets to his feet and makes a beeline for me. He pulls me into a tight emotion filled hug. “I can’t thank you enough, Mia.” Then he whispers, “Thank you, thank you.”
My emotions are all over the place and I have to hold back from completely breaking down and weeping so hard, it will surely be labeled as an ugly cry.
He pulls away and looks me directly in the eyes. “I’ll never forget what you did.”
I nod, unable to speak. In my heart, I say a silent and final goodbye to the love of my youth.
Grandma Caroline holds the baby first. Sophie is the star of the show as we all ooh and aah over her.
Then Spencer says, “Mia, come ‘ere,” with her medical equipment laden arms held out the best she can manage. I go to her and we embrace as well.
“Thank you, if you hadn’t been there, I don’t know what would’ve happened. I can’t thank you enough.”
“Then Grayson asks the loaded question. “So, what the heck happened?”
I tell them what happened from my point of view, blow by blow, and Spencer fills in little bits here and there. She’s clearly exhausted.
Stony explains the rest, “Spencer’s blood pressure dropped to a dangerously low level. Sophie was in distress as well. Mia’s actions helped to turn things around and the paramedics finished the job. Still, the doctors were very concerned about the health of the baby. If the labor hadn’t been so fast, they probably would’ve had to do a c-section. If Mia hadn’t been there to call the ambulance and get both Spencer and Sophie the help they needed immediately, things could’ve turned out badly.”
His voice cracks as he verbalizes the possible unhappy ending. Grayson wraps one arm around me and pulls me close. I’m feeling very loved today. Even by me.
When it’s my turn to hold Sophie, I look at her face and embrace the truth. This is Stony’s future. I’m holding it in my hands. I held his future in my hands once before and I was careless. I almost ruined him. But through Sophie, I’ve redeemed myself. I feel as though I’ve given his future back to him.
I have a future too, filled with love, happiness, and hopefully a baby of my own. I think it might include Grayson, but the point is I can now see it and feel excited for it.
Grayson holds Sophie next and a baby looks mighty good in his arms. I’d love to be the one to give him a baby of his own—that is, after I dispel the vision of what Spencer just went through. It was utterly frightening.
I feel so redeemed for all of my mistakes. I know it was the step I needed to take before I could give my heart fully to Grayson.
Then it hits me. My redemption is not complete. I still need to confess. The fear of losing what I have gained today terrifies me. I love these people. I love how they’re looking at me with kind eyes, thankful eyes. I can’t stand the thought of how they will look upon me when I confess everything.
Angry eyes. Disappointed eyes.
All at once, I can’t hold back the tears that have been threatening to emerge all evening. The dam is about to burst. I need to escape right now before I’m a blubbering mess. I slip out of the hospital room unnoticed, run down the hallway, and out the door, only to find that it’s pouring rain outside. I tuck my bandaged hand into my sweater so it won’t get wet. When I’m in the parking lot, I realize I don’t have a car. It’s still at Stony’s house.
I sigh heavily. I can’t even manage a dignified escape.
The tears are streaming down my face and now I can’t possibly go back in. I’m drenched within seconds and my bandage is soaked through as well.
I don’t know what to do, I only know that my emotions have been unleashed and I can’t control the sobs that rip through my body. My tears are long overdue as the events of the day catch up to me. I walk into the night with no destination in mind, I just want to escape. I want to escape my life, I want to escape my secrets, and I want to escape the burgeoning fear inside of me.
I start to run as the rain pelts my face and body with stinging needle-like jabs. I release my pent up tears as loud sobs eject from deep within my soul. The rain covers the heart wrenching sounds and I feel free to expunge myself of my wild feelings. I let loose and cry out loud with no holds barred.
I make it just past the parking lot before a hand on my back startles me. Grayson catches me by my shoulders, whips me around, and folds me in his arms. He holds me tightly as I sob so hard, it physically hurts. I begin to feel like a fraud, basking in his comfort. I’m the villain of the piece and I don’t deserve his sympathy. I break away from his embrace and take a few steps back. I’m breathing hard and I’m consumed with crazy emotions as I stand before him soaked to the bone. I see his handsome face, rainwater dripping down his skin. I know in that moment that he is dear to me and I can’t stand the thought of losing him. I love this man. I love him.
“Where are you going?” he asks, shouting to be heard above the pounding rain.
“Away from here,” I scream.
“Why? Why are you running away?”
“I don’t belong here. I never will. I’m a fraud.”
“Don’t say that. You belong with me. I love you, Mia. Don’t you know that? Please don’t walk away.”
His words bring on a fresh batch of tears as I collapse into his arms once again. He loves me. He loves me. I think I already knew that, but hearing it said out loud fills me with overwhelming emotions. I can hardly process the last few monumental hours. His hands frame my face and bring my lips to his. He kisses me hard and fast, a kiss filled with so much passion, it leaves me breathless. Rainwater streams down our faces as we ignore the moisture and let our mouths join as one. It feels like a frantic desperate act to hold onto each other when we both know something is wrong, but if we kiss long enough our problems will vanish and dissolve.
