It's Nothing Personal

by Gorman MD, Sherry

  Inexplicably, Jenna felt safe in the presence of these strangers.

  Jenna stood and shook Nancy’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you. And please, both of you call me Jenna.”

  Jim and Nancy each took a seat across from Jenna. Jim asked for copies of both of the letters Jenna had received regarding Michelle Hollings, which she quickly handed over. Picking up the telephone, Jim buzzed for one of his legal assistants. Within minutes, a tall, blonde woman entered the conference room.

  “Jenna, this is Melanie Johansen, one of our paralegals. She’ll be assisting us on your case.”

  Jenna smiled politely at the woman. “Nice to meet you.”

  Handing over the letters to Melanie, Jim asked, “Can you make copies for the three of us and start Dr. Reiner’s case file?”

  The notion of having her own case file sent a chill through Jenna. She could already envision the spines on three-ring binders dedicated to her, “Michelle Hollings v. Dr. Jenna Reiner.” Anyone who saw one sitting around would know that Jenna was the accused.

  Minutes later, Melanie returned with the requested copies. She handed them to Jim and left. “Just let me know if you need anything else,” Melanie said, softly closing the door behind her.

  Jim distributed the copies. The three of them sat for several minutes in silence, as Jim and Nancy read the letters. Jenna felt uneasy with nothing to occupy her time. Nervously, she took a gulp of tea, burning the roof of her mouth on the piping hot drink. Feeling foolish, she tried to ignore the pain.

  Finally, Jim looked up at Jenna and asked, “The first thing I want to know is how are you holding up through all this?”

  Jenna plastered on a tight smile. However, her bravado soon vanished. Stunned by Jim’s compassion, she felt her defenses dissolve. Gazing down at the table, tracing a grain of the wood with her finger, Jenna said quietly, “Not so good.”

  Jim continued gently, “Can you tell me what ‘not so good’ means?”

  “Well,” Jenna sighed, “to begin with, never having been sued before, I have absolutely no idea what to expect. Beyond that, I feel like a failure. I’m scared to death. I can’t sleep. I can’t concentrate. I’m falling apart.”

  A tear traced a line down Jenna’s cheek. She was too embarrassed to meet her lawyers’ gaze. They could hear the disgrace in her voice, but they did not need to see it in her face. “I’m filled with such incredible guilt. The thought that I may have filled my patient’s blood with a deadly disease, even if I didn’t know it – it’s killing me. It’s like waking up in the hospital and finding out the red light you ran resulted in killing the other driver.”

  Jenna’s voice became shaky, and mascara collected in dark pools below her eyes. Nancy passed her a tissue box. Jenna accepted it gratefully and wiped away the black smudges.

  Jim paused for a moment, making sure Jenna was finished before he spoke. “Jenna, all these things that you’re feeling are completely normal. Being sued is one of the most traumatic things that can happen to a physician. Our job is to get you through it and to help you make the best decisions along the way.

  “As of right now, for the record, you are not formally being sued. However, we expect those papers to be filed by the patient’s attorneys with the court any time now. This is not going to go away. I think our job today should be to get to know each other. Does that sound okay?”

  Something about the calm manner in which Jim conducted himself helped Jenna regain her composure. She raised her head and nodded.

  Nancy spoke for the first time since her introduction to Jenna. “I know our world is completely foreign to you, so I want to make sure that you understand some important fundamentals. First of all, anything you say to either of us is confidential. Secondly, even if we ask you a question where you think we may not like the answer, please be honest with us. When defendants lie, they get in trouble. They tell so many lies, they can’t keep them straight, and then they get caught. The truth is easy to remember, so don’t forget that.

  “Another really important thing for you to understand is that this is all about money. It’s not about justice or the truth. The law firm that the patient has retained is notoriously merciless. They don’t play nice, and they don’t play fair. You need to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for that right now. If you don’t, I guarantee it will destroy you. They are going to say terrible things about you. Just remember, it’s nothing personal.”

  Nancy’s warning startled Jenna, sending a jolt through her. She had not known what to expect, but she certainly did not expect this.

  Although Jenna feared the answer, she asked, “So, what should I anticipate from here on out?”

