by Lacey London
Jabbing at the computer screen, she clacks at the keys frantically before bringing up a webpage. ‘From what I can gather, the procedure is pretty simple and straightforward…’
I frown at the screen as I take in a number of words that sound anything but simple and straightforward.
‘I would carry the baby, of course, so it would purely be a case of firing out an egg and then Owen and I would do the rest.’
She is talking so animatedly that I can’t gather my thoughts. I guess it sounds simple enough. A quick outpatient procedure and I can give Owen and Eve the gift of life. I mean, I’m not exactly thrilled about the idea of having a needle jabbed into my ovary, but what’s a little pain in the grand scheme of things?
‘No one would need to know, if you would prefer it to be that way, it could be our little secret.’
I nod in response and feel a frisson of excitement as I try to picture the prospect of giving my friend an actual baby. I could give them the final piece of the jigsaw that they have been yearning for so long. With one simple yes I could change their lives forever.
‘You and Oliver have the most beautiful child in all the world. You’re both healthy, you don’t smoke, you’re in good shape… and let’s face it, neither of you are bad to look at.’
I can’t believe that I am actually contemplating doing this. What will Oliver say? Not being able to resist letting out a nervous giggle, I look down at my wedding ring and smile.
‘What do you say?’ Eve presses, clasping her hands to her cheeks and crossing her fingers. ‘Will you be my chicken?’
Not wanting to commit to anything right now, I rub my face and exhale sharply. ‘I’m going to need to think about it, is that OK?’
Her smile wavers a little, but she nods her head violently. ‘Yes, of course that is OK…’ Furiously blinking back tears, she pastes a smile on her face as the door chime rings in the other room.
‘So sorry I’m late!’ Dawn’s voice floats into the workshop and I position myself in front of the computer screen. ‘You won’t believe this, but I actually had a really good time!’
‘Oh, we can believe it.’ Spinning around, I smile as Dawn bustles her way into the store room with her arms laden with bags. ‘What’s with all the shopping?’
She dumps the mountain of plastic onto the floor and shakes off her coat. ‘Hugh insisted on helping me to choose an outfit for Thursday. He’s a buyer for Vision! Did I tell you that?’
‘Only three times.’ I exchange sideways glances with Eve and poke my nose into one of her bags before nodding approvingly. ‘Very nice.’
‘What’s happening on Thursday night?’ Eve asks, discreetly closing down the internet tabs on the computer.
‘Oh, erm… Hugh is taking me to the theatre.’ She tries to say this as nonchalantly as possible, but no matter how hard she tries she can’t stop her cheeks from flushing pink.
‘Aren’t you working Thursday afternoon?’ Eve muses, flipping through the rota on her desk.
‘Oh, sugar…’ Dawn leans against the wall and sighs. ‘I completely forgot.’
Eve taps her pen on the rota, clearly trying to juggle things around so that Dawn can go to the ball. Deciding to take one for the team, I roll my eyes and turn to face Eve.
‘I’ll cover for her.’
‘You will?’ Dawn squeals loudly and claps her hands together.
‘I will.’
‘Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!’ Throwing her arms around my neck, she buries her face in my hair and smothers me in kisses. ‘You’re a superstar!’
Fighting her hair out of my mouth, I look over my shoulder at Eve and wink.
‘Well, what are friends for?’
Friends are like flowers,
they fill the world with beauty…
Chapter 9
Striding down the street, I wrap my scarf around my nose as the wind lashes against my face. What started as a bright and sunny day has unfortunately transpired into a pretty miserable evening. The sun is firmly shielded behind a mountain of grey cloud and even though the temperature is quite pleasant, there’s a sharp backwind that is wickedly whipping though the air. Despite the terrible weather, I haven’t been able to wipe the silly grin off my face all day. Ever since my conversation with Eve, I have been just itching to get home to Oliver so I can tell him all about it. He’s going to be so made up, I just know it!
