Astrosaurs 9

by Steve Cole

“Never mind that,” said Gipsy, checking the tracker on her wrist. “I’m getting a signal. Our giraffe is about a mile away to the north-east.”

  Abbiz nodded thoughtfully. “There’s a half-built slodge mine over there. Perhaps that’s where the monsters hide during the day.”

  “Let’s find out,” said Teggs.

  They moved as quickly as they could, with Abbiz telling them where they could and could not step. The sun and the moon hung together overhead, like eyes in the sky watching them.

  Finally they reached the half-finished slodge mine on the far side of the forest. It looked like a dark cave in a rocky hillside.

  “The signal is coming from just in here,” Gipsy whispered. She slipped Iggy’s stun claws onto her hooves.

  Teggs fiercely flexed his tail. “Let’s go.”

  “There’s a light switch just inside the cave,” said Abbiz, arming herself with a ball of hardened slodge.

  Teggs turned on the lights. And with a gasp, all three of them realized that the mutant sabre-toothed woolly giraffe was right in front of them. In fact, the cave was full of the weird-looking animals! But luckily they were all fast asleep and snoring.

  Teggs advanced on the giraffe they had been tracking. “At last, we can get a proper look at these things.”

  “Hang on,” murmured Gipsy. “What’s that thing strapped to its back?” She leaned forward and saw it was a small metal box with built-in speakers. “It’s a portable stereo! But why?”

  “Even savage mutant giraffes have the right to boogie, Gipsy,” Teggs reminded her.

  “I wonder . . .” She took her headphones from around her neck, plugged them into the giraffe’s stereo and then hit play. A terrifying roar boomed into Gipsy’s ears, and she jumped in the air. “Captain!” she hissed. “It wasn’t the giraffe making those scary noises at all. It was just a recording!” She checked the stereo’s controls. “It’s on a timer – set to start playing at night-time.”

  “Hey!” said Abbiz. “When you touched the stereo, the hair on the monster’s back seemed to . . . slip a bit.”

  “Perhaps this one is a saggy old mutant giraffe who’s lost his voice,” said Teggs. “That could explain why he’s crying.”

  “Or perhaps that’s not his real skin at all!” Abbiz delicately hooked her horn into a fold in the monster’s woolly coat, took a deep breath and pulled. With a loud rip, the wool tore away – to reveal regular orange-and-brown giraffe skin underneath!

  “Good grief!” cried Teggs, and Gipsy and Abbiz had to shush him quick. “You’ll be telling me those razor-sharp fangs are false next!”

  Gipsy gave them a gentle wiggle. “Er . . . they are! They’re tied to his real teeth with rubber bands!”

  Teggs blinked. “Then . . . this isn’t some mutant sabre-toothed woolly giraffe at all. It’s an ordinary giraffe in disguise!”

  Gipsy moved deeper inside the cave to inspect the others. “So is this one . . . and this one . . . There are twenty of them, and they’re all the same – made up to look like monsters with recorded roars.”

  Teggs looked more closely at the one they had exposed. “What are those little red bumps all over his real skin? They look like flea bites!” His eyes widened. “Wait a sec! I remember what it said on that empty tub we found. Extra-itchy circus fleas – that only come out at night!”

  “And that’s when the stereos start playing their roars!” said Abbiz. She looked round at the sleeping animals and lowered her voice. “Do you know what I think? I think someone landed a spaceship in the forest and dumped some ordinary giraffes here. They gave them fake fangs, wrapped horrid woolly coats around them and covered them in fleas that only bite at night.”

  “How cruel,” exclaimed Gipsy.

  “So every night, the itching drives them crazy,” Abbiz went on. “And eating can’t be easy when you’re wearing enormous false teeth – they are probably starving. So that must be driving them crazy too.”

  “No wonder they go off on the rampage every night,” Teggs whispered, his stomach growling in sympathy.

  Abbiz nodded. “Meanwhile, those recorded roars make us think they’re horrid and scary and out to get us.”

  “But they are!” Teggs argued. “Er, aren’t they? I mean, they did knock over some of your buildings – as well as lots of trees!”

  “But what if they were only trying to scratch their itches?” said Abbiz breathlessly. “They can’t reach with their legs, so they rub themselves against things like trees and rocks – and our huts! And they rub so hard that they accidentally knock things over.”

