by Lacey London
‘What exactly has she done that has bothered you so badly?’ Oliver stares at me intently as he waits for a response. ‘Well?’
Using a bobby pin to hold my towel up, I use my fingers to list all of the things that Janie has done lately. ‘She rolls in drunk in the middle of the night. She leaves her junk all over the place like a scabby teenager. She teaches Noah curse words and last week, I caught her with a man in her room. I bet you didn’t know that last one, did you?’
Oliver looks at me blankly for a moment, clearly disturbed at the thought of his mother doing it in our spare room.
‘Did you just call my mom scabby?’ Jumping to his feet, he swears through gritted teeth and grabs his dressing gown.
Not quite sure what to make of his reaction, I take a step towards him and scowl. ‘Really? That’s all you have to say about the fact that your mum has been having sex under our roof with strangers?’
Tying the belt around his waist, he swerves by me and pauses with his hand on the door handle. ‘I’m finally getting close to my mom, Clara. After all these years, we’re actually building a solid relationship. Why are you trying to ruin it?’
I open my mouth to speak, but he doesn’t wait for my response. Watching him slip out into the living room, I stare at the closed door for what seems like an eternity before letting out a frustrated whimper. How did that escalate so quickly? A lump forms in my throat as I replay our argument over and over in my mind. He isn’t oblivious to Janie’s actions. He’s deliberately ignoring them in order to build a friendship with his mum. Now I feel sad as well as angry. No matter how old Oliver gets, there will always be that little boy inside him who craves the attention from his mother that he missed out on as a child.
Feeling totally deflated, I flick off the light and crawl under the sheets. My head is racing and an overwhelming sensation of queasiness is making my body tingle all over. The last thing I wanted to achieve by bringing this up was to fall out with Oliver. Instead of taking a step forward and tackling this unbearable situation, I have somehow managed to take a big step back. My eyes start to fill with tears and I fight against it with everything that I have. I know that everyone hates their mother-in-law, but I really did pull the short straw with Janie. Not wanting to allow myself to cry over her, I squeeze my eyes tightly shut and shuffle over to make room for Pumpkin. In an ideal world Oliver would have said that he understands and Janie would be searching for an apartment right now whilst I joyfully packed her bags. The reality is that I have just made things ten times worse than they were before.
Trying to stop my mind from going into overdrive, I resort to counting sheep in a desperate bid for some respite. I’ve moved on to silently singing the alphabet when I hear the door creep open and a strip of light flashes into the room. Oliver’s distinct footsteps make their way around the side of the bed before I feel him slip under the sheets behind me. He doesn’t say a word and neither do I, but the atmosphere is a hundred times lighter than it was just ten minutes ago. Not wanting to go to sleep on an argument, I roll over and snuggle my face into his back. Thankfully, he responds with a gentle squeeze of my arm.
‘I’m sorry.’ I whisper, feeling Pumpkin tuck in behind my legs. ‘I didn’t mean to lose my temper.’
‘Me too.’ He murmurs finally, before letting out a yawn and pulling the covers up to his chin.
Breathing a sigh of relief that we have made up so quickly, I find myself feeling hopeful that even though the situation blew up, I might have made some progress in making Oliver see that things have to change. Looking at the situation with my now very tired eyes, it was never going to be easy, but I am a big believer in that you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain and dare I say it, the forecast is looking good…
Stop planting flowers in people’s gardens who aren’t going to water them…
Chapter 8
‘Thank you so much, Mr Williams. I’m sure Sandra will love them.’ I wipe my hands on my apron and brush a mound of soil from the counter top.
‘Even more than the tulips?’ He adjusts his braces and peeks down at the giant bouquet dubiously.
‘Even more than the tulips.’ I confirm, flashing him a reassuring grin and slamming the till shut. ‘Have a great evening!’
