Making Bad Choices

by Rita Stradling

  I craned my neck to look at him. “Both?” my word came out a little tense.

  “Well, I need you to do at least the pants, we’ll see about the top when we lay on the design.”

  Sitting up partially, I faced away from Culter and fumbled the button loose before unzipping my jeans. I rolled the pants over, shimmying them down my legs just far enough that—I hoped—my butt crack wouldn’t peek out. I lay back down, still not looking behind me.

  Was it weird having Culter in here? I didn’t know tattoo etiquette. It definitely felt a little on the awkward side, but both of them were acting like it was totally normal. Latex-covered fingers pressed into my side as soft paper and hard plastic brushed over the entire right side of my back.

  “Yeah, Cassie, I need you to roll up your top if we’re going to place this where we planned,” José said.

  Swallowing, I whispered, “Okay.” I rolled up the elastic band at the bottom of my sports bra.

  José paused before saying, “It’s going to be more than that, unless you want me to move the tattoo down your back more?”

  Taking a deep breath in, I rolled my sports bra the rest of the way over my breasts. It was either all the way or squishing them halfway, and that sounded like hell. I pressed my breasts into the cold table under me, bringing my arm down to cover the side-boob I was flashing at Culter.

  José’s voice came from the other side of me. “Can I have you face to the right and raise your hands over your head? Get into a position that you’ll be comfortable staying in for a while.”

  Slowly, I turned my head, purposefully not looking at where Culter sat and lifted my arms, positioning my hands over my head. Crap. I was, without a doubt, flashing a whole lot of side-boob in this position.

  I began to try to adjust, when José said, “That’s good, you comfortable like that?”

  Clearing my throat, I tried to inch my torso a little over so my boobs were just that little bit more covered and said, “Sure.”

  José sat down on a stool, wheeling it over to sit by my head. He wet a piece of gauze, pouring a liquid from a blue bottle onto it. He immediately wiped my entire side down with the cloth, and then his fingers rubbed the tacky liquid in.

  From the position I lay in, it was hard to watch what was going on. I caught flashes of José’s movement as he lifted a large paper attached to plastic, and then I felt it as he pressed it onto my back.

  When I peered across the room, I found Culter watching me. He wasn’t gawking at my boobs or anything, but his gaze tracked José’s movements.

  I closed my eyes, focusing on the unfamiliar feeling of rubber hands moving over my back.

  After the paper lifted away, José said, “Hey Cassie, I need you to take a look at the placement here. Make sure everything’s where you want it.”

  Opening my eyes, I found a long mirror in front of my face. The picture I created for my mother swirled up the entire length of my back, reflecting back at me. It was more of a design than a picture, but two silhouettes looked upward within, one of them pointing up. A swirling pattern billowed up my back, forming the slightest impression of a starry night sky. At first glance, the tattoo looked only like a long swirling pattern, but if you knew the stargazers and night sky were there, you couldn’t help but see it.

  “Perfect,” I said.

  “All right, I’m starting then,” José rolled away with the mirror, and revealed Culter, whose gaze roamed over my back.

  “Beautiful,” he said, giving me a slight smile.

  “Thanks,” I said.

  “Do you want me to take off?” He nodded toward the open space in the partition.

  I kind of did, but at the same time it seemed a little pointless now. I was already showing him as much as I was going to show. And both he and José seemed to think that it was no big thing, me lying sprawled out topless in front of them. Which meant the weirdness was all in my head.

  “It’s up to you,” I said, closing my eyes.

  A moment later, José wheeled back next to me. As Daisy taught me, I opened my eyes to do a visual check over the equipment he pulled up next to me, making sure everything that was supposed to be new or wrapped in plastic was.

  “Try to relax,” José said as he leaned in toward me and a low buzzing sound began.

  My breathing grew loud as I closed my eyes again and waited for the pain.

  “Relax,” José said again, pressing on my back.

  I laughed nervously. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay. This is a big tattoo for a first-timer. If we need to do this in two or even three sessions, that’s what we’ll do.”

