A Mother's Choice

by Kristin Noel Fischer

  I climbed into my car, started the engine, and turned on the heater. Still parked, I called Kyle. He didn’t answer but immediately shot me a text. “Just starting rounds. Call you later?”

  My fingers trembled as I returned his text. “A truck backed into my mom at the grocery store parking lot. She’s in the hospital on a ventilator.”

  I stared at the phone, figuring he wouldn’t receive my message until later since he never looked at his phone while seeing patients. To my astonishment, he called.

  “Autumn. What happened?”

  My breath hitched at the distress in his voice. As best I could, I caught him up to speed on everything. I couldn’t relay all the medical terms accurately, but I did my best. “They’re going to move her to a private room this afternoon.”

  “Oh, honey.”

  The endearment made my eyes water. I grabbed a takeout napkin from the driver-side pocket and wiped my face. “I don’t want her to die.”

  “I know you don’t.” He remained silent while I blew my nose, then he asked, “Do you want me to come home?”

  Of course I wanted him to come home. I wanted him to be here and hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. But I knew what this month meant to him. “No, thanks for asking. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Darlene’s watching Logan and Zane, so I’m headed over there right now. I suppose we’ll know more in the afternoon.”

  He hesitated. “Okay. But call me as soon as you know anything. I’m going to call Jim and try to get more information.”

  “Thanks. I’m sure he’ll be able to give you all the medical details.”

  “I’ll say a prayer for her, Autumn.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I love you.”

  Goosebumps prickled up my arms. “I love you, too.”

  I hung up the phone and drove to Dan and Darlene’s house, feeling a little better. Kyle had the ability to improve even the most horrendous situation. Of course, he could do the opposite, too. But I was glad in this case, talking to him made me feel better.

  Inside the house, Logan gave me a hug and asked about Grandma. Zane, however, offered me no affection and insisted I immediately take him to Eleanor’s house to reclaim his egg.

  “I’ll make you an egg,” Darlene said, helpful as always.

  “I don’t want an egg to eat. I want my dinosaur egg to love!” He broke into tears, like a kid half his age.

  I held him on my lap, wanting to join in with my own tears. But right now, I was his mom, and whether I wanted to or not, I needed to be strong and save my tears for later.

  *

  Darlene, being the wonderful sister-in-law she was, kept the boys all day so I could go home to sleep and shower. In the afternoon, I returned to the hospital and spent several hours sitting at my mom’s bedside.

  My thoughts kept returning to that letter I’d found on her nightstand. If Tim was her boyfriend, he must be sick with worry. Shouldn’t we be trying to contact him? Maybe his presence would help her get better.

  I held my mom’s hand. “Who’s Tim? Do you want me to find him and let him know what happened?”

  She remained silent, of course, the only sound coming from the machines keeping her alive. I put my jacket back on to fight the chill in the room. Outside, the big Texas sky was gray and dreary, matching my depressed mood.

  It’d been months since I spent any serious time praying, but lost and discouraged, I turned to God. Did He ever get tired of people like me who only talked to Him during their time of need?

  Closing my eyes, I bowed my head and prayed for my mom’s recovery. I prayed for Kyle, my children, and my sister’s marriage. Eleanor hadn’t told me what was going on, but she was obviously upset about something on her husband’s phone. Had it been a suggestive text or a picture? Or something worse?

  I also prayed that God would heal the emptiness in the pit of my stomach that only increased with age. Was it just loneliness? Did I need to stop expecting Kyle to fill that hole? Or was it something else? And what was I going to do if I lost my mother?

  Faith, a voice whispered. I opened my eyes, certain someone must have entered the room, but nobody was there. Had my mom spoken? Had God?

  I shuddered and chalked it up to lack of sleep and stress. Faith. Okay, I’ll have a little faith.

  *

  In the late afternoon, I picked up the boys from my brother’s house, thanked Darlene profusely, then drove home in the rain. The temperature had dropped to the low forties, which native Texans considered a national tragedy, even in the winter months. If the downpour continued and there was the slightest chance of ice, the whole state would shut down and school would be cancelled tomorrow.

