Riding It Out

by Jennifer Foor

  FIND SHAWN

  I closed my eyes and looked away until I heard her gasping for air. In that moment I knew I had to get help. I ran toward my room where I found my phone and called for an ambulance. In the midst of despair Erica had woken up. As she rubbed the sleep from her eyes she realized that something was terribly wrong. “I’ve got to get back down there. Get dressed and let the paramedics in.”

  “What? Is it my mom?”

  I didn’t reply to her question, because I was too worried about the woman dying down the hall. I could hear the commotion as everyone in the house was now awake wondering what was going on. The dim fire horn let me know that an ambulance was about to be dispatched. I just had to make sure she held on until they arrived.

  Once I’d turned on the lights the little boy shot up in the bed. I could tell he was scared. He tossed off the headphones and watched as I checked his mother for signs of life. Her pulse was faint, and I knew that things didn’t look good. Blood was all around her face and pillow. She wasn’t lying about being near the end, and I struggled with how I was going to tell her Shawn was gone. The idea of my best friend’s son going to a boy’s home made me sick to my stomach. It was inevitable, because there wouldn’t be anyone else to care for him.

  I watched as he began tapping on his mother’s motionless body. “Mom, get up. Mom.” Tears fell from his eyes as he began to cry. “Is she dead?”

  “No, buddy. She’s not dead. She’s just real sick. The ambulance is coming to take her to the hospital.”

  “She ain’t got insurance.”

  The fact that he knew that meant he’d been around long enough to hear everything that was going on with his mother. “Who do you stay with when your mom goes to the doctor?”

  “My Sunday school teacher, Patty.”

  “Where does Patty live?”

  He shrugged. “At her parents house.”

  Patty was obviously a teenager. It hurt my heart that this woman had no one. One evening ride out with me had taken away her last hope. “Don’t worry, you can stay with us until your mom gets better.”

  Erica filled in behind me, suddenly realizing what was going on. She wasn’t even thinking how I’d discovered Melissa in this state, and for the moment I was content with doing whatever it took to ensure that this woman didn’t die right in front of her kid.

  The paramedics’ finally arrived and started working on her. After hearing them call into the hospital I already knew it didn’t look good. Her body was giving up, and it was only a matter of time.

  When they started taking her away I knew it was important to go with her. My mind wasn’t thinking that this was strange, or that Erica would want to know why I cared so much for this stranger. I’d have to give her a reason, but now wasn’t the time. “I need to follow them. He needs to stay with his mom,” I said, referring to the child being the reason.

  Erica nodded. She looked shocked, but not really at me. This woman looked like she was barely hanging on, which was a huge change from dinner. It didn’t help that there was spatters of coughed blood all over the bedding. “I’m coming with you.” She ran off to change her clothes.

  After we managed to get the boy’s coat on, and I found a pair of shoes for both of us, I picked him up and carried him to my truck. Once he was buckled in, and Erica had jumped in, the three of us followed the ambulance to the hospital.

  None of us said much on the way to Peninsula General. I felt like if I brought any of it up I’d be setting myself up for a fight later with my girlfriend. It was best that I left finding Melissa by chance.

  We sat in the waiting room for what seemed like hours. Finally a doctor came out saying a name we didn’t recognize, though the boy jumped right up. I stood to join him, waiting for the medical official to come over. Instead he waved us back and led us to her room. Before entering he stopped us. “I’m sure you’re aware of Mrs. Steadman’s condition. At this point it’s a waiting game. She could last throughout the night, but I don’t expect it to be much longer than that. I’m very sorry, but all we’ll be able to do is keep her comfortable in the meantime.” He pointed inside the room. “She’s awake, but highly medicated for pain. Adults can go in, but children aren’t permitted.”

  “He’s her son. Please. You’ve got to let him say goodbye.” I didn’t even realize that I had a hold of the boy by his shoulders. I felt like he needed me to help him, and hell or high water, I’d make damn sure he was able to see his mother alive one more time. “She’d want to talk to him, doc.”

  He looked to both sides and quickly rushed us inside the room. “Keep the door closed so they don’t see him. I don’t make the rules.”

  The three of us stood there looking at the woman in the hospital bed who was hooked up to all kinds of monitors. I watched her try to lift her hand in our direction, but she was too weak to get it more than a few inches in the air before it fell back down.

  Slowly I applied a little push to the boy’s back, forcing him to walk toward her. I could tell he was afraid, so I ducked down to be on eye level with him. “Look, kid, your mom’s not doing too good. She needs you to be strong. Do you hear me?”

  He nodded. “Like a soldier? My dad was a soldier.”

  I thought about Shawn for a minute, before answering. “Yes, like a soldier. Now, go on up there and tell her you love her.”

  I stood back and watched him make his way onto the side of the bed so he could see his mom. She was weak, but managed to ask him for a kiss, in which he did it. I placed my arm around Erica as we watched a mother speaking to her son for the last time. It was heart wrenching for anyone, but for me it had double the effect. If only Shawn were around to take care of his son. He’d know just what to say to the child, and how to proceed with building a relationship. I didn’t know the first thing about kids. Since my childhood consisted of shenanigans and being punished, I couldn’t even begin to understand what this kid had been through already. God only knows how long this poor woman had been fighting.

