by Lacey London
I would have a garden to walk in forever…
Chapter 7
Peeling open my eyes, I stretch my arms over my head and let out a lazy yawn. Immediately noticing that I’m awake, Pumpkin jumps onto the bed and curls up next to Oliver. I run my fingers through her silky fur and smile as she automatically rolls onto her back. If heaven was a place, I am pretty sure this would be it. Well, this or a Caribbean beach with a Pina Colada. As you have probably guessed, it’s Sunday, which is my second favourite day of the week. If I could wave a magic wand and make the week consist solely of Fridays and Sundays, I would do it in a heartbeat.
Rolling onto my side, I snuggle my nose into Oliver’s back and allow my eyes to close. One of the best things about tiring Noah out is that he sleeps like a baby the following day, which allows Oliver and I to have a much needed lie in. Isn’t it funny how once you become a parent, the best gift you could ever receive is a few extra hours of delicious sleep? When we first met, the last thing we would be doing in a plush bed like this would be sleeping. These days nothing turns us on more than the thought of a full eight hours sleep of a night, which is very rarely achieved.
After our rather action filled day yesterday, this rare moment of peace is exactly what the doctor ordered. Apart from our very sour start, we actually had a lot of fun. I should probably clarify here that when I say we, I mean Oliver, Noah and I. Janie, on the other hand, spent the entire day complaining about the number of children and chatting up the many single dads who were clearly petrified of her. Due to the rather unfortunate swearing incident, I didn’t so much as look in her direction for the rest of the day. On reflection, I think that’s the only way I’m going to survive living with her. Pretending that she doesn’t exist is a hell of a lot easier than trying to deal with the many, many problems that she brings. My mother taught me from a young age that ignorance is bliss, but I never thought I would be using that piece of advice to keep me out of prison.
Just as I am drifting off, my phone pings from the bedside table. Not wanting to wake Oliver, I roll over and feel around for the handset. I jab repeatedly at the screen until it springs to life, blinding me with a bright white light. The first thing I notice is that I have a text from Dawn. The second is that it contains the words love, marriage and amazing. Sitting bolt upright, I hold my breath and read the entire thing with bleary eyes.
Sorry I’ve not been in touch since Friday. I lost my phone once we left Artemis and I’ve only just managed to get a replacement sorted. Date was OK, not amazing and certainly not marriage material. I did have a lot to drink though, so I don’t think he fell in love with me either! LOL.
Sliding back under the sheets, I can’t help but feel deflated. I know it was unlikely, but the lack of contact from her made me think that she was wrapped up with the gorgeous stranger in a luxury hotel room, surrounded by empty champagne bottles and discarded clothing. I did pass this fantasy on to Gina who said there was more chance of her being locked in a basement somewhere being force fed tinned beans. Trust Gina, always the optimist.
Sliding my phone under the pillow, I realise that I’m not going to be able to fall back asleep and grab my dressing gown from the back of the door. A quick glance at my watch tells me that it’s almost 10am and I am suddenly a little concerned as to why Noah hasn’t come running into our room yet. Motioning for Pumpkin to follow me, I wander across the living room and throw open the balcony doors. Leaving her to use the facilities, I pad into Noah’s room and have a mini panic attack when I realise that he isn’t in his bed.
‘Noah?’ I yell, scanning his room with eyes like saucers. ‘Noah?’
‘He’s in here!’ Janie’s familiar voice leads me into the spare room and I allow myself to breathe again.
‘There you are!’ I sigh, clasping my hands to my chest dramatically as I find Noah cross legged on the end of Janie’s bed.
‘Where the hell did you think he was?’ Janie looks up from her magazine and shakes her head. ‘Looking for hookers in Covent Garden?’
‘Janie!’ I shoot her a deathly glare and pull my dressing gown tightly around my body. ‘Please refrain from associating my son with hookers, thank you very much.’
Looking around the room, I can’t help but frown as I take in the mess that is strewn around our spare bedroom. She really is a slob. How someone can spend so long on their appearance, but live like a homeless hobo is beyond me. Creeping past the dirty laundry and discarded anti-aging products, I make my way over to Noah and perch on the bed next to him. Totally engrossed in whatever it is that he’s playing with, he doesn’t even bother to look up.
