A Mother's Choice

by Kristin Noel Fischer

  Chapter 3

  2014 – Autumn Anderson

  Standing at the kitchen sink in our small rental house, I watched the rain beat against the window. Kyle had promised to be home in time to drive to my mother’s for dinner, but now he was late.

  The only reason I hadn’t gone ahead was because he was leaving for Haiti in a few days and would be gone for an entire month.

  “Autumn, please wait for me so we can go together,” he’d asked. “I promise I’ll be home by six. I don’t want to take two separate cars.”

  Glancing at the clock on the kitchen wall, I saw it was already eight. I’d texted Kyle at seven, and he said he was on his way. So where was he now? Stuck with a patient or a doctor or someone more important than his family? I knew that wasn’t fair, but I was frustrated.

  Wasn’t I smarter than this? Didn’t I know by now not to depend on him? Clenching the scrub brush, I attacked the pan of baked-on macaroni and cheese that had been soaking since yesterday. I was angry my husband made a promise he couldn’t keep, but even angrier with myself for believing him.

  Right before Kyle started medical school, a doctor’s wife had pulled me aside and asked if she could give me some advice. I was newly married and unexpectedly pregnant with our first child. It was an overwhelming time, but I was thrilled to begin this new stage of my life with Kyle. He’d always dreamed of becoming a doctor, and I was determined to help him succeed.

  “I’ll take any advice you have,” I’d said, eagerly.

  Smiling politely, she’d adjusted her diamond tennis bracelet. “If you don’t want to be constantly disappointed in your marriage, don’t expect anything from your husband. Ever.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “For the next ten years or so,” she’d continued, “it’s going to be all about him. His tests, his patients, his sleep, and his needs. You have to carve out your own life. A career in medicine is demanding. Your husband will forget birthdays, anniversaries, and all other important events he promised to remember. When sleep deprived, he’ll even forget how to be a decent human being. The best thing you can do is pretend you’re a single mother with a horrible roommate and an occasional lover.”

  I’d stared open-mouthed at this woman, thinking she had a terrible attitude. Kyle and I were best friends. We did everything together. Sure, I knew medical school would be rough, especially after the baby arrived, but I prided myself on being self-sufficient. I was an independent woman with a degree in speech pathology. I was even planning on applying for a master’s program in a few years.

  Unfortunately, that doctor’s wife had been exactly right. Once medical school began, I lost Kyle to an alien world filled with unfamiliar jargon, tests, and other students. Determined to keep my sanity and my marriage intact, I made a decision to be happy. I didn’t place any demands on Kyle, and I trained myself to believe he was doing his best, even if he forgot to pick up his son from preschool like he offered.

  Life with a husband in medical school wasn’t easy, but we survived. We even purposely had another baby, wanting our children to be close in age. Plus, everyone said having a second baby during medical school was easier than during residency.

  The boys were three and one when Kyle walked across the stage at graduation and accepted his diploma to become Dr. Kyle Anderson. I’d never been more proud or happy in my entire life.

  Internship nearly broke us, but Kyle was now in his last year of residency. Both of us were looking forward to the day he joined a practice, and we could begin paying off our credit cards. “Five more months,” I told myself. “I can do anything for five more months.”

  The boys wandered into the kitchen, wearing their jackets and brandishing light sabers in anticipation of leaving for my mom’s house.

  “When is Daddy going to be home?” Logan asked.

  I wiped down the counter with a towel and tried to keep the frustration out of my voice. “I’m not sure.”

  Zane, our youngest, tucked his light saber under his chin and did a karate kick. “I think Daddy is late, and we’re going to be late for Grandma’s house.”

  I’d already called my mom and told her to go ahead and eat without us. At this point, she and my siblings were probably done with dessert. I sighed and made an executive decision. “You know what guys? We’re going to skip Grandma’s house tonight. Go put on your pajamas while I make some popcorn for dinner. Then we’ll pile into my bed and watch one of the movies we checked out from the library.”

  The boys scampered off to change, arguing about which movie to watch and who got to hold the popcorn bowl.

