Emotionally I was still better than usual, but I was a little overwhelmed that he seemed to get it, like really understand what I was going through. I couldn't dwell on it for too long before Annie and Jacob came out to find me with Oscar in tow.
Annie rushed to my side, shielding Oscar the second she saw me. “What happened?” she whispered while Jacob distracted my son.
“Nothing, I'm fine. Really, I'm fine, Annie,” I added when she looked at me with more uncertainty. Was I? I took a moment to self-evaluate and was happy to see that yes, I really was fine. Liam, on the other hand, looked anything but fine.
As Annie signaled to Jacob in their unspoken way that I was okay, he excitedly announced that Oscar wanted to go see the sea lions again and spend the rest of the morning walking the wharves until time for the ride to Alcatraz. Liam sported an appropriate fake smile and joined us as we headed out for the day.
When we arrived back at the wharves, Oscar led us straight for the pier with the most sea lions, and the biggest crowd. I didn't do well in crowds, but I was too distracted by Liam to really take much notice. It was like I could feel something was off with him, but I didn't know what, and I was compelled to find out.
Making sure Jacob and Annie had eyes on Oscar and seeing them all busily watching and cheering on a pair of battling sea lions, I pulled Liam to the side. “Hey, what's happening?”
“Huh?”
“What is wrong? I don't know how to explain it, I can just feel it. Something's really bothering you. Was it my panic attack?”
“No,” he said, rubbing my shoulders, which seemed to relax him. “I'm fine. Just brought up memories of my own. Nothing to worry about it.”
I realized, not for the first time, but perhaps more clearly, just how little I knew about Liam Westin. Not the Liam I grew up with and crushed on each summer, but Liam, the man standing before me.
Oscar abandoned the sea lions and came rushing over to us with Mimi and Papi following closely behind. He stopped before us and checked both of us out. I watched as Liam transformed, masking the pain I had clearly seen and felt from him.
“Liam, you want to play some more video games while we wait?”
He smiled down at Oscar. “Sure, kid, come on.”
They left with Jacob following, so of course Annie descended on me as soon as they were out of earshot.
“Janie, what happened back there at the hotel? You were so pale, and had a slightly glazed look. I thought for sure you were on the verge of another attack.”
“Annie, I'm perfectly fine. Please don't worry. Nothing is going to stop me from enjoying this day with Oscar.”
“And Liam,” she added with a mischievous grin. “Oh, don't you try to even deny it. That man is good for you, Jane, and handsome, too. I have eyes. I see the sparks flying between the two of you.” She sighed, looking a little conflicted. “Just be careful,” she warned.
My cheeks felt hot and I'm pretty certain my mouth dropped open. “Annie! Don't you even start. Liam is an old friend, that's it.” And my mate, I thought, but would never say aloud. She couldn't possibly comprehend what that even meant. Then again, neither could I!
Liam
Chapter 9
Hanging with Oscar was a safe and quick way to blow the morning hours. He was excited and talked non-stop, leaving me time to think without him noticing.
Maddie's anxiety attack had been on the cusp of being a bad one. I was starting to feel her emotions and knew that our bond was already beginning to take root. Jacob had given me enough information that I knew it was inevitable I'd have to face an attack with her, but I wasn't prepared for it to happen so quickly. I was lucky I didn't go into a full-blown panic attack myself. The only thing that had grounded me was knowing my mate needed me.
Andy had needed me once too, but I had an important exam to take and was late for study group. I ignored all the signs, knowing he was about to have a major PSTD attack, and I left. He hanged himself that night. My friend had killed himself because I had more important things to do. That was the burden I carried. That was the awful truth I had to learn to live with.
I was drunk for two weeks straight after Andy's death. All my fraternity brothers carried guilt over his death, but none more than me. He had asked me to stay that night. I hadn't and that was a regret I would carry to my own grave. It took a trip to the emergency room to have my stomach pumped from alcohol poisoning to pull me out of the stupor, which was a huge contributing factor to me no longer drinking.