  “What’s going to happen to the child?” Erica whispered against my ear.

  I shrugged. “Social Services will come pick up the child after she’s gone. They’ll put him in a home and then place him in foster care. Hopefully he’ll get adopted by a good family, but some kids just don’t get dealt that lucky hand in life.”

  “That’s terrible. He’s going to lose everything,” she said as she leaned her head on my chest and began to cry. I held her while keeping my gaze on the child and his mother.

  I’m not real sure how long we stood there watching the boy communicating with his mom. They were both crying, making it very difficult to watch with a straight face. I’d been taught to hold in my emotions, but found this occasion extremely hard. Their last embrace was long. He climbed up and laid next to her, playing with the skin on her cheek. When I knew it was time I walked over and lifted him off the bed. I started to back away when I felt her touching the back of my arm. “Wait.”

  I sat the boy down and sent him over to stand with Erica. We were both strangers, but all the poor kid had at the moment. “What is it? What can we do?”

  “Shawn. Find Shawn.”

  I looked at Erica, who’d clearly heard the woman saying my name. Of course other people had the same name. I don’t know how, but it was clear Erica was putting things together, at least enough to know that I had some kind of connection with this woman. “I’ll do my best.”

  “Don’t let them take him away.” It was a broken whisper, but I heard her clearly. “Please.”

  “We’ll take care of him. He’s going to be fine,” I lied, because I honestly didn’t know.

  “Dominic.” That one word, that name, it never should have been spoken.

  Without regard for my girlfriend standing behind me, I leaned forward to hear the dying woman better. “Tell Shawn I’m sorry.”

  I closed my eyes to keep from looking into hers and seeing fear. “You’ll be with Shawn again, Melissa. I promise you that.”

&nbs
p; When the monitors started going off I knew we had to get the kid out of the room. He didn’t need that to be the last memory he had of his mother. It was bad enough that this was even part of his life.

  Erica didn’t say anything until we were back in the waiting area. Once I’d gotten the boy a drink from a machine, we all three sat down. “You told me you didn’t know her.” She wouldn’t look at me when she said it, and I knew she was hurt.

  “I didn’t know her. Not really. She was married my best friend a long time ago. Last night she asked if I’d seen him. I guess she had old military pictures of us.”

  “So that’s it? That’s all you’re hiding?”

  “I’m not…never mind, it’s not important right now.”

  She looked over at the boy. “You’re right. I hate to even think about how he’s feeling.”

  “According to Melissa there’s no one we can even call.”

  “What about her purse? The paramedics had it with them. It’s got to be in her room.” Erica had a point. Maybe there was an address book, or some family we could get in touch with.

  “One of us needs to stay here with him. Do you want to go, or should I?”

  She stood up and stretched, reminding me that it was in the wee hours of the morning. “I’ll go get the nurse to give it to me. Hopefully we can find something to help this kid.”

  From the moment she walked out of the room I knew something bad was going to happen, but I felt like it was going to be Melissa dying. I should have known better than to assume all would end up okay.

  I’d never been the person to have good luck.

  Chapter 9

  Almost an hour went by and I still hadn’t seen or heard from Erica. The child had fallen asleep in the chair next to me, and I didn’t have the heart to move in case he woke up. I remained there patiently waiting until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.

  A nurse tapping on my leg brought me back to reality. She spoke softly in order to not wake the child. “Mrs. Steadman passed away a couple minutes ago. Did you want to go in and see her one more time before they take the body away?”

  I peered down at the innocent, sleeping child and knew what the answer had to be. “No. I think it’s best if he doesn’t see that.”

  “Okay. I’m going to need you to fill out some papers. We were able to contact her oncologist a while ago, who sent us a copy of her records. I’m very sorry for your loss.”

  “I appreciate that. Honestly, I didn’t know her very well.”

  “Oh,” she looked shocked. “I assumed you were the boy’s father. Do you need us to call a representative from Social Services to come pick the child up. It’s normal protocol. They’ll track down the family and make sure the child is cared for in the meantime.”

  I don’t know why this information bothered me so much. Before I could answer I saw Erica walking back into the room. It was obvious she’d been crying, and I wondered if she’d just stayed with Melissa until she took her last breath. It never occurred to me that she could be crying for any other reason.

  “Sir, did you hear me? Shall I call Social Services?”

  “There’s no need,” Erica replied. Both me and the nurse turned in her direction. “The boy’s father is sitting right here. I have the birth certificate to prove it.”

  Fuck my life!

  Erica had gone through Melissa’s purse and found the kid’s birth certificate, which clearly said Shawn Reed was the father. Little did she know that I wasn’t really Shawn Reed, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to explain it to her.

  The nurse looked back at me confused. I shook my head, not knowing how to rationalize with everything that was happening. I sure as shit didn’t want the kid being picked up by anyone. I had one choice to make, and out of all the crap ones I’d made in my life it was time to put someone else before myself. Shawn had saved me. I owed him everything. If there was one thing I could do to pay him back for all of that it was being able to take care of his son. I could give the kid a good life, even if it ended up being just the two of us. As much as I loved Erica, I knew this was the right thing to do. “It’s true. He’s my responsibility. Why don’t you go fetch me those final papers and we’ll be out of your hair.”