  Although disappointed, I told myself Kyle was helping someone in need. Besides, he’d been offered a clinic job starting in the fall, and that meant regular hours with no hospital call. “Five more months. Five more months.”

  Both boys were sound asleep in our bed by the time Kyle came home. When he leaned over to pick up Logan, I caught a whiff of beer on his breath. The hair on my arms stood straight up. “Did you go out tonight?”

  His latte eyes twinkled as he flashed me his irresistible smile. “I just grabbed a quick beer with Dr. Forman. He needed to talk to me about something.”

  I scooted off our bed and glared at him in disbelief. “We were supposed to go to my mom’s house for dinner tonight. My brothers and sister wanted to wish you good luck in Haiti. Darlene made you her famous Red Velvet Cake.”

  Alarm flashed across his face. “Oh, Autumn. I’m so sorry. I completely forgot.”

  “Didn’t you get my text at seven?”

  “Yeah, but I wasn’t thinking.”

  I inhaled sharply and held back the angry words that threatened to spill forth. This was no big deal, I told myself. My family got together for dinner all the time.

  “Don’t be mad,” he said.

  I scooped up Zane. “We missed having dinner with my family because you were out drinking with your mentor. Of course, I’m mad. Why didn’t you call?”

  He looked at me with innocent eyes. “Baby, I forgot.” Reaching over, he took Zane from me and held both boys in his strong arms. “I’ll make it up to you. I don’t have to work tomorrow, so I’m all yours. Whatever you want to do, we’ll do.”

  I lifted my chin in defiance. “I have to go to the grocery store and clean the bathroom. Are you telling me you’re offering to scrub the toilet?”

  He smiled. “Yeah, it’ll be fun. I’ll let the boys help.”

  An image of Logan chasing Zane down the hall with the toilet brush sprang to mind, and I shook my head. “It’s not going to be fun.”

  Kyle winked. “Will you at least let me try?”

  I hid my smile. This was why I loved Kyle. Why I knew, in the end, everything would be okay, even though he could make me so mad.

  He carried the boys down the hall and put them to bed; then he seduced me into taking a shower with him. I loved the feel of his hands over my body as the hot water poured down on us. Loved how amazing he tasted when he kissed me.

  After we made love, we lay in each other’s arms, and I told him about the new subdivision being built near his future place of employment. The boys and I had toured the model home, and all three of us could imagine living there. “We can plant flowers in the spring, build a tree house in the summer, and hang Christmas lights in December. Maybe we can even get a dog. What do you think? Wouldn’t a dog be nice for the boys?”

  Kyle didn’t seem too interested in my fantasies of home ownership, but he was tired, so I let him sleep. In the morning, we took the boys to the donut shop before heading over to the grocery store. Zane and Logan were hanging off the sides of the shopping cart, having the time of their lives, when we turned onto the coffee aisle and spotted Dr. Forman himself.

  The handsome Australian was a divorced obstetrician who’d taken Kyle under his wing a few years ago. In addition to having a soft spot for my Meat Lovers’ Lasagna and Sopapilla Cheesecake, he adored Logan and Zane.

  “Hello, Andersons!” He pounded fists with the b
oys, patted Kyle hard on the back, and gave me a chaste hug. “Sorry I kept your husband out so late last night, but we had to celebrate the big news. Isn’t that right, mate?”

  “Big news?” I removed Logan’s hand from the coffee bean grinder. Even though he was six and old enough to know better, Logan was obsessed with anything mechanical.

  “The fellowship,” Dr. Forman said. “Your husband got the OB fellowship. Isn’t that fantastic?”

  The air grew tense, and a muscle in Kyle’s jaw clenched. He shot Dr. Forman a warning look. “Autumn and I haven’t had a chance to talk about it yet.”

  The obstetrician raised his brow. “No worries. You’re going to take it though, right? It’s the chance of a lifetime, and I had to pull some strings to get you accepted.”