I had known exactly how to walk with Maddie through an attack, but there was something else that had happened between us that morning. I had seen my brother and sister and their mates constantly touching each other. I had harassed them all over it on more than one occasion, but I think I was beginning to understand it some now. Every time I touched Maddie, a sort of warmth and peace washed over me. I suspected it was the same for her and that it was actually my wolf calming hers on some unseen level that caused her attack to end so abruptly.
Wolves cherished closeness and connections. I had heard about it. I knew it existed, but that in no way prepared me for the reality of it. I knew if it wasn't for the kid, I wouldn't leave her side, and I wouldn't be able to keep my hands to myself. That warmth that only she provided was more addictive than anything I had ever experienced in my life, and I hadn't exactly been the poster boy for clean living in my fraternity days.
When we finally left the museum, I was surprised to see the sun already high in the sky. Glancing at my watch, I saw it was nearly noon.
“How about we grab a quick bite to eat before heading to the boat?”
The others agreed as Oscar announced he was starving. We walked to a nearby area with outdoor vendors. They had everything from tacos to lobster. The food was good and despite the tension the day before, everyone was relaxed and amicable.
As we finished our meals and headed back to the wharves and down to Pier 37, I hung back behind the others. It didn't take long for Maddie to slow down so she was walking next to me. Oscar was holding both Jacob’s and Annie's hands, talking up a storm. When I reached for Maddie’s hand, she didn't flinch away. I smiled down at her, feeling like the luckiest man alive.
We hadn't talked about what the future would hold for us, but with Maddie and Oscar by my side, I knew I could face anything. Just being with them made me feel strong and protective in a way I never had before. My mate. I smiled and shook my head. Lily was going to freak out when I told her.
Steph and Mark were already waiting for us at the dock when we arrived. Stef bit her lip, trying to hide her grin as she watched us approach. I knew they were happy for me, being true mates themselves. Steph squealed and waved. Before I could stop her she'd passed the others and launched herself onto Maddie. I was relieved and a little surprised that Maddie seemed okay this time.
“I'm so excited to spend time with you guys today,” Steph started. “Now, who is it that wanted to see the island so badly that this fool called in a favor for it?”
“Me!” Oscar said, raising his hand and jumping up and down.
Steph turned to check him out. I took the moment to apologize to Maddie.
“Sorry,” I mouthed.
She shrugged and leaned in to whisper, “I was ready for her this time.”
I chuckled.
Oscar was already onboard and chatting it up with Steph and Mark as Steph made the introductions all around and passed out life jackets. We set sail as Steph gave us a quick list of rules. First, she gave the official tour at sea, circling the island and giving a history of the place. Of course, Oscar already knew every detail she shared, and he even told a few stories they hadn't heard before.
Annie had pulled Maddie over to sit with her, close enough to hear Steph's stories. I wandered more to the back of the boat to give them space as a family. It wasn't long before Jacob joined me.
“Annie's ecstatic at the progress Jane's making with you in such a short time. Don't let her fool you, that woman's got
eyes in the back of her head. Always watching.”
“Is that a warning?” I asked with humor.
“Jane looks happy when she's with you. That's all any father really wants, right? And make no mistake, in my heart, that girl is every bit my daughter.”
“So you've warned,” I said fondly.
“Your friends seem nice, but you're not from around here. How'd you meet?” he asked, referring to Mark and Steph.
“Mark and I were college roommates.” I laughed thinking back on it. “Steph too for much of it, least it felt that way.”
“It's nice to have friends like that. You can learn a lot about a man by the company he keeps. I'd say you're doing pretty well for yourself.”
I blew out a hard breath and ran my fingers through my now windblown hair. “Some days, Jacob. I won't pretend it's always easy. I'm twenty-four-years-old and the CEO of a major cooperation. Sometimes I wonder how the hell this happened. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the opportunities, and I always knew I'd go into the family business, but this was supposed to be my older brother's job, not mine. Life doesn't always quite work out the way we thought it would, does it?”