  I’d thought about staying at my mother’s house tonight, craving the comfort of my childhood home, but our rental was closer to Logan’s school and my work. I needed to go into work tomorrow, even if I didn’t stay the whole day.

  The rain increased as we turned onto our street. A bolt of lightning flashed across the sky, followed by thunder that shook the van. The boys screamed with delight, making me grateful that instead of being afraid, they found tremendous joy in the storm.

  Seeing the road in front of me grew next to impossible, and I gripped the steering wheel tighter. When we finally pulled into the driveway, I breathed a sigh of relief.

  “You left the lights on, Mom,” Logan said.

  I squinted through the rain at the house and noticed that not only were all the lights on, but smoke drifted from the chimney. Confusion and a yearning for home consumed me.

  The front door opened, and Zane shouted, “Daddy!”

  My heart soared as Kyle jogged through the rain holding a large umbrella. He was barefoot and wore faded blue jeans and a black hoodie. I’d never been so happy to see anyone in my entire life.

  I pushed open the car door and flew into his arms. He pulled me tight under the umbrella as the rain pounded all around us. He was wearing the cologne I’d given him for Christmas, and he smelled amazing. Just like the slogan said, “Strong, sexy, and so incredibly masculine.”

  “You’re home,” I said, leaning into him.

  “Yeah. I’m home, baby.”

  Chapter 15

  America survived the Cuban missile crisis of 1962, and somehow my father survived my relationship with Jude Kingsley. Daddy wasn’t happy about it, but he didn’t stop us from dating.

  Four years of college flew by and right before graduation, Ruby entered our apartment looking forlorn. Sinking onto the couch, she heaved a great sigh. “Tim asked me to go to dinner with him on Saturday night. Just the two of us. He said he has something important to discuss, and I’m afraid he’s going to break up with me!”

  Deep down I shared her fear, but I didn’t dare voice it. “Why would he break up with you? You’ve been together over five years.”

  She clutched one of the couch pillows to her chest. “He’s been withdrawn lately. All he does is work and study.”

  I didn’t want to give Ruby false hope, but I couldn’t help asking if she and Tim had ever talked about a future together.

  She shook her head. “Not really. Why? Do you think he’s going to propose? Do you think that’s why he’s so preoccupied?”

  She looked at me with such hopeful eyes, I couldn’t bring myself to disappoint her. “Maybe. What do you think?”

  She tugged at a loose thread on the pillow. “I hope so. I really love him, you know?”

  “I know you do.”

  She set the pillow aside and tucked her legs underneath her. “I just wish I knew what was going through his mind.”

  I laughed. “Is it possible to know what’s going through a man’s mind? Sometimes I ask Jude what he’s thinking about, and with complete sincerity he says, ‘nothing.’ Other times he tells me something so random, I worry about his sanity.”

  “But you know he loves you,” Ruby insisted.

  I nodded because I definitely knew Jude loved me. We talked about our future all the
time. We were planning on getting engaged next summer, after I’d taught school for a year and we’d saved enough money for a house.

  I gave Ruby an encouraging squeeze. “Everything is going to be okay.”

  “I know. Remember when we were little girls and talked about marrying brothers and having a double wedding?”

  I laughed. “We also fantasized about building a house with an indoor swimming pool for our pet dolphins.”

  Ruby clasped my hand. “Oh, Nadine, I don’t know what I’d do without you. I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”

  I shook my head. “I’m the lucky one.”

  *

  On Saturday night, Jude told me to dress up because he was taking me someplace fancy. He arrived at the apartment, looking handsome in his black suit and tie. Clean-shaven, he smelled even better than the shampoo bottle I used to keep in my nightstand drawer.

  In the car, I scooted next to him. “Now are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

  He placed his trembling hand over mine and fear shot through me. Why was he so nervous? He was never nervous around me.

  “You know I love you, right?” he began, his voice shaky.

  My heart clenched. “Are you breaking up with me?”

