They had work to do, and excused themselves a little while later. Maddie and Steph actually hugged when they left, and Maddie didn't look like she was going to freak out.
Maddie turned and buried her head in my chest. “I can't believe I just did that!”
“What?”
“I growled at her, Liam. I growled!”
I laughed. “I told you, it's not that big a deal. Kelsey nearly snapped the heads off more than one unsuspecting she-wolf when she and Kyle were going through it. It's totally normal.”
I didn't know what to say or do when she turned sad, watery eyes on me.
“You don't understand. You could never understand. I'm not like you. I'm not like her. I don't growl.”
She was so distraught. “Talk to me,” I begged her.
She walked away from me and looked out over the water, just crying for a minute before speaking again. It was the worst feeling of my life. I knew my mate was hurting, but I didn't know how to help her.
“The night I left—” she started, but was interrupted.
“Mommy! Oh my gosh, it was so cool!” Oscar hugged close to her side and looked up at her face. Angry, disappointed eyes glared back at me. “You said you would watch out for her. I trusted you!” he yelled, and I felt it all the way to my soul.
“Stop,” Maddie told him. “Oscar, baby, look at me. I'm fine. This isn't Liam's fault.”
“Yes, it is. I thought maybe an old friend would help you. Make you happy, but he's only making you sadder. Mommy, you're crying. You never cry. Not in front of anyone, at least.”
She looked crushed at his confession. I knew without asking that she tried very hard to hide it from him, and I could tell by Oscar's reaction that it was not an uncommon occurrence.
“Come on, Mommy, let's go back to the hotel and I'll tell you all about it.”
He was placating her, treating her like she was the child and he was the parent. She had been about to open up to me and now I wasn't sure I'd ever really know the truth. She looked embarrassed, mortified even, and I could easily see she was about to give in to the kid and do what he asked.
“Mm—” I almost slipped and said Maddie. “Jane, please don't.”
She took a deep breath. Wiped her eyes and kissed the top of Oscar's head. “I'd love to hear all about it,” she told him, completely ignoring me.
My wolf was frantic and I had to actually fight to maintain control when she turned sadly to me and said, “It was nice to see you, Liam. I'm glad we got the chance to catch up some.”
I stood there and watched her leave. Jacob and Annie stared at me for a minute before turning to follow them. It was the lowest I had ever felt in my life. The thing was, I had never been mean to Maddie as a kid, but I had always shown her this cool indifference, because secretly I had always loved Madelyn Collier. I had been a good kid up until her disappearance. I rarely ever got into trouble and when I did I knew I could just schmooze my way out of it. I had the gift of charm, my mother said.
I had prayed and secretly hoped for much of my life that I would be blessed with Maddie as a mate, or at the very least, someone just like her. As far as I was concerned, the fates had smiled down on me today. The only girl who had ever had my heart, even if she didn't know it, was the only one who would ever own it, but seeing the dejection in her as she walked away was breaking it.
When she had disappeared from my life the first time, I began heavily dating. I was known as a womanizer through college and I drank and partied too much. I was the fun, carefree guy everyone wanted to hang out with. Mark and Steph knew better, but the rest just saw me as they chose. I had straightened up and stopped drinking entirely after Dad's injury. I knew I would be called up to take over the family business, and I couldn't let him or Kyle down.
I hadn't had a drink in twenty-one months, so why did I suddenly feel the urge to drown myself into oblivion?
I headed back to the hotel. It suddenly sucked that we were at the same hotel, because all I wanted to do was go to her. Instead, I headed for the bar.
“What are you having?”
I hadn't given up the bar life, I just ordered soda instead now. A part of me felt like I needed something a whole lot stronger, but then I thought of Maddie and I couldn't do it.
“Just a Coke.”
As I was finishing my drink, Jacob Winthrop wandered into the bar. He sat down beside me. “Whiskey on the rocks, and another round for my friend. What are you having, son?”