  “I can’t, I’m pretty much moving out of town after this,” I mumbled.

  “I didn’t know that.” He paused, pursing his lips. “Okay we’ll talk about aftercare and checking up on the tattoo later.” He met my gaze with his amber brown eyes. “You ready?”

  “Yeah,” I whispered.

  As the needle began to move over my lower back, I exhaled slowly. No shock of pain ricocheted through me; it didn’t even feel like rug-burn, like Daisy had warned me. The feeling was more a vibrating prickling, slowly moving up my back. After a few minutes, I found my breath slowing and my mind falling into a sort of stinging trance. As the needles passed over my hip bone, I hissed out my breath, feeling the first stabs of real pain; but the gun quickly moved upward and onto the back of my waist, combing its way up my back. The needle lifted periodically before returning to my skin.

  I opened my eyes once or twice, my gaze immediately finding Culter. While he still held his phone up, his gaze kept flicking to my back, watching for a moment, before averting back down.

  “You’re not filming this, are you?” I asked, mostly joking because it didn’t look like he was.

  A small smirk played on his lips. “No. Do you want me to film it?”

  “No,” I said, before closing my eyes again.

  The shallow stabbing pain came intermittently as José moved up over my upper back, though it never felt unbearable. A low heat built in my stomach as the slight pain continued to march up my back, adrenaline gathering in my center and pulsing through my veins.

  The buzzing silenced.

  “All right, I’m done with the outline and I’m about to move into shading. Do you feel like you need a break? A glass of water, or to use the bathroom? This would be a good time.”

  “I’m good,” I said.

  “All right then, I’ll just keep on going here.” He moved away for a minute, but returned quickly.

  I closed my eyes, but opened then as the gun again moved over my hip bone.

  Culter’s gaze met mine, a trace of concern in his expression. “Does it hurt?”

  “Not too bad. I kind of like it a little bit,” I whispered. The shading hit me with a different kind of pain, a constant steel brush on my skin. The pain never overwhelmed that delicious adrenaline feeling in my belly, though, it only fed the feeling more.

  “Just don’t become an addict,” José said, sounding completely serious.

  “What’s wrong with tattoo addicts?” Daisy stepped into my view, her hair a shocking shade of red today. “Wow, baby girl, that’s looking amazing.” She rushed over to me, leaning in.

  “Daisy,” José said in a warning tone.

  “Sorry, sorry.” She stepped back and almost straight into Culter.

  “Oops, sorry!” She spun and jumped back. “I didn’t see you there. Oh, hi Culter.” She sounded surprised.

  “Daisy.” I laughed because my aunt’s large leather-covered butt was pretty much in my face.

  The buzzing quieted as José pulled the gun back. “Daisy, now you’re making her laugh,” he said, even more sternly.

  She held up her hands, nails now sporting three distinct tones. “Sorry, sorry. I’ll just go grab a chair and very quietly watch from over there,” she whispered, tiptoeing toward the gap in the partition.

  She disappeared from view and a few seconds later, a low screeching came toward
us. José paused again and in my periphery, he shook his head.

  A moment later, Daisy pulled up a chair right beside Culter. “How long have you guys been here?” she asked.

  He clicked on his phone. “Almost two hours.”

  Two hours? That was crazy. It didn’t feel that long, not even close. With my aunt there, the strange sort of tension that had built at having Culter watching me get tattooed suddenly dissipated.

  The last forty minutes felt the longest. José was brushing ink into my skin and every now and then Daisy whispered weird-ass questions to Culter, like: What was his school mascot? Did Bulvin have agriculture-themed parades? She also threw in a couple of questions about wheat: When did they harvest wheat? How did they harvest wheat? I attempted to tune them out. Daisy probably thought she was speaking Culter’s language or something, but it was fucking embarrassing.

  After a long stretch of tiny little pains, the buzzing silenced and Jose said, “All right.”

  I raised my head. “It’s done?”

