Amelia Bedelia Chapter Book #3

by Herman Parish

  Dedication

  For John & Dennis—

  A couple of Romans—H. P.

  For Emily, whom I first met at the lake

  and who is now casting for the big fish—L. A.

  Contents

  Dedication

  Chapter 1: Roamin’ Holiday

  Chapter 2: Packing It In

  Chapter 3: Neither Here nor There

  Chapter 4: To Get There, Go Backward

  Chapter 5: One-Horse Town

  Chapter 6: Fish Story

  Chapter 7: A Good Great Sport

  Chapter 8: Hook, Line, and Stinker

  Chapter 9: Miss Bigmouth

  Chapter 10: Life at the Lake

  Chapter 11: Fishing Versus Catching

  Chapter 12: Stumped

  Chapter 13: Miss REALLY Bigmouth

  Chapter 14: Roam, Sweet Home

  Excerpt from Amelia Bedelia Goes Wild!

  Two Ways to Say It

  About the Author and Illustrator

  Back Ad

  Credits

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  Amelia Bedelia’s father came home from work in a great mood. He kissed his wife. He scratched Amelia Bedelia’s dog, Finally, in her favorite spot (right behind the ears). Amelia Bedelia was lying on the rug next to Finally, doing her homework. Amelia Bedelia’s father knelt down next to her, but he didn’t kiss her on the head as usual. He started tickling her.

  “Ha-ha-ha-ha!” she squealed.

  He tickled Amelia Bedelia’s most ticklish spot, right under her arms.

  “Stop it!” she shrieked, laughing louder.

  But he kept right on tickling,

  “Mom! Help!” yelled Amelia Bedelia.

  Her mother ran to her rescue. Amelia Bedelia’s mom began tickling her dad at his most ticklish spot, right under his chin.

  He laughed and hollered, “Family tickle contest!” With one hand still tickling Amelia Bedelia, he tickled his wife right behind her knee, which was her worst tickle spot. She began laughing uncontrollably. “Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha . . .”

  They all collapsed in a heap on the living room floor, laughing and giggling and gasping for breath. Finally raced around them, barking and wagging her tail.

  Amelia Bedelia’s dad stood up and helped her mom to her feet.

  “Well, honey,” said Amelia Bedelia’s mother. “Thanks for the comic relief. That was a fun homecoming.”

  “Guess what, guys?” he said. “My boss gave me a bonus week of vacation for doing a good job at work.”

  “Wow!” said Amelia Bedelia. “Yay, Dad!”

  “Congratulations,” said her mom. “You certainly earned it. What would you like to do?”

  “Well, I was thinking . . . ,” said her dad. “How about we all go off to roam?”

  “Yippee!” shouted Amelia Bedelia. “We’re going to Rome!”

  Amelia Bedelia jumped up from the floor and kept jumping up and down, clapping her hands. She had paid enough attention in geography class to know that Rome was the biggest city in Italy, which was a country shaped like a boot. In Italy, everyone ate her favorite foods, like pasta and pizza and pastries, every single day.

  Amelia Bedelia hugged her dad. Then she grabbed her mom’s hands and began dancing around the room with her.

  Finally barked and barked.

  “Golly,” said her dad. “I didn’t think you would get that excited. Haven’t you ever been roamin’?”

  “How could I be Roman?” asked Amelia Bedelia. “I was born in the United States of America.”

  Amelia Bedelia’s mother stopped dancing but held on to Amelia Bedelia’s hands. “Sweetheart,” she said, “where do you think we’re going?” She had a funny look on her face.

  “To Rome, in Italy,” said Amelia Bedelia.

  “Italy?” said her dad. “We aren’t going to Rome, Italy. We’re going to roam . . . around.”

  “Around?” asked Amelia Bedelia. “Where’s around? Around where?”

  “Around here,” said her dad. “Close to home. For now, we’ll have to give Italy the boot.” Her dad chuckled as her mother groaned.

