“Why not?” Patience asked curiously.
“Because there are some things in life that can’t be reconstructed.” He went back to eating his cereal with single-minded concentration.
Patience studied him over the rim of her coffee cup. He seemed curiously resigned to that for so fearless and ambitious a person. “Have you tried?”
Josh’s mouth tightened. “There was no point in trying to go back,” he said flatly. “I was young and very involved with my own problems at the time and I didn’t treat her fairly. She had no reason to want to reconcile with me, then or ever.”
He sounded so definite about it. He sounded as if he were still half in love with this mystery woman, Patience thought, disappointed. Or at the very least not really over her, not the way she was starting to get over Alec, anyway. “Maybe if you went to her and told her you had changed,” Patience suggested after a moment, feeling a little stunned at how much Josh was holding back from her.
“No.” Josh finished his cereal. He carried his bowl to the sink, then returned to her side. Reaching down, he captured her hand and brought her to her feet. Both hands landed on her waist. He looked down at her, his gaze as blunt and implacable as his low words. “I am not interested in resurrecting the past, Patience. I want a future. I want to start fresh. The question is—” he paused, sliding his hands through her hair and tilting her face up to his “—are you willing to do the same?”
Was she?
Ten seconds later, Patience still didn’t know.
“That’s a heck of a question to be asking someone you’ve just met,” Patience said softly.
His eyes never wavered. “Nevertheless, it’s a fair one,” he retorted softly, his gaze first tracing, then lingering on her lips. “Besides, Max didn’t give us much choice. He wanted us joined at the hip so we could quickly get questions like this out of the way. So what’s your answer, Patience?” he persisted doggedly. “Will you or won’t you give me a chance?”
JOSH WAITED FOR PATIENCE to reply, knowing the one thing he had never expected or wanted from her was an easy capitulation.
“You know how to take a woman’s breath away, I’ll grant you that,” she replied finally, as even more color flooded into her cheeks.
“I’ve learned to go after what I want,” Josh replied simply, and it was true. These days, nothing and no one stood in his way. When it came to surviving, he was ready and willing to do whatever it took. He sensed that Patience—though she had yet to be as thoroughly tested as he had been—was, too.
“And what you want is a baby,” she said.
More than she could ever know, Josh thought. “A baby and you,” he replied, wanting there to be no mistake about that.
“And a home here on the Silver Spur.”
“That is what Max and I talked about. I just had no idea it would be as your husband.”
“But making your home here appealed to you?” Patience ascertained.
“Yes, it did,” Josh admitted freely. Initially, he’d felt it would be enough to be here on the ranch and see Patience on her holiday visits. Initially, he’d thought it would be enough just to know she was okay.
But now, having spent time with her one-on-one, he wanted more. He wanted to see her and talk with her, hold her and make love to her as if there were no tomorrow. Marrying her, as Max had obviously wanted, was even better.
Unfortunately, the heartbreak of the past had robbed Patience of the impulsiveness he recalled and left her almost overly cautious. Josh studied her thoughtful, wary expression and felt as if he was trying to capture a firefly who simply wouldn’t light but kept anxiously flitting from place to place. “You think I’m doing this because of the money, don’t you?” he guessed unhappily.
Patience went to the kitchen sink. Turning so her back was to him, she poured the rest of her coffee down the drain. “You can’t tell me dollars and cents don’t figure into it,” she said flatly. “If they didn’t, neither of us would be here now.”
Crossing the distance between them, Josh put his hands on her shoulders and turned her so she had to face him. “I would have honored anything Max had asked me to do in his will,” he vowed in a low voice, rife with respect. “I owe him that.”
“So do I. But the money we both stand to gain from this inheritance colors things,” Patience replied, troubled.
Josh shook his head. “It doesn’t have to. Hell, if you want, if it’s going to pose a problem between us, we could voluntarily give it up.” He would gladly sacrifice the ranch for a life with Patience.
Patience bit her lower lip indecisively. “Max wouldn’t have wanted that, either, Josh. He wanted the Silver Spur Ranch to stay in the family.”
Feeling she might bolt at any moment, Josh tightened his hands on her shoulders. The possessiveness he felt for this woman still astounded him. “Then we follow through.”
Patience wrapped her arms around his waist and sagged against him. “Oh, Josh. You make it sound so easy.”
He stroked her hair gently. “It could be, Patience, if we let it be.”
She shook her head in silent consternation, looking as if this really were too much to discuss, and he knew, once again, he was pushing too hard, too fast.
FEARING SHE WAS EMBARKING on the same kind of whirlwind romance she had embarked on with Alec, Patience decided it was time to pull back a little, regroup and figure out if this was really the direction she wanted her life to go. Stepping out of the warm, inviting circle of Josh’s arms, she tipped her face up to his and said briskly, “I really have to get back to my column, finish it and fax it in before the Sunday edition deadline.”
Looking abruptly regretful they had shared so much, too, Josh accepted her decision with a nod, adding, “I’ve got to update the medical records on the new stallions. I can work in the living room. The files are already here. I had them brought along with Goldie.”
