“Or grow to love her,” he corrected quietly. In his view, they were the same thing.
Patience drew a quick breath. She knew they were under a time limit here, but he was moving too fast, pushing too hard. “We’re headed into dangerous territory here, Josh.” She started to turn away.
Hands on her shoulders, he pulled her right back. His pewter eyes narrowed on hers. “Not as dangerous as I’d like. I meant what 1 said. I want a child with you, Patience.”
Patience broke away from him and headed toward the house. “Just like that?”
Hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans, his steps long and leisurely, he accompanied her toward the log cabin. “I’ve wanted a family for a long time.”
Patience’s shoes smacked the driveway with every step. She headed up the steps and back inside the house. “Have there been other women in your life?”
Josh shut the door behind them, closing out the outside world. “Only one who meant a lot to me, and that was a long time ago.”
Unwilling to go back upstairs to the bedroom, Patience sank onto one of the cranberry red sofas in front of the fireplace and asked a question she had a gut feeling was not likely to be well received. “What happened to break you up?”
SHE WAS ASKING QUESTIONS Josh did not want to answer, yet knew he must. His expression both diffident and evasive, he replied, “It was a lot of things.”
“I’m listening.”
That was the problem. He knew she was. Too well, as a matter of fact. Feigning an indifference he couldn’t begin to feel, he shrugged. “In some ways I didn’t move fast enough, in other ways I moved too fast.”
“In what ways?” Patience persisted.
Josh’s jaw tensed as it always did when he found himself faced with questions he could not answer, not completely anyway. Finally he said, as truthfully as he could, “I knew my father was not likely to approve of the match when he learned the woman I loved was wealthy.”
Patience went very still. He knew she was mentally comparing his romantic past with their current situation. “But you got involved anyway,” she guessed.
Josh shrugged in remembered frustration. Back then, he had taken so much for granted. No more. “I didn’t think dollars and cents should matter. Still—” he scowled, silently berating himself for what had later turned out to be crucial mistakes on his part “—I should have tried to talk some sense into my dad a lot sooner.”
Patience watched him restlessly prowl the room. “I gather you weren’t successful when you did try.”
Josh stiffened. “No. I wasn’t. But it was more than that. If I had just been paying attention to everything that was going on at the time, I can’t help but think that maybe I could have prevented the hardships and heartaches that followed.” He could have prevented the end of that awful night, which even now, after all this time, memory couldn’t erase.
HE CAME TO SLOWLY, every inch of him wet and broken and aching with pain unlike anything he had ever known. Groaning, he tried to lift his head to look around and get his bearings, but the effort proved too much, and once again he landed facedown in the dirt.
Panting hard, he lay very still, acclimatizing himself to his surroundings, and gathered the strength to try again. Somehow, he had been thrown free of the car. He had landed in the ravine beneath the cliff, some distance away from the mangled vehicle. Broken bones or no, he knew he had to get out of there. He knew he was in danger, as was his companion. And it wasn’t just from the thugs, who might still be in the area, waiting to gloat over a job well-done. Already, the pungent smell of gasoline and the warning smell of smoke filled his nostrils. They had the cover of night, but for how long? he wondered, desperate to get out of there.
Trying again, he levered himself up on his elbows just as the first flash of fire burst from the car and lit up the sky. The boom that followed shook the earth.
“No!” he shouted hoarsely as debris rained down on him and he took in the shadowy figure still trapped behind the wheel of the burning car. “God, no…”
“I DON’T UNDERSTAND.” Patience’s voice brought Josh out of his painful reverie and back to the present. “Why do you feel so responsible?”
Josh turned back to her, his mood as harsh and selfindicting as his memories. “I was young and caught up in myself and my own problems. I wasn’t paying attention to the events that were unfolding around me.” He drew a grimly chastising breath, knowing, despite Patience’s obvious opinion to the contrary, that he was not being too hard on himself. “As a consequence, I ended up losing both the woman I loved and my family at the same time. I don’t intend for that to happen again.” He would die before it happened again.
“So you’ve been alone all this time?”
“Yes, more or less. I’ve got friends People I work with. But it’s not the same as having family.”
“And you’ve had no other chance to replace the family you lost?”
Josh shrugged and, knowing it was truer than Patience could ever realize, admitted, “I haven’t had much to offer a woman.”
“Now, that I find really hard to believe,” Patience said. “I mean, it’s obvious Uncle Max thought you were absolutely everything a woman could want in a potential father. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have named you in his will.”
Josh shook his head in disbelief. Though he and Max had gotten along great, he could still hardly believe that had happened. Unless it was fate. He knew he wanted to be here. He wanted to see her smile. He wanted to be close enough to see the sparkle in her blue eyes. He wanted to be close enough to kiss and touch her every day. “I think the question is, Patience, What do you think about my potential as a prospective father for your child?”
He tensed hopefully as he waited for her reply, knowing that so much—everything, it seemed—hinged on her wanting him, too.
“Well—”
To his surprise, Patience blushed a little and shyly glanced away. She stood and led the way almost too languorously into the adjacent kitchen. “You are smart, and strong, and, well—there’s really no other way to say it—handsome as sin.”