‘What have you got there?’ I ask, suddenly aware of a strange buzzing sound. ‘Is there a fly in here?’
‘It’s not a fly, silly!’ Noah shakes his head and giggles, causing his curls to flop in front of his eyes. ‘It’s Gee-Gee’s bunny!’
‘Bunny?’ I screw up my nose and look at Janie, wondering what he’s talking about. ‘What bunny?’
Turning around to face me, he holds up a bright pink and extremely large…
‘Look, it tickles!’ Holding it on the tip of his nose, he squeals like a piglet and collapses into hysterics.
Oh, God! Bile rises in my throat as I wrestle with Noah for the rabbit inspired vibrator. ‘Noah, give it to me!’ My voice is shrill with shock as I attempt to take it from him.
‘No!’ He bats my hands away frantically and buries it beneath the sheets.
‘Give it to me!’ I shriek, throwing around the bedding like a prison inspector.
His face turns red with anger as he tries his best to keep his new toy hidden from his mean mum.
‘Noah!’ My heart pounds in my ears and I bang my hand down on the mattress. ‘Drop it this instant!’
Looking absolutely petrified, Noah hands me the offending object and immediately bursts into tears.
‘Why are you shouting at me?’ He wails, throwing himself down on the bed. ‘I was just playing!’
Taking Noah by the hand, I storm out of the room and plonk him in front of the television, which as usual silences him in a nanosecond. I actually do not believe what I have just witnessed in there. I feel like I should be drenching Noah in disinfectant and putting him through a boil wash. That’s it. I am sick to the back teeth of this vile excuse for a mother-in-law and her frankly disgusting behaviour. This time she’s gone too far. Marching back into her room, I kick the door shut and try to stop my hands from shaking. Picking up the vibrator with the tips of my fingers, I launch it at Janie and silently cheer as it lands on her head with thud.
‘Oww! What the hell are you doing?’ She yells, finally tearing herself away from her gossip magazine. ‘What was that for?’
‘Are you kidding me?’ I hiss, taking a few steps towards her. ‘You gave my son a vibrator to play with? What the hell is wrong with you?’
‘Jesus Christ!’ Tossing her magazine onto the floor, she throws her legs over the edge of the bed and pushes herself to her feet. ‘Will you relax?’
‘Relax?’ I screech, suddenly worried that my head might actually explode. ‘Do not tell me to relax!’
Janie looks at me as though I have lost my mind and tosses me an empty black box. ‘It was brand new in the packaging! He stumbled across it looking for his cars. He doesn’t know what it is. To Noah it’s just another toy!’
Now it’s my turn to look bewildered. ‘I don’t care what he thought it was! It’s unhygienic and perverted!’
‘Did you not listen to a word I’ve just said? It was new in the box!’ Janie folds her arms and scowls. ‘It was easier to let him play with it than have him scream the goddam apartment down.’
My bottom lip trembles with anger and I fight against it. For six months I’ve been keeping my rage bottled up and not saying anything for fear of upsetting
Oliver, but I can’t keep it in any longer. I am going to explode. Like a can of Pepsi Max that has been shaken furiously for weeks on end, I am going to erupt into a fizzy volcano. Taking a step
towards her, I rest my hands on my hips and take a deep breath.
‘Janie…’
‘What’s going on in here?’ Oliver pops his head around the door and frowns sleepily. ‘Noah said you shouted at him about a rabbit or something?’
Spinning around, I feel frozen to the spot as he waits for me to respond. Not wanting to tell him that I was about to karate chop his mother because I just found Noah shoving her vibrator up his nose, I choose to say nothing and push past him.
Storming into the kitchen, I flip open the bread bin and drop two slices into the toaster. My heart is racing and if my head pounded any harder, I am pretty sure that the vein on the side of my head would actually burst. Pumpkin scratches at the patio doors and I abandon the breakfast to let her back inside. As usual, her tail wags uncontrollably as she runs into the living room and plonks herself down next to Noah. My fury subsides a little as I watch the two of them together. Snuggling up in front of the television they couldn’t looks any cuter if they tried.
