by London Casey
I picked up another day at the center, making my week even busier.
Busy was good though.
There was still that intense sense of freedom of being able to grab my keys and go. No need to check on anyone or anything. No need to worry that something would happen.
Although I still felt guilty that there was paint in the hallway upstairs waiting to go on the walls. I had gotten the downstairs done, along with the stairway. I got all the boxes from the downstairs unpacked and broken down. So when you walked into my house it didn’t look like I had just moved in.
Tonight, I was ready to do nothing. Literally nothing.
I was outside, my phone on the table, music playing. I found a playlist of just relaxing music. All instruments, no voices. I sat in a chair and put my feet up on the railing. I peeled at the label on my beer bottle. Turning my mind off was an impossible feat, something that I came to terms with a long time ago in my life.
So while sitting there, I thought about everything that was going on. The greatest burden, the strangest one, the one I cared about the most, was the one next to me.
And almost right on cue, kicking my attempt at a relaxing night away, I heard the sound of Jake’s deck door open and shut. I looked over and spotted his silhouette walk across the deck. He turned and faced right at me.
He raised a hand to wave.
I raised my bottle with a wave.
“Want one?” I called out.
“Sure,” Jake said.
I didn’t expect his answer and I didn’t expect him to just walk off his deck and walk across the grass into my yard.
I jumped up and hurried inside to grab a few more drinks. When I shut the fridge and stood up, I paused in front of the microwave and tried to spy on my own reflection.
Did I really care how I looked in front of Jake?
Yes.
Back outside, Jake stood at the opening in the railing, leaning against the post that came up to his ass.
He looked so good.
Sexier than any man I had ever met in my life. The whole Dad thing was good on him, not to mention the muscles and tattoos. The fact that he had no time to worry about how he looked yet still managed to look so delicious.
Complete with the white monitor hooked to the front pocket of his jeans.
“Sadie sleeping?” I asked.
He pulled the monitor from his pocket. “Yup.”
“Cheers to another day,” I said and offered him a beer.
He took it, touching my hand, making me wonder if he did it on purpose or not.
“Cheers to you, Emily,” he said.
“To me?”
Jake smirked. The small light on my deck wasn’t bright but bright enough to let me see all of Jake’s sexy little features. The meanness of his face drove me crazy. And when he smiled, it was this clash between good and evil. And it made my heart and body feel both good and evil intentions.
“Yeah, you,” he said. “And your date.”
“My date?”
Jake laughed.
Then it hit me. “Oh. That.”
“It’s a good thing for you. Getting out. Not worried about your fucked up neighbor so much.”
Was Jake jealous?
“I didn’t go on a date, Jake,” I said. “Julie thought she was doing me a favor.”
“That’s not what I heard.”
“Oh, yeah? And this is your business?”
“In a way, it is,” he said.
I scoffed. “I’d love to hear how.”
“You like to spend time with Sadie. If you start bringing someone over… that changes things.”
I shook my head. “What?”
“You heard me, Emily.”
“Wait a second. Did you just… tell me you’re not using Sadie as a way to get me not to see someone else.”
Jake took a drink from his beer. “You can look at it anyway you want.”
“Fuck you, Jake,” I said. “I came out here to have a drink, alone, in peace. I invite you over for a drink and it takes you all of ten seconds to attack me? Who do you think you are? First off, whoever I date is my business. Second, I would never put Sadie into a position to hurt her or confuse her. Fuck you for thinking that. Third, I didn’t go on a fucking date. Julie made me talk to some guy named Bobby at the carnival. And for the record, the second I saw you getting onto the train I walked away from Bobby. To see you. To be with you. So fuck you, Jake. You should go home.”
I turned and made it a single step.
That’s when I felt his hand grab me. He pulled at me. I looked down and saw his fingers. The sexy tattoos on his hand.
“Em,” he whispered. “Don’t…”
He gave another tug and I spun around.
Jake pulled at me, bringing me right to him. My hands grabbed at his shirt for balance. My fingers felt the hard skin through his shirt. He reached back and balanced his beer on the railing, next to the baby monitor.
“Hey,” he said. “I’m sorry. For that.”
“Jake, I’m not dating anyone.”
“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “It’s not my business. But when I heard that…”
“You got jealous?”
“I got something,” he said. “I don’t know what.”
I released my right hand from his shirt and reached for his face. My fingertips touched the scruff on his face. It sent a sandpaper tingling feeling through my entire body. I quivered in spots that were private. Those same spots then began to ache for him.
“Why, Jake?”
“Because I don’t want to lose you next,” he said.
“Lose me?”
“Everything you’ve done for Sadie. She’s happier since you came around, Em. She’s got this light to her now. Something I couldn’t give to her. And me? It’s a little comforting to know you’re right next door.”
“Are you being vulnerable to me, Jake?”
“I think I’m being really stupid,” he said. “Because I don’t know where the lines are, you know? I don’t know what is right and wrong. I’ve got Mickey telling me to get out there… I’ve got Paul showing me… it doesn’t even matter. I should get going.”