  Erica waited until she left before throwing the purse with all it’s contents at my face. She then proceeded to walk out of the room with no explanation. I jumped up and ambled after her. “Erica, wait! Please…I can explain.”

  “Explain?” She turned around and stared. “Explain how you have a son? An ex wife?” She pointed to the purse. “It’s all there. All the certificates are there. How could you keep this from me? How could you lie about having a kid?”

  “I didn’t know.” That was the truth. “I swear to God I didn’t know about him.”

  “Shawn. His name is Shawn,” she declared. “He’s your name sake, yet you claim you knew nothing about him. “What about the wife? Did you forget about her too?”

  “It’s not what you think. Please. Let’s get this stuff taken care of, go home and then I’ll explain everything.” I attempted to grab her arm, but she refused me.

  “Don’t. I can’t even look at you right now. Nothing makes sense. I feel like my whole relationship has been built on lies.”

  I made a second attempt to touch her and got rejected again. “I’m going home. When you get there stay away from me. Sleep in one of the guest rooms. I’ll deal with you after my family leaves on Sunday.”

  “What about the kid?”

  “He’s your responsibility now. You figure it out.” She left the room, and I knew she wasn’t coming back. I’d never seen my girlfriend so distraught. Either way I looked at telling her the truth it would kill her, and any hopes I ever had of a relationship. We were doomed from the beginning. I knew better than to get my hopes up. Now I was stuck with a kid that wasn’t mine, all because I took my best friend’s name to start my life over. I deserved all of it.

  The nurse brought me all of the paperwork, avoiding eye contact with me as she led me through everything I had to sign off on. She explained what would happen next with the body, and asked if I wanted to pursue with making burial arrangements. Since I knew Shawn’s accounts could afford it, I figured it would have been what he’d want to do. Once I’d gotten the information for the local funeral director, I picked the boy up and waited for a ride.

  It was around ten by the time my neighbor Joe came to pick us up. He asked little questions when we climbed in the car, and I appreciated that more than he realized. Not only was I going to have to bury this kid’s mom, but I was also going to have to figure out whether I was going to live life being his father, or his uncle Dom. It was time to stop this charade once and for all. I think if I screwed up with this child Shawn and his mother would come back to life and murder me.

  Joe dropped us off at the house after I thanked him, and promised to come watch a football game on his new flat screen television. I wasn’t greeted by my girlfriend and her beautiful smile as we walked up on the porch. Before going inside I felt a tugging on my pant’s leg. “Where’s my mom? Did she go to heaven last night?”

  I crouched down to give him all of my attention. “Yeah, buddy. She did. God came and took her home last night.”

  He looked down and sniffled. “I want her to come back.”

  My eyes burned just imagining the pain he was going through. I’d never wished my best friend was around more than this moment. “I know, kid. I’m real sorry.”

  “I’m scared.”

  I pulled him into my arms and held him there, trying to come up with something I could say to help him. “You don’t have to be scared. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

  When I finally let go of the child he took a step back and just stared at me with his tear-filled eyes. “Are you my daddy?”

  Even though I wasn’t, I knew I was as close as he was ever going to get to the real one. I didn’t know the first thing about kids, but I’d die making sure this
one hurt for nothing. This was my brother’s son, and if he was looking down on us I wanted him to know that I had this under control. I’d accept this mission, because I owed it to him. I carried the legacy that little guy needed to hang on to. “Would you be upset if I said I was?”

  He shook his head.

  “How about we get you some pancakes? We can talk about everything else after you get food in that belly.”

  It hadn’t hit me yet that I was taking on the responsibility of raising a four-year old, or what I’d be giving up to do it. My only concern was little Shawn.

  Walking inside of my home and feeling unwelcomed was an eye opener. Erica was coming down the stairs. Her eyes were bloodshot, and I could tell she’d been crying since we’d parted at the hospital. With the little boy’s hand in mine I couldn’t exactly stop to argue with her about the lies. “Babe,” was all I got out before she turned away and headed into the kitchen.

  I wasted no time following her, dragging the child with me with no regard for who might be waiting in the next room. Two sets of eyes were on us when we entered the room.

  I didn’t know if they knew his mother had passed away, or even if Erica and I were probably over. All I knew was that I had more important things to worry about than their opinions. “This guy is starving. Do you think we could whip up some pancakes?”

  All of a sudden Erica slid a plate across the counter stacked high with hot cakes. She didn’t look at me before turning back to the sink, and I didn’t address the elephant in the room as I grabbed the maple syrup and led the boy over to the dining room table.

  Right away Tabitha and her mother followed him in the room and started giving the boy attention, offering to watch movies with him after he was finished eating. While they seem to be interested in the kid, I took advantage of Erica being alone.

  She was washing dishes with silent tears running down her cheeks. While no one was looking I reached over and caught one. She pulled away, but when our eyes met it was too late for her to do anything. “We need to talk,” I whispered.