  My gut tensed. Now I understood why the good-looking physician was divorced. Before either Kyle or I could respond, the coffee grinder sprang to life with a high-pitched whirl. Logan leapt back, knocking into the cart and claiming he hadn’t done anything.

  I grabbed my son’s arm and forced a smile. “It was nice seeing you, Dr. Forman. I’m going to take the boys and wait in the car.”

  “It was wonderful seeing you, too, Autumn.”

  Kyle said nothing as I snatched my purse and escorted the boys to the car. By the time he came out to the parking lot with the groceries, I was livid.

  “Can we at least talk about it?” he asked, sliding into the driver’s seat.

  “You’re not thinking about actually doing it, are you?”

  “It’s an amazing opportunity.”

  I curled my hand into a tight fist and thought about punching the window. All the patience I’d had with his career over the past seven years vanished. “What about your job offer from the clinic? What about regular hours and no hospital call?”

  He started the engine and thrummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “It’ll be there after the fellowship, if that’s what I still want. Or I’ll get a better job.”

  “No,” I shouted. “Absolutely not.”

  “It’s just one more year.”

  “One more year? Are you kidding? What about our plans? What about my master’s program that I’ve kept on hold for the past seven years?”

  “Mom?” Zane called from the back seat. I seldom shouted or even raised my voice, so I’m sure my hostility alarmed him.

  “Sorry, boys.” I popped my feet on the dash, hugged my stomach, and glared out the window. How could Kyle have applied to a fellowship program without telling me? Did he think he could make such a monumental decision like this on his own? Was I that much of a pushover?

  And why did a divorced obstetrician know more about my husband’s ambitions than I did?

  Chapter 4

  The first time Jude and I practiced at my house for the talent show, my mother stayed in the laundry room where she could keep an eye on us. Jude sang Ave Maria—our decoy song—while I attempted to accompany him on the piano. I say attempted because between my mother’s supervision and Jude’s heavenly voice, I could barely concentrate. I must’ve messed up a million times, but even my mistakes couldn’t diminish Jude’s performance.

  “That was divine, Jude. You have a remarkable voice,” my mother said, clutching one of my father’s dress shirts to her chest. Her face was flushed, and I wondered if she was having another one of her menopausal symptoms.

  “Thank you, Mrs. Greene,” Jude said with a confident smile.

  My fifty-year-old mother practically melted, and I realized I wasn’t the only one with a crush on Jude.

  The next time Jude came over, my mother gave us a little more space, supervising from the kitchen and only passing through the living room a few times.

  When she was out of earshot, I asked Jude about practicing Jailhouse Rock.

  He gave a slow smile that danced through my entire body. “Just be patient. We have plenty of time.”

  During the third visit, my mother vacuumed. My heart pounded as Jude imitated Elvis by thrusting his hips back and forth. Something inside me came undone, and although I worried about getting caught, I couldn’t stop admiring the way he moved. When he finished, his gaze lingered on my mouth, and I almost fainted. My insides tingled, and my pulse raced just like the women in the steamy romance novels my mother kept hidden under her bed.

  “Well, what’d you think?” he asked.

  “You were amazing.”

  He grinned. “You were amazing, too, Nadine.”

  I allowed the way he said my name to linger in the air. How in the world did I get so lucky to have Jude Kingsley in my living room?

  “Nadine,” my mother snapped, jerking me out of my trance.

  “Yes, Mother?” When had she turned off the vacuum, and how long had I been staring at Jude?

  “I’m going across the street to talk to Mrs. Foster. I’ve left two pieces of carrot cake and some lemonade on the kitchen table.”

  “Thank you, Mother.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Greene.”

  She eyed us suspiciously, as if doubting her decision to leave us alone. I held my breath and waited for her to walk out the door, but she continued watching us.

  Jude knocked on the piano and winked at me. “I think we should practice one more time before we take a break, what do you think, Nadine?”

  I held back a smile. “Yes, I agree.” I turned my attention to the sheet music and began playing Ave Maria, grateful for something to do.