  Teggs and Gipsy looked at each other in amazement.

  Then Teggs smiled. “You can tell who her uncle is, can’t you?”

  Gipsy nodded. “Brains must run in the family!”

  “Noses run in mine,” said Teggs. “And right now I’m smelling a very nasty plot – a plot to scare away the triceratops from this planet using these poor, defenceless animals. We must find whoever’s behind it and sort them out!”

  “In the meantime, let’s make these poor giraffes more comfortable,” suggested Gipsy. “We’ll take off these silly teeth for a start, and dump their flea-ridden woolly coats in the middle of the forest . . .”

  Suddenly, Teggs’s communicator beeped into life. Arx’s voice crackled out: “Captain!”

  “Teggs here,” said Teggs. “Arx, we’ve made the most amazing discovery . . .”

  “So have I,” Arx said grimly. “You had better get back to the Sauropod, Captain – right now!”

  Chapter Seven

  NEW MOON

  Teggs made some arrangements, then went back to the camp. Iggy was waiting in the shuttle. He had just unloaded a ton of insect repellent, toothpaste and soothing bite cream. “Here you are, Captain,” Iggy said. “Just what you asked for.”

  “Thanks, Iggy,” Teggs replied, climbing aboard. “That should help Gipsy and Abbiz make the giraffes feel better.”

  Soon they were zooming up through the midday sky. Teggs stared moodily out of the shuttle window. From here, at the edge of the atmosphere where blue sky met dark space, the moon looked silly-big. You could count every crater on its dull green surface.

  They parked in the shuttle bay and ran to meet Arx on the flight deck, passing many triceratops along the way. The dimorphodon flapped about them as they entered, saying hello and trying to salute. Chas was waiting there too, and waved in greeting.

  But Arx got straight down to business. “The dimorphodon have finished mapping Aggadon to see where every meteorite landed,” he announced.

  “Did they find a pattern?” Teggs asked.

  “No. But they found something else.” He nodded to the scanner screen, which was showing hundreds of lumps of rock. “If you were to take every meteorite that fell and put them all back together, you would be left with a massive lump of rock. A lump of rock exactly the same size, shape and colour as Aggadon’s moon.”

  Teggs and Iggy swapped incredulous looks, and Chas seemed totally flabbergasted.

  “I also studied the rock samples,” Arx went on. “I know it sounds crazy, but the evidence says those meteorites are all that’s left of Aggadon’s moon after some terrible catastrophe tore it apart!”

  “But the moon is still in the sky,” Iggy protested. “You can’t miss it – it’s big enough!”

  “And getting bigger all the time,” Teggs said slowly. “What’s going on, Arx?”

  Arx paused. “I have a theory. But it’s wilder than a T. rex pyjama party! Chas, you said that on the night of the meteorites it went very, very dark.”

  Chas nodded. “The moon and the stars were blotted out by dark clouds.”

  “Or dark smoke,” said Arx. “A smokescreen! I think someone blotted out the sky so they could blow up the moon and replace it with a replica without anyone noticing.”

  “What?” squeaked Chas, clutching his hat.

  “Of course!” said Teggs. “They must have used the same smokescreen to keep them hidden while they
took the giraffes down to the planet in their spaceship. Harmless giraffes, made to look and act like monsters in the hope of scaring everyone away!”

  “Harmless giraffes?” gibbered Chas, his brain boggling.

  “But why?” wondered Iggy. “And if the moon has blown up, what’s that in the sky over Aggadon now? How come it’s growing bigger every night?”

  “It isn’t growing bigger,” said Arx gravely. “It’s getting closer. It’s approaching Aggadon at a hundred miles per hour, and picking up speed all the time.”

  Teggs jumped into his control pit. “I think it’s time we took a closer look at this so-called moon. Let’s go!”

  The dimorphodon started bashing buttons with their beaks and twisting dials with their claws. The Sauropod throbbed with power as Arx steered a course for the mysterious moon. Teggs saw it on the scanner, like a big green snooker ball.

  Suddenly a sleek, sinister spaceship shot out from behind it – and fired lasers at point-blank range!

  “Raise the shields!” bellowed Teggs – but too late. The lasers tore into the Sauropod. The mighty ship shook and spun under the surprise attack. Chas clung on to Gipsy’s empty chair for dear life.

