Timekeepers: Number 2 in Series
Page 16
Jehovah sat back, letting Sam’s head fall to the ground, and nursed his bleeding hand. ‘She made you love her. Then she let Seth realise that she knew about his plans. So that Seth would send assassins. She let herself be betrayed. So that you would get involved, try to revenge her death. She had to get you involved, don’t you see? You’re the Bearer of Light.’
‘She’s dead,’ whispered Sam, not moving. ‘You murdered her.’
‘No. I didn’t.’
‘You lie. You’re all lying. You’ve been lying for centuries.’ He closed his eyes, trying to shut out something more than the words. His other senses were picking up another mind in the room, someone standing behind him, the watching figure beyond the mirror. He strove not to sense it, tried in vain not to recognise the mind that stood behind him. ‘You want me to sell my soul to Time like you did. You’re lying. It won’t work.’
‘Why deceive yourself, Sam?’
‘Following a trend.’
And she spoke. He’d known she would, he’d known when he saw the mirror draw back and the dark shape emerge from it, shielding against the fires.
He’d known, and wished he hadn’t.
‘I’m sorry, Sebastian.’
Sam said nothing. He didn’t know what he could say. He lay there, a small figure in black on a floor of swirling colours and buried his head in his hands.
Another hand touched his shoulder, warm. Just like hers.
‘I’m so sorry.’
He lifted his head and stared ahead of him at the room as though he’d never seen it before.
‘I founded the Ashen’ia,’ she said in his ear, a statement of fact, not trying to excuse. ‘I promised them they’d have you. More to the point, your power. I knew Seth would send someone to kill me. Jehovah helped me fake my own death, so I could disappear. I had to get out of Seth’s sights, don’t you see?
‘Also I had to drag you in. We needed you to delay Seth until we were ready. We also needed you to have a cause to fight for. And I knew the only thing you’d be guaranteed to fight for was me.’
‘Go away.’
‘Sebastian —’
‘Go away. Leave me alone.’ Leave me alone, get out of my head.
You’re slipping, Sebastian. Drowning in the voices…
She spoke so factually, so coldly, like a spy reporting to her master, but still her warm hand brushed his hair from his face and her voice tickled his ear as though they’d never stopped being lovers. But for the words she said, he could almost believe they’d never parted.
‘I was sent to make you love me.’
You’re slipping, Sebastian.
The light and the dark, the magic… the magic and… and…
‘Go away. Please go away.’
For Freya.
‘I… do love you.’
So many minds, filling my soul, drowning out my voice, no escape.
‘It’s a trick.’
‘I wasn’t meant to love you, Sebastian. I couldn’t help it.’
Not even the magic can hold me up, lost in a sea of thought.
‘Go away!’
He’d yelled it, felt her hand recoil sharply from his face as though stung. Saw Jehovah take Freya by the hand and pull her away from him. He brought his knees up to his chin and buried his face against them, wrapping his arms around his shins to protect himself.
He felt them move away, felt Freya’s eyes on him every step, heard the door close. When he was sure they were gone, he raised his head, face burning, tears stinging his eyes, and put his hands to his ears.
You’re slipping, Sebastian, not even the magic can hold me up, but then everyone loved Freya, go away, leave me alone, go away, and me, and me, and me, lost in a sea of thought, go away, no more alone, go away, go away, for Freya, leave me alone, leave me alone…
His mouth opened in a scream that refused to come. Hunched within the summoning circle the Bearer of Light held on to his head as though it were about to explode. A thousand voices roared Freya’s name in his mind, and not one of them his own. Go away, leave me alone, go away, go away, go away…
Alone, the Bearer of Light fell to the ground and wept like a baby.
TWELVE
A Question of Loyalty
H
e warded the door, sealing himself in, and explored the cubbyhole behind the open mirror. It was just a dark space, but the mirror was two-way, letting in light from the torches burning in the small room beyond.
Sam sat on the edge of the summoning circle, cross-legged, and watched the knife in the middle of it. Finally he said to the empty air, ‘It’s a silly ritual anyway. You are everywhere, so why should I have to shed blood to summon you? That’s just the painful part of a spell, put in to make foolish men feel better about their weak magics. But I know. You’re everywhere. You’ll always be everywhere, there’s no way to escape Time, is there? So appear. Talk to me.’
And where there hadn’t been a man, there was a man. Or possibly he’d been there all along. He wore a silver crown, the twin of Sam’s, and in one hand he carried a short silver sword, also identical to Sam’s. But his hair was blond and his clothes were white, and unlike Sam he carried the dagger in his belt, rather than hidden away where none might suspect it.
Sam recognised him from the paintings in Heaven, and Balder knew that he did, for he smiled. Or it wasn’t Balder, but someone borrowing Balder’s shape, for Sam knew also that Balder was dead and buried.
‘Well?’ he said finally, when Sam didn’t speak. His voice was light and innocent. ‘You’ve called me here. What do you want?’