  When my mother finally left, Jude sank onto the piano bench beside me. His gaze dropped to my mouth. Was he going to kiss me? I stopped playing but kept my hands on the keys.

  “We’re going to forget about Elvis and just perform Ave Maria,” Jude said, his voice serious.

  “Why?” My heart pounded. He was so close I could smell his shampoo—a woodsy, inviting scent that sent a shiver through me. “The way you perform Jail House Rock is amazing. It would be a shame not to perform it.”

  He smiled. “Thanks, but I was kind of a troublemaker at my old school, and my dad keeps threatening to send me to boarding school if I misbehave again. My mom would never let him do it, but … mostly, I don’t want to get a sweet and innocent girl like you in trouble.”

  I noticed the small scar underneath his earlobe, and I had the craziest desire to touch it. “I’m not that sweet and innocent. And for the record, I’m not afraid.”

  His brow lifted, and he slid down the bench until he was so close I could feel his body heat. I yearned to reach forward and run my hand through his hair.

  “What if I kissed you right now?” he asked. “Would you be afraid?”

  My pulse jumped, and I couldn’t speak. I’d never been kissed before, unless you counted Tim O’Connor in the third grade, and I definitely did not, since that had been more of a dare than true love.

  Jude removed my hand from the piano keys and entwined his fingers with mine. Then he slid even closer.

  With his free hand, he brushed back my hair, tucking it behind my ear. I held my breath as he gently pressed his lips to mine. The touch was so light, so tender, but everything inside me exploded. He kissed me softly for a long time, and when he pulled away, I found myself wanting more.

  “That was wonderful,” I said, sounding way too polite for the heat burning in my belly.

  Jude grinned. “Guess what?”

  “What?” I asked.

  “I think I might be falling for you, Nadine.”

  I smiled so big my cheeks ached. “Really?”

  He nodded. “Yeah. Really.”

  Chapter 5

  Kyle insisted my negative reaction to the news about his fellowship was unwarranted. “I’ve only been accepted,” he claimed. “I haven’t made a commitment yet.”

  “The fact you didn’t tell me you’d even applied feels like a betrayal.”

  “A betrayal? It’s not like I cheated on you!”

  We were in our kitchen, trying to keep our voices down as the boys dug for dinosaur bones in the back yard. Every so oft
en, Zane would call, “Eureka! I found one.” But then Logan would point out it was just a rock, and they needed to dig much farther to find an actual fossil.

  I leaned against the kitchen counter and folded my arms across my chest. “Maybe you didn’t cheat on me, but applying for the fellowship probably took a tremendous amount of time and effort. You probably had to pay for the application fee. I’m hurt you kept that from me. It’s like you didn’t even think twice about locking me out of your life.”

  He groaned, completely dismissing my feelings. This wasn’t a new problem in our marriage. Kyle had been raised in the foster care system and sometimes seemed incapable of true intimacy. Of remembering I was his partner, his family, his wife.

  “We’re married,” I continued. “We have children. You can’t go off making important decisions without me.”

  “Okay, I probably should have told you,” he conceded. “I’m sorry, but can we talk about the fellowship? Can you tell me why you’re so opposed to it? It’s just another year, then I’ll be able to get a better job with higher pay.”

  I slammed my heel into the bottom kitchen cupboard. “I don’t want you to get a better job with higher pay. I don’t want to continue living like a single mother who has extra laundry to do. You’re never here, Kyle, and when you are—”

  “When I am, I don’t spend enough quality time with you,” he said, throwing words from a previous fight back into my face.

  As if to prove the point, his phone buzzed with a text, and he automatically glanced at it. “I’ve got to go to the hospital.”

  “I thought you weren’t on call today?”

  He shrugged. “I’m not, but I told Alex I’d help if he got stuck. I’ll be back in an hour, then we can finish our discussion.”

  “No,” I said, my voice resentful. “You’re not going to get back until late tonight, then we’ll be busy with dinner and bathing the boys and—”

  “I’ll be back,” he said. “Soon.”

  My blood boiled, but I said nothing as Kyle went into the bedroom to gather his things before leaving.