Without Josh around to distract her, Patience finished her letters to her readers in short order and faxed them in. She bypassed him quietly and went out to the kitchen to get another cup of coffee and see if they needed anything from the supermarket.
Opening the cupboards to check out the contents, she came across an electric baby food warmer, several baby bottles and a stack of washable bibs. Again, there was a little note from Uncle Max. It said, “Nothing would make me happier than to see you with a young’un running around.”
Patience smiled and leaned against the counter. What would it be like, she wondered, getting up every morning to fix breakfast for her husband and child? To have a high chair at the table? To have her day brightened by their baby’s smiles? If the baby was a boy, would he look like Josh? Would he have his eyes or hers?
And what kind of daddy would he be? Gentle, that went without saying. Probably fiercely protective, too.
She could imagine Josh tenderly cuddling their baby against his chest. Or playing with the baby. Coaxing the little one to talk. And laugh out loud and smile.
He would be there as much as she would let him be. The question was, Did she want Josh in her bed and her life, not just temporarily, but for the decades it took to bring up a child? Judging by the way he set things up in his will, Max had seemed to think it was a good idea. Which meant Max approved of Josh to the nth degree.
Patience sighed, wishing that Max had felt that way about her and Alec, yet recalling all too well how different his attitude had been, and how it had colored her relationship with Alec.
She thought back to the night they’d set a wedding date, and the chain of events that had precipitated it.
Alec had known she was upset the moment she walked in his dorm room that cold January night.
“WHAT’S WRONG?” he asked.
“Everything!” Patience stepped over the books, papers and magazines he’d piled every which way, flung off her coat and tossed it down on the unmade covers of his bed. One of the things she liked best about Alec was that he was as hopelessly messy as she was. Perfectly comfortable in
the chaos of his room, she swung back around to face him. “Uncle Max not only refuses to give us his blessing, he refuses to attend our wedding on Valentine’s Day!” She didn’t bother to hide the tears streaming down her face. She had never felt so hurt or so angry in her life.
Alec rummaged around his desk Failing to find any tissues, he wiped her face with the comer of a just washed towel, still warm from the dorm clothes dryer. When he had finished, he threw the towel aside and pulled her into his arms, stroking her hair all the while. “I was afraid he’d feel this way,” he murmured, gently pressing a kiss to her temple.
With effort, Patience pulled herself together. “Did you tell your father?”
Alec stiffened and for a long moment said nothing. Patience drew back slightly to better see his face. Alec stared past her, his jaw set, his glasses sliding down on the end of his nose. “He’s not going to come, either.”
Patience let her head fall forward until it rested against Alec’s chest. “This is such a mess.”
Alec sighed. “Maybe we should wait.”
“No,” Patience said stubbornly. “I want to get married now. Just like we planned. And we will, Alec. We’ll throw ourselves a wedding with the trust fund money my parents left me. It’s not all that much, granted, but it’s enough to buy us the wedding of our dreams.”
Alec paused, his expression troubled, as he ran a hand through his short blond hair. “You’re sure this is what you want?”
Patience nodded determinedly, ignoring the doubts she saw on his face. She was sure enough for both of them….
LOOKING BACK on her engagement, though, Patience had to wonder. Had she given Alec a chance to rescind his proposal? Or had the rush to marry been more one-sided than she knew? Had Alec secretly wanted to back out by then, and just been afraid to say so for fear of hurting her feelings?
Was she making a similar mistake with Josh in even thinking of honoring Max’s wishes?
She knew he desired her, just as Alec had.
She knew from the way he looked at her sometimes when he thought she wasn’t aware of it that he might even come to love her one day.
But she also knew that Josh was restless in a way that Alec hadn’t been. And that restlessness of his could end up spelling trouble for them both, she worried. Because she couldn’t bear it if he walked out on her one day, the way Alec had.
Just then the phone began to ring. Thinking it might be her editor, with some comment on the letters she had just faxed in for the Sunday edition, Patience reached for the phone. “I’ll get it,” she called to Josh before he could pick up the extension in there.
As it turned out, it was a woman on the other end, all right. But the call was not for Patience.
“Just a moment, I’ll get him,” she said as Josh walked into the kitchen. She handed the phone over to him. “Holly Diehl wants to talk to you.”
Chapter Seven
Dear Patience,
My fiance says a little mystery is good for the relationship. Is he right?
Sincerely,
No Nancy Drew
Dear No Nancy Drew,
Mystery in a relationship is only good for Mata Hari. Know everything or move on to the next trail. Take nothing on faith alone.
Looking Out for You,
Patience
29:02
Patience watched Josh’s face as he talked on the phone in clipped answers of “yes,” “no,” and “I’ll have to get back to you on that.” Finally, about two minutes into the conversation, he advised Holly to consult Soaring Eagle concerning any questions she might have about training a new foal, since he was the head trainer on the ranch. He said a rather terse goodbye and hung up the phone. It was pretty clear to Patience that the call from Holly had been as much of a personal as professional nature. It was also clear Josh would have preferred she not overhear any of it.
“Problem?” Patience asked, still wondering what exactly Josh’s relationship with Holly Diehl was.