  He nodded. “I’ll get you the mirror.”

  When he again held the long mirror before me, an excited sort of satisfaction spread through my body. The tattoo spanned the entire right side on my back. The lines stood out just a little. Shaded in with black, the pattern was even more beautiful, the lines twisting perfectly along with the natural contours of my back.

  “Perfect,” Daisy said, her lip tucking up and a few fat tears trailing over her thick makeup. “Your mom would have loved it! You look just like a beautiful painting!”

  I grinned over at her, feeling a little blush creep onto my cheeks with her enthusiasm.

  When my gaze drifted over to Culter, I found him slowly examining up the length of my back. I continued to watch as his gaze moved up, passing over my shoulder and stopping to connect with my gaze.

  “What do you think?” I asked, raising my brows.

  “It’s nice,” he said, before turning back to his phone. Somehow, the tattoo had gone from beautiful when it was just an outline to nice when it was complete.

  “It’s amazing,” Daisy said, her voice still brimming with emotion.

  My gaze passed back to the mirror that José still held up for me. I loved it. It was exactly what I imagined it would be. And when the hell did I start caring what Culter the dickwad thought?

  Actually, I didn’t care what he thought. This tattoo was about me and my mom, and Culter wasn’t welcome in any of my feelings about it.

  By the time José bandaged me up and gave me a huge lecture on aftercare, I regretted bringing Culter to the tattoo parlor. This entire thing was supposed to be about my mom, but instead all I’d remember about the three hour session was the awkwardness of having my stepbrother see my side-boob.

  Chapter Five

  I woke to the low murmur of the truck’s engine and a constant vibration under me. Culter came into view, lit by passing headlights, then plunged into darkness.

  “Hi,” I said, hoarsely. “I must have fallen asleep.”

  “Hey,” he said.

  My hands rubbed at my face, hoping to wake up my foggy brain. “I’m sorry, Culter. I was supposed to be keeping you awake, huh?”

  “Don’t worry about it,” he said.

  I stretched up, but stopped as I felt the tug from the bandage and ache from my tattoo. “Oh yeah, I got a tattoo,” I mused looking down. “Are you starving? Because, I’m starving. And I have to pee.” I yawned.

  A noise that suspiciously sounded like chuckling came from his side of the cab.

  “What?” I asked.

  “You just haven’t changed at all.”

  “You keep saying that,” I said on a yawn. It was funny, too, because he’d changed completely. I scratched my head, trying to see out the window, but I could see absolutely nothing outside. “Where are we? New Mexico?”

  “Still in Arizona, in the mountains.” Just as he said that, another car passed, illuminating snow everywhere around us. Pine trees towered over us, branches heavy with snow. The car passed and all but the path of our headlights went dark.

  “I was thinking we might go to a hotel for the night and get some food there. I don’t think I’m going to make it all the way through this time, and this is our last chance to get real food for a while,” Culter said.

  “And you’re sure you won’t let me drive, just while you sleep?”

  He looked over, though I couldn’t make out the details of his face. “We can keep going if you don’t want to spend the night somewhere. The only thing is the roads are pretty clear here but, I’m a little worried that they’ll be icy as we go north.”

  “No, it’s cool. We can get a hotel. I’d like to survive this drive. And pee, I’d really like to pee.” I curled up on the seat, feeling sleep pulling me under again. Blinking and shaking my head, I forced myself back awake.

  The last thing I remembered before waking was long rocky protrusions poking out of vast, shrub covered desert, but I think we were still in California then.

  I had officially become a vampire. At night, sleep was this beautiful unachievable thing, this impossible goal, but in the middle of a long drive where I was supposed to help keep someone alert, I went narcoleptic.

  The road curved around a bend, revealing lights a short distance off. My bladder and I both had the same thought, “Thank God.”

  When we’d reached the city, I asked, “Can we just stay at the first hotel we find?” I squirmed, considering unbuttoning my top button to release the pressure.

  Culter looked over, illumination from street lights and restaurants fully lighting up his features now.