Feeling my mobile vibrate in my coat pocket, I stop in my tracks and jab at the screen. No doubt this is Eve with yet another quote about love, friendship and the beauty of giving. To be honest, I’m surprised Dawn hasn’t clocked that something is going on between us. From giving me spontaneous back massages to offering up her last Rolo, Eve has made it quite clear that she is prepared to go to all lengths to get her hands on one, or as it turns out, a whole bunch of my eggs. Between managing a last minute birthday party and batting away Eve, I managed to do a little bit of research on what exactly is involved with egg donation. I must admit that I was a little concerned when I realised there was a possibility of Eve having twins, triplets or even more. She may even end up with a whole football team, but hey, it’s her funeral.
I shove my handset back into my pocket and continue on my journey when I spot a familiar head bobbing through the crowd. Quickening my pace, I haul my handbag up onto my shoulder as I come to a stop in front of the two faces that I know and love.
‘What are you two doing here?’ I ask, looking up at Oliver and smiling happily.
‘We thought we would come and take you out for dinner, didn’t we, Noah?’ He glances down at Noah who is too consumed with his tablet to be bothered answering.
‘Well, that’s a nice surprise!’ I gush, discreetly looking behind him for Janie and praying that she isn’t here. ‘Is it just the two of you?’
Oliver lets out a low laugh and nods. ‘If you’re talking about my mom, she’s gone to meet Gina for dinner, so you’re good.’
I sigh dramatically and flash him a wink before linking my arm through his. ‘So, where am I being taken to, exactly?’
‘That’s Noah’s decision.’ Oliver tugs Noah’s hood to get his attention and clears his throat. ‘Where are we heading, buddy?’
‘McDonald’s.’ He replies with a grin, before turning back to the tablet.
‘McDonald’s…’ I repeat, glancing at Oliver doubtfully.
‘Are you sure you that’s the best place to take your mom?’ Oliver presses, sensing my disappointment.
‘Mmm…’ Noah looks deep in thought for a moment. ‘What about Burger King?’ Realising that Burger King doesn’t seem to please me either, he screws up his nose before his eyes light up with an idea. ‘I know, Pizza Place!’
‘There you go.’ Oliver laughs and squeezes my hand. ‘You’ve got three choices. What’s it gonna be?’
Burgers, more burgers or pizza. Hardly gourmet delicacies, are they? I let out a groan as I remember that I have filet steak sitting in the refrigerator at home.
‘I guess I will go for Pizza Place…’ I say, attempting to smile.
‘Pizza Place it is.’ Oliver confirms, leaning down to ruffle Noah’s hair.
Feeling a little bad that I am rubbishing what was supposed to be a nice surprise, I smile encouragingly at Noah. ‘Pizza sounds good to me. Who needs steak and lobster when you can have cheesy garlic bread?’
Noah gives me a half look before letting out a yes and fist pumping the air. He’s been absolutely glued to that bloody thing since the day he got it. Sticking out his tongue, he presses animatedly at the screen and frowns.
‘Oi, put that damn thing away now.’ Reaching down for the tablet, Oliver tuts and shakes his head.
‘But I’m winning!’ Noah protests, holding it behind his back so he can’t take it from him.
Oliver raises his eyebrows and mutters something under his breath that I’m glad Noah can’t hear. ‘That thing is going in the trash when we get back to the apartment.’
‘No!’ Noah yells loudly, c
ausing people to stop and stare. ‘It’s my birthday present! You can’t throw it away!’
Noah starts to wail and I try to reassure him that Oliver isn’t going to toss his beloved tablet into the bin.
‘Oliver!’ I hiss. ‘It’s keeping him quiet, just leave him alone.’
Shooting me a glare, Oliver gives me a look that could melt stone and scowls. ‘It’s not good for him to be spending so much damn time on that thing!’
Telling him we will discuss Noah’s screen time later, I let him lead the way into Pizza Place. The restaurant is fairly empty considering that it’s dinner time and we get seated in no time at all. Still fixated with his game, Noah doesn’t give the menu more than a quick glance before deciding that he wants a stuffed crust pizza with curly fries. Maybe Oliver’s right, he’s going to have square eyes at this rate. After a quick scan of the rather limited menu, I decide to go for the daily special and wait for the waitress to scribble down our order.
‘This is nice.’ I say, when we’re finally alone again. ‘What made you come and meet me?’
Oliver shakes off his jacket and shrugs his shoulders. ‘I dunno. I guess after last night I thought we had some making up to do.’