Smoke starts to drift out of the toaster and I dash back into the kitchen just in time to save Noah’s breakfast. Reaching for the jam from the overhead cabinet, I look up as Oliver comes out of the spare room, quickly followed by Janie.
‘Whatever you’re making, can I have some?’ He asks, coming into the kitchen and wrapping his arms around my waist.
Wriggling out of his grip, I nod in response and proceed to cut Noah’s toast into tiny squares. He plants a kiss on my forehead and flicks on the coffee maker before grabbing Noah and curling up on the couch. Brazen as ever, Janie strolls across the lounge and drapes herself over an armchair. Totally ignorant to the blazing row we have just had, she lets out a yawn and looks over in my direction.
‘Any chance of a coffee?’ She drawls, sprawling out like an overgrown toddler. ‘And make it Irish.’
‘Don’t you think it’s a little early?’ Oliver muses, throwing Noah in the air and wrestling off Pumpkin who is trying to jump to his rescue.
‘The sun’s up, ain’t it?’ Letting out a hoot, she reaches down and throws a cushion at him playfully.
I don’t believe this! Nothing, absolutely nothing that she does has a consequence. Where will this end? I swear, she could rob a bloody bank and still Oliver wouldn’t bat an eyelid. I need to talk to him. I need to sit him down and tell him that she has to go. Listening to the two of them laugh and joke like they don’t have a care in the world only adds to my frustrations. For someone who once branded England as cold, old and boring, she’s certainly made herself very comfortable. Making a promise to myself that I will deal with this today, I place Noah’s plate on the kitchen island and motion for him to come and get it. This needs sorting once and for all, because if she doesn’t leave soon, I’m going to…
* * *
Leaning against the cold tiles, I look up at the shower head and enjoy the sensation of water running over my body. The strong pressure makes it almost like a massage as it pummels into my back. I inhale deeply as the tension that has been weighing heavily on my shoulders all day is literally washed away. Ever since the bunny debacle this morning, I’ve been itching to get Oliver alone so that I can tell him Janie has to leave. I came close on a few occasions, but between getting the grocery shopping and bathing Noah, there wasn’t a single moment where we were alone together. Thankfully, the mother-in-law from hell decided to take herself out for a drink and now that Noah is snoozing in his bed, I finally have the perfect chance to tell Oliver how I feel.
Although I’ve made my mind up that I’m actually going to do this, my brain is going into overdrive thinking about what’s going to happen next. I mean, as much as I want her to leave, where is she going to go? She no longer has a home in Texas to go back to and I know for a fact that she can’t afford to rent in this neighbourhood. I know Oliver would help her out with money in a heartbeat, but I have an awful feeling he isn’t going to want her to leave at all.
Tipping back my head, I exhale slowly and try to get my argument straight in my mind before I go back into the bedroom. There has to be a way of putting this so that he won’t flip out or get his feelings hurt. As much as I can’t stand to be around Janie any more, at the end of the day she’s still his mother and always will be, more’s the pity. Shutting off the shower, I stick my arm over the screen and grab a towel from the rack. I’m about to reach for the toothpaste when I hear what sounds suspiciously like snoring coming from the bedroom. You have got to be kidding me! If he’s fallen asleep after I have waited all day to talk to him, I am going to freak out.
Marching out of the bathroom, I push open the door to our room and come to a stop at the foot of the bed. Despite the Janie situation, what lies before me brings a smile to my face. Surprisingly, it’s not Oliver who’s making all the noise. It’s a very cute, very tired Pumpkin who is stretched out on the sheets next to him. Her pink belly rises and falls with each snuffle that she makes. Oh, to be so gorgeous that even snoring just makes you cuter. Whoever said that diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly never had a dog.
‘Have you heard this?’ Oliver asks, grabbing his phone from the bedside table and hitting record. ‘I’ve never heard her do that before!’
‘Neither have I.’ I reach down and stroke her tail, but she is so out of it that she doesn’t even wake up.