Josh shook his head. “No. She just had a few questions. I told her what she needed to know on the phone. I need to go into town to do a few errands. What would you think about going with me and having lunch there, at Pearl’s Diner?”
“Sounds good to me,” Patience said. It would give her a chance to drop by Cisco Kidd’s office and find out what was up with his investigation of Josh. If he hadn’t come up with anything so far, she just might ask him to call it off. The truth was, she was beginning to feel a little guilty about even having ordered it. It wasn’t like her to investigate someone behind his or her back. It was just this situation that Max had initiated that had her thinking and doing so many crazy things, had her feeling that there was something she should know or notice or recall, hovering just beyond her consciousness….
“I’ve got some errands to do, too,” she finished brightly.
An hour later, they were sitting in a booth at Pearl’s.
“Don’t the two of you look cozy,” Pearl said as she put plates of steaming chicken tetrazzini in front of Josh and Patience. “If Max gets his wish, there are going to be some beautiful babies being made on the Silver Spur.”
Patience successfully struggled to contain a blush as she fibbed, “The only babies I am interested in at the moment are those due to be born to my Persian cat, Tweedles.”
“When is she due?” Pearl asked, collecting their empty salad plates.
“Any day.”
“Problem is,” Josh told Pearl, “Tweedles has disappeared.”
“I haven’t seen her in a good twenty hours now,” Patience told Pearl as she topped off their glasses of iced tea. “And neither have any of the hired hands.”
“She may have run off somewhere to have her babies in peace,” Josh explained.
“Oh dear,” Pearl said, setting the glass pitcher down with a thud. “Is that safe on a sprawling ranch like the Silver Spur?”
“It worries me, too,” Patience admitted freely. “There’s a lot of wildlife out there, not all of it friendly. And Tweedles is very much a city cat.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll find her,” Josh said. And looking into his eyes, she could believe he meant it. “Maybe not before she delivers, but someone will stumble across her, I’m sure. She may be lying low but she probably didn’t go too far from the house. There are too many hired hands for someone not to see something eventually.”
“Well, good luck to you on both scores,” Pearl replied, her eyes looking a little moist. “I know more than anything Max wanted you both to be happy.”
“That’s the problem,” Patience said as Pearl moved off to attend to other customers and she and Josh dug in to their entrée. “I don’t want any of this because it was what Max wanted. And yet there’s a part of me that feels I should do exactly what he wanted as a way of honoring him and his last wishes.”
“I know what you mean,” Josh said. “I feel that way, too.”
“But—?” Patience prodded, sensing there was more.
“Bottom line. I’m still willing to marry you so you can inherit. But I’m not making babies…I’m not going to make ours a real marriage…just because of his will.”
“Nor will I,” Patience agreed wholeheartedly. Yet more and more it was beginning to seem like a real possibility. For the first time in years, real happiness and the family she had always wanted seemed within her grasp.
Josh smiled. He seemed pleased with her reaction as he reached across the table and took her hand. “If it happens,” he said in a low, serious voice, “I want you to know it’ll be because the time and circumstances are right for both of us.”
“DID YOU HAVE ANY TROUBLE slipping away to see me?” Cisco asked Patience half an hour later.
“None,” she reported as she slipped into a chair in front of Cisco’s desk. Although, she amended silently, she felt guilty as heck for lying to Josh about what she was going to do. He thought she was off buying some cosmetics. “We were due to take our thirty-minute breaks apart sometime, and this is our f
irst.”
“Does Josh know you’re here?”
“Not exactly.” Her conscience still prickling unbearably, Patience put her purse down next to her feet. “I sort of took off in the direction of the drugstore, then slipped around to your office through the back alley.”
“What’s he doing right now?”
“He had some errands, too. So, what have you come up with on Josh so far?” Patience was fervently hoping it was nothing.
“So far his background and the employment history you gave me on him check out exactly. There’s not a glitch in his history, not even a parking ticket so far as I can tell. In some ways it was almost too perfect for a rough-around-the-edges guy like Josh.”
“My thoughts exactly. I mean, his face has those tiny scars on it, a couple above his eyebrow, another just below his lip, and his nose looks like it’s been broken— but never reset—too. All that, coupled with the don’tmess-with-me way he carries himself, adds up to a guy who has not only been around but seen a barroom fight or two.”
“Yet those in barroom brawls or street fights usually get arrested,” Cisco returned evenly, turning the gold pen in his hand end over end. “And Josh Colter has no record of arrests.”
“That’s good, isn’t it?” Patience asked. Except for the fact that his squeaky-clean but very restless past made her wonder all the more.
Cisco made a seesawing motion with his hand. Patience had never seen him look more serious. “To be straight with you, Patience, I don’t know if it’s good or bad. It could be that Josh has no criminal record and we’re letting our imaginations run away with us. On the other hand, he could be from a background that is every bit as rough-and-tumble as we think.”
“Then why wouldn’t it show up?”
Cisco laid down his pen but did not immediately share his thoughts with her. “Maybe he has friends in high places who could help erase whatever troubles Josh had in his misspent youth,” Cisco suggested finally.
The Ranch Stud Page 11