Josh hadn’t expected her to list off his physical attributes like a customer choosing a stud. He would’ve preferred she concentrate on more important components to the marriage and parenthood equation, such as compatibility, shared values and the all-important chemistry flowing between the two of them. Nevertheless, the depth of her praise, the genuineness of his appeal to her, at least on a physical level, brought an answering warmth to his chest. “Does that mean you’ll think about it?” Josh asked, amazed but pleased at the astonishingly good way things were working out. He had to hand it to Max. He really had known what he was doing, pairing them together in such an unusual way.
“I’ll go you one better,” Patience stipulated firmly. “I’ll agree to it, but only on one condition.”
DESPITE HER FIERCE DESIRE for a baby of her own, Josh hadn’t expected convincing Patience to be this easy. And that had him on the lookout for the next pitfall. “What condition?” he asked as Patience turned out the lights in the kitchen, made sure the back door was locked, went back out into the hall and led the way upstairs. “That we make the baby the modern way.”
Josh did not like the sound of that. It conjured up visions of chilly examining rooms and high-tech paraphernalia. Not candlelight and a warm bed and an abundance of romance.
Unable to help himself, he watched the unconsciously evocative play of her hips beneath the slender silk trousers. It was all he could do not to groan out loud in frustration. “You’re not suggesting we do this via test tube, in some hospital?”
Patience turned to smile at him as she reached the top of the stairs. “Or via artificial insemination? Yes, that is exactly what I am suggesting. And I might add, under the conditions of our engagement to be married, it is all you should expect, Josh.”
This was one possibility Josh didn’t even have to think about. He followed her into the bedroom and sat down on the rumpled covers of
the bed. “No way.”
Patience snatched something pink and soft-looking out of her suitcase. “Why not?” she called over her shoulder, moving by him in a cloud of fragrance and disappearing into the adjacent bathroom.
Because I’ve felt the way you kiss me, the way you respond, and I know you want me as much as I want you, and making love to you would be a long-held dream come true.
“If I make a baby with you, Patience, I want it made the old-fashioned way,” he qualified firmly.
Patience came back out of the bathroom, clad in a pair of pink thermal-knit pajamas that were, he expected, meant to be chaste but were even more sexy than the silk lounging outfit she’d had on minutes earlier. The pants were cut legging style—and clung to her slender thighs, hips and calves like a second skin. The tunic top was long—it came to just below her hipsclinging enough to mold the soft swell of her breasts and the nip of her waist, yet loose enough for a man to get his hands under without unfastening the row of buttons that went all the way down the front. And Josh found he very much wanted to get his hands beneath that soft-looking shirt and on the even softer expanse of her fair satin skin.
“No way, Josh. No way in hell am I doing that!” Patience stormed.
Josh stood and moved around, hoping that would ease the constriction at the front of his jeans. “Why not?” Deciding it was too hot in there to sleep with so many damn clothes on, he took off his chambray shirt and tossed it onto the dresser top.
Her mouth dropped into a round O of surprise and her cheeks flushed a very becoming pink. Looking as if she were struggling to keep her mind on the argument they were having, she said, “Because doing it that way puts a whole different spin on the situation.”
Josh shrugged. He took off his belt and socks, but because he had no pajamas, he reluctantly left on his jeans. “It probably would bring us closer together.” He drew back the covers on his side of the bed to reveal the cool, crisp sheets beneath and lay back on the pillow, his hands folded behind his head.
Patience snapped off the light and crawled beneath the covers on her own side, swiftly drawing them up to her chin. “I don’t want to be that close to you.”
Liar, Josh thought, and it was all he could do not to draw her into his arms and kiss her again. Only the thought he would not want to stop kept him from doing so. He didn’t want to scare her off. And he knew making love to her would frighten her, much more than the kisses they’d exchanged earlier.
Silence reigned between them.
He listened to the rapid rise and fall of her breath, saw the genuine panic on her facc and suddenly knew Patience was as scared of herself and her own feelings as she was of him. “You don’t want to be that close to anyone again, do you?” he asked softly.
“Not at the moment, no,” Patience said stiffly, rolling onto her side and putting her pillow, like a shield, directly between them.
“You know what they say,” he taunted, rolling onto his side so they were stretched out length to length, facing each other. “Nothing ventured, nothing lost!” He reached out and ran his hand down her face, wishing he could kiss her again, wishing he could have all of her, heart and soul. “And you, Patience McKendrick, haven’t taken any real risks in a long time.”
Patience waited until he dropped his hand, then blew out an irritated breath. “Like you have, Mr. I-WasOnly-Serious-About-A-Woman-Once,” she grumbled back.
Josh grinned. He hadn’t planned any of this, but it was easy to see he was getting under her skin. He liked the feeling. “So I’ve been busy,” he fibbed, knowing that was only a small part of why he hadn’t been involved with anyone.
Patience’s delectably soft lower lip slid out into an appealing pout. “So have I.”
“But I didn’t say I wasn’t looking,” Josh continued affably, watching the moonlight play over her hair and skin, knowing that even if things didn’t work out, he would always have the memories of this night, of being close to her again.