  Amelia Bedelia was disappointed and her dad’s lame joke made her feel worse. She felt like giving him the boot.

  “Sorry to let you down, sweetie,” said Amelia Bedelia’s mom. “If we were going to Rome in Italy, I’d be really excited, too.”

  “But, Mom,” said Amelia Bedelia, “what’s Dad even talking about?”

  “Don’t worry,” said her mom. “I’m sure we’ll have fun.”

  Amelia Bedelia’s mom made an Italian dinner to cure their disappointment. They had spaghetti and meatballs and crusty bread.

  They had salad with Italian dressing.

  “We’ll eat our salads last,” said Amelia Bedelia’s mom. “Because that’s how they do it in Rome.”

  “Well,” said her dad. “When going to roam, do as the Romans do.”

  “Honey,” said Amelia Bedelia’s mom, “if you make one more bad joke, you’ll roam alone.”

  After the dishes were done, Amelia Bedelia’s father unfolded a road map and spread it out on the dining-room table. He pointed to a spot on the map and said, “We are here.”

  “I don’t see us,” said Amelia Bedelia.

  “Our house is way too small to show up on this map,” said her dad. “This little area is our town. See, right here is Main Street. This tiny green square is the park in front of City Hall.”

  Looking at the map made Amelia Bedelia feel dizzy. She felt like a bird, flying higher than any other bird, looking down on everyone and everything.

  “I thought it might be fun to just drive around our own state,” said her dad. “There are fun places to go and fun things to do right here.”

  “This will be great!” said her mother. “There’s a lot to see in our own backyard.”

  “What!” said Amelia Bedelia. “First we’re not going to Italy, and now we’re not even leaving the backyard? What kind of dorky vacation is that?”

  Her parents explained that backyard could mean nearby. They would be traveling hundreds of miles, maybe a thousand miles, before they returned home. That made Amelia Bedelia feel better—and worse.

  At bedtime, Amelia Bedelia turned off her light, but she couldn’t fall asleep. She was excited about their road trip, and nervous too. She’d never spent a week away from home before, plus she’d miss Finally. She wondered what would happen to them while they were away. What would happen at home that they would miss?

  That night, she dreamed all kinds of crazy dreams. When she got up the next morning, she was super tired. Amelia Bedelia felt like she needed a vacation!

  The day they left was bright and sunny. Amelia Bedelia’s father was in the driveway, putting their luggage in the car. Amelia Bedelia dragged her bag outside. There were tons of bags piled next to the car—enough luggage for two families!

  “Can all of that really fit in our car?” asked Amelia Bedelia.

  “No problem,” said her father. “It’s part of the job of being a dad, knowing how to pack a trunk.”

  “A trunk is definitely too big and heavy,” said Amelia Bedelia. “You should use regular bags like Mom and I do.” She handed her luggage to him.

  “Good thinking,” said her father. As he lifted her bag, an electrical plug and cord slipped out and dangled in the air. He set the bag back down. “What have you got in here?”

  Amelia Bedelia opened her bag and took out her desk lamp. “You told me to pack light. This is the only light in my room that isn’t attached to the ceiling.”

  “You won’t need that,” said her dad.

  “There will be lights where we’re going.” Then
he pointed into her bag. “Is that your backpack?”

  “It sure is,” said Amelia Bedelia, holding it up for him to see. “You told me to pack my backpack too.”

  Her father shook his head. “I meant, pack it full of stuff you want to take, not pack it inside your suitcase. Where’s the checklist I asked you to make?”

  Amelia Bedelia reached into her suitcase and pulled out a sheet of paper. It was covered with checkmarks. “Making a list of checks got boring,” said Amelia Bedelia, “so I switched sizes and colors to make it more interesting.”

  Her dad shook his head and said, “Now, hold everything—”

  “Hold everything?” said Amelia Bedelia. “Dad, I can’t pick up all this stuff!”

  “HONEY!” hollered Amelia Bedelia’s father to Amelia Bedelia’s mother.