‘You know.’
‘I know what most probably you want. I can see billions of billions of futures where you want answers and truths, and very few universes indeed where you desire anything else. But to make these futures happen, you must ask.’
‘You sent her.’
‘Yes,’ he said simply, not a qualm.
‘How long have you been planning this?’
‘Thousands and thousands of years. I had thought it would be Balder who would fight this battle, but he is dead and you are not. So the Light is yours, the duty is yours.’
‘All so I can stop Seth?’
Balder raised his eyebrows, looking at Sam with a faint smile on his lips. Then he laughed. ‘Whatever gave you the idea that I wanted you to do that?’
Sam had opened his mouth to speak, before Balder’s words smote their way into his brain. He looked up at Balder with horror in his eyes. ‘You’ve… let Seth get this far because you want him to free Cronus?’
Balder shrugged, walking up and down within the summoning circle as though he hadn’t a care and was mildly amused to see a mere immortal puzzling it out.
‘So that I will have to discharge against Cronus,’ added Sam. Another shrug, a casual little matter, not worthy of great attention. ‘Ridding yourself of your great enemy.’
‘Uhuh.’
‘And your son?’
Another shrug. ‘Casualty of war.’
Sam followed his pacing and spoke in a soft, low voice. ‘You bastard. You’ve been behind this all the time… But why not free Cronus yourself?’
‘Wouldn’t come out. Cronus has a limited sphere of influence, but he can sense if someone genuinely wants him free. Seth does. So it is necessary that Seth opens the door to Cronus.’
‘You knew this was going to happen. You sent Freya to ensure I was involved. You knew Jehovah would then turn to you, sell his soul. You knew that I would end up with the Ashen’ia. That’s why you made sure Jehovah had me watched and protected, to ensure I didn’t die. You must have known more, though. You must have known that I’d stab Adam when a Pandora spirit possessed him, that all these things would come to pass, that I’d love Freya! You knew!’
‘Of course,’ said Balder. ‘But you changed one of those things, didn’t you? In nearly all the futures I saw, you killed your friend Adam. But you didn’t, did you? You’re the miracle maker, you just have to defy destiny. I saw
futures span out from that one event I hadn’t seen before.’ He didn’t raise his voice, didn’t even look in Sam’s direction, just wandered round the room with the distracted interest of a busy tourist who’d been expecting something more.
Sam was shaking with anger. ‘All this? Just so you could destroy Cronus once and for all?’
‘You seem surprised. I thought more of you, son.’
‘You’ve let worlds be torn apart so you can be rid of a helpless enemy!’ yelled Sam. ‘You’ve turned Hell upside down, Hades razed to the ground, thousands and thousands of demons marching to die against the Ashen’ia who all the time are nothing more than pawns in your grand scheme! On Earth you expected Adam, my friend, to die under the influence of the Pandora spirits, along with who knows how many others! In Heaven, Jehovah has turned Suspicion loose and now all of your Children cower in fear! All so that Cronus can be destroyed?’
Balder sighed, as though annoyed by a persistent fly. ‘You cannot see the future. More good things will come out of this than you know.’
Sam gave a strange, twisted laugh. ‘Or ever will know, Father. For I’ll be dead or mad or a wandering ghost, mind shattered to a hundred billion other minds, be they ant, angel, human or horse. That’s your grand plan, isn’t it? Convince Seth that he’s freeing Cronus through his own intelligence and power, so that Cronus will see a loyal servant of his unlocking the gates. And Cronus will rush forth, and your little son, little light and little fire, will stand before him, a dwarf faced with a giant. And I’ll discharge the Light, and both of us will die.
‘Congratulations, Father, you’ve freed the world of two devils with one stroke. Hurrah for the new world order, come join the plots of Time. For nothing can he fear while little light and little fire is betrayed and beaten by all he loved.’
Sam paused for breath, anger bubbling like boiling oil, fingers opening and closing at his sides, wishing he had a suitable weapon. But you have a weapon, little light, little fire, whispered the voices in his mind. We are your weapon. We are the intention and the act, the strength and the weakness, the —
Shut up.
There is a part of Us that can destroy Time. For Time is but a One, and we are Many.
Shut up.
You’re slipping, Sebastian…
‘Finished?’ asked Balder, seeing Sam stand wretched before him, shifting from foot to foot as though not quite comfortable inside his own body.
‘No,’ he snapped. ‘How much of my life have you planned?’
‘All,’ said Balder mercilessly, driving the word at Sam like a jousting knight. ‘From birth to the present day, always am I around you. I am Time. I am Destiny. I am Fate. You cannot escape me.’
‘Never once?’ asked Sam, seeming to shrink in on himself. ‘Have I never once defied and won?’
Balder seemed to hesitate, just for a moment. Then he sighed and looked away. ‘Once. I did not mean for you to be exiled over the Way of Eden. I wanted you distanced from Heaven, not banished by your own actions.’