  “No, of course not.”

  I exhaled with relief and placed a hand over my heart. “What’s going on, Jude? You’re scaring me. Why are you being so strange?”

  “Sorry. I wanted this night to be special, but I’m too anxious to wait.”

  I bit my bottom lip. “Wait for what?”

  He smiled. “I’m taking you to the restaurant on top of the Space Needle.”

  I gasped. “But that’s so expensive.”

  “I know. I’ve been saving for months. I had the whole romantic evening planned with champagne at your parents’ house and—”

  “Champagne? What are you talking about?”

  He made an apprehensive groan. “I’m sorry. I’m ruining everything.”

  At this point, I had no idea what he was talking about. Looking back, it was so obvious, but I’d believed Jude when he told me he wanted to wait at least another year to get married.

  To my amazement, he reached into his suit jacket and pulled out a small black velvet jewelry box. Slowly, he opened it to reveal a tiny diamond engagement ring.

  “Nadine Rose, I know this is probably the smallest ring you’ve ever seen in your life, but … will you marry me?”

  Tears blurred my vision. “Oh, Jude. Of course, I will. Of course.”

  “I don’t have a lot to offer—”

  I interrupted him with a kiss. “You’re all I need. If you’re offering yourself, then that’s all I need.”

  “One day, I’m going to replace this ring with something much bigger.”

  I shook my head. “It’s perfect. I love it. And I love you.”

  He slipped the ring on my finger and kissed me again.

  I spread my fingers and stared down at my hand. “I can’t believe we’re engaged! I can’t believe we’re getting married!”

  After a romantic and extravagant dinner, Jude drove me to my parents’ house for champagne and cake. Over the years, my father had learned to tolerate Jude, and the thought of them coming together to arrange this celebration touched me deeply.

  “We asked Ruby and Tim to join us,” my mother said, her face flushed from the alcohol. “Apparently, they had other plans, but Tim sent his regards. I hope everything is okay.”

  Jude’s tone was distant. “It will be. In time.”

  “What’s going on?” my mother demanded.

  Jude forced a smile. “It’s not my business to say, Mrs. Greene. I’m sure Tim will talk to you later.”

  I’d asked Jude the same thing at dinner, but he’d refused to talk about it. “Please trust me on this,” he’d said. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

  I’d agreed, but I was somewhat disappointed he felt the need to keep a secret from me. How were we supposed to have a strong marriage if we didn’t tell each other everything?

  Reaching across the table, he’d squeezed my hand. “I’ll never be dishonest with you, Nadine, but I promised Tim I wouldn’t say anything, and that’s a promise I intend to keep.”

  I told him I understood, but in hindsight, I wished he would’ve prepared me for what happened next.

  *

  Later that night, I entered the dark apartment nervous about Tim and Ruby. Turning on the lights, I jumped at the sight of my best friend curled up in a ball on the couch. My heart pounded with fear. “Ruby?”

  She looked up with red, puffy eyes. Streaks of black mascara ran down her face and crumpled tissues littered the floor.

  “Oh Ruby, what happened?” I knelt to the ground beside her and placed a hand on her back.

  She wiped her face and sat up. “Tim broke up with me.”

  Even though I feared it was coming, I hadn’t wanted to believe it. I sat on the couch beside her and put my arm around her shoulders. “What did he say?”

  Fresh tears pooled in her eyes, and she sniffed loudly. “He doesn’t want to marry me. He said God is calling him to become a priest.”

  Confusion clouded my brain. “A priest? What are you talking about?”

  “I know. It sounds like a joke, right? Tim O’Connor, a Catholic priest. But he’s seriously going to do it. They’ve already accepted him into the program and everything. He’s leaving the day after graduation. That’s why he’s been working so hard. Not to raise money for a ring or to get married, but to pay off his debts so he can enter the seminary.”

  “I don’t believe it. I thought—”

  “You thought he was in love with me?”

