Mike Faricy - Devlin Haskell 07 - Ting-A-Ling

by Mike Faricy

  I nodded.

  “You did your bit and then got a quick glimpse of la-la land from that Danielle chick this morning. Take that for what it’s worth. Her reaction was to not take your advice even though you told her a much better way to deal with the situation. Plan B, having you tell Paris he owed her money didn’t work. No surprise there. Her way of dealing with that is to blame you. She’s never had to work for anything, she most likely never will, and she’s never made a mistake, just ask her. You need to do two things. First, consider it a profitable little venture that you are thankfully finished with. Then second, move on. As awful as it may sound, you should call your buddy at that insurance company and see if he has more files you can check references on.”

  “Oh, God, talk about a long day.”

  “Yeah, that you got paid for while you sat in the comfort of the office making an occasional phone call. In between times you could continue to leer at women out on the street. Oh, and not have to worry about the likes of Detective Norris Manning.”

  “Don’t confuse me with the facts,” I said and climbed off my stool.

  “Hey, come on, I’ll buy a round, it’s my turn,” Louie said.

  “You’re right it is. In fact, it’s way past your turn, but I’m heading home. I’ll see you in the morning,” I said and threw a twenty on the bar.

  “You’re not pissed off, are you?”

  “No, sage advice, Louie, thanks. I get it. I’m just gonna head home and watch a flick or something. But, I’ll take a rain check on that drink, pal.”

  “Suit yourself,” Louie said, then drained his glass and signaled Mike for another refill.

  I pulled my gloves on as I went out the door. God, it was cold. That polar vortex thing could leave the region anytime and it would be okay with me. At this hour of the night traffic was usually heavy enough that you could see a headlight or two coming toward you in either direction. Tonight, there was nothing, the streets were quiet. One car was idling across the street and up a half-dozen doors behind the Lincoln. I figured the owner would run out the door and jump in once the car was warm. Other than an idling vehicle, it was dead on the street. I guessed everyone was doing what I was about to do. Hunker down under a fleece blanket in front of the TV.

  I crossed the intersection at an angle, against the red light, not that it made any difference without anyone on the road. I pulled my collar up, hunched my shoulders and wished I’d worn a cap. I exhaled inside my jacket, hoping my breath would keep me warm. I prayed the heater would work in the Lincoln on the way home.

  I pulled a glove off and fished the car keys out of my jacket pocket. The cold air was hurting my hand and I half trotted toward the Lincoln. The car halfway up the block pulled away from the curb and started down the street. I heard the engine accelerate as it came toward me. I could tell by the sound of the engine the vehicle was picking up speed, the sound from the engine whined higher and higher. I looked up and the guy hadn’t switched his headlights on.

  I waved my arm to signal I was standing out in the street as I started to open the car door, expecting the vehicle to veer toward the center of the road. It didn’t. Instead, it zeroed in on me and the pitch of the engine suddenly sounded like the guy had floored it.

  It was one of those nano-second decisions that seem to move in slow motion. There wasn’t time to make it inside the Lincoln. I let go of the door, hopped a step or two and dove head first over the hood just as the vehicle side swiped the Lincoln. Fear is a powerful motivator. I was in mid-air going over the far side of the hood when the Lincoln caught me at about the knees and spun me up and around in mid-air. I sort of turned and bounced off the trunk of the Lincoln as it shot past me, then landed behind the thing half in the street. I was vaguely aware of taillights lighting up and then quickly fading from view.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  “Are you kidding? No, Mr. Romantic over there took me to a nude beach with a pitcher of margaritas which he proceeded to drink while he told me he didn’t need sun screen. He got so sun-burned I couldn’t touch him for the rest of the trip.”

  My eyes were closed, but I knew it was Heidi’s voice. The laughter sounded maybe like Louie and some women I didn’t recognize.

  “They always think they know better.” One of the women chuckled.