  “Yeah, I’ve stayed at the hotel a few blocks up before,” he said.

  When we pulled up to the hotel, I realized he must have stayed there with my dad and Jen, because the hotel was nice. He drove up to the front entrance, saying, “Do you want to jump out, and—”

  But I was already out.

  “Whoa!” I shouted as the cold air slammed straight through my sweater and jeans. The air hit me with the kind of dry cold we Californians forgot even existed. I wrapped my arms around myself and remembered that I was not wearing a bra anymore, and only a thin shirt and sweater over very cold boobs. Hands pretty much covering said boobs, I walked into the reception area and through a small crowd of people waiting to check in at the front desk. More people sat around in couches by a fire place, and more still watched sports on a TV in an attached bar straight off to my right.

  I hurried through the crowds until I spotted someone who looked like they might work here. “Excuse me,” I said as I rushed up to a blond, college-aged guy in a blue and yellow uniform.

  He spun to look at me, giving me a bit of an appraisal with his smile.

  That was nice and all, but I was about to pee my pants. I bounced a little as I asked, “Is there a bathroom down in the lobby?”

  “Yeah, over there,” he said, pointing.

  “Thank you!” I turned and walked as quickly as I could to the side of the hotel. Minutes later, I felt a world better as I trudged back out of the bathroom.

  I scanned the lobby as I slowly walked toward the line to the reception. On the far side of the hotel, a restaurant I hadn’t noticed before overflowed with voices and movement. A group of smartly dressed men waited outside at the host station, making me think that the restaurant might be a little too ritzy for our attire.

  I was only half paying attention to where I was going as my feet took me through the crowded lobby. Christmas trees still twinkled from each side of the reception desk, and another tall one stood by its lonesome in the middle of the couches area. A heavy garland draped around the entire lobby, meeting several wreaths along its way.

  We’d skipped Christmas this year. Well, we’d pretty much skipped it. It was Culter’s turn to have Jen and Dad home for Christmas, but they probably would have come if they knew Mom was back in the hospital. That was the reason I didn’t tell them she went in until it was so close to the end, when I totally should
have, but I didn’t want to do that to them. Alone in an empty condo, I didn’t much feel like putting up our decorations. I brought my mom a mug I’d made for her in ceramics, but she was far too heavily medicated to respond with more than a slight smile. It wasn’t all bad, though. Daisy had shown up at the condo after getting off her waitressing shift, and my friends called me a hundred times before dropping off presents late that night.

  As a New Years baby, the holiday was always a little weird for me, but obviously we skipped that too.

  I heard Culter’s voice and spun around, seeing him standing near yet another Christmas tree and fireplace, talking to some people I couldn’t see through the crowd. I wandered over, but slowed a little when I saw who he was talking to.

  Standing by the fire, a pair of very pretty girls stood across from Culter. Both girls were looking up at him in that way that made you think there was a little competition for his attention. Perhaps he knew them from school? When I walked toward the three, I couldn’t help but notice the huge smile on Culter’s face, something I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen before.

  As much as I didn’t want to be a cock-block or whatever, I also didn’t want to sit around in the lobby and wait for them to flirt. So, in I went, stopping just a little beside Culter.

  “Hey,” I said, giving Culter a straight-lipped smile before I turned to the girls and offered them a, “Hi,” also.

  The girls were really pretty. They had that polished, put-together look that rich kids got when they were rolling in the dough. My guess was the pair were a bit older than us, but they could just look that way because they both wore full makeup, killer stiletto boots and dresses. Both had brunette hair and serious curves. The one closest to me smiled, and gave me a little wave.

  “Hey Cassie,” Culter said, nodding at me. He turned back to the girls. “I need to help my sister bring her stuff up to her room.”

  Ha. I fought the expression that begged to make its way onto my face, I was pretty sure it was a smirk, but probably a half-annoyed smirk.

  “Oh, okay,” the brunette closest said before she bit her rather plump lower lip. “We’ll see you later, then.”