Jake slid to the side but not out of my reach.
I grabbed his shirt. “Wait. Jake. What are we hiding from? What are we afraid of right now?”
“I’m not afraid, Em. I’m showing restraint.”
“What if I told you not to?”
Jake took my hand from his shirt. He opened my hand and put his hand to mine. He put our palms together. His fingers so much bigger than mine. His hand bigger. The sheer size making me feel so wild inside. A sense of protection. Making me wonder what those hands and fingers would feel like touching my body…
Jake interlocked our fingers.
He swallowed hard.
Then he made a quick move and stepped toward me, putting his other hand to my back. He pulled me close, his hand sliding down to my ass, pulling and lifting. I jumped up and was in his arms. He turned and walked me with force, pinning me against the outside of my own house. The light right above us, shining bright, moths and bugs flying into the light over and over. It sort of reminded me of me and Jake. Always bumping into each other but never finding what we were looking for.
His lips brushed against mine for a split second. Then he moved down. His lips against my neck. I clawed for his back, sighing with a sense of relief, and felt him kiss me. I shut my eyes, ready for whatever came next, feeling tender kisses climb up my neck to my ear. The roughness of his teeth as he playfully tugged at my ear, setting my body into an inferno status. My heels pulled at him, thrusting, needing him.
That’s what this was.
Need.
I needed Jake.
And I knew he needed me. And I was the right one for him. I could accept any of his pain, grief, his worry and doubts. I could cradle him in my arms whenever he needed me to do so.
I could be anything…
Jake pulled away for a second. He moved
his nose across my nose.
Our eyes locked.
“Jake…”
“Em…”
We kissed at the same time. The attack. Everything colliding together. My left hand shot out. I reached for the door. I felt the edge of the handle.
How would this work? His daughter was in bed… at home… next door… how…
Jake kissed me harder.
He spun me around.
I was then being lowered to the deck. Right there, outside, on the wood.
I let out a groan as our kiss broke for a few seconds.
Jake placed me down, stayed on his knees, towering over me.
I slipped my hands under his shirt, finally able to touch his body. Finally able to feel that hard muscle. Finally able to let my hands explore all the places my imagination had been playing with for such a long time.
Jake broke the kiss again.
“Yes,” I whispered.
His right hand touched my waist and moved up. His fingers flirted with the bottom of my shirt but didn’t go under. He stayed over my shirt and moved up. As he crested the swell of my breast, I thrust my chest. My legs shivered, a heat climbing down between my thighs, aching for him.
Jake moved down to kiss me again. His tongue was rampant and commanding. His lips were soft, the scruff on his face rough, matching everything I knew about him. That sexy mix of good and evil forever smashing together when it came to him.
He broke the kiss again, gritted his teeth.
I felt him between my legs, a thickness in his jeans, a hardness pressing against me, showing me that the moment mattered.
Whether it was sex or something more, that part didn’t matter.
We were two people. We were alone, surviving change, in need of this moment.
This fucking moment…
I strained my neck to lift up and kiss him. I bit at his lip, needing more of him.
His hand moved from my breast up to my neck. There, it all slowed for a few seconds as Jake just held me, his thumb stroking my cheek.
It looked like he wanted to say something but he kissed me again instead. Which was fine by me.
My hands slid to his back and I dug my nails at him, not wanting him to break away.
His hand moved from my face to the deck. Then his other hand eased down and touched my hip. It came forward. The end of my shirt was lifted up. His fingers touching my bare skin. Moving down… down some more… over my jeans, fingers curling, gently starting to press between my legs.
His tongue exploring my mouth, the kiss hotter and faster, my groans stuck somewhere between our mouths.
“Daddy!” a little voice crackled through the small speaker of the monitor.
Jake’s head popped up and he looked at the monitor.
“Shit,” he said.
He jumped up and started to run.
He dove off the steps and charged across the yard. He looked like a cop in a movie chasing down the bad guy.
Sadie’s little voice called for him again.
I propped myself up on my elbows, out of breath. I couldn’t process anything. I licked my lips and tasted Jake. I looked down and saw my shirt was lifted, showing skin. I was tingling everywhere.
I slowly climbed to my feet. My body was so… ready… it was actually uncomfortable. My toes curled in my shoes. My legs shaky. It had been a long time since I was with someone. And to be with someone who made me feel like Jake did?
At the railing, I grabbed it and sucked in a breath.
I heard Sadie call for Jake a third time.
“I’m here, sweetheart,” his voice said through the small speaker next to me. “Right here.”
“Daddy… I was calling…”
“I’m here,” Jake said.
I stared at the monitor.
Should I turn it off?
I didn’t turn it off.
“Where were you?” Sadie asked.
“Sweetheart, I came when you called for me. What’s wrong?”
“I think I had a bad dream.”
“You think?”
“I dreamed of you, Daddy.”
“What about me?”