  I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. The walls in the room were some sort of off-white. There was a steel track in the ceiling with a curtain hanging from it. Apparently I was in a hospital bed, and it looked like I was attached to some sort of monitor. I wiggled my toes and then my fingers. I moved my head slowly from side to side.

  As I slowly raised my knees a voice said, “Well, look who’s come around. How are we doing, Mr. Haskell?” A nurse walked into view and looked me over. She was older than me, with salt and pepper hair in a short sort of bob cut. As she spoke she adjusted the stethoscope from around her neck and laid it on my chest.

  “What happened…”

  “Just a minute, please. Okay?” she said not really asking for my permission. She waited a long moment, then placed the stethoscope against my neck and turned her wrist so she could check her watch.

  “Where…”

  “Almost finished here.” Then another long moment as she continued to stare at her watch. “Now,” she said, then pulled the stethoscope out of her ears and let it hang around her neck. She held up her hand and raised the index finger. Her fingernail was neatly trimmed and polish free. “How many fingers?”

  “One.”

  “Good, you can count. Now, follow my finger with your eyes. Don’t turn your head. No, I said don’t turn your head. Yes, that’s it, much better and up and down and back, yes and forth, yes. How are we feeling?”

  I did a quick assessment. “I think okay. Maybe a little banged up on my right leg. My elbows hurt, but I can bend them.” And then did.

  “You’re a lucky man, Mr. Haskell.”

  Her nametag read E. Bauer. I wondered if she was possibly related to Heidi?

  “Must have been a drunk driver,” Louie chirped in from the back of the room.

  “You doing okay, Dev?” Heidi asked and stepped into view.

  “I think I’ve had sunburns that were worse,” I said.

  “Oh, so you remember Puerto Vallarta?” Heidi said and stood behind the nurse.

  Everyone sort of chuckled.

  “I’ll alert our consultant. I’d say he’ll be going home early this afternoon,” the nurse said to Heidi.

  “Thanks, Eve, you’ve been great,” Heidi said and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

  “We’re just happy to get him out of here.” The nurse chuckled. “Give my best to your Mom,” she said and left the room with a younger nurse in tow.

  “Louie, go back to the office and get my…”

  “Stop right there, Mister. You’re not in charge here,” Heidi said. “Louie, I’ll give you a call once I get him home. It might be hours before we’re released here. No sense in everyone wasting their time. I’m going down to the cafeteria and get a yogurt and some fruit for you, Dev. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  “Bacon and some pancakes would be better,” I said.

  “I don’t think so. I’ll call you when he’s home,” she said to Louie and marched off in the direction of the cafeteria.

  Louie waited a long minute after the door closed. Then he cautiously approached my bed. “What the hell happened, Dev? It couldn’t have been more than sixty seconds from when you left The Spot. Some drunk driver?”

  “You mean one of your clients?” I half joked, but cut off my chuckle as a wave of pain stabbed across my chest.

  “I don’t know, maybe. Just glad you’re okay. Sorry to say, I think your car is probably toast.”

  “The Lincoln?”

  “What’s left of it. A good portion of th
e driver’s side is torn off. The door was out in the intersection. The force of the collision pushed your car into the concrete bus bench, so your radiator and engine were kind of where the front seat used to be. Windshield’s gone.”

  “That wasn’t any drunk driver, Louie. That car was waiting for me when I came out of The Spot.”

  “Waiting for you?”

  “There wasn’t a car on the street last night when I left. I saw this car parked at the curb halfway up the block, engine running. Figured they were just warming up or something. Next thing I know the damn car takes off and comes barreling down the street, heading directly for me with its lights off.”

  “Didn’t they see you?”

  “That’s what I’m saying, they did see me. They tried to run me down. Tried to kill me.”

  “Kill you? God, then you’re awfully damn lucky, Dev.”

  “Maybe.”

  “Any idea who? Or why? Was it someone’s husband?”

