I felt guilty for the next words out of my mouth. “Actually, I was thinking. How would you like to spend part of the day with Liam so I can catch up with Lily?”
“Really?” he asked skeptically. “You don’t ever let me go anywhere with anyone except Mimi and Papi.”
It was true. I was fiercely protective of him. I may not have been the best mom and done everything right, and he may have had to deal with my issues more than I’d wish on any kid of his age, but I loved him with everything I had in me.
“I know, Mommy loves you so much that I hate sharing you with anyone, but if you’d like to hang out with Liam today, I would really love to catch up with my friend.”
“Can I meet her?”
“Absolutely. She can’t wait to meet you.”
“Could we get breakfast first? I’m starving. Maybe they’d want to join us?” he suggested.
“I dunno, bud. We were up pretty late last night, maybe we should let them sleep.”
“But Mom, you’re up. Maybe they will be, too. Can we check at least?”
“Okay, okay.” How could I possibly say no to his sweet, hopeful face?
I dialed Liam’s number and he picked up after the first ring. “Hello.” His voice was deep and sexy with a hint of sleep to it. My body responded to it almost painfully in places I wasn’t sure functioned properly.
“Um, good morning,” I said in a breathy voice I barely recognized. “I’m sorry I woke you. Oscar demanded we see if you guys were up and interested in breakfast with us downstairs.”
“Lil’s probably dead to the world, but give me ten minutes and I’ll head down.”
“Is that Maddie?” I heard Lily ask as what sounded like a struggle ensued. “Give me the phone,” a muffled Lily said.
“No, go away, you freak,” Liam retorted. “Get out of my bed . . . Lil, I’m not kidding, go away.”
There was a crackling of the phone and then Lily was suddenly there. “Good morning, Maddie.”
“Good morning, Lily. I was just asking Liam if you two wanted to join us for breakfast.”
“Of course we do. Downstairs?”
“Yes.”
“Great, I’ll be right down, but my brother just jumped in the shower. He could be awhile.”
I laughed as I said goodbye and hung up. Lily was already waiting on us when Oscar and I got downstairs.
“Hello,” he said, checking her over. Then he leaned in and sniffed her.
“Oscar,” I scolded.
“Oh please, at least he didn’t sniff my butt.” She laughed at her own joke. I had forgotten to warn her that Oscar didn’t know about our kind.
“You smell a lot like Liam,” Oscar announced.
“Oscar, we discussed this,” I warned him.
“But Mom, Liam smells good, too. He told me, and she’s his sister.” He said it like it was the most natural thing in the world, and for a shifter it was, but he didn’t know people like that existed. I had never taught him about the wolves, and I certainly had never encouraged the few signs he’d shown, but maybe it was being around other wolves that was calling to that half of him, because he had never before been so vocal and obvious about it.
“I’m sorry, Mommy.”
“It’s okay, kid,” Lily said. “I know what you meant. I’m Lily.”
“Hi, Lily, I’m Oscar.”
“Well look at you, a perfect little gentleman. You’re a pretty lucky boy to have this lady as your mama,” she told him, putting an arm around my waist and laying her head on my shoulder.
Oscar gave her a confused look. “Mommy doesn’t like to be touched by people, ҆cept me and Liam. Please back off.”
Lily looked confused, but did as he asked just as Liam came up behind Oscar and picked him up under his arms. “Don’t worry Lil, yesterday he gave me the same warning, only sounds like I’ve been upgraded in the last twenty-four hours.”
“Liam!” my son squealed, turning in his arms and hugging him by the neck.
“We missed you last night,” Liam said, tickling Oscar and making him laugh. “Hope it sucked, ҆cause we don’t want to make a habit of it. Mommy’s nicer when you’re around,” he whispered to him, and I shot him an incredulous look that made Oscar laugh harder.
“Mommy says I get to hang out with you today.”
“You okay with that? ҆Cause otherwise we have to sit around and listen to these two yap all day long. It’s not going to be any fun at all.”