“No son, it doesn't, but that doesn't make it bad.”
“No sir, I'm not complaining. Truth be told, I'm proud of the work I've done so far and have solid plans for the company's future.”
“And what about your future?”
“What about it?”
“Being CEO, especially at such a young age, can't really afford you much free time.”
I shrugged. “It's not as bad as it sounds.”
“How about family?”
“My family is the most important thing in my life. There's nothing I wouldn't do for them.”
“I meant your family. You want a wife? Kids someday?”
I grinned, thinking of Maddie and Oscar. As far as I was concerned, I had already found my family and I couldn't wait to take them home. I was already working out the plans in my head to build us a home and I hoped to fill it with even more kids.
Jacob noticed the direction my eyes had taken, focused on Maddie, and he nodded and grinned. I didn't think he'd disapprove one bit. Before he got a chance to confirm that, Oscar came over, excited to announce it was our turn to dock. We were about to go ashore.
I had been on Alcatraz a few times before when visiting Steph and Mark. It was a neat place. I liked the history of it and the movie The Rock was awesome, but never had I quite experienced the place until I watched it through Oscar's face. I was mesmerized by his excitement and captivated by his interest. It was literally better than seeing it for the first time.
“Hey look, Liam. That's the tower where Nicolas Ca—”
“What?” I interrupted the boy. Turning to Maddie, I quirked an eyebrow. “You let him watch that movie?”
She just shrugged and smiled innocently. “It wasn't that bad and he was so infatuated with this place I had to give him something.”
“He's eight,” I insisted.
“Technically, I'm only seven.”
“Not helping,” Maddie half scolded with a laugh. “Seriously Liam, it was fine. He loved it.”
Oscar nodded enthusiastically and I suddenly realized just how difficult it was going to be to ever say no to the kid.
Alcatraz was a huge hit with him. Steph did a great job talking through the stories and engaging him. The others all seemed engrossed in the tour, too, but I just stood back and watched them all. Two humans were certainly an oddity to have for family, at least in our world, but I was grateful for all they had done for Maddie, and for Oscar. I knew we'd have to find some way to keep in touch and be a part of the family. Oscar and Maddie would need that as they transitioned to life in San Marco.
As the tour ended and we headed back to the boat, I was struck by just how beautiful my mate was. Madelyn had always been pretty. Even as little kids I had recognized that, but she had grown into a strong, quiet, sophistication that I loved.
I loved her, I thought. I paused a moment to let it fully sink it. I had never even had a serious relationship before, but somehow, I knew it was true. This wasn't just some stirred up mating hormones. I loved Madelyn Collier, Jane Winthrop, whatever she wished to be called. I loved her.
I was quiet, just watching them all on the way back to shore, content and happy with the life we had ahead of us.
Maddie
Chapter 10
Liam had been quiet much of the afternoon, but he looked happy. Oscar had been ecstatic and the entire trip was a huge hit with everyone. I knew I owed him big time for making my son's dream come true.
Earlier I had pulled Annie aside and asked her if she and Jacob could watch Oscar for the night so I could go out with Liam. I needed to thank him, but mostly we needed to talk. I had tried to explain some things yesterday; I told him I couldn't be his mate, but today felt different. Felt. That was really the biggest concern. I could feel him. I didn't think it should have started so quickly, but I somehow knew that even without a wolf of my own, our bond was forming and it had to stop.
I knew it was going to hurt like hell, but I'd been through worse. Hadn't I?
“Are you okay?” I asked him, seeing him jump a little like I had startled him. “You've just been really quiet this afternoon.”
He smiled up at me, the kind of smile that set my body on fire and made me sigh happily at the same time. No, no, no, I thought. It had to stop. He affected me too much and I cared too much for him to let it continue.
“I'm fine, just enjoying the views,” he said.