“That you fell and got hurt. And Mickey couldn’t help you. That a car hurt you. I… I…”
“Shhh,” Jake whispered. “It’s okay, sweetheart. Close your eyes. Let’s get back to sleep.”
“Can I sleep in your bed?”
“Sadie, why don’t we try staying in your bed? Okay? Come on. It was just a silly dream. Daddy is fine. It’s night. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“Tell me a story about a princess, Daddy,” Sadie said.
I turned and grabbed for the monitor. I stared down at it like it was a TV screen.
“Well, there was this princess that didn’t have a home. And this princess was worried about the evil knights coming to find her. So she found a new castle. A small castle, but a nice one. But right next door was a monster. Not a bad monster, but one that was better off alone. In that same house was another princess. Except she didn’t know she was a real princess yet. Not until she met the other princess, the one that moved in next door. This made the monster uncertain. He was worried he would lose his princess. Because she didn’t know what she meant to him. Worse yet, the princess next door now? She was just as beautiful. The monster decided he had to protect the princesses. Both of them.”
Jake’s voice stopped.
I felt my throat close a little with emotion.
“The monster never told anyone his story,” Jake’s voice said. “The monster lost his queen. He was left with his princess, to take care of her and find a way to help her become a queen. But he didn’t know how. Until he met the new princess next door. And that’s when the story…”
Jake’s voice paused again.
I put the monitor to my ear.
I wanted to know the ending.
I heard the sound of shuffling.
Then Jake’s voice whispering, “I love you, Sadie. Sleep tight, sweetheart. I’ll see you in the morning.”
The last sound I heard was the door shutting.
I put the monitor down and stood on the deck and waited.
My body was still tingling, but so was my heart.
It was the longest wait of my life. One that proved something to me. Something I think I was afraid to admit.
I was falling for my single Dad neighbor…
“Thanks for the drink and sorry about that,” Jake said.
He grabbed the monitor and tried to sneak away.
“Hey, wait,” I said. “You can’t just…”
“You see what my life is, Emily. You see what happens. I have to get back there. She’s going to wake up again. She’s going to want to sleep in my bed. And I’m going to let her. Because her nightmares are nothing compared to mine.”
My mouth made an o shape.
My lips quivered.
The only word that came out was…
“Paint.”
“What?”
“Paint,” I said. I pointed to my deck door. “I mean, I have to paint the upstairs. It’s just sitting in the hallway. I need help?”
“You’re asking if you need help?”
“I need help with it, Jake. I’m asking… you.”
“Right now?”
I laughed. “No. Not right now. Whenever. You and Sadie can come over. I’ll treat pizza. She can watch whatever she wants. You and I can paint?”
“Emily…”
“Jake, I don’t know what’s happening here,” I said. I reached for his hand and took it. “I don’t want you to be afraid of anything. I’m okay with everything.”
“You don’t know anything.”
“Then tell me. Or let me prove to you I can hear it. Okay?”
Jake looked down. He shook his head. “Emily, it’s not that easy.”
“Okay, Mr. Monster,” I said.
Jake raised an eyebrow. “Listening to my story?”
“Like you didn’t know? Am I the princess next d
oor?”
Jake touched my face one more time and swallowed hard. “Yes. Yes you are, Em. You are a princess. But I already have one. She’s gone through hell in her young life so far, too.”
“Jake, I…”
“But you, princess, bring a little bit of heaven into her life. And that makes me feel…”
Jake looked away.
I saw the way he started to blink.
“Say it, Jake. Say anything. Something.”
He licked his lips. “What time should we come over for pizza? I can help paint tomorrow.”
I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach and knocked the wind out of me.
But I accepted it.
I forced a smile. I touched his hand touching my face. I kissed his hand.
“Six,” I whispered.
“Okay,” Jake said.
“Have a good night, Jake,” I said.
“Have a good night, princess,” he said and winked.
I felt like I was going to melt into the deck.
He stuck the monitor into his pocket and left his beer on the railing.
I watched the monster walk away and I felt my heart twist.
If I really was his princess… then I would wait forever for him to finally save me.
Dear Everly,
She finally asked for you. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. But she finally did it. And it was the worst timing ever. Right in the middle of the grocery store. All those stupid things that you have to do as an adult. The things I never thought I’d do alone. The things you always made more tolerable. When you’d make me stand at the end of the aisle so you could throw the toilet paper rolls like they were footballs. Or you’d come running at me with the package of paper towel rolls and try to knock me over.
Now I was the guy pushing the gigantic cart with my daughter strapped into a seat. Up and down the aisles, trying to remember what I needed, knowing I was going to forget half of everything and have to come back again. Because I was too stubborn to bring a fucking list with me because it just felt weird. And coupons? Hell no, Everly.
I know, I needed to use them, but whatever.
Going down the cereal aisle. The hell aisle with a kid. All these fucking choices of cartoon characters, shapes, flavors, toys inside. All the cereals laced with as much sugar as cookies. And I’m supposed to stand there and figure out what to have her eat so she’s healthy.