“Could we go swimming in the pool? That was lots of fun last night.”
“I’m sure that could be arranged.”
“Do you have a car?”
“I do. Why? Kid’s starting to worry me,” he said to me with a wink as the two of them headed off to fix their breakfast.
“He’s really good with him, MC,” Lily observed.
“I know,” I said sadly.
“Why so sad then? I mean seriously. I know he’s, well, he’s Liam, but he’s not the same annoying brother we grew up with. He’s actually pretty cool. He has a great job that’s he’s really good at. And he clearly loves you and Oscar.”
I snorted. “Lily, It’s been three days since I ran into him. You can’t fall in love in three days.”
“Girl, you are blind then, and clearly you have some missing memories, ҆cause that boy has been in love with you his whole life.”
I laughed, and it felt good. “What are you talking about?”
“Don’t give me that, like you never knew. Why do you think he hung around us so much at camp all those years? I promise it wasn’t because of me.”
I was laughing as we filled our plates and joined the guys at the table.
“It’s good to see you laugh. What’s so funny?” Liam asked.
I blushed, not wanting to tell him how outrageous his sister was being.
“I like it when Mommy laughs,” Oscar confessed and I suddenly felt guilty knowing how little he’d seen it in his lifetime. “What’s so funny, Mommy?” No way was I sharing that with him either.
“She had no clue you spent half your life crushing on her, Liam,” Lily said, to my horror.
He just laughed and took a bite of food, smiling but not denying it. I wanted so badly to ask him if it was true, but I couldn’t. It didn’t stop Oscar from asking though.
“Did you like Mommy when you were my age?”
“Very much,” he said, and he winked at me. My heart fluttered erratically as Oscar giggled.
I couldn’t seem to stop looking at Liam throughout breakfast, and the worst part was, he knew it too. Much too soon he and Oscar said goodbye and left for some adventure, and I had the entire day with my oldest and dearest friend. I knew it was going to be equal parts wonderful and hellish.
Sure enough, the second they were gone, Lily descended on me. “Okay, we need a place to talk. I know an old fort on the other side of the Golden Gate we could go to.”
I looked at her with sheer horror. “Any place but there!” I said much too quickly.
“Ah, so that’s the place you chose to shred my brother’s heart then.” It was just an statement, no judgment, but it made me feel so guilty. “Relax, I just want to catch up and talk. Have a little fun with an old friend. I promise not to grill you too much on all that or him.”
I sighed in relief. “Okay, so what do you want to do then?”
“First up, shopping! I’m giving you a makeover.”
“What? I don’t need a makeover, Lily.”
“Girl, you are twenty-four years old, and you dress like….a mom.”
I laughed. “I am a mom, so that’s not a bad thing.”
“But you’re still young too, just humor me, I promise, nothing too flashy, I can do conservative. Elise makes me every day for work.”
I looked over at Lily, wearing six in heels with her tight skinny jeans and crop top, sporting pink highlights streaking her blonde hair, and I could not even imagine what her idea of conservative was.
“Okay,” I said hesitantly, unsure
what I’d just gotten myself into.
She drove us to a shopping area I’d never have found and we spent hours going from store to store. To my surprise, the girl had wonderful taste in clothes. She did convince me skinny jeans were the way to go. I had never even tried on something so tight, but I had to admit, they were really comfortable and I was in love quickly. Even though we were nearing the end of summer, in California it was going to remain hot for quite a while longer, so we also looked at summer clothing, too.
In the end I had a whole new wardrobe with several shirts and a few pairs of shorts that were arguably far too short for me, showing off way too much leg, but Lily was quite convincing that they were too perfect to turn down. I did say no to every pair of shoes she attempted to get me to buy. Sorry, but her cute heels were just not practical for me trying to keep up with a seven-year-old, but we did agree on a pair of cute flats that I fell in love with and a new pair of Chucks.