  Jim spoke, “I wish I could give you a detailed schedule or timeline, but it usually doesn’t work like that. I can tell you that lawsuits are best characterized by peaks and valleys. There will be months where very little seems to happen. Then, out of the blue, we’ll inundate you with requests for documents, affidavits, and meetings. I would expect things to be pretty low-key for a while. If you ever have any questions or just need to talk, call us. We will email you all of our contact information, including our cell phone numbers. Never be afraid to use them. Deal?”

  “Deal.” Although Jenna appreciated her attorneys’ offer, their twenty-four-hour availability brought her little comfort.

  The meeting ended, and Jenna somberly exited the mammoth building. Instead of returning to her car, she tried to clear her head by walking around the busy downtown streets. Jenna’s mind was a million miles away as she blended with the crowds of workers, shoppers, and city-dwellers. Aimlessly stepping off the curb to cross the street, Jenna walked directly into the path of an oncoming taxi. The driver slammed on his brakes to avoid hitting her. Tires screeched, and the rusted bumper of the yellow cab stopped only inches short of striking Jenna. The angry cabby honked and raised his arms. Jenna looked right through him. She was not sure whether she should be grateful that he avoided killing her or angry that she was spared.

  CHAPTER 16

  After Jim and Nancy escorted Jenna to the elevator, they returned to their conference room. Once inside, Jim refilled each of their mugs with hot coffee. Nancy dropped a cube of sugar into hers, while Jim flopped into one of the leather chairs.

  “So, what do you think?” he asked, leaning back with his hands clasped behind his head.

  Nancy dissolved the sugar with a stirring straw, watching the rich black fluid swirl in her cup like a miniature tornado.

  Carefully slurping her hot coffee, she replied, “My first impression is that I like her.”

  “Me too,” Jim said. He and Nancy had been friends for years, but it never ceased to amaze him how similarly their minds worked. It was part of what made them such a good team.

  Nancy kicked her shoes off underneath the table. It had been an exhausting day. She enjoyed this small reprieve. Taking a moment to collect her thoughts, Nancy pictured Jenna sitting at the conference table. She had the appearance of a little girl in a fancy restaurant who was trying valiantly to mind her manners.

  Completely at ease, Nancy spoke candidly. “Jenna is not your typical doctor, not by any stretch of the imagination. For the past twenty years, how many doctors have we seen who have been thrust into the role of defendant? Hundreds? Of those, I can’t remember one that hasn’t arrived dressed professionally, like they would for their clinic days. Most of them exude confidence – usually too much so. They try to take control of the meeting, dictate its course. When asked direct questions, they give away very little information and certainly nothing more than is absolutely necessary. Honesty doesn’t always come easily to a doctor whose medical license is on the line.”

  Jim reflected on some of the more pompous physicians he and Nancy had defended over the years. She was right. Many of them were distasteful.

  Nancy continued, “Jenna, on the other hand, is completely unassuming. She shows up wearing khaki capris, a modest T-shirt, and strappy sandals. If I met her in public, the last
thing I’d guess about her is that she’s a physician. I like her humility and her honesty. You asked her how she’s doing, and she let you know.”

  “I agree,” responded Jim. “She didn’t seem to hold anything back. It was refreshing.”

  Nancy rubbed her temples, straining not to forget a single impression. “Right now, I think she’s scared out of her mind. I get the feeling that she is barely holding it together. The way her voice quivered when she spoke and her unsteady hands tells me she’s close to the edge. At times, she almost seemed like an abused dog, you know? Like when you reach out to show her kindness, her instinct is to pull back before she gets smacked.”

  “I picked up on that, too,” Jim said. “I don’t think she ever imagined finding herself facing this type of situation, and I think she’s overwhelmed. On the other hand, I do believe she is one of the more virtuous physicians we’ve met in a while. Of course, her instinct is self-preservation, but she doesn’t forget the others involved. I think in spite of what she fears for herself, a big part of her grieves for the patient.”

  Nancy nodded as she leaned back in her chair, nibbling on the tip of her pen. “I see things the same way. It’s obvious Jenna feels genuinely awful about her patient becoming infected.”