If only a kiss had that kind of power.
All at once, I leave his embrace again and I walk away until my legs give out on me, then I fall to the curb in the softly lit parking lot and sit.
He sits down next to me, wrapping one arm around me. His other hand reaches across his body and holds my good hand tightly, as if he doesn’t want to let me escape. His embrace grounds me and calms me. We sit in silence, letting the rain soak us as I gain control of myself once again. We absorb the night and listen to the sound of the rain. I love that he can be so happy at certain moments, and yet so quiet and soothing in others.
“Let’s get you out of this rain.”
I nod and follow him to his car. He retrieves a blanket from the back and once I’m seated, he wraps it around me. “I’ll be right back,” he says.
He returns with a fresh bandage. We sit in the car, illuminated by the dashboard light as he places the new bandage on my hand. I’m grateful for his loving care. He hands me a few Tylenol and a bottled water and I gulp them down.
“Why don’t we go for a ride?” he asks quietly.
“What about Caroline and Shay?”
“Shay brought her car.”
“Okay.”
We drive through Roby and then onto the dark roads surrounding it. We pass the turn to Stony and Spencer’s house and I don’t say anything. I don’t want to drive my own car right now. I’ll get it later.
“Thank you for what you did for my sister, Mia. I love that girl.”
“I only did what anyone else would do.”
“Perhaps. Still, given the circumstances between you, it says a lot about your character.”
I run my hands over my face. Are people surprised by my actions? What did they expect me to do? Leave her to suffer and die so that I can have Stony to myself? I sigh loudly. I’m not a monster. I’m not. I’m not.
I know that’s not what Grayson meant. I know no one is implying such a thing. But the thought is in my mind,
evidence that I’m still on shaky ground where my confidence is concerned.
“Listen, Mia, I understand why this is hard for you. I mean, you were high school sweethearts and you were engaged to be married. That’s some serious history.”
What? Wait. Does he think I’m crying over Stony?
“Those type of feelings don’t disappear overnight. I get it. I guess I was hoping for . . . ah, never mind, it doesn’t matter.”
I know I have to make this right immediately. “I’m not crying over Stony, Grayson.”
“You’re not?”
“No, absolutely not. Please don’t ever think I’m pining for him. I swear to you, I’m not. I . . . I’m in love with you, Grayson. You are the one in my heart now and you’re there to stay.”
He breathes in and out deeply as though he’s relieved. I think if he wasn’t driving, he’d take me in his arms again. “I needed to hear that. I’ve been feeling very unsure of your feelings.” Instead of smiling, he frowns. “Wait. I don’t understand. Then what’s wrong?”
Now. Now is the time to tell him everything. I might lose him, but we absolutely can’t have love grow between us when I’m harboring secrets that are destroying me—secrets that might change the way he feels about me.
“I have something to tell you, something that might change everything between us.”
His silence worries me. Surely, he must be thinking what now?
“Do you want to go someplace quiet to talk?” His voice is subdued and I miss happy Grayson.
“Yes, I’d like that.”
He drops me off at my house and I run in to change out of my wet clothes. It’s a bit of a challenge with my bandaged hand, but I manage. I run a brush through my wet hair and refresh my makeup. I peek in at Mom and Blake. Mom is sleeping and Blake’s busy on his computer. I kiss Mom lightly on the cheek without waking her and tell Blake about Stony and Spencer’s baby.
“Wonderful,” he says distractedly. He promises to tell Mom the happy news when she awakens.
“Grayson’s waiting for me. I’ll be out a little longer.”
“All right, Mia.” Blake doesn’t even look up from whatever he’s doing. I could tell him the sky is falling and he’d still say, “All right, Mia.”
When I exit my house, Grayson is dressed in dry clothes as well, waiting for me next to his car. His smile is absent as he looks upon me with a serious expression.
The moment of truth is upon me.
CHAPTER
Fifteen
WE GET IN the car and are on our way in seconds. “Where are we going?”
“A place I’ve been wanting to show you,” Grayson says enigmatically.
We drive through Starbucks and grab a hot chocolate for each of us. It warms me straight to my bones and is just what I needed after being soaked in the rain. We drive to the northern outskirts of Abilene and pull up to an estate with a coded gate. I see a large sign that says, “Amherst.”
“Amherst?”
“That’s the name of the estate. It caught my eye because Emily . . .”
“ . . . Dickinson grew up in Amherst,” I finish for him.
“Yes. When you said you were obsessed with her, I looked her up.”
He studied the life of Emily Dickinson just for me? I’m touched and speechless.
Grayson punches in the code and we drive in. The house is at the end of a long driveway, illuminated by well-placed lighting.
“What is this place?”
“It might be my future home,” he says, staring straight forward contemplatively.
I’m a little shaken by his serious side. I always knew it was there, I just didn’t want to be the reason it makes an appearance. “Might?”
“I’m considering it. I have the key for the next two days as I make my decision. I’d love to know what you think of it.”