  Amelia Bedelia’s mother took Amelia Bedelia back inside to help her repack. “Amelia Bedelia,” she said. “In most families, dads pack cars and moms ask for directions and kids ask, ‘Are we there yet?’ You’ll see how it works.”

  When they went back outside, the heap of luggage was neatly packed in the car. Amelia Bedelia handed her bag to her dad.

  “Thanks, sugar,” he said. “I’ve got just the spot.” He slid it into an empty space. Now the trunk looked like one of those wooden puzzles that are impossible to put back together once you take them apart.

  “Run and get Finally, okay?” he said.

  “You’re not stuffing her in the trunk too, are you?” said Amelia Bedelia.

  “Don’t be silly,” said her dad. “There’s no room.”

  Amelia Bedelia knew her dad was teasing. Finally was going to a kennel called the Paw Palace. They were going to drop her off on their way out of town.

  At long last, Amelia Bedelia, her parents, and Finally were ready to leave.

  When her dad backed out of the driveway, Amelia Bedelia felt the car go bump-bump as they drove over the uneven sidewalk and out into the street. That bump-bump feeling always meant that she was home.

  It suddenly dawned on Amelia Bedelia that she wouldn’t feel that bump-bump for a whole week. She was homesick already!

  They dropped off Finally at the Paw Palace. As she got back into the car, Amelia Bedelia wiped her eyes.

  “Don’t worry,” said her mom. “Finally will be fine. She’ll get to hang out with other dogs, and your friend Diana is going to take her for walks, right?”

  “I know,” said Amelia Bedelia. “And my friend Charlie is bringing his dog, Pierre, to visit. Plus, guess what? The Paw Palace even has a puppy pizza night!”

  “Hey,” said her dad. “The next time I’m in the doghouse, I’m going to check in there.”

  “You’re out of luck, honey,” said Amelia Bedelia’s mom. “They won’t take you unless you’re housebroken.”

  Amelia Bedelia burst out laughing. Even her dad had to laugh. He usually made the jokes in the family. This vacation was switching things around.

  “Good one, Mom,” said Amelia Bedelia, leaning forward to pat her mom on the shoulder. She glanced at the dashboard. “Hey,” she said. “Why is that little arrow pointing at the letter E?”

  Her parents looked at the gas gauge, then at each other. They both blurted out, “Didn’t you fill the car with gas?”

  “You both can,” said Amelia Bedelia. “There’s a station right there.”

  While her dad pumped the gas, Amelia Bedelia and her mother got out to buy a snack. They’d gone barely a mile so far, but they were already hungry. “The fun is about to begin,” said Amelia Bedelia’s mom. “Look, we’re on the edge of town.”

  Amelia Bedelia looked around for a cliff or ledge, but things seemed pretty flat. She noticed a sign with the name of their town on it. Under the name was the word POP. and the number 1,007.

  “Mom, whose Pop is that?” asked Amelia Bedelia, pointing at the sign.

  Her mother smiled and said, “That pop isn’t someone’s father. It’s short for ‘population.’ That number tells you how many people live in our town.”

  Amelia Bedelia let out a low whistle. She couldn’t believe it. Did that many people really live where she did? Amelia Bedelia ran back to the car, dug a crayon and her camera out of her backpack, then ran back to the sign. She made an X through the 7 and wrote the number 4 below, since the three of them would be out of town. Then she took a picture of it. When they returned from their vacation, she would bike over and change it back to 1,007 again.

  “Ready to hit the road?” asked Amelia Bedelia’s dad. He was fiddling with something on the dashboard.

  “There,” he said. “I set the odometer to zero so we can tell how many miles we drive.” He turned around and waggled his eyebrows at Amelia Bedelia. “If a word ends in ‘-ometer,’ it counts things. The odometer measures our distance. The speedometer measures our speed. What does a thermometer do?”

  “It measures temperature to tell how hot or cold things are,” said Amelia Bedelia.

  “Right!” said her dad. “And who counts how many treats you have each day?”