  “No to your first two questions and I don’t think so to your third,” I said.

  “Okay, enough business, boys. Nothing that can’t wait. Louie, go do something productive. Dev, here, start to eat healthy. I got a yogurt and here’s a cranberry juice for you, it will help keep you hydrated.”

  “What do you have?” I asked. Heidi was holding a small white Styrofoam carton in her left hand and as discreetly as possible behind her back.

  “You know I just love cinnamon rolls,” she said.

  “Yeah, I know that. So do I. You didn’t get me one?”

  “Don’t start, Dev. Louie, don’t you have something you should be doing?”

  “I got a court appearance at one. Dev, it shouldn’t go longer than twenty or thirty minutes. Give me a call when you’re ready to talk.”

  “Thanks, Louie,” I said.

  “Bye, Louie, thank you,” Heidi said through a mouthful of cinnamon roll.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  “God, thanks for bringing this,” I said and took another bite of my pizza slice.

  “No problemo,” Louie said. “I never knew your pal Heidi was into the whole health food kick.”

  “Believe me, she isn’t. She just did that to yank my chain and lord it over me. Thank God she had a meeting this afternoon. I was afraid she was gonna make me go outside for a walk.”

  “It’s fifteen below, Dev.”

  “Yeah, she would have just chalked that up to fresh air. I did get her to drive me past the office on the way home, just to see if I could figure anything out.”

  “And?”

  “Other than the wrecked bus stop bench and some glass on the street, there wasn’t that much to see.”

  “Yeah, your deal happened maybe about eight last night. I’ll bet everything was cleaned up and hauled away before eleven. Paramedics had you out of there before the second squad car made it to the scene. You are just so damn lucky, Dev. This could have been a hell of a lot worse.”

  “You kidding? The Lincoln’s totaled.”

  “Yeah, and you’re here to tell the story, so shut up. I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier, that they were waiting for you. Any ideas who?”

  “Not really. When Heidi drove me past I think I figured out where that car was waiting. I was guessing a half dozen doors up the block, I actually counted eight.”

  “If that’s the case, that they were waiting for you, you’re damn lucky they didn’t catch you out in the open.”

  “Yeah. I don’t know, maybe they didn’t recognize me at first. Maybe they were asleep or screwing with the radio. Anyway, a couple of seconds earlier and they would have caught me just standing there in the middle of the intersection.”

  “And no one comes to mind?”

  “A long shot, Paris.”

  “That’s pretty thin. I’m thinking there’s an awfully good chance he was roasted in that fire at Casey’s.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  “What about your former employer?”

  I gave Louie a blank look.

  “The princess, that Danielle Roxbury,” he said, then stuffed the rest of a pizza slice into his mouth.

  “She’s definitely looney enough, but I can’t see her actually getting her hands dirty and doing it, let alone having the ability to effectively flee the scene. If it had been her she’d have done something completely psycho, like backing up and coming at me again. Then she’d get out of the car, say she was sorry and ask if I was all right.”

  “Maybe she hired someone.”

  “Yeah, but it would have been on short notice. I don’t know. Would she have a contact like that? Maybe. I couldn’t determine what kind of car it was, other than black or maybe dark green or blue. It did seem to be a newer model and not some old beater.”

  “Maybe stolen?” Louie said. He grabbed the last piece of pizza, held it up over his head, tilted back and snapped up the bottom half.

  I watched him chew.

  “You talk to the police yet?”

  “No, I think they had me medicated pretty fast last night. Heidi, acting as Nurse Ratched this morning, probably sprung me loose before they had a chance to interview me. I’m guessing they’ll want to talk. They’ll most likely phone, but that could be days from now. Not that I could tell them anything. Well, unless Manning gets hold of this, in which case I’ll probably be charged with jaywalking, obstructing traffic, or even reckless driving if he could find a way to do that.”

  “Remember the other night? When you locked your keys in the car?”