I’m not lost as to the significance of this request. There is a possibility that Grayson’s home will be my home. The dwelling is stately. It’s a stucco home with a grand entrance and two pillars on either side of the door. It’s a two story home, not overly large, but elegant in its own right.
And its name is Amherst. How perfect is that? Could this home be the place for my happily-ever-aftering? A life I’ve always wanted is being dangled in front of me and my past might ruin everything.
“Would you like to see it?”
“I’d love to.” My enthusiasm is restrained. I can’t unleash it just yet.
The grounds—what I can see of them—are expertly manicured with trimmed grass. The front door is at least ten feet high, but when you open it, only half of it opens. Still, it lends an aura of sophistication. Inside, marble floors, a large chandelier, and a sweeping staircase greet us in the entry. It’s quite grand.
While the house is stunning, I find it a bit cold at first. I find myself feeling a tad disappointed.
“I know what you’re thinking, it’s a bit of a frosty reception. Just wait for it.” Grayson takes my hand and leads me in further.
Then we enter the great room at the back of the house and suddenly the house makes sense to me.
The huge room boasts a wall to wall stone fireplace and dark hardwood floors. It’s staged with a large sectional. The kitchen is state of the art, and yet it’s inviting in a charming sort of way.
“Wow,” I mumble.
Grayson flips on the gas switch and the fireplace sparks to life. “What do you think?”
“It’s amazing.”
“Right? It tricks you. On the outside and in the entryway, it says I’m a pompous mansion and I’m too good for you. Then you move in a little further and realize it’s a cuddly bear on the inside, just waiting to hug you.”
There’s the Grayson I know and love. This house is as quirky as we are. Somehow it fits us to a T. “That about sums it up. It reminds me to not judge based on what’s on the outside. I love it just for that.”
“Exactly.”
I hope Grayson will judge me by what’s in my heart. My past mistakes do not define who I really am. I feel enlightened by this thought.
We explore the upstairs bedrooms and find them equally warm. We wander downstairs and find ourselves in the great room once again. Grayson stands by the fire, warming his hands and I sit down on the sectional.
Distracted by the house as we’ve been, we both know why we are really here. I told him I have something I need to tell him, something that might change everything between us and I’m sure he’s wondering what it is.
He turns around and faces me, his face solemn. “Before you go on, I have to say thank you one more time for what you did for my sister today. I don’t know what you’re about to tell me, but it won’t change the fact that you risked injury to yourself to help my sister and my niece. I love the person you are and I doubt what you have to say will make a difference.”
I say nothing. I hate that I might greatly disappoint him.
“What did you want to tell me, Mia?”
He looks a bit formidable standing in front of the huge fireplace, his face serious. It crosses my mind that maybe he thinks I’m going to tell him something that will mean I’m breaking things off with him.
I hold my bandaged hand to my chest, babying it. “I’m not ending things between us, Grayson. I mean, unless what I have to say changes things for you.”
“That won’t happen.”
“It could. But I have to take that chance and tell you anyway. I don’t think there should be secrets between us.”
“No, I don’t think so either.” He lets out his breath. “What is it?” He’s still tense and unsure.
“Sit with me, please,” I say.
He sits across from me, so we can see each other as I speak. I breathe in and out deeply, calming myself. So much is riding on this moment. My heart is in his hands. I can only hope I don’t lose him because of what I’m about to say.
“Do you remember the night we met?”
“Yes. It’s unforgettable to me.”
My
heart skips a beat. I’m definitely not used to Grayson’s serious side.
“I went there that night to confess something to Stony, but I chickened out. It’s something that has been weighing on me so heavily, I sometimes feel as though I can’t breathe. You might not want to have anything to do with me once I tell you, but I have to take that chance. Just know that I’ll understand and I won’t be angry with you. I haven’t wanted to be with me for a very long time. My time with you has taught me to love myself again. Not only because you love me, but because I love who I am when I’m with you. No matter what happens, it has meant the world to me, Grayson.”
He looks at me intently, his eyes bright in the firelight. “I’m not really sure where you’re going with this.”
I hope he can forgive me at the end of my story. I hope he’ll take me in his arms and tell me he loves me. “I know,” I whisper. But in just a few moments, he’ll know my dirty secrets. If he can love me after knowing me at my worst, then I’m home free. If not, well, I’ll have to accept the consequences of my actions. Again. I’ll have to pick myself up and start over. I vow that if this ends badly, I will indeed pick myself up. I will start over. I won’t let it knock me down.
But I hope that’s not the case.
“I need to tell you about the night I hurt Stony. There’s more to the story than anyone else knows.”
His eyebrows furrow deeply. “Okay.”
“I’ve been living with this for so long now and it’s been eating at me. I can’t live with the secret any longer.”
“You’ve already paid a very stiff price for the happenings of that night, Mia. I think it’s time to let it go.”
“Just hear me out, please. If I don’t confess this to someone, I will never be able to live my life normally.”
“All right. I’m listening.”
I pour out my heart to Grayson, telling him everything I felt that night, the emotions, the out of control anger at our circumstances, the hurt that things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to. I tell him everything.
EVERYTHING.