‘You too, Clara and thanks for, you know, everything…’
With a final grateful nod, he slips out onto the street and disappears into the crowd of people. Watching him go, I can’t help but let out a giggle as I clear away the mountain of tissue paper. Mr Williams is probably one of my favourite customers. Without fail, he pays us a visit once a week. Each time with a different story about how his beloved Sandra is going to leave him. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I have helped him to choose a suitable apology in the form of one bouquet or another. Weirdly, he has never actually said what the flowers are apologising for, but whatever it is, it only seems to get him out of trouble for a mere few days.
Tearing myself away from the window, I glance up at the clock on the wall and start to wonder where Dawn is. Eve doesn’t exactly time our lunches, but two hours is pushing it even by her limits. To be fair, Dawn was met at midday by the hunky Hugh from Friday night and despite her initial reservations, she decided to let him take her out for lunch. It turns out that he was more infatuated by her than she was by him and after a bit of encouragement from myself and Eve, Dawn succumbed to his advances and off they went.
‘Clara?’ Eve’s high-pitched voice trills out from the store room, causing me to lose my train of thought.
Popping my head around the door, I rest my hand on my hip and smile. ‘What’s up?’
Sat at the computer with her secretary glasses perched on the tip of her nose, she looks strangely excited considering that she is doing the accounts.
‘Is Dawn back yet?’ She whispers, pushing her glasses up into her hair.
I shake my head in response and hope that she isn’t going to get into trouble.
‘Good!’ Eve grins and closes down a spreadsheet. ‘Go flip over the sign.’
‘OK…’ I reply uncertainly. ‘May I ask why?’
Sliding off her stool, Eve tugs her Chanel handbag up onto the counter and shoves her arm inside. After a few seconds of rummaging, she produces a white bag and places it on the desk. The thin paper packaging means that I can already see what is inside.
‘Will you do it with me?’ She asks, holding out the pregnancy test with such hope in her eyes.
Not having the heart to decline, I give her arm a squeeze and head for the door. Please let this be positive. I don’t think I can cope seeing her cry over yet another negative test. Saying a quick prayer, I switch the sign and slowly make my way back into the store room. Clearly not wanting to wait, Eve has already locked herself in the staff toilet and I can hear the tap being run at full pelt.
‘You know… I really think it might have worked this time.’ Eve yells above the sound of the water.
‘Here’s hoping.’ I mumble, praying that she’s right.
Hearing the toilet flush, I cross my fingers and paste a bright smile onto my face. Eve flashes me the thumbs up sign as she throws open the door and holds out the stick. Not registering the fact that she has just peed on it, I accept the test from her and wince as a wet droplet lands on my thumb.
‘Eww!’ I whisper, dropping the test on the counter and frowning.
‘It’s just water!’ Giggling like a teenager, she dries her hands on a paper towel and winks.
Not being entirely convinced, I reach for the antibacterial gel and try to refrain from looking at the result. This is always the worst part of these tests. Those agonising two minutes where you try to convince yourself that you aren’t bothered, all the while knowing that you are. If you have ever taken a pregnancy test, you will know exactly what I mean.
‘Did I tell you that I spent all weekend with a herbal doctor?’ Eve muses, chewing the tip of her French manicure. ‘She gave me so much fantastic advice and I’ve got this feeling that
this could actually be it!’
I try to look positive, but a weekend of herbal healing isn’t exactly giving me much confidence in the result. Checking the clock on the wall, I tap my foot as I realise it has been only thirty seconds. See what I mean about this being the longest two minutes in history? I glance at Eve out of the corner of my eye and feel a wave of sadness. This is absolutely heart wrenching to witness. If there is any justice in the world, then a little blue line is going to appear in that little white window.
‘Did you know?’ Eve asks suddenly, hopping up onto the counter. ‘When you took the pregnancy test for Noah, did you know that it was going to be positive?’
‘Actually, I didn’t.’ I shake my head as I recall the moment that my life changed forever. ‘It was Christmas morning and I was adamant that I wasn’t pregnant, but Lianna literally forced me to take a test.’
‘Christmas morning!’ She gushes, clasping her hands over her heart. ‘That’s beautiful! Did your body fill with love the second that you found out?’
