“You sure you want to be doing that? You’re just digging yourself into a deeper hole,” Dontay says as we cruise down the highway. I cut my eyes at him and plug in my earbuds to tune his ass out.
Chapter Nineteen
February 2018
I still haven’t told anyone that I am pregnant outside of Dani, Dontay and Larry. The weight I am putting on is ridiculous but it’s easy for me to camouflage. My little bump looks more like I’m just bloated with gas. Besides going up a dress size, it is easy to maneuver and hide the pregnancy from family and friends. Even at our little family functions (that I make sure that Nyce’s ass is not attending prior) my pregnancy seems to go unnoticed.
Dani and Dontay cater to me and accompany me to my doctor’s appointments. Most days they get on my nerves with the constant nagging telling me that I am going about this all wrong. I know that I am, but I don’t need them to stress me out about it. They just don’t get it. Me telling Nyce and my family now isn’t going to do anything but stress me the fuck out. God knows that I am not stable enough to lose another baby.
As I enter my fourth month and my stomach is starting to look like more than just bloat, my mind goes into panic mode.
“I’m starting to show,” I say to Dani.
“That’s funny because I’ve been seen it in your face,” she laughs.
“Shut-up,” I giggle. “The Grammy’s and the Oscar’s will be my last appearance before I disappear for good. I never told my family that I lost the part for Nu’bia, so I can disappear somewhere and allow them to think I’m on location.”
“This is ridiculous Aneesah. You’re being so damn stupid about this.”
“Not now, Dani,” I tell her annoyed.
“Hey,” Dontay greets, walking into the room. “Morgan sent over a gown for the Oscar’s. It’s fuckin’ amazing but it’s pretty tight.” I follow Dontay into the other room and admire the fire red gown.
“Wow. She really out did herself with this,” I say in amazement, fingering the fabric.
“What are you going to do?” Dani asks.
“What I’ve been doing. A pants suit with a blazer or a dress that doesn’t cling to my body,” I respond. I scroll through my phone and find 22-year-old actress Aubrey Denson’s number. I met her a few months ago at an event and we have been corresponding ever since. She’s a beautiful girl with ebony skin and honey blond locs. We are about the same size and shape, (well, when I wasn’t pregnant) so I know that she will look amazing in this custom gown. Morgan’s dress is Oscar worthy and deserves to be worn on the red carpet.
After texting Aubrey a photo of the gown, she happily accepts. I place the gown back into its plastic to have it delivered to her home.
“WHAT?” I snap at Dontay and Dani who are looking at me as if I have just lost my mind. They both shake their heads before walking out the room.
On the night of the Oscar’s, I wear a puffy black dress that drapes my body not showing off any curves. I smile and wave for the camera’s. I spot Aubrey on the red carpet taking pictures as the press drools over her dress.
“Good,” I smile and wave to her, watching her own this moment. I grab Dontay’s arm and walk inside to take my seat. I am overly anxious and excited that I may possibly be walking out of here with an Academy Award.
Three hours later, I walk towards my limo a loser, losing the award to Natalie Portman.
“At least you were nominated,” Dontay says trying to wipe the disappointment off my face.
“Yeah, you’re right,” I smile.
We make it back to my place and I ignore Morgan’s texts and calls, blasting me about why I didn’t wear her dress. She better chill and be happy that I care about her enough to gift it to somebody else. That dress was the most talked about dress tonight.
The following day when the pictures of the Oscar’s are released, I take notice of what Dani said about my face getting chunky.
“We gotta get out of here,” I say, barging inside Dani’s room.
“Where are we supposed to go?” She asks, bouncing out the bed.
“Away from here. I don’t want the press to find out about the babies. I just want to have these babies in private away from drama. Morgan’s wedding isn’t until the end of August and my due date is July 29th. That’s enough time to have the babies and go to the wedding without anyone knowing.”
“Aneesah, you can’t hide your babies forever,” Dani reminds me.
“No. I’m working on my story. Everyone knows that I had my eggs frozen. I’m going to tell them that I was artificially inseminated or something.”
“That’s stupid.”
“I know,” I snap.
“And what are you going to do when these babies come out looking like their dad? You don’t think that anybody is going to put two and two together?”
“I haven’t thought that far ahead yet Dani. I am just trying to get through this pregnancy stress-free, making sure I carry these babies to term.”
“You are going about this all wrong,” she says shaking her head.
“You don’t understand. I can’t…I can’t…” tears start to spill from my eyes, thinking about my greatest fear.
“You’re going to be fine,” Dani advises, placing her hand gently on my shoulder.
“I can’t lose another,” I whisper tearfully. “Just please help me get through this pregnancy and I promise to come clean once they’re here.”
Dani stares at me sorrowfully as I try to get her to see things from my point of view. She inhales and lets out a deep breath.
“So where to?” She finally gives in.
“I don’t know,” I tell her, answering my phone without bothering to see who is calling. My mind is scattered all over the place.
“Aneesah?” A voice says.
“Who is this?” I question.
“It’s Bubba. Don’t hang up. Please. Pops died and Tarron is taking it pretty hard. If you care…”
“I’ll be right there, Steve,” I tell him hanging up. “I’m going to Tennessee.”