“Coke,” I said, causing me to smile for the first time since they'd arrived at the docks earlier.
He raised an eyebrow, but didn't ask.
“Janie assured us that you were not the cause of her being upset. I'm not sure Oscar fully believes it, but I do. There's been something different about her today with you around. So I want to ask, just how well do you know Janie?”
“I've known her since I was six years old. There's a lot of history there.” He quirked his eyebrow at me again. I laughed. “Nothing like that. When we were kids she was my twin sister's best friend in the whole world. We spent every summer at camp together. We didn't grow up in the same—” I considered my words carefully, not knowing just how much of Maddie's life they truly knew. Certainly, as humans, they didn't know she'd come from a pack, or that she was a wolf shifter. How had she hidden from them for all these years? “Town,” I settled on. “Our families are very close, though, so we got together as often as possible.”
I could tell there was so much he wanted to know. They didn't even know her real name.
“How'd you know to call her Jane? We know it's not her real name, though I suppose using it for eight years now makes it as real as anything.”
I guiltily confessed. “I heard your wife call her that, and figured if she was going by another name, then I should respect that.”
“Don't suppose you'll tell us who she really is.”
“No sir, not without her permission.”
“Just as well. Shows me you can be trusted. Janie needs that in her life. She's had a rough run on things. Hasn't been easy on any of us, as I'm sure you picked up from Oscar.”
“Sir, what happened to her? She was about to talk about it when you guys showed up. That's what she was so upset about. Can you tell me what you know?”
His face softened and there was moisture evident in his eyes. “She was about to tell you?”
“Something, I don't know what, but yeah. She said, 'The day I left home,’ and then Oscar grabbed her.”
“Dammit, I'm awfully sorry. If I'd known, we would have stayed away longer. For eight years we've been trying to get that girl to talk about it. She just locks us out. Locks everyone but the boy out, until you.” He eyeballed me suspiciously. “Annie and I were watching, we saw.”
“Saw what?”
“Oh, it's the little things, son. The way she reached out and touched you without hesitation. Close proximity. Personal space. That's all big issues with Janie, but you seemed to walk right past her boundary and she didn't even flinch.”
“Will you tell me what you know?”
He nodded soberly. “Eight years ago, she was found in a dumpster. Two broken ribs, clothes torn and tattered. She wouldn't talk. A homeless man found her and called 911 from a payphone. Annie was on call the night she came in. She’s a psychologist and was working with child welfare services. She was called in when they found Jane. She'd seen thousands of kids over the years, but something about our Janie just broke her heart.” He stopped and wiped a tear from his eye. “Janie spent three weeks in the hospital. They ran tests. We know she was raped, though she's never admitted to it.”
Raped? Maddie was raped? Oscar was conceived from a rape? I was struggling to breathe, let alone keep my composure. I was grateful I hadn't caved to the desire for a real drink because I wasn't sure what I would have done. My wolf roared in my ears. It was a long time ago. There's nothing we could have done, I tried to rationalize with myself.
Jacob had given me time to le
t the news sink in. When I turned back to him, he nodded sadly. “That was about Annie's reaction, too. She was labeled a Jane Doe and sent to a girls’ home. She still wouldn't talk. She wouldn't eat. She was practically skin and bones. When they forced her to eat, she'd just throw it all up. Annie was there every day checking on her for three months. That's when she started to suspect. They had given her the morning after pill in the hospital, but apparently it didn't work, because she was pregnant with Oscar.”
I nodded, trying to reconcile his words to reality.
“Annie came home with her that night. The safety and one-on-one care slowly drew her out of her shell. She struggled to bond with the boy at first. That's part of the reason he's so close to me and his mimi. We couldn't love that kid more if he were our own flesh and blood.”
“Thank you for telling me and for caring for them,” I said hoarsely, my voice thick with emotions.