‘Not exactly.’ Shaking my head for a second time, I let out a laugh. ‘I took so many tests before I finally allowed myself to believe it was real. It wasn’t until my first scan that it really sunk in.’ I look up to see Eve’s eyes filling with what I hope are happy tears. ‘Are you OK?’ I ask, suddenly worried that I have upset her.
She nods in response and wipes beneath her eyes with her ring fingers. Reaching for a tissue, she glances up at the clock and lets out a squeal. ‘It’s time!’
I hold my breath as she takes a step towards the little white stick. It’s hard to believe that something as insignificant as a piece of plastic is going to either make or break her.
‘I can’t look!’ She sighs, covering her eyes with her hands. ‘I really can’t. You do it.’
Every muscle in my body freezes and I say a silent prayer under my breath. Please let it be positive. Please, please, please. My heart pounds in my chest as I slide the stick off the counter. As a child, I used to believe that if you wanted something enough and I mean really wanted it, then it would come true. Unfortunately for Eve, life doesn’t work that way. Squinting at the tiny window, I must stare at the vacant square for a good thirty seconds to make doubly sure before I speak.
‘I’m so sorry, Eve…’
Her smile falters and she exhales loudly. ‘OK… never mind.’ Taking the test from me, she quickly wraps it in tissue and drops it into the bin. ‘It’s not like I haven’t been here before, is it? Onwards and upwards.’
I smile sadly and stand back, watching her carefully. She took that a lot better than I thought she would. The last time we took a test together I almost had to call an ambulance she was that hysterical. I’m about to offer her a hug when she takes a seat at the computer and starts tapping away at the keys.
‘Is that it?’ I mumble cautiously. ‘You’re just going to go back to work?’
Eve takes her glasses out of her hair and pops them on. ‘Not exactly…’ Spinning around the computer screen, she grins and pulls me towards her. I frown in a desperate bid to read the text, cursing myself for leaving my reading glasses at home. Various profiles fill the page, each one detailing characteristics of the people behind the blurred images.
‘Is that…’
‘An egg bank.’ She confirms proudly, pulling a notepad out of her apron pocket and pointing at a list of numbers.
I open my mouth to speak, but I’m not quite sure what it is that I want to say.
‘Wow…’ I manage eventually, looking between the screen and Eve and back again.
With Owen and Eve not being able to conceive after two years of trying, I was obviously aware that there was some kind of underlying medical issue, but Eve has never divulged exactly what that problem is. To see her looking at other women’s eggs is actually quite a shock.
Obviously sensing my confusion, Eve purses her lips and fidgets with the sleeve of her shirt. ‘Remember last week when I brought breakfast to the shop?’
‘Yeah?’ I nod along, wondering what on earth that has to do with Eve’s infertility.
‘Well, I wasn’t just on a bagel run, I had actually been to a private fertility clinic on Smith Street.’
‘OK…’ A light switches on in my mind as I recall that day. ‘I thought it was strange you were across town at that time in the morning.’
Eve laughs gently and shakes her head. ‘I didn’t say anything at the time as Owen really didn’t want me to go.’
‘Why didn’t he want you to go?’ I screw up my nose as I try to think of a reason as to why Owen wouldn’t want to find out what is preventing them from having a baby.
‘I dunno.’ She exhales deeply and shrugs her shoulders. ‘Male pride? Fear?’
I guess that makes sense. Acknowledging that you have a problem makes it all the more real. ‘Does Owen know now that you went?’
‘No. No one does. Just you…’ She looks at me intently and I suddenly feel quite special.
‘What did they say?’ I ask cautiously, not quite sure that I want to know.
‘They called yesterday with the results and it wasn’t great, as I am sure you have guessed, but I’m relieved that I now know what the issue is.’ Eve tears her eyes away from mine. ‘After a few painful and pretty invasive tests, it turns out that I have PCOS and lazy ovaries, which means that there is a chance that I can conceive naturally, but that chance is slim. Very, very slim.’