I arrive in Tennessee with Charlie and Rock and check into a hotel unnoticed. I attend the funeral for Tron’s granddad and am saddened to see all the grieving mourners. I shed a few tears when they do a jazz tribute in his honor. When the burial ends, I follow the family back to the farm for the repast.
“Thank you for the lovely bouquet of flowers and card you sent, Aneesah,” Miss Pearl says giving me a hug. “They were beautiful and thank you for coming.”
“Of course,” I tell her. “I didn’t see Tarron at the funeral.”
“He’s taking it pretty hard. I searched this whole house and can’t seem to find him. I’m sure he’s around her somewhere. You’re more than welcomed to wander around in search for him.”
“Thank you,” I reply already walking towards the stairs. I check his empty bedroom before walking out back to the barn.
“Hey girl,” I greet Charlotte, petting her muzzle. When I come up empty handed in my search, I look out into the field, fixing my gaze on the rundown truck. As I approach, I see the remnants of smoke swirling through the air. Tron is lying on his back in an all-black suit and pea coat, listening to jazz music on his phone and smoking a blunt. I climb in and lie down next to him. He continues to smoke, staring up at the sky, not saying a word. He reaches out to pass me the blunt.
“No thanks,” I whisper.
“You quit?” He asks.
“Something like that,” I reply. “I’m sorry to hear about Pops.”
He doesn’t respond. He just continues to smoke his weed and stare up at the sky.
“Thank you for coming,” he finally says after what feels like an eternity of silence.
“Of course,” I whisper.
“I’m sorry about Hea…”
“We don’t have to talk about that.”
“I owe you an apology,” he says turning to face me. “I’m really sorry and if I could take it back…”
“It’s cool, Tarron. I’m
not here for that and I don’t want to talk about it,” I snap.
Silence.
“Sorry about the Oscar’s. They straight cheated you. Lena was amazing.”
“Thank you,” I smile. “Tarron, are you okay?” I ask again.
“Yeah. This is life, right? We live, we fuck shit up and then we die,” he laughs. I join in his laughter.
“Fuck man,” he exhales. I grab his hand and hold it in mine.
“You gonna stay with me?” He smiles mischievously.
“You’re a mess,” I giggle.
“Is that your answer?”
“My answer is no,” I reply softly.
“Come on girl. You don’t miss me?”
“I do but…”
“I’m too late? You’re fuckin’ somebody else?”
“So crude,” I laugh.
“So, what do I have to do to get you back? Who do I have to fight for your honor?” He jokes.
“You’re so damn silly.”
“I’m serious. I want that old thing back.”
“I’m pregnant,” I blurt. There is a long, uncomfortable silence. “And besides, my baby daddy will kill you,” I laugh, nudging his arm. He gives me his boyish smirk.
“I don’t see how you came to that conclusion. You never even seen me fight before,” he chuckles.
“No, I mean, he will literally kill you.”
“Well damn. Your pussy’s good and all but it ain’t kill a niggah good.”
“Screw you,” I laugh.
“That explains the weight gain. It looks good on you.”
“Thanks, I guess.”
“Well, who is the lucky asshole that got my girl knocked up?”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“Oh, it’s him, huh?”
“Him who?”
“You know, the ex-factor.”
My silence confirms the answer.
“Congratulations, I guess.”
“I’m having twins and he doesn’t even know,” I shake my head.
“What? Y’all beefin’?”
“Something like that. I just want to have these babies stress free and in peace.”
“And how are you planning on doing that?”
I shrug my shoulders.
“I think I am going to disappear for a while. Go to South Africa or something.”
“You don’t have to do that, Aneesah. I just inherited a farm. You can stay here. Private property and no trespassing.”
“I don’t think that’s wise.”
He laughs.
“I won’t be here. I am on tour and headed to London tomorrow. You are more than welcomed to stay here as long as you don’t mind me coming home every now and then and a cousin or two stopping by to take care of the animals,” he chuckles.
“And you really don’t mind? I mean, with me being pregnant and all. What will your family think when I really start to show?”
“They know I fucked up. Trust me. I heard it from everybody including Pops,” he laughs. “I will always have love for you,” he says pecking my lips.
“And I will always have love for you. Thanks, Tarron,” I smile.
After dismissing Charlie and Rock, I place a 3-way call to Dani and Dontay to convince them to come to Tennessee.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Dani asks.
“Yup. I’m sure. Are you guys coming or not?” I whine.
“I already told you that I was going to help you raise them, so I’ll be there, my pretend wifey,” Dontay chuckles.
“Thank you Dontay,” I say relieved. “Dani?” I question, waiting for her answer.
“You’re being an idiot, but I promised you that I would be there, so I guess I’m coming too,” she agrees.