  “It sure is,” Jim said, taking off his reading glasses and placing them on the table. Unbuttoning the cuffs on his shirt, he rolled up his sleeves while he reflected on the doctor. After a few moments, he put his spectacles back on and said thoughtfully, “Jenna’s an interesting contradiction of vulnerability and feistiness. I think we are going to have to be very careful how we deal with her throughout this lawsuit. I wouldn’t go so far as to call her fragile. She never would have survived the rigors of medical school and residency if she had paper-thin skin. I only hope we can exploit her inner strength.”

  “Me too.” Nancy stretched her arms above her head and yawned.

  Jim smiled warmly at his colleague and trusted friend. “Why don’t we call it a night? Tell your husband I’m sorry for keeping you late. I owe him a beer.”

  Nancy laughed as she stood to leave. “He’s keeping track, Jim. At this point, you owe him a brewery.”

  CHAPTER 17

  Over the course of several weeks, Jenna became increasingly glum. One night, after Mia had gone to sleep, Tom found Jenna huddled up on the couch, her head resting on Ginger’s soft fur. The only light in the room came from the muted television. Tom sat next to Jenna, but she did not notice his presence. He reached over and took her hand. Only then did she lift her head.

  “Jenna, are you going to be okay?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Tom’s patience was fading. He had tired of Jenna’s sulking. In his mind, her period of mourning needed to come to a conclusion.

  Exasperated, Tom said, “I don’t understand why you are internalizing this so much. You should be pissed. I mean, REALLY PISSED! Some sick, drug-addicted skank decides that not only is she going to steal your drugs to get high, but she’s also going to leave her dirty virus in a syringe to be used on patients. I bet Hillary Martin probably sat there and watched you and the other doctors push the plunger. Maybe that gave her a rise, too.”

  “Tom,” Jenna shouted, losing control, “I’m not you! Just because you would get pissed off, doesn’t mean I’d do the same! I’m too sad to be angry right now.”

  He barked back, “Jenna, I’m sick of it. You’re like a ghost. You barely talk to me. We hardly even touch. You go through the motions of being a mother, and that’s it. Mia misses you. She’s been crying herself to sleep lately, wanting to know when you’ll be happy again. Honestly, I don’t have an answer for her. I can’t stand watching you mope around all the time. You need to realize that you did not commit this crime! If you keep it up and continue to carry on this way, people are going to start to think that maybe you are guilty. You better snap out of it. If you don’t, you are going to screw yourself and, very possibly, our family!”

  The thought of her daughter sobbing every night upset Jenna more than anything else Tom had said. His selfish inference to their waning sex life infuriated her. Feeling anger build up inside her, Jenna was grateful that Mia was a sound sleeper, and her bedroom door was shut.

  Her upper lip curled, and she snarled, “Tom, how could you possibly understand anything about this? You have never had someone else’s life in your hands! You didn’t invest over twelve years trudging through college, medical school, and residency, just to end up here! I’ve been accused of doing something that could end up killing an innocent person. Tell me, how could you possibly relate to that? So am I angry about it? Absolutely! But mostly I’m hurt, devastated, ashamed, humiliated, sorry, and petrified. Every bad thing you could imagine – that’s what I feel. Don’t you dare tell me how to act! What I need, more than anything, is for you to listen, let me cry, and let me vent. Most of all, I need you to make me feel protected.”

  Without saying another word, Jenna stood, stormed into their bedroom, and slammed the door shut. It was the first time she had ever walked out on Tom. Her heart pounded in her chest. Jenna went into their bathroom and examined her reflection in the mirror. She was a shadow of her former self. Her eyes were perpetually bloodshot, and her face was tarnished by a seemingly permanent frown. Jenna reached into the top drawer and pulled out her bottle of Ambien. She twisted off the top and flung it carelessly onto the floor. Turning the bottle to the side, Jenna tapped out three of the tablets – triple her usual dose – and downed them with a gulp of water. She stood gazing into the mirror, sobbing, as the pills eventually took effect. The room began to spin, and objects became fuzzy. Like a drunken sailor, she staggered to her bed, fell on top of it, and passed out. Jenna slept in her clothes. Tom never joined her that night.