‘You must have seen I’d close the Way of Eden.’
‘I saw it. But I thought it was beyond you.’ He turned back to Sam, and there was something in his face that Sam couldn’t read. It wasn’t anger, it wasn’t hate, though it came near both. Something else tempered his borrowed features – lowered the eyebrows, twisted the mouth and made the skin pale.
‘Truly you’re the miracle-maker, to have closed the Way of Eden as you did. I didn’t think you had the courage, the strength, or the understanding. I was wrong on every count.’
‘I can’t make miracles when I’m dead,’ said Sam.
‘No,’ replied Balder with a faint, almost sad smile. ‘But while you live, perhaps?’
‘If by a miracle I can stop you in your aims, I’ll do so. I won’t let you overturn worlds because of a feud millions of years old that has no need to destroy so much.’
‘“Won’t let?”’ echoed Balder, the smile turning to something cruel and amused. ‘How so?’
‘I’m the miracle-maker, I’ll find a way. You’ve underestimated me before, haven’t you, Father? Why should I not be able to destroy your plans now?’
Balder spoke quietly, his blue eyes boring into Sam’s. ‘You’re right, of course. I made you almost too good at what you do. But you’re still not capable of challenging a Greater Power.’
‘Yet you’d make me destroy Cronus.’
‘Cronus is challenging you, not the other way round. Conflict with him is something you cannot avoid.’
‘Watch me.’ Sam drew magic inside him, framed his thoughts, his target. Seth. Tell Seth what’s happening, warn him off.
‘If you try to touch Seth’s mind,’ said Balder, his voice so gentle it was hardly audible, ‘I’ll kill Freya.’ He advanced towards Sam, menacing, graceful as a cat; but Sam didn’t doubt he had sharp claws too. ‘You’re already slipping,’ Balder whispered.
There is a part of Us that can destroy Time. For Time is but a One, and we are Many.
‘Not even the magic can hold you up any more, can it?’
We are the intention and the act, the strength and the weakness.
‘You’ve used the Light too much, son.’ Time reached out and gently clasped Sam’s head in his two hands, as though he knew about the voices that buzzed away in Sam’s skull, making him feel as if he were about to burst.
… the light and the dark, the individual and the whole…
‘All those voices are becoming one in your mind, aren’t they? So many voices, you can no longer tell them apart. And as they lose individuality and speak with one voice, so your thoughts begin to speak with them. You’re already remembering things that don’t come from your own mind.’
… slipping from the One into the Many…
‘They say… I can destroy you,’ said Sam, surprised at the weakness of his own voice and the racing of his heart. ‘They speak as one. They say they are life, for life is many things, and you are just another part of being. They say there is much that is timeless in this universe; you are not necessarily required.’
‘They’re just memories. Figments of other lives, ingrained on your mind.’
‘No,’ Sam whispered, clasping his father’s wrists in his hands, holding on to them as though he feared the hands on his head might slip and the voices would pour out, fill the world, drown him in their chant. ‘When I use the Light a part of my mind is written on to the minds of those I touch. So parts of their minds are written on to mine. So many minds, all connected by the Light, and through the Light they speak as One. Many become One, yet there is only One of the Many, so many minds inside my own, and they never go away, they stay there for ever, and the more minds you have inside your own the louder they grow until you can hardly hear yourself think!’
… so much in so little, so much in me…
Balder smiled faintly. ‘When put like that,’ he said, ‘what is to be feared from dying?’
‘I’m afraid,’ Sam whispered.
‘I know.’ Balder pulled Sam closer, wrapped his long arms around him and held him. ‘I know. Who isn’t afraid of the unknown?’
‘Seth isn’t. Cronus isn’t the end of the universe, Father. He’s the end of the universe as we know it. There’s a big difference. Cronus might be nice.’
‘Do you believe that?’
‘No. But I have never seen any proof. I have never seen proof that man landed on the moon, or that Odin’s crown is little more than painted tinfoil. Yet I believe these things. Why can’t I then believe that Cronus would bring happiness?’
‘Because of the Light,’ replied Balder, leaning his cheek against Sam’s hair and rubbing his limp arms. ‘The Light touches all those minds, and between them they carry every aspect of life, trust, hate, suspicion, greed, love, jealousy, anger, peace, contentment, resentment – it’s all there. And though it will drive you mad, you have learned to like life, and fear its ending.
‘That’s also why you instinctively fight me. Because I
am also, eventually, death, and that too is inescapable. And in touching all the minds of the universe, you have, in a brief, small way, touched mine. So you know I’ll kill her.’
‘I need…’ A faint smile crossed Sam’s lips at the irony. ‘Time.’
‘You have three days until Seth reaches Tartarus. Unless, that is, he’s prevented by a miracle. But I don’t think he will be, do you?’
‘Don’t leave me alone,’ whispered Sam, squeezing his eyes shut against the burning tears that were beginning anew.