She also convinced me to try on some lingerie. I had never even looked at such things. My plain white cotton panties and sports bras had always been practical and sufficient. I had never had a girlfriend to discuss such things with and it was definitely a new, educational experience shopping with Lily. The new bras fit great and didn’t make me look so flat chested. I loved them. I felt taller and more confident in them. Who knew something so simple could affect me so much? I didn’t want to admit it, but the lacy sets I had picked out also made me feel pretty and a little sexy. It was like opening up a whole new side of life, one I didn’t like to think much about.
As we headed back to the hotel, I was exhausted, but I also couldn’t remember the last time I’d had so much fun. I should have known Lily wasn’t through with me. When she said makeover, she meant it. As if the clothes weren’t enough, as I let us into my room and dropped off the bags, she informed me she had booked us at the spa.
I usually went to a local chain haircut place where Oscar and I could both get cuts for twenty-five dollars or less when they had sales. I almost had a heart attack at the prices when I asked. I worked part-time at a local pizza place in the evenings, so I could be home with Oscar. Annie and Jacob afforded most of our life and I was grateful to them for it, but also felt like some things I needed to provide myself and insisted on working, even if only a few hours while they were home to watch him.
The cost of just a haircut equaled a good night of tips. I couldn’t afford Lily’s taste. I had already exceeded my budget and caved to let her buy me a few things in the excitement of shopping. I couldn’t let her pay for this too.
“Lily Ann, I can’t do this.” For one whole summer, she had insisted on being called Lily Ann instead of just plain, boring Lily, or so she had said at the time. Likewise, I had decided I didn’t want to be a Collier anymore. Being the youngest of six girls, all of whom had done great things and excelled in nearly everything, left me little room to do anything but screw up, so I asked to be called MC instead. It made me smile when she called me that now.
“MC, stop it. This is my treat, don’t take that from me.”
“It’s too much, I can’t.”
“We’ll talk about that later, but trust me when I say I really, really want to do this, together. Please. My roots are already showing and I’m in desperate need of a touch-up. Please.” She pouted in a way I had never been able to refuse. “Pretty please. It’s totally my treat.”
“Fine.” I caved again much too quickly and she squealed and hugged me.
For the next three hours I was washed, scrubbed, and polished to a shine, then snipped and morphed into this beautiful woman I barely recognized. I pulled on the ends of my new haircut, admiring it all. She even splurged and literally got us makeovers. I wasn’t much on wearing makeup. I didn’t see the point, except on special occasions, but I figured this was a special occasion. We were there so long they even served us a late lunch. It was a bit of a Cinderella kind of moment and I felt like I was living in a dream.
Finally done, she stopped me at the front as we were leaving.
“These,” she said, pointing to pair of designer sunglasses. “These will look amazing on you. You have to have them.”
I shrugged them off; they were over-the-top too much. The entire day had been, if I were honest. Of course, she bought them anyway and she was right, they looked awesome on me.
“I don’t think I can handle much more pampering for one day. Thank you. I’ve never done anything this crazy.”
Lily laughed. “Girl, there was nothing crazy about today. You totally forget who you’re dealing with.”
I fondly recalled several outrageous, crazy things she’d gotten me into as kids. She was right, this was probably mild for her, but it was absolute insanity for me.
She insisted we head back to Liam’s hotel. I didn’t mind, but his smell was everywhere in the room which made my growing hormones do crazy things to me on the inside. After everything I had been through, I didn’t expect to ever even want to have sex again, though I knew the possibility of it would likely happen eventually. I tried not to make any personal or emotional connections with people to encourage it. I hadn’t known if I would ever be ready for a relationship and then Liam walked into my life, and despite the barriers I was trying to keep between us, when I smelled his delicious woodsy scent, it set my body on fire and I knew without a doubt that everything would be different with him. I knew I didn’t need to be afraid he’d hurt me. His touch was always gentle, even when I upset him, or entirely pissed him off.
“Earth to Maddie.” Lily interrupted my train of thought. “Where were you just then?”
“Just thinking. It was nothing.”