As I watch Oliver snap away at Pumpkin, I decide that it’s now or never to bring up the Janie card. Taking a seat at the dressing table, I fidget with the edge of my towel uncomfortably.
‘Would you mind turning that off for a second?’ I mumble, not wanting this conversation to be recorded. ‘I want to talk to you about something.’
‘Sure.’ Jabbing at the screen, he rolls onto his side and tucks his arms under the pillow. ‘What’s up?’
‘It’s about your mum…’ I manage a small smile and slide a little closer to him.
Oliver frowns and buries his head in the pillow. ‘My mom? What’s she done now?’
My mouth suddenly becomes insanely dry and I lick my lips frantically in an attempt to get my tongue to work. ‘It’s more what she hasn’t done...’
‘What she hasn’t done?’ He repeats, with a confused expression on his face. ‘I don’t understand?’
A wave of annoyance washes over me and I try to shake it off. Of course he doesn’t understand. Him understanding would mean that we wouldn’t even be having this awkward conversation. Suddenly realising that this is going to be harder than I thought, I screw up my nose and sigh.
‘Did you know that it has been more than six months since Janie came to live with us?’ I look at him intently, hoping that he gets where I am going with this without me having to spell it out for him.
‘Yeah…’ He mumbles, turning down the television. ‘And your point is?’
I purse my lips for a second, clearly sensing how this conversation is going to go. ‘My point is that when we first discussed this, we agreed it would be a temporary arrangement.’ Oliver doesn’t say anything, so I carry on talking. ‘Has she mentioned anything about, you know, moving on anytime soon?’
‘What do you want me to do, Clara?’ Oliver snaps, obviously getting agitated. ‘Do you want me to throw her out onto the streets? Do you want me to tell her that you’ve had enough of her being here and that she has to leave?’ His voice is low, but there is a sharp edge to it that makes me feel uneasy. ‘You tell me, Clara. What is it that you want me to do?’
I scowl at the floor and shrug my shoulders. I knew this would happen. I knew it! This is exactly why I’ve been avoiding having this conversation for so bloody long. Pumpkin rolls over and skulks to the foot of the bed, clearly sensing that a row is on the horizon. Licking her paws, she tucks her tail under her legs and glances between the two of us cautiously. Suddenly feeling guilty that we have made her feel nervous, I lean down and scratch her ears.
I am about to give up and go back into the bathroom when Oliver mutters something under his breath.
‘What was that?’ I retort,
not being able to stop myself.
Clearing his throat, he turns to face me and frowns. ‘I said, it would be different if it was your mom!’
My skin prickles as I stare at him in shock. How dare he bring my mum into this! This is nothing to do with my mum! Unlike Janie, my mum would never put herself on us like this.
‘Yes, Oliver, it would be different if it was my mum, because my mum would know when she had outstayed her welcome!’
My heart pounds in my chest as I pause for breath. We never argue, never and when we have a disagreement it’s over something so minor that all is forgotten about five minutes later.
‘I’m not having this conversation with you.’ He shakes his head and rolls over to look at the wall, leaving me staring at his back in a fit of rage.
‘Oliver, we have to talk about this.’ Choosing to ignore me, he closes his eyes and hides his face in the duvet. ‘Oliver, are you even listening to me?’
Not bothering to lift his head, he grunts loudly and sticks out an arm to shoo me away. ‘I’ve just told you that I’m not having this conversation…’
‘We have to!’ Grabbing the duvet, I throw it back and hit him with a pillow. ‘You need to understand that she’s driving me insane! She is literally making me lose my mind! I can’t take it anymore! I can’t!’
He pushes himself into a sitting position and roughly brushes his hair out of his eyes. ‘Don’t be so dramatic, Clara. You don’t want her here, I get it. You don’t have to go overboard.’
‘Dramatic?’ I let out a scoff and throw my arms in the air. ‘Most women would have had something to say about this long before now! Her behaviour is out of control! It’s like she does it on purpose…’
‘Oh, please!’ He cuts me off abruptly and shakes his head. ‘You’re over reacting, as always…’
My heart races as I stare at my husband in shock. This conversation is going from bad to worse! Not only are we arguing over Janie, now we are attacking each other.