I nod in agreement and finger the edge of the drinks menu. ‘Yes, I suppose we do.’
He holds my gaze for a moment, only breaking away when the waitress places three glasses down in front of us. Thanking her for our drinks, I reach out and take a big gulp. I might complain about his childishness, his impatience and his obsession with football, but Oliver is always the first person to say sorry when he knows he has done something wrong. I’ve always admired that about him. His ability to swallow his pride and admit when he is to blame is what makes him so incredible. Not only is he drop dead gorgeous, he is also as honest and genuine as they come. Yes, I am a lucky, lucky lady.
‘I am sorry that things got so out of hand last night.’ I whisper, ensuring that Noah isn’t listening. ‘I didn’t mean for things to get so, you know, personal.’
Nodding along, Oliver slurps on his straw and reaches over the table for my hand. My heart swells as he runs his thumb along my wrist affectionately. I knew that bringing up the Janie subject would be worth it in the long run. Like ripping off a plaster, quick and painless. Well, it hasn’t exactly been painless, but you get the drift. Now we can move, put the Janie phase of our lives behind us and come out stronger at the other end.
‘I’m sorry too.’ He leans back in his seat and breathes a sigh of relief. ‘And I can’t tell you how happy it makes me that you have come around to my way of thinking.’
I pause with my straw in my mouth, a frozen smile plastered on my face as I try to work out what he means. ‘I’m sorry?’
‘I know you are and you don’t need to keep saying it, because it’s OK. I forgive you.’ He laughs and gives Noah a high five as he declares that he has won once again.
Forgive me? What on earth have I done to require his forgiveness? ‘No, I’m not sorry. I said I’m sorry as in, I don’t understand…’
Now it’s Oliver’s turn to look confused. His brow creases into a frown as he twirls his straw around his glass. ‘The argument with my mom? You said that you were sorry as you realised you were wrong and I accept your apology, so now we can put it behind us and move on.’
I let out a cough and splutter on my drink. ‘No! That’s not what happened at all! You apologised because you realised that you were wrong.’
Anger bubbles in the pit of my stomach as I look him straight in the eye. I actually don’t believe this! All day I have been thinking that Oliver has finally seen Janie for what she is, but for some inexplicable reason he has deemed me to be regretful of our argument rather than the other way around.
‘Oliver, you know that Janie has to go, don’t you?’ My pulse beats loudly in my ears as I wait for him to respond.
He opens his mouth to speak, but he is interrupted by the return of our waitress. Choosing not to say anything until she leaves, I cut up Noah’s pizza and wait for Oliver to break the silence. Quickly realising that he seems to be in a sulk, I decide to speak up.
‘I mean it, Oliver...’
Dropping his pizza onto his plate with a clatter, he roughly wipes his mouth with a napkin and shakes his head. ‘I’m not having this conversation with you again, Clara. This was wrapped up and finished last night.’
‘Yes, you’re right!’ I exclaim, feeling my blood pressure rising. ‘It was wrapped up and finished because you apologised!’
‘No, you apologised!’
Noah looks up from his tablet and I can see that he’s trying his hardest to pretend he isn’t listening. Clearly sensing the same thing, Oliver fixes a smile to his face and pats Noah on the back.
‘We’ll talk about this later.’
I don’t want to drop it so easily. I want to fight this with everything I’ve got because if Janie doesn’t go soon I am literally going to lose my mind, but Oliver’s tone makes me think twice. Begrudgingly picking at my pizza, my mind flits to Eve and as mad as I am, I attempt to change the mood with a piece of good news.
‘Anyway, I have something pretty exciting to tell you…’
‘Oh, yeah?’ Oliver squirts ketchup onto his fries and rolls up his sleeves, sounding less than interested.
‘You know how Owen and Eve have been struggled to conceive?’ He nods in response and takes a sip of his drink. ‘Well, Eve has been to a fertility clinic and she is thinking of using an egg donor.’
‘That’s great.’ He smiles genuinely and takes Noah’s tablet from him. ‘I’m happy for them. Seriously, that’s fantastic news.’