  I pursed my lips because that wasn’t exactly the truth. “He treated you like a girlfriend. You’ve been together all through college. He took you on dates and kissed you goodnight. He never acted like someone preparing to take a vow of celibacy.”

  She launched into a fresh bout of weeping, and I regretted being so direct. “I’m sorry Ruby. I’m just so shocked.”

  “He said he loved me. And he claims he still loves me, but he can’t ignore God’s call.”

  I pressed a hand to my heart. “Oh, Ruby.”

  Her eyes bulged and her hand shot out to grab mine. “You’re engaged?” she asked, staring at my ring. “Jude asked you to marry him?”

  I nodded, feeling guilty for my happiness.

  There was a moment’s hesitation, then she burst into tears, collapsing against me. “That’s wonderful, Nadine,” she said, her voice desolate but not bitter. “I’m so happy for you.”

  *

  Over the next few months, I focused on finishing college and planning my wedding. I tried to be sensitive to Ruby, but preparing for the wedding occupied so much of my time and energy our friendship suffered.

  While I was busy choosing the dinner menu for the reception and selecting the band, Ruby began dating a much older man named Harold McCoy. He was decent looking, soft-spoken, and nice enough, but he was all wrong for Ruby.

  Jude warned me not to say anything, but I ignored his advice and asked Ruby what she saw in Harold. She took offense, and despite my apology, things became strained between us.

  Then, out of the blue, Ruby announced her engagement to Harold. I stared at the huge sapphire and diamond ring on her finger, easily worth ten times more than my ring. “Are you sure about this, Ruby?”

  Her eyes flashed with anger. “You’re not the only one who can be happy, you know.”

  “Of course not.” I chastised myself for saying anything. Our relationship was at a crossroads, and I could either speak my mind or support my friend. “I’m happy if you’re happy.”

  “Of course I’m happy,” she said, perturbed. “I’m very happy. Harold is—well, he’s perfect for me. We’re very, very, very happy.”

  “Good. You wouldn’t be marrying him if he wasn’t wonderful, right?” I tried to keep my tone lighthearted, but judging by the strained look on Ruby’s fac
e, I didn’t succeed.

  “We should double this Saturday,” I suggested, taking a different approach. “Jude and I want to see the new Cary Grant movie. Why don’t you and Harold join us?”

  Ruby’s face brightened, and I dared to hope everything would be okay. “Sure. I’ll talk to him and see if he wants to go.”

  I tried to keep my expression neutral, but I wanted to ask Ruby why Harold got to decide what movie they watched. What about what she wanted?

  *

  On our last night in the apartment together, Ruby and I shared a bottle of wine, ate takeout Chinese food, and talked late into the night about all the memories and good times we’d shared since second grade. I was incredibly grateful and relieved to have our friendship back.

  “Thank you for taking care of me in second grade,” I told her. “My life would’ve been so different without you.”

  “Mine, too,” Ruby agreed.

  I tried to imagine what it would be like living with Jude after my wedding instead of with Ruby. I loved Jude wholeheartedly, but I would miss sharing the apartment with my best friend.

  “I don’t want things to change,” I said. “Please tell me they don’t have to change just because we’re getting married.”

  She swirled the wine in her glass. “Change is the only thing you can be certain of.”

  “But you and I will always be friends, right?” My voice filled with panic. “No matter what happens, we won’t let our friendship suffer?”

  “Of course not.”

  I nodded and clung to the hope that the doubt in Ruby’s voice was a result of the late night and not a hint of troubles to come.

  If I’d known then what was going to happen, I might have done things differently—although what, I don’t know. All I know is it’s so easy to miss the beauty of our life when we’re living it. So easy to forget that right now is a gift to be enjoyed to its full extent because who knows what tomorrow will bring.

  *

  My wedding was everything I’d hoped for. Ruby was my maid of honor, of course, and we had so much fun together. Jude’s parents traveled from Boston to attend the wedding in Seattle. They seemed truly happy for us. Mrs. Kingsley embraced me as though she’d always loved me, and Mr. Kingsley shared a cigar with my father after the rehearsal dinner.