  “Red alert!” screeched the alarm pterosaur. “Battle stations! Man the lifeboats! Squawwwwk!”

  “Our power banks have been hit,” Arx gasped. “There’s not enough energy for our shields.”

  “Launch the dung torpedoes,” Teggs shouted.

  “Not enough power for those either!” cried Iggy.

  “They’re firing again!” said Arx. The ship rocked and rattled as the blasts hit home. “They’ve blown a hole right through to level nine, and they’re bringing their ship in closer.” The lights dipped down to a warning red as Arx peered at his instruments. “Captain, whoever’s attacking us . . . I think they’re coming aboard!”

  Chapter Eight

  THE WRECKING CREW

  Teggs leaped out of the control pit. “Arx, send all ankylosaur guards to level nine,” he snapped. “We’re not giving up without a fight!”

  “I’m with you, Captain,” said Iggy, and the two of them ran to the lift.

  “Prepare for battle!” The alarm pterosaur’s squawk echoed around the ship. “Intruders on board! Big, fat, hairy intruders on board!”

  “They’ll be small, sad, floppy intruders by the time I’m finished with them!” said Iggy fiercely as the lift whooshed them downwards. “Captain, I recognized their ship. It’s a Dungdozer Prime – which runs on six-star dung.”

  “Then it’s the same ship that brought the giraffes to Aggadon,” Teggs realized. “And the space-circus fleas too. We’re about to meet the masterminds behind this plan.”

  “Masterminds? They must be stupid to come aboard on level nine!” Iggy laughed. “They’ll have to fight their way through eight whole levels to get to the flight deck.”

  “Maybe they don’t want to reach the flight deck!” Teggs gasped. “The engines are on level nine! What if they are after those?”

  “My lovely engines?” Iggy turned crimson with rage. “Let’s get fighting!”

  The lift doors opened and Teggs and Iggy burst out onto level nine, following the sounds of battle. They passed a few panicking triceratops and a pterodactyl cleaner hiding (very badly) in a bucket. But then, to their dismay, they found that the ankylosaur guards were in retreat.

  “What’s happening?” Teggs asked Alass, the security chief.

  “They’ve got quick-drying cement shooters!” she gasped, her knobbly back covered in white splatters. “They’ve stuck my boys’ feet to the floor.”

  “They’ve got gravel cannons too!” groaned another ankylosaur.

  “And concrete-dust grenades,” coughed another.

  “Who has got all these things?” Teggs demanded.

  “They have!” Iggy pointed as four large, shambling creatures came round the corner. “Mammoth builders!”

  Teggs’s eyes narrowed at the sight of them. He had met mammoths before, and knew they meant big trouble. They looked like brutish elephants covered in thick woolly hair and wearing hard hats. Strange, scruffy tools and weapons were strapped to their backs. But while most mammoths had long curving tusks, this group had none at all.

  “We’re not just builders,” said the leading mammoth. “My name’s Tonka, and this is my wrecking crew. We will demolish your engine room unless you surrender right now!”

  “I say we fight ’em, Captain!” snarled Iggy, charging forward.

  Teggs whipped out his tail and dragged Iggy back. “Without the engines we will be totally helpless,” he reminded the incensed iguanodon. “I think we should hear what they have to say.” He looked up at Tonka. “But first, prove to me the engines aren’t already demolished!”

  Tonka smiled nastily. “All right. Send away your useless guards and let’s have a little chat in the engine room.”

  Teggs and Iggy followed them down the corridor. They passed ankylosaurs stuck in concrete puddles and lying dazed in clouds of dust. “Don’t worry,” Teggs told them kindly. “It will be all right.”

  Tonka sniggered. “That’s what you think.”

  He and his wrecking crew swaggered into the engine room. Two more mammoths were waiting inside, one big, one small. They swigged hot sweet tea from dirty cups while leaning on picks and shovels. But as Teggs and Iggy came in, the big one grabbed a cement shooter with his trunk and aimed it straight at them.

  “Did you do the job, Marvin?” Tonka asked.

  The mammoth with the cannon nodded. “Yup.”

  “What are you up to?” Teggs demanded. “Why did you attack us like this?”

  “Because we don’t want you sticking your beaks into our business!” snarled Tonka, gulping down a big mug of tea and stuffing his mouth with biscuits. “Our plan to scare the triceratops away worked a treat. You even took them off the planet for us. And if you had just pushed off into outer space like good little astrosaurs, you wouldn’t be in such trouble now.”