‘It’s great, isn’t it? And the best part is that she is going to use my egg to do it!’ My skin prickles with excitement as I remember how Eve looked at me earlier.
Oliver’s jaw drops open and he puts down his pizza for a second time. ‘What the hell are you talking about?’
‘She asked me! Of all the women in the world, she wants to use one of my eggs for the insemination!’ Reaching for a napkin, I lick a dollop of barbecue sauce from the corner of my mouth. ‘Isn’t that incredible?’
Oliver looks at me as though I have completely lost my mind and I wonder what on earth is wrong with him now.
‘What?’ I snap, tiring of his grumpy attitude. ‘What now?’
‘There’s absolutely no way that you are donating your eggs.’ He snarls, sitting up straight in his seat.
‘Why?’ I fire back, not missing a beat.
‘Why?’ He growls. ‘I shouldn’t have to tell you why! One, because it’s an invasive procedure. Two, because it will biologically be your child. And three, because there is no way you will be able to take a back seat and watch a child that is half you be raised by someone else.’
I blink repeatedly. He can’t be serious! ‘It wouldn’t be my child. It would be their child.’
‘It would be half you! Noah’s half sibling! How can you not see that?’
My heart pounds in my chest and I seem to lose the use of my tongue. This is not how I pictured this going. ‘I would be giving them the opportunity to have a child of their own. This is my chance to actually make a difference to the world in a pretty huge way.’
Oliver looks down at his food for a moment before pushing the plate away from him. ‘No.’
‘No?’ I repeat, trying to keep my voice down. ‘What the hell do you mean, no?’
‘I mean no, Clara! Hell no! You are not doing this!’
‘It’s my body. You can’t stop me.’
‘Well, you’re my wife.’ He pauses for breath and I can tell that he’s just a few moments away from blowing his lid. ‘You see those rings on your finger?’ I look down and nod slowly. ‘We’re married. You can’t make a decision like this without me. What if it was the other way around and it was Owen who needed a helping hand? How would you feel about that?’
‘I would be totally fine with it.’ I retort, very aware that people are starting to look over at our
table.
‘Really? You would be totally fine about Eve carrying a baby that had my DNA? A baby that would look like me? A baby that would look like Noah?’
My stomach flips and I tear my eyes away from his. I hate to admit it, but the thought of Eve raising a child that would have Oliver’s genes does make me feel a little uneasy. I mean, would he develop feelings for this child? Would he develop feelings for Eve when he sees her raising it? My stomach churns as a wave of doubt washes over me.
‘Doesn’t sound so good now, does it?’ Oliver shakes his head and takes a chip from Noah’s plate.
I exhale loudly and hold my head in my hands, hating myself for questioning my decision. Suddenly losing my appetite, I force myself to smile at Noah who is munching away at his food. My heart swells with pride as I take in his beautiful face. Before I became a mother, I never believed that it could be possible to love someone so much. To love so deeply that you would do anything and everything to keep them safe is such a powerful and overwhelming thing. Is Oliver right? Would I feel the same surge of motherly love for Eve’s child if I handed over my eggs? My shoulders start to feel inexplicably heavy as I picture myself telling Eve that I can’t comply with her request. It would break her heart. She would be absolutely devastated.
On one hand it seems so futile to deny Eve the chance of a child when I have thousands of eggs which will probably never be used. Although now that Oliver has made me look at the practicalities of Eve having a child that is biologically mine, I am starting to question whether this is something I could actually do. When push comes to shove, could I really give away an egg that might potentially become a child of my own? Right now, I really don’t know…
Every flower must push through the dirt to get to the sunshine…
Chapter 10
The walk home from the restaurant has been pretty uneventful. After our rather heated disagreement in Pizza Place, Oliver and I ate our meals in a rather uncomfortable silence. Thankfully, Noah was so consumed in his game that he hardly noticed our cross words and when he did, he found the fact that we were arguing over eggs frankly quite hilarious. The large glass of Rioja I inhaled over dinner has started to work its magic and I am starting to feel a tad better than I did a couple of hours ago. It’s clear that Oliver and I have some issues to deal with and to be totally honest, I really don’t know how we’re going to resolve them. Even though I protested so much, I do understand that I can’t really go against Oliver’s wishes.