  Amelia Bedelia looked at her mother for help, but her mom just looked back, shook her head, and shrugged her shoulders.

  “Give up?” said her dad as he began to chuckle. “That’s a mom-ometer!”

  Things were back to normal as they drove off on their road trip adventure.

  “Are we there yet?” asked Amelia Bedelia.

  Her dad looked back at her in the rearview mirror and said, “That’s the best thing about roaming around. Since we don’t have a destination, wherever we are, we’re already there.”

  Amelia Bedelia had to think about that for a minute. Then she said, “Well, if we’re there, what can I do for fun?”

  Her mother reached into her travel bag, pulled out a book, and handed it to her. Amelia Bedelia flipped through it, but there were no comics, puzzles, or stories.

  “You should get your money back, Mom,” said Amelia Bedelia. “All the pages in this book are blank.”

  “I know,” said her mother. “It’s a journal. What’s in it is up to you. You can write in it or draw in it or both. It will be your record of our vacation—like a diary.” Her mother handed her a brand-new box of colored pencils, too.

  “This feels like homework,” said Amelia Bedelia.

  “It can’t be,” said her dad. “You’re not at home.”

  She couldn’t argue with that.

  “It’ll be fun,” said her mother. “Years from now, you can read it and remember what you were thinking and feeling.”

  They turned onto a big highway and drove along with lots of other cars. They listened to the radio until the last station faded into static. Then Amelia Bedelia noticed the noise that became the soundtrack of their trip: the hum of tires on the road accompanied by the wind rushing by her window.

  Sometimes they passed other cars. Sometimes other cars passed them.

  Amelia Bedelia stared at the passengers. Where were they all going? Were they roaming too? A little boy stared back at her, then stuck out his tongue. She laughed and waved. He waved back and laughed too.

  Amelia Bedelia gazed at the houses they drove by. What were those people like? Did they have dogs? Did they have kids her age? Would they be friends if she knew them? Did her friends miss her? Did Finally miss her?

  Her daydream ended when her dad bellowed, “Adventure, here we come!” as he took the next exit off the interstate. He began singing, “Off we go, into the wild green yonder!” Amelia Bedelia was amazed. Her dad was so happy—he always sang the wrong words when he felt goofy.

  They had to drive much slower now, because they were on a two-lane road. They drove past old houses and farms and barns. They drove by cows and sheep. They crossed a bridge and parked.

  “We must be there,” said Amelia Bedelia.

  “Exactly,” said her mother. “Lunch will be served on the bank of that stream.”

  Amelia Bedelia’s father grabbed their picnic lunch from the trunk and pulled out a blanket for
them to sit on. “This will keep the ants from joining us,” he said.

  Too bad, thought Amelia Bedelia. She kind of wished that some of her aunts and uncles and cousins had come along to keep her company in the backseat. It was times like this she really wished for a brother and really, really, really wished for a sister.

  After lunch, her mother made an announcement. “I was up late last night and early this morning packing. I’m taking a nap. Amelia Bedelia, you’re in charge!” Then she closed her eyes and put a floppy hat over her face.

  Amelia Bedelia buckled herself in.

  Her father leaned over and pointed at the map. “We are right here,” he said. His finger was on a picture of a tiny picnic table.

  “Hey,” said Amelia Bedelia. “Why didn’t we sit at the table? It would have been better than the ground.”

  “There was no table,” said her father. “That picnic table is just a symbol. Look in that little box in the corner of the map. That’s the key.”

  Amelia Bedelia wondered if her dad needed a nap too. A cymbal wasn’t anything like a table. She knew that because she had tried playing the cymbals in the school band. And there was no box on the map. It was flat. Plus, who needs a key? You need a key to lock the car. But you don’t unlock a map. You unfold it.

  Amelia Bedelia’s father started the car and pulled back out on the road. “Well, so far, so good!” he said.

  “Not really,” said Amelia Bedelia. “We haven’t gone so far, and it hasn’t been so good.”