  The next morning, she woke up feeling hazy and confused. With the residual Ambien still coursing through her bloodstream, Jenna forced herself to get ready for work. She showered, dressed, softly kissed Mia goodbye as she slept, and then left the house without speaking to Tom.

  Jenna stopped at Starbucks, bought two cups of coffee, and drove to work in silence. When she pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, she had absolutely no recollection of the drive.

  CHAPTER 18

  In spite of two more cups of coffee between cases, at lunchtime Jenna remained lethargic. There was a short gap before her next case, and she seized the opportunity to grab some food. While waiting for an elevator, she heard a woman calling her name.

  “Hey, Jenna, wait up.”

  Jenna instantly recognized the cheerful voice. It was Katharine Harper. Katharine and Jenna had been friends since medical school. Although Katharine chose to specialize in critical care medicine and Jenna in anesthesiology, the women had remained chummy throughout their careers. Katharine Harper was driven to succeed. Although she was an African American woman in a field dominated by Caucasian males, from the beginning of her career Katharine had set out to prove herself. However, years spent within the confines of the hospital had added gray hair to her head and extra weight to her mid-section. Even so, she had an easy-going nature and a twinkle in her wide, brown eyes that drew people in. To Jenna, Katharine’s appeal was her bright personality and her unshakable integrity.

  After years of hard work, Katharine had achieved the position of Medical Staff President of St. Augustine.

  Jenna was certain that Katharine knew about Michelle Hollings. After all, Katharine had been intimately involved with the Hillary Martin scandal from its onset. Jenna’s shame brought on a burning sensation in the pit of her stomach.

  In an instant, Katharine was behind Jenna with her warm, soft hand on Jenna’s shoulder. Jenna inhaled, attempted a smile, and turned to face her colleague. At that moment, the elevator doors opened, and both doctors stepped inside. The doors shut, and it was only the two of them. Katharine looked at Jenna with compassion and asked softly, “Is something wrong?”

  The walls were closing in on Jenna. “Of course not. I just didn’t s
leep very well last night. Tom and I got into a fight.”

  “Did you kick his butt?” Katharine teased, jabbing Jenna lightly in the ribs.

  The elevator doors opened, and Jenna’s eyes filled with tears. Before she could get away, Katharine grabbed her hand and said, “Walk with me.”

  Jenna, stunned by Katharine’s brash gesture, did as she was told. Katharine escorted Jenna outside. It was late summer, and the air was still warm and enticing. Katharine pulled her over to a wrought iron bench situated below a maple tree, full of green leaves that rustled in the breeze.

  Glancing around nervously, Jenna was relieved to see they were alone. Katharine was staring at her. Jenna wanted to look away but, out of respect, she could not. Then Katharine said the words that Jenna feared, “Jenna, I know.”

  “You know what?” Jenna asked innocently.

  “Jenna, I know every doctor out there who has an infected patient. I’ve seen the list, I know that you’re on it, and I’m so sorry. I meant to call, but I’d much rather talk to you in person. You don’t look so good, my friend.”

  In response to Katharine’s observation, Jenna turned her head. She could not allow Katharine to see her tears. However, the sound of her whimpers gave her away. Katharine spun Jenna around. Jenna raised her hands to her face, attempting to hide her shame.

  She quivered, “I’m not supposed to talk to you or anyone else about this. Only my attorneys and Tom.”

  “Well,” said Katharine authoritatively, “I’m here to tell you – screw that. You’re a mess. You look like crap. This is obviously weighing on you. Heavily. From what I see, it doesn’t look like your lawyers or your husband are all that you need. Right now, you also need a good friend, someone who truly gets it.

  “Let me tell you something. I’ve been sued before, too. I know what it can do to you. I know what it did to me. I also happen to have the inside scoop. There are certain things I can’t talk about, but there’s one thing I can tell you. You may feel like you’re the only one standing out there in front of the firing squad. Let me reassure you, you have plenty of company, and it runs the gamut. There are excellent and not-so-excellent doctors who are on the list. Hillary Martin did not discriminate.”