“Oh son, you don't have to thank me for that. That has been my greatest honor and privilege. You should know, Annie and I think of Jane as our daughter. We were never able to conceive ourselves. She and Oscar are our family.”
“Tomorrow, will you all please still accept the trip to Alcatraz? I don't have to go if it's going to upset Oscar. Jane already met Steph, my friend who runs the company. I really don't want him to miss out on that because he's pissed at me.”
“No way are we missing that opportunity,” he said with a smile, “and neither are you. We'll meet you at the docks around 12:30. Don't worry, I don't think Janie is upset with you, and Oscar will come around. He's very protective of his mother. Doesn't like seeing her upset, that's all. If she were truly about to dive into her past and share with you, it's no wonder she was upset. Also tells me, you're exactly the one we need around her.”
He winked at me as he stood and left the bar, and me with my thoughts on all he'd just told me.
Maddie
Chapter 8
All night I tossed and turned, worrying about whether Liam thought I was upset with him. I wasn't. I was worried about my son. Oscar had shown signs of a protective instinct towards me in the past, but never quite so aggressively as he had toward Liam.
When we returned to the hotel, I asked Annie and Jacob for a little time alone with him. I explained how seeing Liam had brought up some things from my past and that some of it made me sad, but that was not at all his fault. I tried to explain that it was important for me to talk to another grown-up and work through a few things. I also made sure to emphasize that he would always be the number one man in my life.
By the time Oscar was bathed and snuggled into bed, I thought we were at a better place, but the next morning we ran into Liam in line for breakfast. I hugged him and apologized for both my and Oscar's behavior the day before. He had tried to brush it off as no big deal, but I had seen his face as we left, and it had been a big deal.
The moment my arms wrapped around him I felt a peace I'd never experienced before, but it was short lived as a small growl erupted from my son in warning for Liam to back off. I was so shocked I didn't know what to do.
Liam didn't hesitate as he knelt down to his level and talked softly to him. “Oscar, I know you don't like to see your mom upset, but you have to understand, I could never do anything to hurt her.”
Oscar looked so torn. He didn't understand what was happening to him emotionally. I had never told him about my heritage. Being half human, I had assumed it was impossible for him to have a spirit animal, but the way he was acting with Liam, I again questioned that theory.
“Mommy doesn't like to be touched,” Oscar said. “She only likes it when I hug her, so stop touching her.”
Liam put his hands up in surrender and I tried not to blush. “Okay, I can try to do that. Think you can stop growling at me long enough to enjoy our trip today?”
His eyes got huge with a mix of uncertainty and excitement. “You mean we're still going? But I thought that after yesterday you wouldn't want us to go with you.”
“Not want you? Never. It was just a little misunderstanding. I didn't mean to make Mommy cry.”
Oscar nodded like he accepted that as an apology. “It makes me really angry when people make Mommy cry.”
“Lesson learned,” Liam said good-naturedly, and my heart softened a little more for the only man I had ever cared about. “I can give you some pointers on how to control that growl, too,” he whispered softly to Oscar, who nodded like that was a very good idea.
I needed to tell Liam that Oscar didn't know about our kind. I needed to tell him so much more than that, but I didn't know how or even where to begin. I had gotten up the nerve to start yesterday and it ended in disaster. I was hesitant to try it again.
Oscar got his food and went to sit at a table. I turned to Liam and whispered, “We need to talk.”
He nodded towards a small veranda just off the breakfast area. I nodded before heading back to Oscar. I watched from across the room as Liam got his own breakfast and headed outside. When Annie and Jacob joined us, I excused myself and headed for Liam.
My breath hitched at the sight of him. He was perched on a concrete wall looking out away from the hotel. The morning sun was shining down on him and he looked more handsome and carefree than I ever remembered. Some part of me that had been dormant for a long time, or perhaps never even truly existed, began to awaken. Everything about him called to me.
“Hey!” he said, waving me over to join him, and I did.