‘Oh, Eve…’ My bottom lip starts to tremble as I realise that this probably isn’t ever going to happen for her.
‘No! Don’t be sad, this is a good thing.’ She reaches out and takes my hands in hers. ‘After two years of trying, I finally have an answer to why it wasn’t happening. Now I know, I can do something about it.’
I blink away my tears and put on a brave face. ‘Well, yes, I suppose you’re right.’
Sighing loudly, Eve looks down at her wedding rings and shakes her blonde locks. ‘I really did think the herbal stuff would work, you know? I had this feeling, this sensation that it had done something, but clearly I was wrong. However, it’s not the end of the world as I have plan B.’
‘And plan B is…’
‘Eggs!’ Eve yells suddenly, making me visibly jump. ‘Do you want to help me find one? It’s just like online shopping! Come on! It’s so much fun.’ Handing me the notebook, she pulls over another stool and passes me a pen. ‘The first page are maybes. All of them are blonde haired, blue eyed, twenty somethings in good health.’
‘There must be a hundred names on this list.’ I muse, scanning the lengthy numbers hesitantly. ‘What does Owen think of this?’
‘To be completely honest, he isn’t bowled over with the idea. He thinks having a child that is half a total stranger is weird. He feels uncomfortable about it.’
‘I guess I can understand that.’ I look back down at the list and run my fingers over the pages. ‘If it was me, I would always wonder what the person behind the egg was like. Do you know what I mean? I would want to thank the woman who had given me the gift of life. It’s such a selfless and inspiring thing that these people do…’
Eve stares at me blankly and I curse myself for thinking out loud.
‘I haven’t thought about it like that before…’ She mumbles, taking the notepad from me. ‘I thought this website told me everything I needed to know, but maybe not.’
I chew the inside of my cheek and choose to say nothing for fear of putting my foot in it again.
‘You don’t think this is a bad idea, do you?’ She whispers, closing the notepad and dropping it into her handbag.
‘No!’ I reply confidently. ‘I think it’s a great idea.’
‘Really?’ She murmurs. ‘Now I’m not so sure…’
We sit in silence for a few moments and I find myself wishing there was something I could do to help her.
‘If this is your only option to have a baby, Eve, I say you go for it. Who cares if you don’t know the person behind the egg. Don’t listen to
me, you were right. Everything that you need to know is right there on the screen.’
She taps her nails on the keyboard for a moment and I can’t help but notice her cheeks flush pink. ‘Well, this isn’t my only option…’
‘It’s not?’ I reply, suddenly feeling optimistic. ‘Then what’s the second option?’
Eve stands to her feet and paces back and forth around the room. ‘The doctor at the clinic said that if we didn’t feel comfortable using a stranger as a donor, then we could use a friend or family member instead…’
I nod along, wondering if knowing your donor would make the situation easier or harder. ‘That would be a big ask for someone though, wouldn’t it?’
‘It would.’ She stops in her tracks and rests her hands on her hips. ‘It would be a huge ask. There’s probably only a handful of people in this world that I would do that for, you being one of them.’
Blood rushes to my face as I smile up at her. ‘You’re such a kind and generous person, Eve. You really are.’
‘I’m sure you would do the same…’ Eve looks at me hopefully and bites her bottom lip.
I open my mouth to speak and then close it again. Was that a rhetorical question?
‘Well, I don’t think… I mean, I’m not sure I could…’ Suddenly getting a little hot under the collar, I lick my lips and take a deep breath. ‘Eve, are you asking me to give you one of my eggs?’
‘I am asking you to at least think about it?’ She takes my arm and pulls me out of my seat.
‘Erm…’ Not having a clue what to say, I stare at my good friend as my heart beats rapidly.
‘I understand that this is probably the biggest favour I could ever ask of you and I completely get it if the answer is no, but I want you to know that of everyone in the entire world, your egg is the one that I would choose.’
She looks at me with such honesty in her eyes that I feel a lump form in the back of my throat. Feeling completely overwhelmed, I try to think about this clearly. ‘What would that entail exactly?’