Chapter Twenty
I am all settled in Tennessee and Dr. Lori hooks me up with one of her sorority sisters who is also an OB/GYN and has her own practice here. I am grateful for Dr. Lori’s help and my new doctor being so accessible. She understands how important it is to me for this to remain confidential and accommodates my crazy appointment schedule, sneaking me in late at night or early morning. Everyone thinks that I am away on location filming for Nu’bia. They never question my absence however, as the weeks roll, I feel like a piece of shit and am filled with guilt. Every time I talk to Pree, I go into a crying frenzy because we are once again pregnant together and I am unable to share these moments with her. There are times where I fix my mouth to tell her the truth, but I always seem to chicken out because I know for sure she will tell Knuck and Knuck will tell Nyce and as stated previously, I sincerely want nothing to do with his ass.
The afternoon that Pree gives birth to her third child and I watch via FaceTime, I damn near go into hysterics for not being there to watch Anaya Grace McMillian make her grand entrance into the world. I feel like a dumbass and even more stupid that I’m keeping this from everyone when I know for sure that these babies are going to be surrounded by nothing but love from both Nyce’s people and my own. Damn, if these babies were anybody else’s I swear I would be home enjoying this time stress-free. How do I keep ending up in these types of dumbass situations?
***
It’s a rainy day in April and I am currently stretched out on my back in the middle of the living-room floor having major back pain. The doctor said it could be from the accident and even attempted to prescribe me something but I’m not taking that risk.
“How do you feel?” Dontay asks walking in.
“Okay I guess. They’re really moving in there,” I tell him in a dejected voice, placing my hands on my six-month-old rounding belly.
“Try not to sound too excited about it. What’s wrong?” He asks, throwing a pillow on the floor and lying down next to me. He begins to rub my belly.
“I’m terrified, Dontay. What if something bad happens? I’ve never made it this far in any of my pregnancies. I think about the first miscarriage and Angel and I am so scared that something is going to go wrong,” I confess, tears slipping from my eyes.
“Nothing bad is going to happen. I promise so stop thinking about it,” he says kissing my cheek and grabbing my hand.
“You know I got love for you boy,” I smile.
“And I for you,” he responds kissing my nose.
Later that evening, I walk inside Dani’s room to see what she’s up to.
“Dani. I’m old as shit,” I tell her, standing at the foot of her bed.
“What you mean?” She asks. She has a faraway, spaced out look in her eyes.
“I’m not talking to you while you’re high,” I snap.
“Aneesah, I’m trying. I swear. Please talk to me. You and the babies are the highlight of my day. Please don’t go,” she cries. I look at her sternly before sitting on her bed. I don’t know what to do about her, but she can’t be around my kids like this.
“Continue,” she smiles, wiping her tears.
“Oh, nothing. I was just saying that I am old as shit. I’ll be 35 at the end of the month.”
“Well, continue living your life to the fullest with no regrets and then you’ll never feel like you’re aging.”
I think about what Dani just said. Do I have regrets? You fuckin’ right I do.
“Do you have any regrets, Dani?”
“Some,” she shrugs. “I regret the day I started using drugs. I regret helping you get hooked on drugs. I regret the pain that I cause my dad. I regret that I was so dumb that I contracted HIV. Sure. I regret a lot of things, but you know what? I had a fun time fucking up my life,” she laughs. “I went to jail and met you. Partied all over the globe. Snorted cocaine with royalty and shot heroin with celebrities. I’ve had some wild, bomb ass sex and ate some good ass food. I lived,” she smiles.
“When I die, please throw me a HUGE, BIG party and make everyone wear yellow and white AND you better not be sad. I am the life of the party, but the party must go on,” she laughs.
“You’re talking crazy Dani. You’re not going anywhere.”
“A
neesah, I’m dying. My death certificate is already written. I just don’t know when.”
“Shut-up Dani. I’ve done the research and people are living life to the fullest with this virus. Are you taking your meds? You know that is part of the key to you staying healthy, right?”
“Yeah…yeah…yeah,” she says waving her hand.
“I’m serious Dani. You promised me that you would be here for the birth of my babies, remember?”
“Yes. I am taking my meds,” she hisses annoyed before shutting her eyes and nodding off. I cover her up and leave her room. My cell phone rings.
“Hey Morgan,” I greet.
“Hi hoe. I miss you.”
“I miss you too.”
“My brother is harassing me about you. He says he needs to talk to you.”
“I don’t want to talk to him OR about him so please move on or I’m hanging up.”
“A’ight, damn. I’m just the messenger but anyway, I need you to come home now. So, tell those producers or whatever that you need a day off on May 5th to be in my wedding.”
“WHAT? Morgan, you said that you were getting married in August.”
“I know but I got a job designing stage costumes for Fifth Harmony’s world tour next spring and they are going to need me from August through November and Kay’s schedule at the hospital is so hectic that the only time he can get off for a vacation is May. So, come on to Puerto Rico and stand up for me in my wedding,” she says excitedly.
“Morgan, I can’t. May 5th is in three weeks. I’m not going to be able to…”
“ANEESAH,” she shouts. “This is important to me. I swear it is going to take some serious time for me to get over you not being in my wedding.”
My disappearing act and lies are about to catch up to me big time. I take a deep breath.
“Can you send your seamstress here? I’ll pay for it,” I mumble.
“I love you,” she squeals. I listen to Morgan chatter on and on about her wedding while thinking about a convincing lie that I am about to tell everyone. My stomach and weight gain is too much for me to hide the pregnancy.
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