I gave him a puzzled look. “You've been staring at me, Liam, not the views.”
“Exactly,” he said, like that was the answer to everything, then he laughed.
“Annie and Jacob are taking Oscar for the rest of the day. Are you busy tonight? I really think we need to talk, without little ears around, and Jacob's convention starts tomorrow. Single moms don't exactly get breaks often,” I said apologetically, though I didn't know why. It was my life and he needed to understand that, too. I had a responsibility to my son above all else.
I felt a surge of happiness coming from him before he spoke. “Yeah, sure. I'm free anytime you need me to be.”
He was so sincere and open in ways I wasn't sure I had the courage or strength to be. Knowing how difficult tonight was going be, I felt nothing but sadness. I knew by the confused look on his face that he was able to feel my emotions, too.
When the boat docked Oscar requested ice cream. Steph and Mark decided to join us. As we were walking to a nearby place, Steph came up beside me and linked her arm through mine. The others were just ahead of us.
“I'm really happy you and Liam found each other.”
I cringed. “Don't be,” I whispered.
Steph stopped and turned to stare me in the eyes. I had never felt quite so vulnerable in that way, like she could see all the way to my soul.
“You're certain? I mean I'll admit I was little skeptical when I heard you had a kid, but Oscar's great and Liam's going to be a wonderful dad.”
“I know,” I said softly.
“And you're sure this is what you want?”
“No,” I said shaking my head, “but it's what I have to do.”
She brushed a tear away and hugged me close. Panic flared inside for only a moment. I took a deep breath and was surprised to find I was okay.
“Do me a favor, and make it fast. He's a really great guy, and I don't want to see him hurt any more than needs be.”
I nodded and started to cry. Oscar must have sensed it, as he turned to stare. I saw the disappointment in his eyes and quickly wiped my tears away.
“Mommy, what's wrong?”
I put on my biggest fake smile and lied to my child. “Nothing's wrong, baby. Mommy's just really happy for everything Steph and Mark did today and I was just thanking her. Papi has your ice cream, go, enjoy it.”
Steph and I shared a look and I suddenly had a flashback to my sisters. It was
a similar look we'd give each other when we shared a secret. I took a deep, cleansing breath.
“It's going to be okay,” I said aloud to no one in particular, or maybe just to reassure myself.
I watched Oscar finish his ice cream before I pulled him aside and stepped away from the others. I needed to give him a heads-up that I wouldn't be going back to the hotel with them, but that Mimi had promised he could go swimming after dinner, if he didn't give her too hard a time.
He was so used to always having me around that on the extremely rare occasion I left him, even with his grandparents, he pitched a fit. He would sometimes refuse to eat, or cry and throw a tantrum. Of course, it was much worse when he was little; now it was more of pouting and being stubborn.
To my surprise, he took the news better than I expected. He was still elated from the trip to Alcatraz and he didn't even bother asking me where I was going or anything. Sometimes in moments like this, under the scrutiny of his inquisition, it could feel more like I was the child and he was the parent, but he just smiled, hugged me, and told me to have a good time.
A short while later we all said goodbye as Annie and Jacob left with Oscar, and Steph and Mark said their goodbyes also . . . and then there were two. Just me and Liam. Suddenly I had no clue where to even begin.
“So, I have you for the entire evening?”
I nodded, feeling shy all of a sudden.
He grinned from ear to ear. “Perfect, come on,” he said, taking my hand.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Come take a ride with me.”
“Where?”
“You'll see,” he said, reaching for my hand.
We walked back to the road and caught a cab to the hotel. Instead of going inside he escorted me to the parking garage where a sleek black SUV waited. He held the door and helped me up into it before walking around and climbing into the driver's seat, and then we were off.
We were both quiet as we drove along. I stared out into the bay and admired the beautiful Golden Gate Bridge as it got closer and closer.
Forever Mine (Westin Pack Book 3) Page 7