  “Yeah, yeah, whatever,” said Teggs. “Just tell me – why are you doing all this?”

  Tonka went all dreamy-eyed. “Because Aggadon is stuffed full of slodge, that’s why.”

  Iggy blinked. “What, that gloopy grey stuff ?”

  “It’s a builder’s dream!” said Tonka. “The super-duper, super-rare super-cement.”

  “And it’s super-expensive too,” chirped Marvin. “There’s enough there to make us ultra-rich!”

  “We’d give our tusks for a treasure like that,” agreed his mate.

  “We did give our tusks for it!” Tonka reminded them. “We broke them off and gave them to the giraffes to wear as false teeth. Like we shaved our tummies to dress them up in woolly coats!” He reared up to show off his pink billowing belly.

  “Why bother to dress up some giraffes?” asked Iggy. “Why not use real monsters?”

  “I’ll bet they were too scared,” Teggs jeered.

  “It wasn’t just that,” Tonka argued. “Er, I mean, it wasn’t that at all! Thing was, we’d just finished bulldozing an old space circus and some giraffes had been left behind, together with a few performing fleas.”

  Iggy frowned. “What were giraffes doing in a circus?”

  “They were trained to be famous acrobats,” said Tonka. “But the circus shut down before they had a chance to perform.” His trunk trembled with a sinister snigger. “Well, they’ve performed for us all right! We dressed ’em up, set loose the fleas, recorded some roars and hey presto – instant scary monsters!”

  “You are cruel and horrible,” said Teggs sternly. “But why did you even have to scare the triceratops away? There’s only fifty of them, you could have just started mining slodge on the rest of the planet without them knowing.”

  “But we aren’t miners, are we?” Tonka grinned nastily. “We’re wreckers. Mining all the slodge would take years and years – so instead we’re going to smash up the whole planet! We’ll wreck it to rubble and suck up all the slodge with spac
e-hoovers. Then we can build with it all over the Jurassic Quadrant!”

  Iggy scoffed. “You can’t just wreck a whole planet!”

  “You can when you’ve got a big remote-controlled wrecking ball,” said Tonka, his piggy little eyes sparkling. “A wrecking ball the size of a moon!”

  “Oh, no,” Teggs groaned. “That’s why they sneakily switched Aggadon’s moon. All this time we’ve been looking up at a giant wrecking ball – swinging closer to the planet with every passing second!”

  Iggy buried his head in his claws. “And Gipsy and Abbiz are stranded down there!”

  Chapter Nine

  THE LEAVING PRESENT

  Teggs glared at the smug mammoths. “You’ll never get away with this, you tuskless tricksters! The DSS will hunt you down and make you pay.”

  Tonka shook his head. “They will never know we were even here,” he said. “Because your ship is going to meet with a nasty accident . . .”

  “Since we can’t scare you away, we’re going to have to squish you,” explained Marvin, sucking more tea up his trunk. “We can’t let anything get in the way of our profits!”

  Just then, someone cheeped from the engine room’s doorway. It was the leader of the dimorphodon, a plucky little dino-bird named Sprite. He winked at Teggs.

  Marvin tilted his trunk. “What’s that thing?”

  “Er, just one of my pet parakeets,” said Teggs quickly.

  “Eep!” Another of the dimorphodon fluttered into the room, closely followed by another.

  “Sweet! Maybe we’ll take them with us before we wreck your ship!” Tonka gave a soppy smile as Sprite flapped over and perched on his head. “Who’s an ickle-wickle birdie then?”

  “Ch-ch-ch-ch,” said Sprite happily. And then he gave Tonka a whopping great peck, right on the tip of his trunk!

  “Owwwwww!” trumpeted Tonka.

  “Nowwwww!” shouted Teggs.

  At their captain’s signal, a whole flock of dimorphodon flew into the room. They flapped about the mammoths, tugging on their woolly hair and snapping at their floppy ears.

  At the same time, Iggy jumped on Tonka while Teggs charged at Marvin. The mammoth fired his cement shooter, but Teggs leaped through the air and the quick-drying paste landed harmlessly on the floor. Then Teggs gave the mammoth a whack on the back, crushing his collection of weapons.