Patience drew a slightly calmer breath. “I was looking, too,” she said.
Josh was glad she hadn’t found anyone.
“There was just no one I met who had that special chemistry.”
“Like the kind you and I have,” Josh observed as a dizzying excitement raced through him, arousing him further.
Patience rolled so her back was to him and left her pillow wedged between them. “Chemistry isn’t the only thing necessary to make a marriage last, Josh,” she replied sternly between soft, jerky breaths.
“But it’s a start,” Josh replied, and was pleased when she had no answer to that.
31:00
OBLIVIOUS TO THE MORNING sunshine streaming in through her studio windows, Patience stared at the glowing letters on her computer screen. It used to be that she answered as many letters on how to deal with one’s in-laws, children and nosy neighbors as spouses, mates and dates, she thought as she cradled a steaming mug of coffee in her hands. But lately…Was it her imagination, or were all these letters beginning to have a common theme? Love. More to the point, was anyone out there not searching for love? Including herself.
Shaking her head, she sipped her coffee and turned her attention back to the letter she was trying to answer and read it again.
Dear Patience,
Is it true? Do opposites really attract?
Sincerely,
Magnetic Miss
Patience studied the letter a while longer, mentally formulating her answer, then put her mug aside and began to type.
Dear Magnetic Miss,
Only if you’re interested in an I’ve-been-ridden-roughshod relationship.
Only, she thought, if you’re interested in embarking on something faintly dangerous and very exciting, like my relationship with Josh Colter….
“I don’t know, Patience,” a deep voice intoned over her shoulder, making her jump. “That advice sounds a little bit cut-and-dried to me. Maybe a little overly cautious, too.”
Patience caught a whiff of English Leather cologne and glanced up to see Josh standing beside her. A mug of coffee cradled in his hands, he was reading what she had just typed on the computer screen.
“I think mixing fire and ice can be a great thing,” Josh continued lazily, taking a seat on the edge of her desk and folding his arms in front of him.
Patience tried not to think how glad she was to see him. Which was odd, because she had been ticked off at him when she finally went to sleep for his we-can-dothis-the-old-fashioned-way-if-we-only-want-to attitude toward baby making. “You’re speaking from experience, I gather.”
Showing no outward sign of the restless night they had both had, he shrugged and gently tugged at a lock of her hair. “It never hurts to do a little experimentin’.”
Her heart racing but her outward demeanor cool, Patience pushed away from the desk. “On me?” she asked, preferring to confront him from a physically superior position.
Looking every inch the mischievous cowboy, Josh shrugged. “If the shoe fits…” Lacing his hands around her waist, he shifted her between the open vee of his legs and pulled her down onto his lap. “Besides,” he murmured as he stared down at her and traced her lips with the pad of his thumb, “I think you need me to shake up your dull, safe world. That’s why Max linked the two of us together.”
Patience lifted a dissenting eyebrow, trying not to let him know how he was affecting her. “And that’s what you intend to do, no doubt?”
“I aim to please.” Josh bent and pressed an all-toobrief, all-too-casual kiss to her lips.
“Always have, always will. Now back to your writing.” He held her against him gently. “It’s been sounding a bit too world-weary, don’t you think?”
She had just been thinking the same thing, but hearing it from him irritated her. Using her hands as leverage, she vaulted off his lap and away from him. “The tart-tongued, cynical approach is what my readers want from me, Josh. They want me to be that inner voice that alerts them to the dangers ahead and keeps them from makin
g foolhardy mistakes that have the potential to ruin their lives.”
“Now you’re really sounding cynical,” he teased.
With chagrin, Patience realized that was so, but she couldn’t seem to help it. “Life has a way of doing that to you,” she retorted, deliberately keeping her tone flip, “and I admit I am more cautious these days than I was in my wild youth. Not that you’re one to talk, Josh Colter.” She leveled a lecturing finger his way. “I don’t see you with particularly close ties to those around you.”
Josh’s expression changed. He became abruptly remote, unhappy. “Like you said, life has a way of getting in the way sometimes.”
As do old romances, Patience thought, watching as he rose and swaggered off.
She joined him in the kitchen for breakfast. “Tell me more about this woman you were in love with once,” she said as he poured cold cereal into a bowl.
Josh frowned, not particularly excited about cooperating with her request. “What do you want to know?” he asked gruffly.
Why just the mention of her upsets you, for one thing, Patience thought. Having already eaten cereal upon rising, she contented herself with another cup of coffee. “Are you still in love with her?”
Josh ate his cereal with more than necessary concentration.
“You don’t want to answer that, do you?” Patience guessed.
He shrugged uncaringly. “I don’t see the point.”
“You’re avoiding the question.”
“Okay.” He sat back in his chair. “I guess a part of me is still in love with her and always will be.”
Patience was crushed by that. She tried to keep her feelings to herself. “Is there a chance the two of you will ever get back together?”
Another pause. Even longer. As if Josh just couldn’t decide what to say to that. “No,” he said finally, looking even more irritated.
The Ranch Stud Page 10