“Hey.” I didn't know how to begin but knew I had to be fast. “Look, we don't have much time before they come looking for me. You need to know that Oscar has been raised with humans. He doesn't know what you are.”
I was careful not to say what I am or what he is, because I didn't believe in my heart either of us had spirit animals. I knew I couldn't shift, because I had never changed, not in all my twenty-four years.
I saw Liam struggle to accept that. His forward crinkled in frustration. “But. . .”
I shook my head. “No buts, he's half human. He doesn't carry an animal spirit in him.”
“You're sure? Because even in the little time I've known him, he has all the signs, Maddie, half human or not.”
I shook my head no, wishing in part that what he was saying was true. “He's not.”
“But how does he not know about you? I mean, I get you live among humans and must have gotten good about hiding it, but there's no way you can go all that long without shifting. I've been in this city right about twenty-four hours and my skin's already itching to change and run. How are you controlling it so well?”
My heart rate started to pick up and the palms of my hands began to sweat. Darkness started clouding my peripheral vision and I tried to take deep, calming breaths, but I could feel the start of another panic attack coming on. I needed to get away. I was withdrawing into myself quickly. I didn't want to have an attack in front of him. I didn't want him to know how weak I truly was. Thinking about it only made the feeling that more intense. I was losing myself to the fear and darkness once again.
“Hey, hey, hey. It's okay.”
I heard him, though it sounded like he was a great distance away.
“Madelyn, I need you to breathe. In and out, just listen to my voice. In and out. You're okay. I'm here. Everything is going to be just fine. In and out. Just breathe for me, sweetheart.”
The moment he pulled me into his arms, everything stilled. I gasped out a big breath and my entire body went limp, falling into him. I breathed in his scent and felt a sudden calm overcome me that made my whole body shudder.
“You're okay. I got you,” I heard him whisper before his lips brushed across my forehead. It felt like an electric shock hit my body, causing me to jump from his arms. “Whoa, it's okay. Maddie, look at me.”
I needed a minute to compose myself. I was no longer feeling pulled under by the anxiety. This was an entirely new sensation shooting through my body that I was equally unprepared for.
“I'm okay,” I managed to w
hisper. “Just give me a minute.”
I had never come out of an attack feeling quite so well. My body was warm and tingly all over, kind of nice. Normally I feel like a truck ran over me then backed up and did it again.
“How did you do that?” I asked him.
He shrugged. “One of my frat brothers in college served a few years in the Army and had some pretty deep battle scars. He'd get similar attacks from PTSD. We all learned to deal with them. Stay calm, keep talking, the faster you could pull him out the easier it was on him. I'd spend hours just sitting with him, waiting for the worst to pass. I promise, I've seen way worse than this.” He hesitated as he looked me over. “You okay now?”
“Um, yeah, I actually am. Thanks.” I rubbed my thumb and index fingers together in circles. It was a coping habit of mine. He stared at my hands but didn't say anything or try to stop my fidgeting. “I, uh, I don't usually come through one so fast or so easily.” My shoulders sagged and self-hatred flared within me. I was weak, that was all. Too weak protect myself. Too weak to save my own wolf. Too weak . . .
“Hey, don't do that.”
“Do what?”
“You know what.” He stared at me so intensely I started to squirm. “My buddy—Andy, that was his name—he used to do that, too.”
“What are you talking about?” I started to walk away. No way could he know what I was thinking or how I was feeling. No one could. “I said I'm fine, Liam.”
“I know, but your eyes, they say otherwise. Andy”—he swallowed hard and he looked sad—“he used to do that, too. Beat himself up over the attacks, thinking he wasn't strong enough to fight his own demons, and that would snowball into every little incident that he had faced and maybe could have done something different to change the outcome, and truthfully, he couldn't. Sometimes bad shit just happens and you have to move on and learn to deal. Please, just don't tell me you're okay, when I can clearly see you're not, and it's okay.”
Forever Mine (Westin Pack Book 3) Page 6