  “God, how could I forget? Damn near died of exposure walking home.”

  “You said you thought someone was following you. Maybe it was the same guy last night?”

  “Yeah, maybe. But if it was, he had an entirely different car. That car I thought was following me was some sort of nondescript thing, silver or gray. I got a halfway decent look at it. This maniac last night, like I said I didn’t get a good look, but I know for a fact it was some dark color.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Heidi was back just before six. She dropped her red suitcase by the front stairs and carried a grocery bag out to the kitchen.

  I slowly got off the couch and followed her.

  She pulled a white plastic bag out of the brown paper grocery bag. The plastic bag held five little white carryout food containers. She arranged the containers, one next to the other according to height then using the edge of her hands pushed them into a straight line. “There, dinner is served. Get some plates and silverware out,” she said then reached back into the grocery bag and pulled out a bottle of Prosecco.

  “Prosecco?”

  “Don’t go there, Dev,” she said and handed me the bottle. “Besides, you shouldn’t even be drinking. Here, open this for me while I get a glass.”

  “You know I don’t like this stuff.”

  “Amazingly, I didn’t really have you in mind when I picked it up. Well, other than it might help me get through an evening of babysitting over here.”

  “You know what it does to you. Every time you drink this stuff you…”

  “You’re supposed to rest up and take it easy, anyway, cranky. Doctor’s orders. And since you’ve got the energy to complain, once you’ve got my Prosecco opened you could take my suitcase upstairs. The guestroom,” she instructed.

  I looked up from the Prosecco cork. “I thought I was supposed to take it easy. Now I’m hauling stuff up a flight of stairs?”

  “Don’t even start,” she said and pulled a champagne flute down from the cupboard.

  After dinner, we settled in for a quiet evening with me reading on the couch while Heidi watched Clueless for the fifth or sixth time.

  “Just don’t wreck this movie with any of your jerky comments. Okay?”

  I looked
up from my book and smiled.

  “Just don’t, Dev,” she said, then reached for the bottle and topped off her champagne flute with more Prosecco.

  I bit my tongue and wondered how such an intelligent individual could ever be entertained by such drivel. There wasn’t even a car chase scene. When the movie finally finished Heidi had both her legs curled up beneath her with her arms wrapped around one of the pillows from the couch.

  “You want a drink? I need a Jameson.”

  “The hospital said you’re not supposed to have any alcohol.”

  “I’m having a Jameson. Do you want anything?”

  “I might have a little martini if you have any vodka.”

  I stopped at one Jameson. We chatted for maybe a half hour before we went upstairs. Heidi was leaning against the door frame as I got undressed. I heard her catch her breath when I took my shirt off. I gave an obvious wince as I pulled my T-shirt over my head.

  “Oh Dev, honey, you’re all banged up. You look like you were in a bomb…” she caught herself.

  “Yeah, leave it to me to find the only IED in St. Paul.”

  It was supposed to be funny, along with my earlier complaints. I was making a play for her to climb in bed with me, but all of a sudden I snapped. “Someone tried to kill me, Heidi. They tried to kill me. I don’t know who. I don’t know why. What if the other guys had been there?”

  I knew where this was going. I’d be hearing helicopters in about fifteen seconds, having a flashback and crawling under the bed if I didn’t snap out of it. Suddenly, there she was with her arms around me, telling me not to worry and that I didn’t do anything wrong and everything was okay. Everyone was safe, we all made it.

  She held me and kept telling me, “Everyone is safe, Dev. It’s okay. They’re all okay.”

  She still had her arms around me when her snoring woke me up. We were under my duvet. Heidi was naked and I still had my jeans on. I laid there for a few minutes, mentally shaking my head for being such a big baby. I quietly climbed out of bed. I caught my reflection in the mirror and I had to admit I looked pretty bad, more black and blue than not. I gingerly pulled on a shirt and sweater, then glanced back at Heidi.