“So, we’re relaxed, we look hot and we are ready to take on the world. It’s girl chat time. I have a few more questions for you.”
I groaned. “I told you, I can’t talk about it.”
“But you talked about it with Liam.”
“That’s different,” I insisted.
“҆Cause he’s your mate.”
“Exactly,” I said without thinking.
“OH EM GEEE!!!!! I mean, I guessed and teased you guys a little about it last night, but I wasn’t actually sure. I mean neither of you would deny it, but you wouldn’t confirm it either. This is so incredibly awesome. I can’t imagine any other woman for him.”
I thought we had already established we were true mates. I tried to think back over the talks the night before and couldn’t remember one way or another.
“Lily,” I said sadly. “Please don’t get too excited. I’ve already rejected him. We aren’t going to mate.”
I’m not sure anything I could have possibly said would have shocked her as much. “You rejected him? When? ҆Cause all cuddled up, hiding behind him yesterday when he was trying to convince me you weren’t you, was not rejection. And the googly eyes you two were making at the breakfast table just this morning was not rejection.”
“We were not. He knows it’s not going to happen. We were coming back last night to finish talking and say our goodbyes when you blindsided us both.”
“Thank God for that then. You two clearly need me for some intervention.”
“Please don’t. It’s hard enough as it is.”
“That’s the thing, you stubborn fool, it’s not supposed to be hard at all. Plus, you can't truly be that blind, that boy is already in love with you. Like head-over-heels, crazy-in-love with you.”
“Listen to you, all knowing one. How did you become such the expert on mating? And love? It’s been three days, Lil. There is no way Liam’s in love with me. It’s best to just cut ties now before anything does start to grow.”
She stared at me, making me uncomfortable. “Bullshit,” she finally said. “Liam’s been in love with you since we were kids. You reappear in his life like some ghost of the past, and he finds out you’re his true mate. He’s already a goner. You’re going to destroy him. Do what you have to do, but I’m not in the business of sugarcoating things. Sure, he tried to hide his little cru
sh on you when we were kids, but he wasn’t fooling me. Plus, you weren’t there after you disappeared. We went to Collier to help in the search. Liam was . . . I don’t know how to put it. He was devastated. He had a good friend in college that killed himself, and he took it really bad, but still not as bad as when you left.”
“His friend killed himself?” I asked, struggling to accept the rest of what she was saying.
“Yeah, he was ex-military, suffered from PTSD. He had a big anxiety attack and hanged himself. Liam blamed himself for a long time because he wasn’t there to help him.”
I felt terrible. Liam had mentioned the guy to me after one of my attacks, but he didn’t tell me he’d died. No wonder he was so patient with my anxiety. The guilt must have eaten him alive, because I knew that was just the kind of man Liam Westin was.
“I have PTSD, Lil. Don’t you see. He doesn’t need me in his life. Nothing good could come of it for him.”
“Wait, PTSD? From what?”
I shook my head. “I can’t talk about it.”
“You damn well better start talking. That’s not the kind of stuff you just keep bottled up. What happened to you? You used to be so full of life, MC. I see glimpses of it here and there, but mostly you seem hollow inside, fragile, not things I’d ever think of remembering you.”
I started to cry. “I know. I can’t help it. It’s why I can’t go home, and if I went back to Westin with Liam, then my family would find out and I’d have to face them. Don’t you see I can’t do that to them? It’s better they believe I’m dead.”
“But they don’t. They all still hold on to the hope that you’re coming home someday. Thomas is about the only one that seems to have given up on you. He goes out of town every year on the anniversary of your disappearance, refusing to have anything to do with it. But he’s a complete asshole, so that’s not saying much. You’re definitely better off without him in your life.”
“Thomas?”
“Oh yeah, he changed so much after you left that you’d be ashamed. I haven’t seen him in years, but I’ve kept up through your sisters. He’s nothing but trouble.”
“All because I left?”
Forever Mine (Westin Pack Book 3) Page 10
